Its so hard to step back and watch myself create this account. To scan the internet on my phone and laptop constantly looking for relief, cures, stories, some piece of mind even if its because I'm being busy. I don't mean any offense to anyone because obviously I'm here, scared, and so are the rest of you. Ill try my best to give an intro to the current hell I'm living.
I don't know what happened. I woke up one morning after drinking really heavily at a bar (no loud music or performances to blame), and it was a complete episode. I had drank kind of heavy a few days in a row...and i drink a lot anyhow...but this morning sticks out as the biggest turning point in my life ever. Ive been puking all day before swearing that id never drink again just like anyone does on a crazy hangover...but not ever felt like i did this particular morning. I had so much anxiety/panic...I felt so uncomfortable and the "new" and worst item was the ringing in my ears. It was so profound and at this point i didn't even know what was happening. I didn't even know the word tinnitus or what it was. I went so insane that I had my girlfriend take me to her grandmothers to check my blood pressure...which was obviously high from panic/hangover/etc...and then that just sent me into a week long obsession with a blood pressure machine i borrowed from someone. All i wanted to do was go to a doctor but i had no insurance. I spent the morning in absolute terror and even set up health insurance over it. I couldn't sleep for 3 days. My mind, body, and nerves were so shot over this ringing in my ears. Its the only thing that wouldn't go away, and still hasn't.
Now that I'm further down the line, a little more knowledgable about it all, Im here. I saw an ENT who really gave me no hope or closure. I read something someone else said on a website about the doctors never really being alarmed for you...and thats exactly the experience i had. He told me tons of people have it but Im a case where its "effecting my quality of life." Thats an understatement. He ended up doing a hearing test and said i had some minor damage blah blah but nothing concrete. I explained that I've always played instruments loud and listened to loud music, but it just felt like I was giving him a diagnosis to give TO me. My mind still takes the wheel on the cause, sending me into a vicious cycle. Is it a tumor, is it menieres disease, is it just this malfunction with my ear that i have to "deal with" for life. Ive never been in such low places mentally over this.
After a certain amount of time passed i sort of numbed myself out about it. Still with no answers, still with it being new and driving me crazy...I had to sleep. I couldn't even dedicate the energy or thought process to it or i was going to crack. But that only lasted so long. Now its this cancer i have. It never goes away. I don't appreciate anything. My motivation other than just going to work so i can be busy and make ends meat, is gone. I dont feel like myself and every time i think about this being a part of my life my chest sinks in and i don't want to be here. Ill get so angry and almost start hitting myself in the head, and then break, hit the other end of the spectrum and be so hopeless.
I feel like I'm out of options. I've read every possible thing there is to read. I could almost be an ENT or an entire walking website. No matter how many stories i read, and get that brief relief of "I'm not alone"...i just can't do it. How is there no cure for this? If we know whats happening...how is there not a surgery? Why is it "TRY SOME B VITAMINS OR SOME BULLSH*T AND JUST ROLL WITH IT. FOR LIFE" I need clinical results. I will admit to having good and bad days...and i understand that when I'm consumed or stay busy its not the highlight of my thoughts...but the second I'm not busy or think about going to bed its absolute hell. its like I'm just waiting for it. I can't even describe in words what it feels like to stomach having this for life. I would give anything just to hear quiet. The only thing there is for normal stress, or anything thats bothering you is just to relax...and that doesn't exist for me anymore. I'm on one extreme to the other. I am very dependent on being physical, and I'm even watching people in wheel chairs thinking to myself i would give up my legs to be able to close my eyes and not hear this sound.
I know about ginkgo, lipoflavenoids, try and cut back stress (LOL), white noise, whatever the hell masking is, "stay busy", what had these results what had those results, try and not focus on it (NO SH*T)...it all seems so petty. If you can tie your shoes these natural "tips" already came to you when first dealing with it. I would really like some PROVEN clinical information. The best of the best breakthroughs. And obviously anyone that has anything helpful to say, PLEASE.
I don't know what happened. I woke up one morning after drinking really heavily at a bar (no loud music or performances to blame), and it was a complete episode. I had drank kind of heavy a few days in a row...and i drink a lot anyhow...but this morning sticks out as the biggest turning point in my life ever. Ive been puking all day before swearing that id never drink again just like anyone does on a crazy hangover...but not ever felt like i did this particular morning. I had so much anxiety/panic...I felt so uncomfortable and the "new" and worst item was the ringing in my ears. It was so profound and at this point i didn't even know what was happening. I didn't even know the word tinnitus or what it was. I went so insane that I had my girlfriend take me to her grandmothers to check my blood pressure...which was obviously high from panic/hangover/etc...and then that just sent me into a week long obsession with a blood pressure machine i borrowed from someone. All i wanted to do was go to a doctor but i had no insurance. I spent the morning in absolute terror and even set up health insurance over it. I couldn't sleep for 3 days. My mind, body, and nerves were so shot over this ringing in my ears. Its the only thing that wouldn't go away, and still hasn't.
Now that I'm further down the line, a little more knowledgable about it all, Im here. I saw an ENT who really gave me no hope or closure. I read something someone else said on a website about the doctors never really being alarmed for you...and thats exactly the experience i had. He told me tons of people have it but Im a case where its "effecting my quality of life." Thats an understatement. He ended up doing a hearing test and said i had some minor damage blah blah but nothing concrete. I explained that I've always played instruments loud and listened to loud music, but it just felt like I was giving him a diagnosis to give TO me. My mind still takes the wheel on the cause, sending me into a vicious cycle. Is it a tumor, is it menieres disease, is it just this malfunction with my ear that i have to "deal with" for life. Ive never been in such low places mentally over this.
After a certain amount of time passed i sort of numbed myself out about it. Still with no answers, still with it being new and driving me crazy...I had to sleep. I couldn't even dedicate the energy or thought process to it or i was going to crack. But that only lasted so long. Now its this cancer i have. It never goes away. I don't appreciate anything. My motivation other than just going to work so i can be busy and make ends meat, is gone. I dont feel like myself and every time i think about this being a part of my life my chest sinks in and i don't want to be here. Ill get so angry and almost start hitting myself in the head, and then break, hit the other end of the spectrum and be so hopeless.
I feel like I'm out of options. I've read every possible thing there is to read. I could almost be an ENT or an entire walking website. No matter how many stories i read, and get that brief relief of "I'm not alone"...i just can't do it. How is there no cure for this? If we know whats happening...how is there not a surgery? Why is it "TRY SOME B VITAMINS OR SOME BULLSH*T AND JUST ROLL WITH IT. FOR LIFE" I need clinical results. I will admit to having good and bad days...and i understand that when I'm consumed or stay busy its not the highlight of my thoughts...but the second I'm not busy or think about going to bed its absolute hell. its like I'm just waiting for it. I can't even describe in words what it feels like to stomach having this for life. I would give anything just to hear quiet. The only thing there is for normal stress, or anything thats bothering you is just to relax...and that doesn't exist for me anymore. I'm on one extreme to the other. I am very dependent on being physical, and I'm even watching people in wheel chairs thinking to myself i would give up my legs to be able to close my eyes and not hear this sound.
I know about ginkgo, lipoflavenoids, try and cut back stress (LOL), white noise, whatever the hell masking is, "stay busy", what had these results what had those results, try and not focus on it (NO SH*T)...it all seems so petty. If you can tie your shoes these natural "tips" already came to you when first dealing with it. I would really like some PROVEN clinical information. The best of the best breakthroughs. And obviously anyone that has anything helpful to say, PLEASE.