Don't Know What to Do Anymore, Terribly Lonely and Scared. Reaching Out.

[Autumnwillows]

My life has become living purgatory, and I spend my day mourning everything I've lost and will never do.

I read this forum and see the replies I'd get if I posted so never have but desperate for some support, no one can't help me I know that but I feel I should at least try here.

I've battled for months to keep my life and my job but now it's all gone, I'm trapped in my house with nothing but fear at my side till someone comes home and I either break down or pretend for them. I can no longer leave the house and am also scared to be in it, if my ears get worse I know deep in my gut I'll have to take my own life but am terrified of doing so. I live where there's a helicopter factory, they fly around the town, park and over my house various times during the day, sometimes so close the windows rattle, it's become my prison with little respite. I can't walk my dog, tend my allotment,or even walk down the garden. I've lost everything I could use to keep myself busy and fight this.

Without my job I can't move, I had to quit when at a meeting an alarm went of again, it devastated me.

I've applied for benefit (ESA) and I received a letter last week to say I'd not be getting it.

Each day cripples me and I don't want to live.

I've started self harm and depression is taking over, three times I've clawed my way back to have another thing happen, my heart is broken.

I'll take this down if it's upsetting to anyone or offending.

 

[Juan]

Basically you should move somewhere quieter and start building a new life from scratch. You will be fine, believe me, life is full of great and positive surprises too!

Big hug!

 

[GregCA]

Hi,

Tinnitus can be quite debilitating indeed. Sorry that you are affected so severely. Many of us are in here and you will find support.

Your tinnitus can still soften and get better in time.
Have you done any hearing test? If so, are you comfortable posting the audiogram here? (blank out any personal info)

Have you found anything that seems to help you cope?

Good luck!

 

[Ed209]

My life has become living purgatory, and I spend my day mourning everything I've lost and will never do.
I read this forum and see the replies I'd get if I posted so never have but desperate for some support, no one can't help me i know that but I feel I should at least try here.
I've battled for months to keep my life and my job but now it's all gone, I'm trapped in my house with nothing but fear at my side till someone comes home and I ether break down or pretend for them. I can no longer leave the house and an also scared to be in it, if my ears get worse i know deep in my gut I'll have to take my own life but am terrified of doing so. I live where there's a helicopter factory, they fly around the town, park and over my house various times during the day, sometimes so close the Windows rattle, Its become my prison with little respite. I can't walk my dog, tend my allotment,or even walk down the garden. I've lost everything i could use to keep myself busy and fight this.
Without my job i can't move, I had to quit when at a meeting an alarm went of again, it devastated me.
I've applied for benefit (esa) and I relieved a letter last week to say I'd not be getting it.
Each day cripples me and I don't want to live.
I've started self harm and depression is taking over, three times I've clawed my way back to have another thing happen, my heart is broken.
I'll take this down it's upsetting to anyone or offending

Your tinnitus is still relatively new so you have time on your side. I can fully empathise with your situation having been through it, and I know how badly this condition can shake up one's life. Nothing can beat a listening ear and a warm embrace during the darkest hours.

You need to start going out again as your self-imprisonment is only going to make matters worse for you rather than better. Without social interaction in your life, you're likely to compound your problems with added depression and anxiety which is not a good combination. I've been on the edge of suicide a few times in my life for health reasons and I know how dark of a hole it is. I know how lonely you must be feeling but I can promise you that there are many other people here who will understand what you are going through.

Get yourself some custom musician earplugs with various filters and start going out again but do it bit by bit. Take baby steps. Find yourself a new hobby or activities that are drastically new and different from what you're used to to smash through your old routines. This really can have a reset effect on the brain but it will take a long time for you to start feeling better. You have to be patient with yourself. Having tinnitus can be like a rollercoaster ride with 3 steps forward and 2 steps back all the time.

There's a lot of love to go around here so if you ever feel low don't think twice about coming here to talk about it.

Much love to you and I wish you all the best.

 

[jjflyman]

My life has become living purgatory, and I spend my day mourning everything I've lost and will never do.

I read this forum and see the replies I'd get if I posted so never have but desperate for some support, no one can't help me I know that but I feel I should at least try here.

I've battled for months to keep my life and my job but now it's all gone, I'm trapped in my house with nothing but fear at my side till someone comes home and I either break down or pretend for them. I can no longer leave the house and am also scared to be in it, if my ears get worse I know deep in my gut I'll have to take my own life but am terrified of doing so. I live where there's a helicopter factory, they fly around the town, park and over my house various times during the day, sometimes so close the windows rattle, it's become my prison with little respite. I can't walk my dog, tend my allotment,or even walk down the garden. I've lost everything I could use to keep myself busy and fight this.

Without my job I can't move, I had to quit when at a meeting an alarm went of again, it devastated me.

I've applied for benefit (ESA) and I received a letter last week to say I'd not be getting it.

Each day cripples me and I don't want to live.

I've started self harm and depression is taking over, three times I've clawed my way back to have another thing happen, my heart is broken.

I'll take this down if it's upsetting to anyone or offending.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I know how you feel. Nobody deserves to have this happen to them, but I can offer you some hope.

14 years ago I was exposed to the super loud power equipment for over 45 min with no ear protection. My tinnitus was screaming loud 10/10 and pain, fullness and sensitivity to noise. It was horrible, but after about 6 months, it started to fade, the pain started to ease, and my ears started to pop once in a while. It slowly faded over about a 2 year period until it faded away completely.

Then, 3 years ago I got tinnitus back again from a loud concert. It too was very loud with pain, fullness and sensitivity to noise. It has faded about 90% in 3 years.

Please give it time, ears take forever to heal, and most cases of acoustic trauma tinnitus will fade over time, sometimes it fades to zero, but it may take several years.

 

[Eloy Resendez Jr]

I'll be praying for you @Autumnwillows, ed209 hit the nail on the head, it's new, it's a nightmare, you've got to do your best and at the very least just hang in there, we've all been there and some like myself are still crawling out of it. I'm in my second bout with this thing. First time was in 2015 and now last December had some additional hearing loss and now I've got a more continuous sharper sound. I also have a daily battle stuck in an office most days where ringing can really drive me crazy. BUT, although it took me a long time I got use to it the first time, and with Gods help I know I can do it again. Please don't give up, take one moment at a time, then one day at a time. Whenever you laugh or smile remember that moment because although it may be for a very short moment, it was still a great moment nonetheless. Be strong, God Bless you.

 

[Michael Leigh]

HI @Autumnwillows

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. If it is okay with you, I am going to take the liberty of sending you a Private Message as I may be able to give some advice which I do not want to mention in the main forum.

Michael

 

[Autumnwillows]

I'm trying so hard to find hope.in this dark place, I also have cfs and was already balancing that with a life. I've got myself out and confidant and felt like I was winning but after that alarm,having to quit my job 10 mins later then out on the street after I'm completely drained, and now terrified of bloody helicopters daily, feel sick all day long
Your word all of you mean so much I'm crying now, I wanna have a life to look forward to i really do but can't keep getting knocked back. I have ear plugs but somehow they cause ear pain and a blocked up feeling after short use. Feel I'm trapped in doors till i can move but can't move for a while, just found out my neighbour is starting work on there house next week so I'm at new level lost and stuck.
I know nothing much can be done but it would feel good not to be so alone right now

 

[Lurius]

Whatever you do, do NOT allow Micheal to message you privately. He gives dangerous, misleading advice!

 

[Autumnwillows]

Hi,

Tinnitus can be quite debilitating indeed. Sorry that you are affected so severely. Many of us are in here and you will find support.

Your tinnitus can still soften and get better in time.
Have you done any hearing test? If so, are you comfortable posting the audiogram here? (blank out any personal info)

Have you found anything that seems to help you cope?

Good luck!

I have indeed had hearing texts and an ent who wouldn't look me in the eye, all normal, don't have any copy of it though

 

[Michael Leigh]

Whatever you do, do NOT allow Micheal to message you privately. He gives dangerous, misleading advice!

You are entitled to your opinion but as you haven't a clue the advice I am going to give Autumn, I wish you would keep quiet. She is asking for help which I am willing to try and give much more than you have to offer.

Michael

 

[Lurius]

You are entitled to your opinion but as you haven't a clue the advice I am going to give Autumn, I wish you would keep quiet. She is asking for help which I am willing to try and give much more than you have to offer.

Michael

I think I have a good idea of what kind of advise you're going to give, yeah. And you have no idea what I have to offer.

 

[Michael Leigh]

And you have no idea what I have to offer.

I shudder at the thought......

 

[Lurius]

I shudder at the thought......

Shudder all you want. We all know what you have to offer, because you're always the first one to post in the threads of panicked, desperate people. And you always blame the same offender - headphones. Which is completely ridiculous. You should be ashamed of yourself, but I know you're too daft to grasp the concept. I'd pray you stay away for once, but you're probably too proud and entitled. Some people just need to be socked in the mouth to learn.

 

[Autumnwillows]

I'm sorry
I've caused an issue
I'll remove my post

 

[Michael Leigh]

And you always blame the same offender - headphones

Using headphones at too high a volume is at the top of the list for causing Noise induced tinnitus. This type of tinnitus is the one I mostly advise on because that is what I am familiar with having had it for 24 years. Unlike your tinnitus which wasn't noise induced. Therefore, you know absolutely nothing about Noise induced tinnitus. Secondly, you have had tinnitus for merely a couple of years, I have had it for considerably longer and advise people at this forum, others and counsel people by telephone.

Thirdly, the advice I am offering to Autumn should she wish to hear it, has nothing to do with tinnitus as such.
I will now be placing you on ignore so gooday. You will find plenty of company there.

Michael

 

[Autumnly]

I'm sorry
I've caused an issue
I'll remove my post

Please don't! Just ignore those posts or feel free to report them. An introduction thread should be focused on the person that started it and I'm sorry to see it got derailed so quickly.

Hoping more members will leave posts offering support!

 

[monkey124]

@Michael Leigh gives sound advice and has got me through some very tough times. I don't know what I would have done without this wonderfully kind and thoughtful man.

 

[Contrast]

I've applied for benefit (ESA) and I received a letter last week to say I'd not be getting it.

Everyone gets denied disabilty income the first time, that's common knowledge within disabled communities. Apply again and try a disability lawyer.

 

[Eloy Resendez Jr]

I'm sorry
I've caused an issue
I'll remove my post

No, please don't remove your post, trust me, this site has a lot of useful information. Many good stories. Focus on the success stories. Yes, I've noticed the occasional arguments, but jut disregard them. You can pick and choose what you want to read. That's why I do.

 

[Eloy Resendez Jr]

Well said @autumnly!

 

[Autumnwillows]

I couldn't find out how to, my daughter came home from after school just then and seen me upset, I hate conflict and my heart is racing
Don't know if this was a good idea.
Il be honest yesterday i had an ambulance called out by the woman on an advice line i was talking to as she was concerned after i couldn't carry on the call
I told them how i felt
I really need some support but I can't cope with arguments rn
It's esa i applied for but didn't earn enough over the year, not entitled

 

[Michael Leigh]

It's esa i applied for but didn't earn enough over the year, not entitled

@Autumnwillows

It is ESA that I wanted to advise you on but don't know if you received my PM message?
If you are interested then please let me know.

Take care
Michael

 

[Autumnwillows]

Could anyone advise me on my fear of the helicopters noise, am I right to be concerned about them preventing me hearing from healing as they are constant in my day

Thank you all who sent such supportive reply's it s helping x

 

[Candy]

@Autumnwillows

There is a way out.
Are you in rented or council accommodation - try to get moved as getting out and about is important.

Stay strong, try to sort one problem out at a time. You need to be able to get out and to work if your tinnitus permits, if it's severe and you can't concentrate you can think of plan B. Go to the citizen advice bureau and ask for help with forms...

 

[Juan]

Could anyone advise me on my fear of the helicopters noise, am I right to be concerned about them preventing me hearing from healing as they are constant in my day

Thank you all who sent such supportive reply's it s helping x

You can use earmuffs to block out the noise. See if earmuffs give you less pressure than earplugs. Both earmuffs and earplugs can produce some discomfort on ears but if you have hyperacusis it is best than damage done by loud sound such as helicopters (plus the nasty vibration helicopters produce).

 

[Autumnwillows]

You can use earmuffs to block out the noise. See if earmuffs give you less pressure than earplugs. Both earmuffs and earplugs can produce some discomfort on ears but if you have hyperacusis it is best than damage done by loud sound such as helicopters (plus the nasty vibration helicopters produce).

Thanks hun i have some ear muffs, you should me panic to.get the stupid things on my head when a helicopter is on it's way, got my self in a fine mess but it would be a sketch show to anyone else, they fold in and are really hard to put on! But feel better they are offering protection at lease. Sometimes I get overwhelmed thinking the helicopters are making it so hard to heal (paranoid much lol)
It helps to talk about this crazy to people that get it.

 

[Autumnwillows]

@Autumnwillows

There is a way out.
Are you in rented or council accommodation - try to get moved as getting out and about is important.

Stay strong, try to sort one problem out at a time. You need to be able to get out and to work if your tinnitus permits, if it's severe and you can't concentrate you can think of plan B. Go to the citizen advice bureau and ask for help with forms...

I'm in rented hun, sad thing is we were gonna try and buy this year, but it's a lifetime away now without work, I had a really good job aswel, we can't move yet as under contract till August then somehow I need to find a way of renting a three bed house on one income. And ideally to another town away from the air field
I was looking forward to going back to work and getting on with things as it really did help but such a busy environment with so much noise.
I will get another job but first need to get out this house, the last 5 months my hole I'm in has gotten deeper it seems. It does give me a hope to see so many strong enough to help and give advice

 

[Horrorpopz]

Hey I'm so sorry you're dealing with something tough like CFS and with tinnitus on top of it...

I understand your pain. I've been home bounded for 8 months due to hyperacusis.

By the way do you have it too I suppose? Or is your tinnitus so severe that it's debilitating you therefore making you home bounded?

Download an App for measuring the decibels the helicopter sound produces, it's impossible to us to tell you how bad it is without this information if it is in fact dangerous I would use muffs until you're able to move from there...

It's a fucking shame they didn't approve your disability with CFS honestly, like @Contrast said this kind of thing doesn't usually happen at first attempt, and having a lawyer would help you so much, you're not working so I imagine it will be hard to afford one, idk how it works in the US but maybe there is a pro bono that would be willing to help you?

Staying alive itself in this kind of fucked up hell situation is already a victory.

@Autumnwillows in moments like these of pure hell you have to hold to people you love and convince yourself tomorrow is going to be better than today, even if it isn't true, keep believing things will change and KEEP FIGHTING!

Don't get lonely, the forum is full of people who's having a really hard time as well, find company!

P.S.: it's a shame there's arguing on a thread like this *facepalm*

 

[chrischsg]

Hi, i live near an airbase and planes fly around my place all the time. Got myself a pair of Sony noise cancelling headphones and wear them whenever the planes hover. I am now at peace with the planes.

In fact, I wear them when I need to do noisy stuff like mowing, grinding, or drilling. Keeps my tinnitus in check.