Don’t Know If I Can Keep Going

[Starthrower]

@Starthrower I'll say this mildly - you post about Alprazolam as in ASAP and you say that you have never tried it.

@Greg Sacramento I think you misunderstood my post. I copied another post from this forum and put it in quotes. I did not put the link here because the thread got heated and confusing. I just wanted to give Tracy that particular quote.

I did use xanax for three years. It saved my life. A choice I made with a lot of information and help. I refused all ADs which were pushed on me. I knew if the anxiety could be managed I would find a way to then go on to other therapies without the need for the medication.
And that is what happened.

Sorry for the confusion.

 

[Starthrower]

If someone is struggling to a certain point the withdrawal of some of these drugs are important but should not be avoided due to it. Benefits outweigh the negatives. It could save someone's life. I took and do take Xanax/clonazepam when it gets bad and it saved me multiple times.

@dayma thank you for speaking out.

 

[Greg Sacramento]

@dayma

I don't think that a discussion of (a) benzos is needed per Tracy. Her doctor has issued AD medication and that is a different class.

 

[Shera]

@TracyJS Hold on to that need and want to live. It's a struggle, but I remember the feeling of wanting to live and keep that burning inside. It's pulled me through 1 year and 8 months of this hell. Keeping me alive. Even after losing all three of my beloved cats. Because small joys do start to entire your life. For me it's family and my new kitten.

Maybe try some natural supplements for anxiety and depression? I am super afraid of taking AD. Not just because I've had freinds who suddenly could, and tried, to commit suicide only after taking them. I react really weird to medications. Anywho, I've been taking Ashwagandha. It took a month but it totally saved me.

Big hugs!

 

[dayma]

@dayma

I don't think that a discussion of (a) benzos is needed per Tracy. Her doctor has issued AD medication and that is a different class.

My statement would be for ADs also.

 

[TracyJS]

@Starthrower @Jazzer @dayma @New Guy @glynis
@Shera
Thank you for your continued concern and care for me. And for trying your best to help me find a way out of this ongoing desperate state that I am in. It means so much that you and others offer your support. I am sorry I can't write more individually, right now. Anxiety is pretty extreme.

 

[New Guy]

Anxiety is pretty extreme

I know what that's like. We're here if you need us.

 

[Greg Sacramento]

@TracyJS Start to take the AD meds that your doctors issued. Along with that take B1, B3, B12 and chelate magnesium/calcium. Drink water. I wish I had a dollar for every time an ER doctor said to take these vitamins along with AD or benzo medications.

 

[glynis]

@TracyJS ,
Just checking in on you to see how you are doing ?
Don't forget to reach out to us as we all do care about our Tinnitus Talk family.
love glynis x

 

[JasonP]

@Starthrower @Jazzer @dayma @New Guy @glynis
@Shera
Thank you for your continued concern and care for me. And for trying your best to help me find a way out of this ongoing desperate state that I am in. It means so much that you and others offer your support. I am sorry I can't write more individually, right now. Anxiety is pretty extreme.

I have a suggestion that is drug free. Go to a hearing aid center and get a free hearing test. See if you have any loss, if you do, its possible that hearing aids can lessen the noticeability of your tinnitus. In addition, they have some with different masking sounds that you could put on when your tinnitus is really bothering you. If your tinnitus is tonal they have a hearing aid made by Signia that has built in notch therapy that may lessen it after some months. If you have even mild hearing loss, hearing aids could help. If you can afford it, get an extended audiogram that goes to 14khz and if you have hearing loss between 8khz and 12khz, you could get an extended bandwidth aid such as the Signia 7nx that goes to 12khz.

 

[billie48]

@TracyJS
Like Glynis said above, just like to check in on you to see how you are doing.
Like others have posted, don't fight tinnitus so hard. Try accept and flow with it, however hard at first. T is like a phobia for you right now. Gradual exposure to the fearful object is one good way to fight the phobia. Even Dr. Hubbard mentioned about using this approach when he was hit with tinnitus initially.


But if you don't want to try this approach, then using masking plus distractions (by getting busy, setting a goal and pursuing it etc.) will help to make life easier. Don't give up and don't despair. Give it some time. Most of the veterans on TT will tell you they suffered the same or more than you initially. But as time goes on, the perception and the severity of tinnitus generally improve to the point we can taste normal or good life again. So don't rush or push yourself too much. Let T be. Let the rest of your life be. Take good care. God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/how-cbt-helped-me-live-again-dr-hubbards-story.4608/

 

[TracyJS]

@glynis @billie48
Thank you for you asking about me.
I know this is a difficult time for everyone.

 

[Vicki14]

Awh Tracy, I think you've conveyed very well the feelings of most of us here, I was actually nodding as I was reading your post... I too, feel the EXACT same, robbed o my life by this demonic condition which is like battling Goliath every day. Please know you're not alone in your suffering although it very much feels that way.... big hugs to you xxxx

 

[Starthrower]

@TracyJS how are you doing?

 

[DebInAustralia]

@Starthrower
Thank you for checking in and for thinking about me
Yes, it sounds like major work is going on in your home. Sounds so stressful. I am sure you will be glad when it's all finished and you have calm and quiet again. So Sorry about the door slam. I'm glad you are able to know that things will quiet down and you will be ok.

I had a few mild days last week, but I have had severe days the past few days and I'm really feeling like I might be breaking down. I am only sleeping 3-4 hours a night, waking up at 3am.
I don't think I'm going to be able to get my fear and anxiety under control without medication and yet I'm am paralyzed. My fear of medication worsening the tinnitus has me in a psychic straight jacket.

At the same time, this relentless fear and anxiety is worsening my tinnitus. I live in overwhelming fear each day of tinnitus. I feel terrorized by it. My central nervous system is so amped up and my stress so high. I don't think I can go on like this much longer.

tips for sleep ..

. anxiety about your t is interfering with your zzz, so cbt mindfulness is a good thing. have a look at the back to silence thread and julian cowans youtube videos on t.

. Consider L tryptophan, melatonin slow release, passionflower, magnesium..

. go to bed when youre knackered. dont nap during the day.

. mask if you need to..

It took me 2 weeks to learn to fall asleep with t. once i realised the sound wasnt going to hurt me, i managed to sleep without masking or sleep aides.

you will too ...

 

[TracyJS]

@Starthrower

 

[Jazzer]

@Starthrower

There is something quite magical about deep relaxation and meditation, but you know that I champion that.

I wonder if you've read Dr Hubbard's Story?

Have you tried any hypnosis yet Tracy?

The easiest trick for falling asleep is to just
'think' the word's deep - er.

exhale.......inhale....exhale....inhale....exhale...
deep............er........deep.........er.........deep......etc...

I wish I could suggest something else
- something 'new' Tracy.
I always give you the tips that are really invaluable to me, but I know you've heard it all before sweetheart.

Thinking of you much
Worrying about you much
Love you lots

Dave x
Jazzer

 

[Starthrower]

I get it @TracyJS. I am just so glad you replied.

 

[TracyJS]

@Starthrower
Some people in my life are talking about me as if I'm already gone.....

 

[glynis]

@TracyJS ,
Don't let them get to you.
You don't have to make people happy, just put your self first now and don't let anyone try drain your mood or energy.
Take one day at a time and we all care about you and behind you and willing you on.
love glynis xxxx

 

[Jazzer]

@TracyJS - I promise you this much,
I was worse than you at this stage - I mean it.
I wasn't posting on TT because I didn't understand this site well enough to do it.
I was truly desperate and despairing.

You just have to keep going babe, and your mind will gradually become less obsessive, and your sounds will begin to fade.
I didn't believe it either, but it will happen.
Practice your relaxation using 'deeper' - 'deeper.'
Try not to go 'quiet' on us Tracy - we need to know how you are, because we all care deeply,
Take care,
love
Dave xx

 

[TracyJS]

@Starthrower @glynis @Jazzer

I'm scared.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I think there might not be help for me.

 

[glynis]

Hi @TracyJS ,
I was wondering how you were duck.
What's been happening to make you feel how you are these last few days?
What's happening on the medication side of things?
love glynis x

 

[Jazzer]

@Starthrower @glynis @Jazzer

I'm scared.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I think there might not be help for me.

Oh dear Tracy - I know just where you are with this.
From the moment I woke up with this horrible condition, I think I knew that this would stay with me.
My tinnitus has not gone away.
I wish I could tell you different, to give you a brighter outlook.

I work constantly at trying to decommission the negative response to it,
I hear it, but by practicing deep relaxation concurrently, I seek to hear it but without feelings of fear, anxiety and loathing.

I have to tell you that I don't always succeed - I am by no means home and dry.
I do have bad times - sad times.
But we are stuck with something called reality, aren't we?

Knowing there is currently no effective treatment, let alone a cure, I see the best way forward as being to gain some improvement in the emotional reaction to it.
As I said the other day, I so wish I could give you something more substantial to adopt and work with, but I have found nothing else.

Have you found anything, or any way to relax you at times?

I feel for you so much sweetheart, I wish you had much more in the way of friendly local support and company.

Sending you the biggest loveliest hug just now babe....
I love you Tracy
I always will

Dave xx

 

[Jcb]

@Starthrower @glynis @Jazzer

I'm scared.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I think there might not be help for me.

I know it's hard when you don't have a great support system, I know this isn't exactly face to face support but you have a lot of people who care for you on here Tracy never forget that, we are all rooting for you. Have you still been getting out each day walking that bit longer each time? As Glynis said what is happening on the medication front?

 

[glynis]

@TracyJS ,
@Jazzer is right on how most of us feel and cope with tinnitus and just to let you know we all have grown fond of you and want every member to feel better dealing with this mental torture from Tinnitus.
One thing is true that we are stronger together and here for eachother with out judgment and reach out to us as we all would want you too!
Know one should have to suffer alone or feel scared and we are only a click away .
When our emotions are out of sink it makes the smallest problem or task hard to deal with or even strength to get up to face the day and big problems making you sink.
Life does improve in small steps but challenging times can still come but we do grow stonger to deal with them.
Your in our hearts so keep posting and don't feel your moaning as it's a support forum even just to chat.
Take care love glynis xxx

 

[Ed209]

@TracyJS, I think about you a lot and really wish I could write the perfect paragraph that could help ease your pain. You have a beautiful soul that is quite obvious to all on this thread. Try not to worry about what other people think; just concentrate on yourself and your own wellbeing.

I know I've said this over and over, but it's still really early days for you, Tracy. The more we force ourselves to feel better, the more we regress, it seems. Don't fight it and just let it be. Let it wash over you and don't react. Even if your thoughts are telling you that you hate it and you want it to be gone, just ignore them, and continue to let it be there. In time, your brain will stop prioritising it and it will very slowly become less of an issue. Once you're a few years in you're far more likely to feel indifferent towards it.

Please remember that I was climbing the walls just over three years ago. I'm sitting here today with the exact same noises screaming at me, and it's the last thing on my mind right now, honestly.

Here's another big virtual hug. You can never get enough of these. We all love you so never forget it

 

[glynis]

@TracyJS ,
You have my number and always happy chat with you.
love glynis xxx

 

[fishbone]

@Starthrower @glynis @Jazzer

I'm scared.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I think there might not be help for me.

In all honesty, you are feeling what ALL of us felt... at your stage(duration of time you have had tinnitus) of having tinnitus. I highly recommend you gain support on this forum and outside. Talking with people that care for you is vital, especially when dealing with tinnitus. 5 months out is not a whole amount of time. This is going to take a bit of time to adjust and move forward.

I know right now it may seem impossible, but in time you can live with it and actually live a productive life. I been at this for over 30 years and at 5 months I was very afflicted and annoyed by this horror. You have this forum to support you, hang in there. Lots of people here are here to support you and be there for you....

Possibly reach out to @glynis and talk with her, talking with someone that has tinnitus can be very helpful. Possibly she can share some strategies that have helped her...

Don't give up, you can do this...

 

[TracyJS]

@Jazzer @glynis @Jcb @Ed209 @fishbone
Thank you, everyone for such loving and kind responses. Your words touch me deeply.

I'm pretty lost and I'm in a lot of pain.