Feeling Desperate...

[Jaybeee]

Oh dear, I am really struggling with this T thing. I really can't see how anyone can habituate when every waking moment is taken over by T. I have an obsessive anxious nature. My T Is relatively new and fluctuates. Even when I have a day when I can't hear it, I have panic attacks because I know the following day it will be back. I'm terrified of medication but have taken the odd Valium to calm me. I am so tired of this thing already, I can't see my life ever being happy again, and I have such a lovely family around me. Help!

 

[Ed209]

Oh dear, I am really struggling with this T thing. I really can't see how anyone can habituate when every waking moment is taken over by T. I have an obsessive anxious nature. My T Is relatively new and fluctuates. Even when I have a day when I can't hear it, I have panic attacks because I know the following day it will be back. I'm terrified of medication but have taken the odd Valium to calm me. I am so tired of this thing already, I can't see my life ever being happy again, and I have such a lovely family around me. Help!

Jaybeee, I really wish I could let you travel through my mind, so you could see and feel the journey I've been on with tinnitus. Words and descriptions just don't do it justice! I was an absolute wreck when it came to T, and I too would consider myself to be a sensitive person. I don't often show it to the world, but deep down I'm as scared and as anxious as everyone else.

When my T worsened nearly 2 years ago, I just couldn't shake that awful feeling it gives us. I'm a musician so I had to quit my band and it totally devastated my life. I'm obsessive in nature, so I saw absolutely no way of overcoming it. I found it hard to get out of bed and I started avoiding life and most social situations. It was horrendous. The feelings that come with it are intrusive, annoying, and encapsulating.

It does change however. If I could transport back in time and tell this to myself, I wouldn't believe it, and I'd probably get annoyed, knowing, there are people who can overcome it. I'd just convince myself that I wouldn't be one of them. This is especially true in the acute phase when your emotions are all over the place.

I've said this before on the forum, but what you're are experiencing is akin to grief. You are grieving the loss of silence, and this process takes time for you to fully accept. However, I promise you that once you do start to accept it, you will stop fighting it and your emotions will even out. At some point you will look back and you will be thinking like I am now. Tinnitus has no effect on me anymore. Those thoughts of me begging it to stop and give me peace are long gone, and my fears and anxieties went along with them.

There is a life with T Jaybeee, and it's no different to the life you had before if you make the right steps. Try not to focus on the noise, and start a new hobby. Keep your mind occupied in new ways and you'll find that the T will start to become less important. The more you take the significance away from it, the better. Other than that, eat well, exercise and keep socialising with friends and family. Your brain will start to become bored of it and move on. I'd also try to stop reading so much about it, as this just prioritises it.

Take care

 

[Michael Leigh]

@Jaybeee
Sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time with tinnitus at the moment. Ed209 has given you some very good advice and I can't add anymore to that. I advise you to read my article: Tinnitus, A Personal View. If you are able to print the positivity documents within it I suggest that you do and refer to them whenever you feel the need. Read and print some of the success stories from tinnitus talk members, on the positivity thread.
Please look in the support list and read my recent post titled: The habituation Process, as you might find if helpful
All the best
Michael

 

[Jaybeee]

@Ed209 thanks for your thoughts. I really appreciate that you took the time to respond. It means so much that people care. I don't know what started my T and I worry that my anxiety is exacerbating the T permanently. So many stories where people attribute their T onset to anxiety/stress. But you are right about the feeling of grief. I am mourning the loss of my wonderful life pre-T. I can't even stand the fact that I can't have alcohol, chocolate, salt and sugar anymore. I don't know that I can't (though I put a spike one pm on a handful of raisins) but I don't want to make the T any louder and have severely restricted my diet. I've cancelled a skiing holiday at Easter also, so my family are starting to feel the brunt of it too. Funny, you are right about reading so much, and my husband Is really annoyed that I read so much online, but at the same time it is where you guys are and I get comfort from you. Thanks Ed209 x

@Michael Leigh thanks Michael. I can always rely on you to respond. You are such a help to all of us here. Do you belong to a support group in UK? I don't have one in Worcestershire and that would be so helpful x

 

[Ed209]

@Ed209 thanks for your thoughts. I really appreciate that you took the time to respond. It means so much that people care. I don't know what started my T and I worry that my anxiety is exacerbating the T permanently. So many stories where people attribute their T onset to anxiety/stress. But you are right about the feeling of grief. I am mourning the loss of my wonderful life pre-T. I can't even stand the fact that I can't have alcohol, chocolate, salt and sugar anymore. I don't know that I can't (though I put a spike one pm on a handful of raisins) but I don't want to make the T any louder and have severely restricted my diet. I've cancelled a skiing holiday at Easter also, so my family are starting to feel the brunt of it too. Funny, you are right about reading so much, and my husband Is really annoyed that I read so much online, but at the same time it is where you guys are and I get comfort from you. Thanks Ed209 x

@Michael Leigh thanks Michael. I can always rely on you to respond. You are such a help to all of us here. Do you belong to a support group in UK? I don't have one in Worcestershire and that would be so helpful x

No problem at all jaybeee. Just know that there are many of us here who have been exactly where you are right now. We all know what's it's like, especially the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing.

I also cancelled loads of social events, to avoid potential 'loud situations', and I just felt depressed and didn't want to talk anyone. My wife saw what tinnitus does to a person behind closed doors; she felt like the only person I could keep talking to about it. Don't be hard on yourself because we can't help how we feel. Sometimes we are at the mercy of our emotions, but I'm here to tell you that brighter days are ahead. I've walked this journey and everything you say reminds me of how I was. I was EXACTLY the same as you're describing yourself now.

 

[Michael Leigh]

@Jaybeee Thank you for kind comments. I don't belong to a support group. However, I do help people that choose to contact me by email, telephone and at tinnitus talk.
Have a word with your GP about the anxiety and stress that you are feeling. All this is quite common with the onset of tinnitus. An antidepressant can help a lot in preventing you from becoming too down. St John's Wort, a herbal medicine can also help mild stress and depression.
All the best
Michael

 

[glynis]

Hi @Jaybeee ,
Tinnitus and the unwanted emotions can hit us hard in the early months and think how on earth will I cope.
Its not a easy road to tread but each down time you will try things to help you cope and find whats best for you.

The ups are lovely and help balance out the down times.
Over time you gain strength and confidence that you are learning to cope and the emotional side of tinnitus starts to settle as you learn how your tinnitus journey makes you feel and the sounds you hear and how you have lernt coping skills to get through the tough times.

I know your anxiety is high at the moment and not sure about medication but sometimes it can help you and just talking to your doctor about medication options you can see him again if want to take them.

We are here around the clock to support you and know when you have a wobble we are here for you.

There are lots of medications and I found the one that helps me..

Tinnitus groups are a great support if you have one in your area.

Have a relaxing evening and hope tomorrow is a better day for you....
Lots of love glynis

 

[Dave1]

@Jaybeee

I'm having a bad day too, you're not alone.

 

[Dave1]

@glynis

Thanks. I needed that.

 

[glynis]

@Dave1 ,
Thank you..anytime..
I know you mentioned you had a tough day too !
Hope the storm passes and the sun out tomorrow....lots of love glynis

 

[Jaybeee]

I'm so sorry to keep posting like this, but I just can't stop crying. I'm finding this so hard to accept. I have so many people telling me I should take the antidepressants prescribed (Sertraline) but I am so scared.

 

[glynis]

@Jaybeee,
Try calm down and don't let a small tablet cause you anxiety.

Think to your self if the tablet offers you the help you need ?
Help anxiety
Help sleep
Help low mood along with talking therapy.

You might get side effects but dont let the leaflet inside put you off as they have to list them all but you dont get them all..
You are in control over the medication unlike tinnitus.
You could try it and give it at least 6 weeks to give it time for full effect.
The other option would be use talking therapy.
Keep posting for support duck as thats what we are here for.....lots of love glynis

 

[Michael Leigh]

I'm so sorry to keep posting like this, but I just can't stop crying. I'm finding this so hard to accept. I have so many people telling me I should take the antidepressants prescribed (Sertraline) but I am so scared.

Tinnitus isn't easy @Jaybeee so no need to apologise for keep posting because that's what the forum is for. I was prescribed Setraline when I first got tinnitus 20 years ago and had no problems with it. An antidepressant can help a lot in preventing a person from not getting too down due to the tinnitus.
All the best
Michael

 

[Jaybeee]

@glynis thank you Glynis. There are so many horrid stories on here about worsening T after meds. I don't know where to turn

@Michael Leigh thanks for your reply. I don't even have T that bad compared to most yet I'm devastated.

 

[Michael Leigh]

thanks for your reply. I don't even have T that bad compared to most yet I'm devastated.

@Jaybeee Try not to compare your tinnitus to other peoples because only you know how you're feeling and the effect that it is having on you. Tinnitus can cause a lot of stress and anxiety especially in the early stages. No two people experience tinnitus the same.
Michael

 

[Jaybeee]

And there's the brutality of it. I can't eat, I can't drink wine, I can't stand noisy places now because of vibrations in my one ear. I even had to cancel my Easter holiday. It's not so much what I've gained ( as much as I hate T) but all the things I have lost because of it. I know I probably need to take the meds. I shall be under 8 stone tomorrow. I think I will wither away if I don't risk the meds.

 

[glynis]

@Jaybeee,
I would make a appointment to have a chat with your doctor to talk about how you feel and your medication and how you feel about taking it and what scares you about it..
If you then decide to take it ask him if you could have a open appointment that he or she will see you with out a appointment during the first two weeks on them to support you with how you feel...lots of love glynis

 

[Ed209]

And there's the brutality of it. I can't eat, I can't drink wine, I can't stand noisy places now because of vibrations in my one ear. I even had to cancel my Easter holiday. It's not so much what I've gained ( as much as I hate T) but all the things I have lost because of it. I know I probably need to take the meds. I shall be under 8 stone tomorrow. I think I will wither away if I don't risk the meds.

You are still in the very early stages Jaybeee, you must sort your anxiety out as soon as possible. You need to go and speak to someone in real life, and in the mean time try - with every ounce of strength - to stop thinking and obsessing over it. You are literally making yourself ill. Tinnitus is no longer your main problem; it's the reaction you're having to it which is anxiety and depression. You can get yourself out of this, but it takes time. I know I've said this over and over, but I know exactly how you feel. Imagine being a musician where your entire life revolves around sound and noise, and then fearing or being totally unable to play. My life was in the bin and I saw no way out; it was just so cruel.

Now I'm a different person. I look back at those very dark days through different eyes, and with the right help and support, I know you will too. Go easy on yourself and try your absolute best to unwind and take some weight off your mind.

 

[Jaybeee]

@Ed209 thanks as ever for responding. I know I am making it worse. I thought I was doing better. I was sleeping better somewhat. But this week my anxiety is picking up again. And I know I am spiralling down further and further. I don't know how to pick myself up. Maybe I am so tired. I would dearly love to sleep more soundly. I used to sleep so well. I just have this knot in my stomach that won't let me eat enough to maintain my strength. Not much has been forthcoming from the NHS in terms of talking therapy unfortunately so far. I am seeing the T nurse this week for the first time so I hope she can help but the way I feeling I don't hold out much hope. I am seeing a private psychotherapist this weekend but his services are gonna cost me £100 each week. I will struggle to see him for long. I fear my life ebbing away.

 

[Kelvin]

@Jaybeee
I dont have much to add as you have been given great advice by @Ed209 @Michael Leigh @glynis
You do need to get the anxiety down as T and A are best mates...!
If you need some medication then so be it.
Mine was Hissssing like crazy yesterday for no reason other than it was.
When its like that...I get outside and walk, I listen to quiet and calm music or nature sounds, do some breathing exercises etc.
Whilst it dosent go... I am calmer or more distracted and so it affects me less.
For a calm mind and better sleep I found L-Tryptophan ( food supplement ) to be good and I think magnesium Bisglycinate is helping a bit in the day - seems to take the edge off.

Anyway...I hope today is better for you and if not then tomorrow will be.

 

[Samantha R]

@Jaybeee
I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I think I have mild tinnitus compared to a lot on here, but it still knocked me for six too. Don't compare yourself to others, you are struggling and that's real for you.
From personal experience, Mirtazapine helped me with sleep and it is also an AD. I was prescribed Sertraline, but opted to try Mirtazapine for its helpful sleep side effect.
Mirtazapine is also an appetite stimulant, so might help you in this regard as well. Regaining your health is important in this fight.
Glynis had a great experience with Nortryptaline (an older, tricyclic AD), another one that you might consider. It helped quiet her tinnitus and also helps with sleep.
Benzos can help in the very short term if you are REALLY struggling. I have some on hand, and use sparingly. In 8 months I have used 13 pills only.
I turned a corner when I started the Mirtazapine as I could finally sleep.
Stay strong, life isn't over. X

 

[Michael Leigh]

You do need to get the anxiety down as T and A are best mates...!
If you need some medication then so be it.
Mine was Hissssing like crazy yesterday for no reason other than it was.
When its like that...I get outside and walk, I listen to quiet and calm music or nature sounds, do some breathing exercises etc.
Whilst it dosent go... I am calmer or more distracted and so it affects me less.
For a calm mind and better sleep I found L-Tryptophan ( food supplement ) to be good and I think magnesium Bisglycinate is helping a bit in the day - seems to take the edge off.

Very well put @Kelvin if I may say so. In the early stages of tinnitus there are few options open to a person regarding treatment. By this I mean how the condition can affect a person's mental well-being. Whilst counselling is good and something that I advocate, in the early stages of tinnitus it usually needs to be back-up with medication. This can be prescription antidepressant or herbal such as St John's Wort.

Tinnitus feeds stress and stress feeds tinnitus. One can feel like they're going around in circles and on a downward spiral and this effect needs to be broken. Your suggestion for going out for a walk and listening to calming music or nature sounds is a brilliant one and something I have done on many occasions. For medicinal purposes I found a glass or two of wine or a small brandy had the desired effect of relieving stress and anxiety - this was only taken in the evening and never during the day.

As I write my tinnitus is quite intrusive and yesterday it was so quiet I could hear a pin drop! However, I'm not in the least distressed by it nor am I wearing my white noise generators. I have variable tinnitus that can be: silent, mild, moderate and severe. It no longer reaches extreme severe levels that would last for days. It would have to become more intrusive and be sustainable for time before I resort to taking clonazepam. I haven't used it in quite a while but it's there just in case.

Tinnitus comes in many forms and intensities and no two people experience it the same. It does take time to get used to and habituate but with time a lot can be achieved.
Michael

 

[Ed209]

Watch this @Jaybeee:

http://upliftconnect.com/how-to-grow-happiness-in-the-brain/

There are many other studies and links but I don't want to bury you with information. Your subconscious is running the show at the moment and you need to stop it. That is why suggestions of doing an 'activity' that provokes your active consciousness, works. At some point in the video she will explain this, but I know from experience the powerful effect this can have. Part of the reason why I learnt to play guitar was to escape my thoughts, for a different condition, and it worked. It got me through. The same goes for tinnitus; if your conscious attention is rewarded by doing something interesting, then our subconscious (Amygdala) will no longer be driving our emotions. In other words, you take charge and stop your emotional centre from bullying and harassing you.

Once your brain becomes preoccupied with a challenge, or, something that makes you think, you won't perceive your tinnitus. Your attention is like a spotlight, it focusses on what's troubling you and that's why it's hard to concentrate when you have a problem.

If you go swimming for example, you may find that your attention will be forced into the present moment, and for the time you're in the pool it will be much easier to leave your tinnitus at the door. You have to work at it, but it works. You need something exciting to remotivate your active mind and drag you out of your own thoughts.

I've used this example before, but I'll say it again. Around 16 months ago, right in the middle of my 'dark' tinnitus days, I had to host a big charity event that I had put on. The room was packed with over 200 people, and I had A LOT to organise, not to mention the public speaking for an evening. It's something I'd never done, but the challenge of it pulled me out of myself. I distinctly remember completely forgetting about tinnitus. I was so absorbed that it never even crossed my mind or entered my consciousness. It truly highlights how our minds work.

Another example would be this: imagine you're awakened by a fire alarm and you suddenly realise you need to escape a fire. Your active consciousness would be fully activated because you would be living in the moment. You'd be 'awakened' from your thoughts essentially. During a time like this, tinnitus would not enter your mind. It just wouldn't exist. The point I'm making is not to go and escape a burning house, but to highlight that we are what we think,and if our thoughts are controlling us then we need something more compelling to distract us.

Make some changes to your life, and tinnitus will drop so far down your list of concerns, that you'll wonder why it ever bothered you.

 

[Jaybeee]

@Kelvin @Samantha R @Michael Leigh @Ed209 @glynis thanks guys. It means so much that you take time to respond with such good suggestions. I know this has to be a turning point for me. I had gone back to work last week but today they have sent me home and they don't want me back until I'm better (said in the nicest, caring and considerate way). Everyone I know is extremely worried about me, but no more so than myself. I have had dark moments in the past but never like this. Whilst I don't want to be at home, I'm hoping I can use the time wisely and get myself well. I may be too far gone for them to help, but I want to try supplements before I go down the meds route. Hopefully time at home will enable me to concentrate on wholesome cooking that the whole family will benefit from. I know I need to get my eating sorted out as lack of food is most likely exacerbating my mood.

Hi Samantha, I tried Mirtazapine one night and, after a great night's sleep, I awoke with worse T. It happened the same when I tried again a week later. I think this is the reason why I am so scared of meds. I'm in a catch 22.

 

[Ed209]

@Jaybeee, it's hard to go through life without experiencing times of intense torment. We all fight battles; some are private and some are more public, but it's almost inescapable for the majority of us. You are young and I'm assuming this is your first real health scare, so it's understandable what you are going through.

None of us can wave a magic wand or write the perfect paragraph to make you feel better. We know this, but the members here also know how it feels, and we feel your pain on the realist level imaginable. I hope you look beyond the horror stories and see the overwhelming statistical evidence showing that people improve with time.

I'm still fighting my own demons right now (not T related), so I'd be a liar if I said my life is a bed of roses, but I've had these battles before and I know how to get through times like this. I nearly died when a corrective procedure went wrong, which also devastated my life when I was younger. There is always a way out of these situations, but it's never easy. I promise you that the way you feel right now is just a phase of your life, and may end up being nothing more than a glimpse when you look back at your life one day.

Have faith, and enjoy the rollercoaster of life. Those happier moments will taste all the sweeter now that you've felt lows like these.

 

[Michael Leigh]

@Jaybeee
I think that it is right for you to take some time off work for a while and get the help that you need. I personally feel a mild antidepressant will help this process much quicker but it's your choice.
I wish you well.
Michael

 

[Jaybeee]

@Ed209 @Michael Leigh thanks both xx. Michael, are the likes of sertraline etc classed as mild antidepressants?

 

[Michael Leigh]

Michael, are the likes of sertraline etc classed as mild antidepressants?

My mistake @Jaybeee I should of said a "low dose" antidepressant. I was prescribed 50mg of sertraline which helped and noticed no increase in my tinnitus. An Antidepressant acts as a safety net and will often prevent a person getting too down due to the tinnitus.
Michael

 

[billie48]

but I want to try supplements before I go down the meds route.

Sorry about your suffering with T. You have received excellent advice from Glynis, Ed, Michael and others. I will just try to offer some suggestions on the supplements to help calm the nerves and to sleep better. Instead of sleep or anti-anxiety meds from the doctor, you can try natural alternatives such as Melatonin (for sleep), Lemon Balm, Valerian, Hops, Catnips, Passion Flower, Chamomile, Lavender, Kava, etc. You can do google search or check Amazon.com for each of them to see how people review these products, and then decide if you want to take them as a supplement. Also you can check out this site on using some of these natural herbs for helping to sleep or to calm the nerves. Take good care. God bless.

http://www.christopherhobbs.com/lib...ealth/herbs-and-natural-remedies-for-insomnia

 

[Jaybeee]

Why do the mornings feel so bad? I have had 2.5 mg Valium to help this morning but it hasn't even touched the sides. I only ever take them occasionally, twice a week at the moment, but after thinking my anxiety was getting better, I am now struggling again to,sleep because of adrenaline. I look at the worry in my childrens' eyes and it is killing me. I can't see how I am ever going to be of any use to anyone, I am in such pain. My work have now sent me home to get well because I am not really functioning enough to work. I never knew one person could suffer with such anguish and I can't see the way out. Sorry guys.