I was at a rave before Christmas, which I already thought could be a bad idea because of corona, but I was in the area and there were almost no COVID-19 cases either in the area, so I went, also a bit because some friends of mine were going.
I had lost my filter earplugs already earlier in the fall, and I was late to order new ones because I could not decide which to buy, and then it was to late to get them, and I never thought about going to physical music store. But I bought some normal ones at a shop before the rave, two pairs. And then I went to the rave. The music was super loud, some of the loudest I have experienced. A friend of mine asked if I had some spare ones, which I gave him. This should have also made me put mine in, but I did not, because I wanted to hear the music. But then at some point I felt it was to loud and I got the other pair from my jacket. But I was tripping out on LSD and it was a new environment for me where I did not feel super confident, so I got self-conscious about what other people were thinking about me putting using earplugs. The music was super loud, but I never got myself to put them in, even though I was thinking this music is damaging my ears, and I also knew about tinnitus and that I wanted to avoid that. Tripping there on the rave, I also was thinking I am damaging my ears, and I even did not enjoy the rave to much. I was looking around if others used earplugs, which I could not see people doing. In the end I was just hoping the music stopped because I felt it was damaging my ears. And I was thinking that all our ears were going to get fckd.
The music stopped, my friend asked if I wanted back the earplugs he had borrowed, and I felt stupid for never putting in mine. Next day I could feel the music had been to loud, but no I did not have any significant tinnitus or anything else. But I felt so stupid for risking my ears. I was thinking then that I should never let that happen again, and hoping there was no damage done. I was then hanging out with some people I did not know too well, and this one guy a few days later wanted to also show me his speaker setup where he blasted it really hard for a minute. On my way home also listened to some podcast on the bus with only one in-ear headset on the left ear because the right headset had lost some piece to it. And then I flew home on an airplane. A few days later I started noticing the tinnitus in my left ear, I was a bit worried about it, but still only some days after the rave, so I was thinking it still could go away. But it did not.
Almost two weeks after the rave I went to a cabin trip, the day before I had smoked some weed and drunk alcohol and I felt really bad about the tinnitus. And I was thinking maybe not the best thing to go to the cabin trip because of the tinnitus. But I went. At the cabin trip we took LSD, and I started freaking out because of the tinnitus, and that I was so stupid not protecting my ears at the rave. Ended up in a panic state over it, and in could not control myself. Ruining it for the others on the cabin trip. I landed from it, but then I smoked some weed again, and ended up in a new panic. Could not sleep or find peace, only walking back and fourth, and smoking many many cigarettes. I was in a panic for a few days, where I also went to work away in a new job I started in. I eventually landed from the panic, but still felt so so stupid for getting myself tinnitus. I even was thinking I did it to myself on purpose almost for not protecting my ears. And I was also unsure about also going to the rave because of the COVID-19, and it did not make me feel better.
So now I have a tinnitus in my left ear. There is this one really high pitch tone, and also some morse code like other tinnitus going on. Sometimes the tinnitus is barely able to hear even though I plug my ears in a quite room, but I have heard it every day still. And mostly I can hear it if I plug my ears. I am also listening for it all the time, which is stupid. I really wish I was never so stupid as I was, and I could have done so much for not getting the tinnitus. I also feel stupid about panicking over it on the cabin trip. And yeah, it really really sucks. I am around 2 months in now, and I am afraid I have it permanent now. I am also afraid it will get worse my raves and concerts in the future. There will be no raves for some time, but I have definitely learned a lesson, and will never not use earplugs if I feel the noise is too loud.
In start of March I have an appointment at the ENT, and hopefully my hearing is not (too) damaged.
I am afraid I got it permanent, and I am freaking out from smoking weed now, and I am for the first time in life afraid of taking psychedelics. I am also afraid the tinnitus will affect my mood in the future, and that I will be less fun being around, and that it will fck it up a bit with friendships.
I also so hope the tinnitus will disappear and that my hearing is not damaged, but I fear it has come to be, and that my hearing is a bit damaged now.
And sorry about going to a rave in the pandemic, it was stupid to do, not something I planned, but since I was in the area I still went, so it was stupid.
I read all the success stories on the internet hoping for the best. My tinnitus is also not really loud, but it is making me quite sad, and I feel so stupid and blaming myself for not protecting my ears. I wish so hard I had prevented it.
I had lost my filter earplugs already earlier in the fall, and I was late to order new ones because I could not decide which to buy, and then it was to late to get them, and I never thought about going to physical music store. But I bought some normal ones at a shop before the rave, two pairs. And then I went to the rave. The music was super loud, some of the loudest I have experienced. A friend of mine asked if I had some spare ones, which I gave him. This should have also made me put mine in, but I did not, because I wanted to hear the music. But then at some point I felt it was to loud and I got the other pair from my jacket. But I was tripping out on LSD and it was a new environment for me where I did not feel super confident, so I got self-conscious about what other people were thinking about me putting using earplugs. The music was super loud, but I never got myself to put them in, even though I was thinking this music is damaging my ears, and I also knew about tinnitus and that I wanted to avoid that. Tripping there on the rave, I also was thinking I am damaging my ears, and I even did not enjoy the rave to much. I was looking around if others used earplugs, which I could not see people doing. In the end I was just hoping the music stopped because I felt it was damaging my ears. And I was thinking that all our ears were going to get fckd.
The music stopped, my friend asked if I wanted back the earplugs he had borrowed, and I felt stupid for never putting in mine. Next day I could feel the music had been to loud, but no I did not have any significant tinnitus or anything else. But I felt so stupid for risking my ears. I was thinking then that I should never let that happen again, and hoping there was no damage done. I was then hanging out with some people I did not know too well, and this one guy a few days later wanted to also show me his speaker setup where he blasted it really hard for a minute. On my way home also listened to some podcast on the bus with only one in-ear headset on the left ear because the right headset had lost some piece to it. And then I flew home on an airplane. A few days later I started noticing the tinnitus in my left ear, I was a bit worried about it, but still only some days after the rave, so I was thinking it still could go away. But it did not.
Almost two weeks after the rave I went to a cabin trip, the day before I had smoked some weed and drunk alcohol and I felt really bad about the tinnitus. And I was thinking maybe not the best thing to go to the cabin trip because of the tinnitus. But I went. At the cabin trip we took LSD, and I started freaking out because of the tinnitus, and that I was so stupid not protecting my ears at the rave. Ended up in a panic state over it, and in could not control myself. Ruining it for the others on the cabin trip. I landed from it, but then I smoked some weed again, and ended up in a new panic. Could not sleep or find peace, only walking back and fourth, and smoking many many cigarettes. I was in a panic for a few days, where I also went to work away in a new job I started in. I eventually landed from the panic, but still felt so so stupid for getting myself tinnitus. I even was thinking I did it to myself on purpose almost for not protecting my ears. And I was also unsure about also going to the rave because of the COVID-19, and it did not make me feel better.
So now I have a tinnitus in my left ear. There is this one really high pitch tone, and also some morse code like other tinnitus going on. Sometimes the tinnitus is barely able to hear even though I plug my ears in a quite room, but I have heard it every day still. And mostly I can hear it if I plug my ears. I am also listening for it all the time, which is stupid. I really wish I was never so stupid as I was, and I could have done so much for not getting the tinnitus. I also feel stupid about panicking over it on the cabin trip. And yeah, it really really sucks. I am around 2 months in now, and I am afraid I have it permanent now. I am also afraid it will get worse my raves and concerts in the future. There will be no raves for some time, but I have definitely learned a lesson, and will never not use earplugs if I feel the noise is too loud.
In start of March I have an appointment at the ENT, and hopefully my hearing is not (too) damaged.
I am afraid I got it permanent, and I am freaking out from smoking weed now, and I am for the first time in life afraid of taking psychedelics. I am also afraid the tinnitus will affect my mood in the future, and that I will be less fun being around, and that it will fck it up a bit with friendships.
I also so hope the tinnitus will disappear and that my hearing is not damaged, but I fear it has come to be, and that my hearing is a bit damaged now.
And sorry about going to a rave in the pandemic, it was stupid to do, not something I planned, but since I was in the area I still went, so it was stupid.
I read all the success stories on the internet hoping for the best. My tinnitus is also not really loud, but it is making me quite sad, and I feel so stupid and blaming myself for not protecting my ears. I wish so hard I had prevented it.