Does Anyone in the Medical Field Try to Help without a Paycheck as Their Motive?
- Thread starter Gl0w0ut
- Start date
Member
Very sorry to hear that ,I know it is a tough thing. For me it's the most difficult thing I personally face in life. Wish there was something to help you , myself and everyone here. I was shocked when my Doctor told me there was no cure. I lost 20 lbs in 2 months. I went to the Gym for yrs not lost any weight. So stress/ anxiety got hold of me. .... was on medication for the 2 months. I know exactly what you going thru not easy.Give credit to ppl here who are always helping. Prayers/ meditation also help . Does change your lifestyle, thinking and can make you stronger person. From what I learned here everyone is different. So I not going criticize your feelings. Wish I can help .God blessings to you .
This is also ridiculous. Let it show up in the statistics? If the stats show that most people learn to cope than surely that is a good thing? What do you want to change exactly? Would you rather more people become depressed or kill themselves?
Stats are only ever as good as the interpretation anyway. It is known how devastating T and H can be, but what can we do? Nothing can be done about the noise, so what more can we expect, short of a miracle. When someone is paralysed they have to accept it in order to live on happily. No amount of depression or distress on their part will make their paralysis disappear any quicker than our tinnitus. I know how hard it is! Do you think I wouldn't take a cure if there was one? This thing robbed me of my music career, but I refuse to sit around and let it destroy my life. Sure, there's good and bad days, but most my days are good (relating to T) nowadays. I say this a lot, but we are what we think. It's a powerful message that shows our reactions to all lifes misfortunes can be altered for the better.
Hey Ed! Good to see you back around!
I don't think it is that known, unfortunately. In my anecdotal evidence in the medical space, which is only a sample of about a dozen docs, pretty much all of them unanimously told me it wasn't a big deal and my brain was going to get used to it. No matter how hard I tried to explain that "I'm not in the bell curve! I'm way out there! You're probably thinking of all the guys who can mask it with a fan at night! I hear mine blasting when I go watch an air show and the F-22 Raptor shows up unannounced with the afterburners on! It's there full blast 24x7, no ups and down, no relief ever!" - that is all met with a smile and a reassuring attitude that is completely off from my perception (contributing to my anxiety of course).
Before we got hit by this condition, how many of us knew how devastating it could be? I certainly didn't. First I didn't know what H was at all, and I was picturing T to be what I used to experience after a party. But I did know how devastating ALS was, or cancer, or AIDS, or many other illnesses that had more "visible symptoms" and more media exposure (telethons, "ice bucket challenges", etc...). Nobody around me knew either: they all seemed to be in disbelief when I explained that I couldn't type on keyboard because the sound of the key was killing me, or that I couldn't talk (or even whisper) for the same reason.
I'd meet friends again who'd tell me "wow you look great!" knowing that I had gone through a rough patch, but with a perception that was 180 degrees away from what was really happening to me "inside". And I "played the game" perpetuating the illusion that I was doing ok: was actively working against awareness!
I do think that the "fake it until you make it" attitude that we are told to adopt works against us in many different ways. Perhaps it is the right way forward for the patient - although I think that's very debatable - but it is hard to deny the pernicious effects of such stance on awareness (and what happens downstream from that).
I don't doubt that some professionals do understand intimately how devastating T & H can be, but I really think they are the tip of the iceberg. Also they don't have the power or drive to propagate that knowledge to the submerged area, as do other illnesses with more visible symptoms. They are certainly more sympathetic, but unless they are severely affected by it themselves, there is a limit to what empathy can do.
I don't think it is that known, unfortunately. In my anecdotal evidence in the medical space, which is only a sample of about a dozen docs, pretty much all of them unanimously told me it wasn't a big deal and my brain was going to get used to it. No matter how hard I tried to explain that "I'm not in the bell curve! I'm way out there! You're probably thinking of all the guys who can mask it with a fan at night! I hear mine blasting when I go watch an air show and the F-22 Raptor shows up unannounced with the afterburners on! It's there full blast 24x7, no ups and down, no relief ever!" - that is all met with a smile and a reassuring attitude that is completely off from my perception (contributing to my anxiety of course).
Before we got hit by this condition, how many of us knew how devastating it could be? I certainly didn't. First I didn't know what H was at all, and I was picturing T to be what I used to experience after a party. But I did know how devastating ALS was, or cancer, or AIDS, or many other illnesses that had more "visible symptoms" and more media exposure (telethons, "ice bucket challenges", etc...). Nobody around me knew either: they all seemed to be in disbelief when I explained that I couldn't type on keyboard because the sound of the key was killing me, or that I couldn't talk (or even whisper) for the same reason.
I'd meet friends again who'd tell me "wow you look great!" knowing that I had gone through a rough patch, but with a perception that was 180 degrees away from what was really happening to me "inside". And I "played the game" perpetuating the illusion that I was doing ok: was actively working against awareness!
I do think that the "fake it until you make it" attitude that we are told to adopt works against us in many different ways. Perhaps it is the right way forward for the patient - although I think that's very debatable - but it is hard to deny the pernicious effects of such stance on awareness (and what happens downstream from that).
I don't doubt that some professionals do understand intimately how devastating T & H can be, but I really think they are the tip of the iceberg. Also they don't have the power or drive to propagate that knowledge to the submerged area, as do other illnesses with more visible symptoms. They are certainly more sympathetic, but unless they are severely affected by it themselves, there is a limit to what empathy can do.
- Aug 29, 2015
- 7,069
- Tinnitus Since
- 2004
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Meniere's Disease
We are all here due to tinnitus and wanting a cure and help to cope till that happens.
Some people's tinnitus goes and they are lucky and we all have our own journey with tinnitus trying find out what helps us cope with our sound ,sleep and emotions.
Some people struggle with work,family day to day and parenting or live alone .
At least Tinnitus Talk can be a nice place to come and hang out with others going through the same .
Members needing help and a cry for help need support and understanding and guided to where to go for help.
Don't let tinnitus destroy who we are as we all are special and have a right to be happy.
Nothing positive can come out of being negative if you let negativity impact each day.
Love glynis x
Some people's tinnitus goes and they are lucky and we all have our own journey with tinnitus trying find out what helps us cope with our sound ,sleep and emotions.
Some people struggle with work,family day to day and parenting or live alone .
At least Tinnitus Talk can be a nice place to come and hang out with others going through the same .
Members needing help and a cry for help need support and understanding and guided to where to go for help.
Don't let tinnitus destroy who we are as we all are special and have a right to be happy.
Nothing positive can come out of being negative if you let negativity impact each day.
Love glynis x
Well, sometimes we just habituate anyway.
Of course they care. There's plenty of money to be made for the ones who manage to cure it or at least suppress it with some sort of meds. It's quite cynical to expect people to accept feeling worse than they need just for funding of research. Especially since it's not certain that it's curable at all in our lifetime.
Of course they care. There's plenty of money to be made for the ones who manage to cure it or at least suppress it with some sort of meds. It's quite cynical to expect people to accept feeling worse than they need just for funding of research. Especially since it's not certain that it's curable at all in our lifetime.
I understand why people can get so down and negative with T as it can be so intrusive and invade all aspects of your life.
This forum is great to let off steam or vent your worries and concerns.
I need to have my mindset to be postive the majority of the time (even though it can be so draining) because if I don't this would consume me whole and life without T can be challenging enough.
I have my down days and I'll allow myself to wallow for a bit but I need to force myself to smile and get on with it.
Nothing good ever comes out of being negative mentally or physically.
I'll continue to hope of a cure but won't let that define my life.
This forum is great to let off steam or vent your worries and concerns.
I need to have my mindset to be postive the majority of the time (even though it can be so draining) because if I don't this would consume me whole and life without T can be challenging enough.
I have my down days and I'll allow myself to wallow for a bit but I need to force myself to smile and get on with it.
Nothing good ever comes out of being negative mentally or physically.
I'll continue to hope of a cure but won't let that define my life.
Hi Greg, good to see you still post. I often agree with almost everything you post. In this case I think you missed the point I was making.
I'm saying there is no point actively trying to make yourself feel worse. I'd say the medical industry know exactly how bad it is - in the specialism fields/research - maybe not so much at GP level, but certainly everywhere else. The only way to fix this is through awareness campaigns. Everyone around me knows how bad Tinnitus is because I hide nothing and I openly talk about it. The severity and implications of any condition will reveal itself through clinical data. You can't hide a condition as widespread as tinnitus and not understand how detrimental it can be to people. It will intrinsically reveal itself, otherwise, it really would be true to say that it's not a problem. People are expressing their concerns all over the world, and information is shared.
However, I would say that people genuinely don't understand any condition until they have it themselves. For example, my dentist who is also a good friend of mine - and student -was horrified when I told him I had tinnitus. He told me how horrible the condition was, and how people end up killing themselves. I thought cheers mate; great way to cheer me up. Even though he thinks he knows what it's like, I guarantee if he had it himself he wouldn't know what had hit him. I think this is true of most things. We go through life not caring about all sorts of conditions until we are affected directly.
What "stats" are we talking about? Where do they come from?
It never ceases to amaze me how myopic even the most advanced research tends to be. "Oh, 10 patients (as opposed to 1 million) reported yadda yadda yadda...so this thing is/is not statistically significant." Of course, when money is involved, that may be intentional myopia. But the same goes for medical practitioners who see one thing a few times and use it as a blanket assumption for the rest of the patients they encounter. I suppose it's human nature. I know that I personally have been using individual anecdotes from the Success Stories forum to give myself hope. "If it happened for X, it can happen for me."
Governments do it, too. And we allow it. "Some dumbass out of millions of citizens over hundreds of years did dumb thing Y so now we need this law to make sure it doesn't happen again." Or legislator Z has some unfounded belief about whatnot due to his or her personal experience and introduces legislation aimed at the most narrow of situations.
We're all on here because we'd prefer not to have this condition. And I'd even venture that most of us are, like I mentioned, looking through these threads for evidence of someone saying something that we can use to equate ourselves to them and transitively to their success or failure in this process.
In my own work, I have seen this "one and done" design pattern over and over. People get hold of a set of data, pick out the first observation and design the whole system around that one observation. The most glaring result is moronically de-normalized data stores that prevent any sort of abstraction necessary for the gleaning of "meaning".
The difference between what we refer to today as data mining or data science or whatever monikers we've come to embrace in the past maybe decade or so and good old fashion statistics is structure. Computers and digital globalization have allowed us to persist vast amounts of verbosity, seemingly uncoupled from any sort of numerical form. It has become the job of the data scientist to uncover this form in order to present structures that can be analyzed traditionally.
Marketers send out surveys begging for participation, whereas a population with a vested interest in the results provides a much more willing subset of responses.
I've seen such a suggestion in these forums before but have seen no evidence of materialization. Correct me if I'm wrong. From a population, from instances are derived abstractions from which meaning may be inferred. Things that anyone can measure or report offer the potential for a first layer of abstraction. I can weigh myself but can't give you a blood cell count. Why not use a support forum as a portal for willing participants to provide readily analyzable data? Words and stories make us feel better and sometimes worse, but numbers are more meaningful when it comes to breaking down a problem. I'm going to take a guess and say that most of us on here don't have the background to support us talking with any real authority about cilia and ototoxicity and nerve damage. Just a hunch. But I bet most of us can, with some degree of accuracy, report, say for example, the number of hours of sleep we get per night. Or whether we live in the city or the countryside or the suburbs. Whether we smoke or not. Numbers, enumerations, booleans. Wouldn't it be nice to read an abstract that didn't start with, "In a study of a dozen participants, ten of whom were completely fucked, the other two being only moderately fucked..."?
So, how many people are on here? Hundreds? Thousands?
Just as an off-the-top-of-the-head example, not for official use
...
{
Physical Attributes
Height
Weight
Age
Gender
Orientation
...
Biological Processes
Hours Sleep Per Night
Hours Per Day On A Computer
Hours Per Day Using Headphones
...
Tinnitus
Cause - Noise, drug, ...
Type - Hissing, Whooshing, Tonal, ...
History - Static, Changed, ...
Perceived Level
...
Consumption
Food - Protein, Green Leafy, Carbs
Drink - Water, Tea, Coffee, Soda
...
Background
Education Level
Habitat
Type Of Work Or Daily Activity - Office, Manual Labor, ...
...
Medical Background
Average Number Of Doctor Visits Per Year
Mood Disorders - Anxiety, Eating, OCD, ...
Physical Disorders - Hypertension, Asthma, ...
Sight - No Issues, Nearsighted, Farsighted
Briggs Meyers Personality Type
...
Medications, Supplements, Other
Medications and Supplements - Past
Medications and Supplements - Present
Recreational Drugs - Past
Recreational Drugs - Present
*** A million other things ***
}
I know I'm being way too optimistic here.
It never ceases to amaze me how myopic even the most advanced research tends to be. "Oh, 10 patients (as opposed to 1 million) reported yadda yadda yadda...so this thing is/is not statistically significant." Of course, when money is involved, that may be intentional myopia. But the same goes for medical practitioners who see one thing a few times and use it as a blanket assumption for the rest of the patients they encounter. I suppose it's human nature. I know that I personally have been using individual anecdotes from the Success Stories forum to give myself hope. "If it happened for X, it can happen for me."
Governments do it, too. And we allow it. "Some dumbass out of millions of citizens over hundreds of years did dumb thing Y so now we need this law to make sure it doesn't happen again." Or legislator Z has some unfounded belief about whatnot due to his or her personal experience and introduces legislation aimed at the most narrow of situations.
We're all on here because we'd prefer not to have this condition. And I'd even venture that most of us are, like I mentioned, looking through these threads for evidence of someone saying something that we can use to equate ourselves to them and transitively to their success or failure in this process.
In my own work, I have seen this "one and done" design pattern over and over. People get hold of a set of data, pick out the first observation and design the whole system around that one observation. The most glaring result is moronically de-normalized data stores that prevent any sort of abstraction necessary for the gleaning of "meaning".
The difference between what we refer to today as data mining or data science or whatever monikers we've come to embrace in the past maybe decade or so and good old fashion statistics is structure. Computers and digital globalization have allowed us to persist vast amounts of verbosity, seemingly uncoupled from any sort of numerical form. It has become the job of the data scientist to uncover this form in order to present structures that can be analyzed traditionally.
Marketers send out surveys begging for participation, whereas a population with a vested interest in the results provides a much more willing subset of responses.
I've seen such a suggestion in these forums before but have seen no evidence of materialization. Correct me if I'm wrong. From a population, from instances are derived abstractions from which meaning may be inferred. Things that anyone can measure or report offer the potential for a first layer of abstraction. I can weigh myself but can't give you a blood cell count. Why not use a support forum as a portal for willing participants to provide readily analyzable data? Words and stories make us feel better and sometimes worse, but numbers are more meaningful when it comes to breaking down a problem. I'm going to take a guess and say that most of us on here don't have the background to support us talking with any real authority about cilia and ototoxicity and nerve damage. Just a hunch. But I bet most of us can, with some degree of accuracy, report, say for example, the number of hours of sleep we get per night. Or whether we live in the city or the countryside or the suburbs. Whether we smoke or not. Numbers, enumerations, booleans. Wouldn't it be nice to read an abstract that didn't start with, "In a study of a dozen participants, ten of whom were completely fucked, the other two being only moderately fucked..."?
So, how many people are on here? Hundreds? Thousands?
Just as an off-the-top-of-the-head example, not for official use
...{
Physical Attributes
Height
Weight
Age
Gender
Orientation
...
Biological Processes
Hours Sleep Per Night
Hours Per Day On A Computer
Hours Per Day Using Headphones
...
Tinnitus
Cause - Noise, drug, ...
Type - Hissing, Whooshing, Tonal, ...
History - Static, Changed, ...
Perceived Level
...
Consumption
Food - Protein, Green Leafy, Carbs
Drink - Water, Tea, Coffee, Soda
...
Background
Education Level
Habitat
Type Of Work Or Daily Activity - Office, Manual Labor, ...
...
Medical Background
Average Number Of Doctor Visits Per Year
Mood Disorders - Anxiety, Eating, OCD, ...
Physical Disorders - Hypertension, Asthma, ...
Sight - No Issues, Nearsighted, Farsighted
Briggs Meyers Personality Type
...
Medications, Supplements, Other
Medications and Supplements - Past
Medications and Supplements - Present
Recreational Drugs - Past
Recreational Drugs - Present
*** A million other things ***
}
I know I'm being way too optimistic here.
Exactly my point. If something is bad enough surely it reveals itself?
Just be yourselves. If you're having a bad time then you're having a bad time, and there's never a scenario where you should bury, or hide, your feelings to anyone. At no point should you make it your goal to stay feeling like this though. If you're relying on a cure to change your fortunes then you may be waiting a very long time. Every year we have is precious, so spend your time - doing everything in your power - to make yourself feel happier and more content again. There's no perfect solution, but life ain't perfect. There will always be ups and downs.
I agree annV, but that's the general public. You will never find anyone who understands it like a fellow sufferer.
You;re correct, tinnitus is well known to be a detriment to quality of life. I wrote this post and others like it in moody periods of rage of frustration.
I understand the limitations of science but it just is infuriating that at the end of the day, nothing effective can be done. Ironically, it is money (what I criticize specialists and researchers for being motivated for) that will bring about a cure or great treatment. I just think science approaches the problem all wrong. As the paper I was reading about pointed out, there are different theories of about tinnitus' formation and pathophysiology. There is conflicting evidence over affected brain areas, many of which I consider to be a read herring. For example, it has been noted that those with tinnitus have a smaller left hippocampus, but so do people with certain anxiety or depressive disorders. The Rouschecker study provided a new model which claims the loss of neurons in the vmPFC causes the TRN to not block a tinnitus signal, thus a "gate keeper" mechanism that breaks. Since the lost areas possess serotonin and dopamine receptors, supposedly by upping extracellular levels of either should restore the gatekeeper.
While in my case, my Adderall use (dopamine agonist) has provided relief and perceived decrease in subjective tinnitus, it does not eliminate it so as to suggest a "gate keeping mechanism". So his idea that antidepressants like SSRIs would help treat tinnitus is not supported by evidence examining antidepressants as tinnitus treatment. In fact, one study from last year suggested that serotonin agonizes the hyperactivity of the DCN, thereby making it worse. Of course, you are less happy with low serotonin levels and depression leads to further brain alternations.
The study from January out of the University of Michigan, which applied a timed shock to the DCN, saw a dramatic reduction in tinnitus and eliminated it for two people. The point of me saying all of this is that science is a mess with regards to how tinnitus operates, forms, and is maintained in the brain. Treating it directly becomes difficult, and its aggravating that science won't embrace more aggressive strategies against the tinnitus by antagonizing the brain rather than trying to reactivate a so-called "gate keeping" mechanism. Everyone is so focused on the involvement of the limbic system, the "happy" neurotransmitters, and anxiety and depression that they lose sight of the important goal: to eliminate the noise.
The way I see it, you can either be the brain's friend or its enemy when treating tinnitus. The noise occurred because the brain has gone out of its way to generate it for whatever reason. Rather than focusing on what purpose it serves, instead science should focus on getting rid of it. The "gate keeper" hypothesis of tinnitus is flawed and not supported by drug therapy studies using serotonin and dopamine enhancing drugs. The only way to truly get rid of the noise is to force the brain to shut it off, and deprive it of any means of trying to reclaim it. If I am so lucky to go into a neuroscience program, I will likely want to study auditory perception and ways of combating and eliminating the noise by interfering with neural sub straits.
Right now, science doesn't do this. PCP/GPs don't care that much, ENTs and audiologists can't do anything or look to line their pockets to sell snake oil cures, and researchers continue to bicker over the cause and mechanisms that underlie this awful condition.
Ken219
Member
Snake oil doctors should go to hell. I'm of the belief that researcher(s) would be ecstatic to find help for us. I know your frustration. I too get angry. I get angry because I believe I protect what is left of my hearing and yet still relapse/spike and have to go through 12-18 months to habituate.
- Jun 6, 2013
- 1,373
- Tinnitus Since
- January 2002
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Dental Surgery
I thought about this remark on my early morning run. And then I remembered back in 2002 finding a support board that I felt exactly the same way when "positive" people would write you will get used to it and so forth.
I forgot.
Unfortunately the statistics are always a reflection "other" issues a person suffers from rather than just tinnitus. Oh, he/she had depression. The person had other serious health issues like diabetes. So on and so on.
It is not generally accepted that in severe intrusive tinnitus cases it is the tinnitus that can cause the "other" issues such as depression.
I am just so new here on TT after being gone from anything regarding tinnitus on the internet and in real life.
My being positive is a reflection on my life and being able to get medical help, having a supportive husband and finding I could leave my house after that first year.
Many people do not have the things others have to help them.
So true Ed.
Well I'm generally of the belief that being miserable won't help you or anyone habituate any faster I do agree that most people don't realise how devastating intrusive Tinnitus is. I very much relate to @GregCA in saying that when people see you they say ''you're looking much better'' or something similar with no clue at all that the Tinnitus itself has not changed one bit, they just seem to forget and move on, people don't get it unless they experience it.
In regards to research (or lack there of):
http://www.universityworldnews.com/article.php?story=20171215131445842#.WjZ73t6N7uM.email
The article speaks about ''huge push of 10 million dollar funding'' which is literally a drop in the ocean when it comes to medical research, it's laughable if it was not as sad as it is. For a ailment which a estimated 100 million people suffer from in some degree in only Europe and the US (not to mention the rest of the world) it's just ridiculous how little progress has been made over the past 30 years. Basically after TRT no ''real'' viable treatment options have been found and no real large scale significant research has been done, it's insane if you think about it.
Unfortunately habituation is all we have, being depressed (and I fucking get it, I'm on sleeping meds every night too) is just not going to help your own situation, that being said not being depressed with this condition seems like damn near impossible to me now ... That also being said and I'll post it again, testimonies like William Shatner's like below do give me hope for the future as in my life does not have to be completely ruined.
Also this fell on my mat yesterday:
The guy on the cover is famous Dutch DJ Laidback Luke who also has Tinnitus (over 15 years) and seems to be in great shape mentally and physically ... So it is possible!
In regards to research (or lack there of):
http://www.universityworldnews.com/article.php?story=20171215131445842#.WjZ73t6N7uM.email
The article speaks about ''huge push of 10 million dollar funding'' which is literally a drop in the ocean when it comes to medical research, it's laughable if it was not as sad as it is. For a ailment which a estimated 100 million people suffer from in some degree in only Europe and the US (not to mention the rest of the world) it's just ridiculous how little progress has been made over the past 30 years. Basically after TRT no ''real'' viable treatment options have been found and no real large scale significant research has been done, it's insane if you think about it.
Unfortunately habituation is all we have, being depressed (and I fucking get it, I'm on sleeping meds every night too) is just not going to help your own situation, that being said not being depressed with this condition seems like damn near impossible to me now ... That also being said and I'll post it again, testimonies like William Shatner's like below do give me hope for the future as in my life does not have to be completely ruined.
Also this fell on my mat yesterday:
The guy on the cover is famous Dutch DJ Laidback Luke who also has Tinnitus (over 15 years) and seems to be in great shape mentally and physically ... So it is possible!
Can't you see that the man is clearly brain dead Chris? He tried to read a Noam Chomsky book, couldn't get past the first page, and had to settle for "The Cat in the Hat"...
Susan Shore's product will be on the market in 2020 if everything goes well and Frequency Theraputics cochlear hair cell regeneration might make it too market in the early 2020's.
BE POSITIVE FOR NOW GUYS
there the reasons I haven't offed myself yet.
BE POSITIVE FOR NOW GUYS
there the reasons I haven't offed myself yet.
Thanks Chris. The first thing I found on the internet when I got tinnitus was William Shatner's video for the American Tinnitus Association. I was weeping by the end of it. I grew up with Captain Kirk. And now here he was totally understanding what I was going through.
The DJ... Glowout seems rather intelligent, misguided though, and somewhat obsessive. Why he choses to focus his intellectual capacity on convincing himself that his life is over by hyper-analyzing tinnitus research is beyond me.
He seems very intelligent, I have to admit I'm somewhat impressed by his researching skills.
However his mindset (however understandable) won't do him any favours nor others new to T reading it.
Its because I'm realistic about the matter. Life sucks, this ringing isn't going away, and even more profound is the level of hearing loss in my left ear. I'm only 23 and I have hearing loss equal to someone twice my age. It only goes downhill from here. What is there to be happy about? I'm done with any medical opinion on the matter because it will either be "oh here's a $3000 pair of hearing aids that won't improve quality of life since your dead hair cells are well above everyday hearing range" or "oh you're depressed, here's a prescription for an SSRI to combat that plus another drug to buffer its effects so you can feel 'happy' while you suffer.
The hearing loss is the worst part for me.
Why bother? It's only a matter of years or so before I finally off myself or die of heart disease. I ruined my goddamn left ear and it will never get better. I ruined my health and there is no fixing it, and it kicks me while I'm down with the ringing to make matters worse.
I'm not a researcher. Just some college kid with a knowhow about the scientific method, how to read and search for studies, and knows and inkling of neuroscience to understand what it all means.
My left is is fucked. I've lost too many hair cells for my age. I refuse to do anything even closely resembling a hearing aid. I spent my teenage years destroying my gums, my hair cells, and god knows what else.
I get it bro, I'm 28 and got hit with this shit just 4 months ago, right after my dad passed away and after just becoming a father myself. I lost my job as a broker (which was something I worked really hard to achieve), I had to quit training (which I did for 12 years for 6 days a week), I can't go into the studio anymore (was working on a rap album) and my ''wife'' seems fucking clueless about my condition. I have a 8khz tone in my head which I can pretty much hear all fucking day except when I am in loud environments or listening to crickets or whatever, I fucking hate crickets ...
The thought of offing myself came frequently the last months, were it not for my 15 month old son I don't know if I would have any real motivation left right now. Xanax gets me through the day, Temazepam gets me through the night, so I got that to look forward to as well, fucking benzo withdrawal (about the benzos though and the GABA inhibiting properties, Temazepam seems to reduce the intensity of my ringing), point I'm trying to make though, this is now, right now, today even, where will I be in a year? Where will I be in 10 years? Who knows, maybe I'll still have T but maybe it became a non issue, maybe they found a cure, maybe I die of a fucking heart attack, who knows?
I'm living today, I live from moment to moment, some good, mostly bad now, but working on changing that equilibrium. You can too, eventually, it's okay to be pissed, it's okay to be depressed. It makes sense, it hurts now but it won't hurt forever.
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