@gameover, when we have bad days, we all go thru the same lamentation again and again... unable to forgive ourselves for what happened, and then start spiraling in depression again. Keep reminding yourself that even all the success stories say that in the first year, there is little improvement if any.
One of the things that I've found effective in keep myself going is to keep myself busy, not only with career work, but also busy with my hobbies. Example: I recently bought a townhome for my college kids and have been doing some hands on remodeling work in the evenings. I found it incredibly therapeutic and accomplished.
I believe that (for you) taking off work for such and extended amount of time is actually backfiring. I recently spoke to a veteran forum member in California. He has high-pitched tinnitus that takes over 100 db of masking noise to mask it; one of the advice he gave me is to keep working and to stay busy. I encourage you to go back to work soon and to also keep yourself busy with he things that you love (with your hobby cars etc.). Don't let this stop you; don't let tinnitus win.
I strongly believe that you have TTTS. If so, this should settle down in the next year, and your tinnitus should be less intrusive or bothersome. Protect your ears from excessively loud noises, but continue to do the things you love (I was told is very important for recovery).
Odds are highly favorable that you will improve significantly. It just takes time, so let's stick around and find out.
Thank you,
@Buddy123. Yes, I try to keep reminding myself about that. Honestly, if it wasn't for these success stories I don't think I would have any strength to continue. I just know I need to a change for better to make this sustainable. Status quo won't do. Either my tinnitus/hyperacusis need to get reduced, or something in my brain needs to adapt.
I admire your progress. Doing remodeling? Kinda brave of you. See, this was this kind of stuff I loved to do. I don't dare to pick up a power tool anymore.
I get too tired too easily to return to work, I feel. I was really thinking and planning my return a couple of weeks ago when I was feeling better, but now it does not seem feasible, really does not. As for hobbies. I wish. I kinda try. I keep driving my convertible I bought last year - with earplugs - though I wonder if that's to my detriment, since the car is not quiet (I keep the top up, unless sometimes going at low speeds). It still gives me some pleasure, the car has amazing handling, balance and power. But that's about it, can't muster much. I have another sports car, a really loud one, that I do not drive anymore and that I want to sell, but it requires some preparation for sale and I am not finding energy to do so.
I know at some point I need to try to return to work and see what happens. As I did mention before, while we are not poor by any means, I am nowhere near in a position to retire. My dream is really to retreat to a quiet house in woods, try to get well, and stop worrying about stuff. It is not impossible perhaps, but will require serious downsizing and getting rid of stuff, move really far away, etc. I am totally willing to get rid of stuff, but again do not have energy to do so, and if we move to some sticks, I need to consider the needs of my family, too. So not easy at all.
I am really not sure about TTTS. Thumping in the right ear has happened to me maybe three times since the injury, never in the left ear. I vaguely recall I could have had this sensation in the past before the injury (rarely). It seems related to blood flood rather than sounds.
That does sounds like Tensor Tympani Myoclonus Syndrome (TTTS), which is a type of Middle Ear Myoclonus (MEM). It can react to sounds, to movement, touching face, and spontaneously. I experience it to each of those occasionally. I first experienced it once about 18 months ago (in response to someone's voice) shortly after my tinnitus intensity increased significantly in February 2022, and the TTTS flutters/thumps returned this June and became recurring. Anxiety can contribute to it as well. There are some other threads on Tinnitus Talk about it, which you may have seen. I first experienced significant hyperacusis earlier this month, so that was something else that was a recent development, so there could be a connection there.
Improvement doesn't appear to be steady progress, so there can be set backs along the way. Hang in there.
Thank you
@RunningMan. I think you meant "Tonic Tensor Tympani Syndrome"? Yeah, as mentioned above, the thumping sensation is not new to me but has been (still is) very rare.
Whatever amount of sound exposure you have allowed in these past few weeks, it sounds like you may have done more damage.
Two bits of advice:
1) Protect ears MORE, double protect if you have to.
2) Stay away from noise, perhaps even take this to the next degree and avoid even moderate noise.
Noise is your enemy because you have noise-induced tinnitus. Don't give this enemy the energy it needs to defeat you mentally.
It's beating you just now.
I wonder if you're right. But I have been careful. The biggest exposure was to vacation trip in the first half of July. The loudest setting was the plane, where I double protected.
But I also know for a fact that if I protect too much, I get an instant hyperacusis spike. I can just tell. I could tell on the plane, or even in the car, if I put in foam earplugs, everything gets instantly louder in a short while, very apparent once I remove the protection. You could say that at least protects the cochlear, and the brain can readjust, but it is very uncomfortable and anxiety inducing feeling.
There was one difference I made during my "better weeks". I ditched the sound enrichment, something I was doing earlier which perhaps led to my improvement. So I've been trying to go back it now. It clearly cannot hurt (very low volume), but maybe that's the key variable?
It is all confusing, because indeed effects are often delayed. Heck, the tinnitus took 4 or 5 days to appear, and kept developing for almost 2 months! I know for a fact, that my hearing damage was progressing slowly over time, because of worse hearing loss in my right ear at 3.5 vs. 5 weeks after the trauma!
Again, thank you to all of you for reading this and caring.
@gameover, it sounds like you are having the "learning by doing" sessions I forewarned about and you are most likely having delayed repercussions from past noise exposure during your recent "better" times. My tinnitus, hyperacusis consequences are always time delayed from the spiking event and yours maybe as well.
Grind through it and you should slowly get better again.
I remember your warnings. I wondered if you exaggerate much, or maybe I thought your situation is much worse than mine.
I really avoided loud noise, and protected nearby it (plane). I had to start the lawn mower once (double protection). Two weeks ago went to ENT and had audiogram done (quiet but with earbuds which I did not like). I also drove my convertible car that can be loud, but again always with earplugs and top up at high speeds. I went a few times to a restaurant (peak 70 dB) - in earplugs. But I do not know, maybe some of that was too much indeed.
Anyway I took it easy, I suppose I could do a better job, especially avoid the car. I admit the car was the last bit of my good life I tried still to enjoy. Maybe it is the cause of my downfall (car again...).
If so, I am hosed. I will try to wait it out longer and see if I improve, but the way it stands, it is not really livable. I am really inclined to end it. I am much less emotional about all this now, and more calculated.
I'd say it has nothing to do with emotions/stress. I am much less stressed now, have much less anxiety. Much less. I don't pace around the room. I don't cry as much. Here and there for a moment, when I think about my kids and wife and what will become of them if I go. That's about it.
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