Feeling Foolish — Resurgence of Symptoms

[JaimeNZ]

Hi there T-team,

I'm feeling very foolish today after a basic mistake at the weekend has lead to a resurgence of symptoms accompanied by anxiety.

I first experienced tinnitus symptoms in my early twenties, most likely caused by exposure to loud noise as I was a big gig-goer and night-clubber. Those early years were hard with lots of set backs. At one point I remember having to leave work because I couldn't hear anybody over the sound of my T. I had very high levels of anxiety but I muddled through.

I used nutritional support, relaxation techniques and TRT to get to a point where my T was manageable. I had a hearing test and was reassured that I didn't seem to have damaged myself. I began wearing musicians ear plugs when I went out which made life much more enjoyable.

In my late twenties I had a baby, then another. The last time I saw my ENT was at least six years ago. I don't go out much any more - the odd gig, occasional pub night. I've worn my ear plugs religiously for 12 years.

We recently moved to the countryside and I was pleasantly surprised that my T was unnoticeable. I'd get the occasional pop or squeak, and I'm sure if I'd looked for it I would have heard it, but my brain had habituated the sound to the point where it basically wasn't there. I could read and sleep in a quiet room, and I much prefer the sound of cicadas or my own breathing to electronic noise.

This weekend, just a few days after my 39th bday, my husband and I went to a loud concert. It was one of our fav bands from our early years together reunited for one last gig, and we got the grandparents to babysit and relived our youth. We forgot our earplugs though and resolved to stand near the back, but after a few drinks we were closer to the front, dancing until our hips hurt - it was fun!

As we left I commented to my husband that I felt the concert had been too loud. He agreed. And sure as eggs when I woke up Sunday morning my ears were screaming.

Almost 72 hours later and the noise has calmed down significantly but it's still there, particularly at night so I've not been sleeping. I also have some hypercausis and ear pain. I don't feel that I've damaged my hearing though.

I feel like such a damn fool. I'm currently in that slightly depressed, slightly panicked state. I'm trying to keep myself busy, hang out in places where there is masking noise. I've ordered some nutritional supplements and in a few days when I know my anxiety should have calmed I will begin habituation therapy.

I habituated successfully before, and I'm sure I can do it again, but what an idiot right? One night of fun in exchange potentially for months of discomfort.

I guess I am just seeking kind words of support, especially from people who have successfully habituated a second or third time after a setback. I'm guessing I've not actually made the problem worse, I've just drawn my brain's attention back to it. Even with ear plugs in I'd have a few days of more noticeable noise before settling down - but that happened quickly because I was confident it would. This time I've given myself the fear.

So come on, remind me - it won't hurt me, it won't kill me, it will get better and one day, perhaps pretty soon, I won't remember feeling like this. That's what happened before after all.

Thanks team

 

[billie48]

So come on, remind me - it won't hurt me, it won't kill me, it will get better and one day, perhaps pretty soon, I won't remember feeling like this. That's what happened before after all.

Welcome to the forum. I like your attitude. That kind of attitude will help you habituate to your T faster, as you are not allowing the brain to get stressed out with anxiety about T by such thinking. Intrusive T feeds on anxiety and stress. When you remove the negative response, T will just run out of fuel to haunt you. Good luck. Take care. God bless.

 

[fishbone]

Hi there T-team,

I'm feeling very foolish today after a basic mistake at the weekend has lead to a resurgence of symptoms accompanied by anxiety.

I first experienced tinnitus symptoms in my early twenties, most likely caused by exposure to loud noise as I was a big gig-goer and night-clubber. Those early years were hard with lots of set backs. At one point I remember having to leave work because I couldn't hear anybody over the sound of my T. I had very high levels of anxiety but I muddled through.

I used nutritional support, relaxation techniques and TRT to get to a point where my T was manageable. I had a hearing test and was reassured that I didn't seem to have damaged myself. I began wearing musicians ear plugs when I went out which made life much more enjoyable.

In my late twenties I had a baby, then another. The last time I saw my ENT was at least six years ago. I don't go out much any more - the odd gig, occasional pub night. I've worn my ear plugs religiously for 12 years.

We recently moved to the countryside and I was pleasantly surprised that my T was unnoticeable. I'd get the occasional pop or squeak, and I'm sure if I'd looked for it I would have heard it, but my brain had habituated the sound to the point where it basically wasn't there. I could read and sleep in a quiet room, and I much prefer the sound of cicadas or my own breathing to electronic noise.

This weekend, just a few days after my 39th bday, my husband and I went to a loud concert. It was one of our fav bands from our early years together reunited for one last gig, and we got the grandparents to babysit and relived our youth. We forgot our earplugs though and resolved to stand near the back, but after a few drinks we were closer to the front, dancing until our hips hurt - it was fun!

As we left I commented to my husband that I felt the concert had been too loud. He agreed. And sure as eggs when I woke up Sunday morning my ears were screaming.

Almost 72 hours later and the noise has calmed down significantly but it's still there, particularly at night so I've not been sleeping. I also have some hypercausis and ear pain. I don't feel that I've damaged my hearing though.

I feel like such a damn fool. I'm currently in that slightly depressed, slightly panicked state. I'm trying to keep myself busy, hang out in places where there is masking noise. I've ordered some nutritional supplements and in a few days when I know my anxiety should have calmed I will begin habituation therapy.

I habituated successfully before, and I'm sure I can do it again, but what an idiot right? One night of fun in exchange potentially for months of discomfort.

I guess I am just seeking kind words of support, especially from people who have successfully habituated a second or third time after a setback. I'm guessing I've not actually made the problem worse, I've just drawn my brain's attention back to it. Even with ear plugs in I'd have a few days of more noticeable noise before settling down - but that happened quickly because I was confident it would. This time I've given myself the fear.

So come on, remind me - it won't hurt me, it won't kill me, it will get better and one day, perhaps pretty soon, I won't remember feeling like this. That's what happened before after all.

Thanks team

Hi there,

welcome to the forum. What is done...is done. We all make bad choices at times and it is a part of being a human being. Having a positive attitude is really helpful when it comes to tinnitus. If you have habituated before, I am sure in time this can happen again. Try not to blame yourself and just carry on forward.

This forum and its members are here to support you at all times

 

[Michael Leigh]

Almost 72 hours later and the noise has calmed down significantly but it's still there

Hi @JaimeNZ

Your experience with tinnitus very much mirrors my own and I want to give you some advice and hope you follow it. The resurgence of your tinnitus is an indication that with noise induced tinnitus, one is never completely out of the woods and they need to be careful. @fishbone is absolutely right, what's done is done and it doesn't make sense to dwell over what has happened. Hopefully your tinnitus will return to its previous manageable level. Please take it as a warning and I advise you not to go to any clubs or venues where loud music is being played even using earplugs for at least 3 months.

Please believe me I know what I'm talking about. If your auditory system is subjected to further overly loud sounds there is good chance your tinnitus will increase and stay at that level. Even wearing earplugs doesn't protect the user one hundred percent. The reason is, sound can be transferred to the inner ear by bone conduction. This is when sound passes through the skull. Therefore, in a loud environment earplugs doesn't necessarily offer full protection especially if the sound is sustained for quite a while.

My tinnitus was very low just like yours. In 2008 I was listening to some music on my HI-FI one evening. Turned up the volume and everything was fine. The next morning my tinnitus was quite intrusive and got worse over the following days and weeks. I returned to ENT and started TRT for the 2nd time. It took 4 years for me to habituate. My tinnitus is manageable but not like it was before. It now fluctuates from: complete silence, mild, moderate and severe. Fortunately, it no longer reaches extreme severe levels that would last for many days. I use clonazepam occasionally for management. My hyperacusis did not return as yours has.

Please be careful. I am not saying not to go out and have a nice time. Just keep away from clubs and loud concerts or anywhere there is going to be overly loud sounds, that you would normally use earplugs. Give your ears and auditory system the rest that they need. Please do not start using earplugs unnecessarily as this can lower the loudness threshold of your auditory system and make it more sensitive to sound. You might find my post: Hyperacusis, As I see it helpful. Please click on the link below. I also advise you not to use headphones even at low volume. Try using sound enrichment at night and during the day, as this can help the healing process.

I wish you well
Michael
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/

 

[JaimeNZ]

Thanks for the replies. I'm trying hard to be casual but it is getting to me. My husband, who has also suffered from and habituated to T in the past, and was also not wearing ear plugs, says he didn't feel the concert was that loud and he isn't having any problems. He thinks my stress is the issue, not T.

I'm struggling to deal with my kids who are on school holidays, and work, and just live. I feel tired all the time and quite depressed. I know there are stages and phases and I'm trying to let them wash over me. I know if I can hold it together things will improve.

Seeing doc tomorrow to check no ETD in left ear which aches badly. Audiologist on Jan 31. I've also preliminarily booked a session with Glenn Schweitzer - anyone got any experience?

 

[JaimeNZ]

I guess one of the key things to say is that the sounds don't bother me as much as the fact that they are there through my own good fault. I appreciate the sentiment 'what's done is done' - and of course there were 8000 people at that gig and the vast majority were not wearing ear protection and the vast majority will have walked away with no ongoing issues. But to have come so far and receive such a big set back at a stage in my life where I thought my struggle was over - well they say pride comes before a fall. It makes me feel very sad indeed.

But of course I need to stop maudlin and get in and live, right? What else is there to do?

 

[billie48]

But of course I need to stop maudlin and get in and live, right? What else is there to do?

I have empathy for your suffering. But facing this dilemma of 'to live or not to live', many members including myself have had to go through the same challenge. The quicker and firmer we decide to live, and in my case to live abundantly to bury T, the easier journey it can be. This is not just a mental thing. It actually has psychosomatic implications.

I know it is easier said than done trying to stay calm and positive and relax while T or its spike is new. But try as humanly possible as we can even when there are setbacks. Why? Because by staying positive and calm or hopeful, we can prevent the Limbic nervous system and the Amygdala from taking over in processing the T stimulus. They can cause you to function in fight or flight mode which will make every T sensation and reaction worse. Instead if we stay calm & positive and live our live normally, the normal parasympathetic nervous system will reign, and the pre-frontal cortex will take over from the Amygdala in processing the T stimulus. The cortex has the role of suppressing fear and keeping our reaction towards things more normalized than if we are in 'fight or flight' mode under the limbic system. So this gives the brain a chance to habituate to T faster and easier as the pre-frontal cortex will not treat T as a threat, and by so doing the brain doesn't have to magnify the T sensation and zoom on it all day. As time goes on, after living normally for a while without all the negative emotions, the brain will finally get the idea that T is not a threat if an irritation at times. With that, T will be trivialized as a unimportant noise like other common everyday noises around us and then it can be faded out from consciousness by the brain just like other noises

Therefore, being positive and hopeful is not just a wishful thing. It actually can affect the way the body and the brain will function, the Parasympathetic system and Pre-frontal Cortex vs the Limbic system and Amygdata (the fight or flight center). So it makes sense to choose to stay more positive and hopeful and live our life as normally as we can, as this is a psychosomatic battle we are having with the T bully. Let's choose wisely our mental weapon against T and play smart with this bully. Take care. God bless.

 

[JaimeNZ]

Thanks Billie T, good scientific advice. I've not had a bad day today. But emosh at times which upsets the kids but also had moments where I've either not noticed the T or realised I wouldn't have noticed it if I hadn't been thinking about it. Managed to beat my six year old at monopoly in spite of it all so it can't be too bad

 

[Michael Leigh]

But of course I need to stop maudlin and get in and live, right? What else is there to do?

Tinnitus affects everyone differently. Although your husband was not affected it doesn't mean that you weren't. It is true stress and tinnitus are linked. You are experienced with tinnitus and know yourself and the condition well. Therefore, I think you are correct and it was the loud sounds in that club that caused the spike in the tinnitus. Try and put it behind you and think about the suggestions I've giving you.
All the best
Michael

 

[JaimeNZ]

Thanks Michael

 

[JaimeNZ]

Ten days later and things are much better, although my response to the spike is still very emotive and I would definitely say I'm a bit depressed. My husband keeps reminding me that obsessing over it will just make it worse but of course it's hard not to.

I feel that because I got to the point before where I couldn't hear it, that I must be able to get there again. I feel I have high brain plasticity - I'm the type of person that picks up an accent quickly and that sort of thing. It's just needing to relax and that is hard.

All I want is for someone to tell me that time is a great healer, that in a few months this will all seem insignificant (as it did before). I cannot stop beating myself up over my own stupidity. After 12 years of being careful, blah blah ...

So, tips to relax? I find the cicadas in our garden helpful although I get eaten alive by mosquitos. Last night I placed a garden chair in the kitchen where the dishwasher was on. Any other tips?

Also, any reminders that habituation takes a few months and I shouldn't be expecting overnight results? A good, positive story from someone might be the boost I need at this point.

My sound sensitivity has also reduced significantly, although I still have ETD.

I've also signed up to the university who are doing research on T habituation methods. First appointment in Feb. I will post my progress on the research section when it all starts.

I know this is conquerable. I know it, deep down, because I've been there before! I was a success story! So I know it can be done, it's just hard to find myself in this set back. And I am anxious by nature.

Thanks

 

[Bobby B]

I play cicadas from the myNoise "summer night" app - connected to a good amp and a high end fostex horn tweeter that can push 100db at 30khz max - so better than a actual cicadas and no mosquito bites

I only hear up to 12khz though - I check the volume with a Db meter and set it at about 60db since these high frequncies sound very faint to me

I play this all night to give my high frequencies hair cell enough regular stimulation - studies have shown that damaged hair cells recover better with controlled stimulation compared to complete silence

 

[JaimeNZ]

That's interesting Bobby. I don't seem to have any significant high end hearing loss for my age. I can still hear to just over 15khz which is apparently good for my age (nearly 40). I've also taken those speech comprehension tests (listening to people over the Hoover, in the cafe etc) and I always get full marks, so I feel confident my hearing is fine. However, there is no shortage of high frequency noise stimulation in this house as I have kids! The cicadas here are prob about 45db. Possibly more. We haven't mowed the lawn for a month and they're getting jiggy so it's a bit of a racket but I like it