How Can You Live with Tinnitus When You Are Alone?

[Aschenherz]

How can you live with tinnitus when you are alone all the time? Pls help me with this. It's very hard, not to fall in despair.

Is it even possible? Or do you need a good support system?

 

[fishbone]

How can you live with tinnitus when you are alone all the time? Pls help me with this. It's very hard, not to fall in despair.

Is it even possible? Or do you need a good support system?

I live alone and its very easy to live with tinnitus. Being alone is actually an advantage at times, because you control your environment and the amount of sound that exists. I love to be around people as well, but being alone with tinnitus is not that bad at all....

 

[NimQ]

Being alone with no support from others is extremely hard, because of the whole basic need of being accepted and loved. Furthermore, feeling lonely and isolated can be a horrible feeling in itself and then when dealing with serious problems at the same time... Well, it can become very scary as well. The important question here is: do you have anyone to talk to: any family members or friends? Even if it's hard to talk about the things you are currently going through, it would prolly do you good to get it out and share with someone.

If you are feeling there is no one to reach onto, then maybe some sort of IRL support group would be good for you. There are all sorts of groups for those going through depression or other crisis in life, so perhaps you could find one that suits you? There might be even some sort of meeting place for other people, who feel lonely and want to find ways to socialize. What do you think about this suggestion?

If you are unsure where to start, that's where I once more urge to perhaps get a good therapist contact. It already helps tons to get support and help from a professional and from there you can get guidance for these things as well. It's like starting a new life, in a way - if you don't have support system now, it doesn't mean it can't be built.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Living alone, and enjoying "life without compromises," makes living with T easier.

 

[glynis]

How can you live with tinnitus when you are alone all the time? Pls help me with this. It's very hard, not to fall in despair.

Is it even possible? Or do you need a good support system?

We are here for you around the clock so don't ever feel alone.
I know what you mean though trying to not focus on your tinnitus .
Try go for a few short walks each day if you can and have a talk with people or in a cafe.
Keep posting anytime and we can try help you.
Love glynis

 

[Alue]

I live alone too. It's work and trying to socialize that are a pain in the ass. On my time off I can distract myself with things, but when I get to thinking about the lack of meaning in my life and the futility of my suffering I get depressed. I have anhedonia too, so I don't derive the same enjoyment out of things that I used to.

Living alone, and enjoying "life without compromises," makes living with T easier.

What exactly do you mean by "life without compromises"? Is that what you think being alone is? It seems rather myopic if you think living alone equates living without compromises.

 

[Aschenherz]

sorry for all the trouble on this board here. I know, that u need the right mindset to conquer this condition. And a lot of strength. well, its so fucking hard after the spike to think of anything other than the T.

I'm very early in this "new Life" but the suicidal thoughts each day are becoming more and more serious. Also, the Clinic in were i was said things like "u can only conquer it alone" and then my GF got me out of there, cuz she said " i've never saw u so down and full of pain."

My Body simply don't wanna anything do then lying in bed and my body don't feel the need for food anymore. The Depression is far beyond that, what i can handle and getting up is such a pain, never felt like this. I certainly hope that the spike will settle anytime soon because i'm not a very hard or brave person like fishbone or alue and not so positive thinking like glynis. these member here are truly some hardened person!

also a very sad story from my side, unfortunately.

My GF live not by me, but the weekend was okay. She was here and we hat a little chat about this condition.
All i want is that this horrible thinking stops. Silence was something, that i truly needed for the depression, it was my holy grail and get me some relief. Now the masking doesn't work anymore and i'm beyond the "feeling good" line.

Also, like i said, the Loneliness, that i once loved, to be alone and regenerating, is now my worst enemy.

hope, this post is readable

 

[Bill Bauer]

What exactly do you mean by "life without compromises"? Is that what you think being alone is?

Living with another person implies that you will be doing some kind of a mix of what you would have chosen if you were free to choose and what the other person would have chosen if she were free to choose. Seems to me like a good way to define "compromise."

Solitude = no need for compromises. Of course there are many more benefits to it. I don't understand why the word "alone" has a negative connotation for some people. To me, it is like assigning a negative connotation to the word "healthy."

I realize that this probably boils down to the difference between introverts and extroverts. Most people are extroverts, so their preferences are considered to be default and normal. Since an introvert doesn't need to do anything to be happy (as long as he or she stays alone), and an extrovert has to work to become happy (work on relationships, friendships, etc.), I would say that introverts are healthier. (Here is an analogy to clarify what I was trying to say above: An addict needs to do something to get a fix, whereas someone who is not addicted doesn't need to do anything to stay happy.)

It seems rather myopic if you think living alone equates living without compromises.

What is it that I am not seeing?

I would say that it is myopic to not view a potential romantic partner the way one would view a tick that could infect one with Lyme disease. In both cases, if you let it get close, you could live to regret it. A lot.

Besides, would you have sex with someone who was born a man, but changed genders? I wouldn't, even if this person were to be indistinguishable from a woman. But what is the difference between a woman and such a person? The difference is the timing when they got exposed to female hormones - a woman got her hormones in the womb. I say - who cares about the timing of those hormones - there is no difference between the two, and if you wouldn't do one, don't do the other.

 

[linearb]

@Aschenherz I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to this; every is different as has different needs. I am someone who has always benefitted strongly from lots of meatspace support, compassion and physical touch when in times of distress -- but other people are not necessarily the same. I think that the question of whether or not you want to or should be "alone" has little to do with tinnitus (other than, perhaps, maybe don't marry a death metal singer who'll expect you to be at their shows).

Living with another person implies that you will be doing some kind of a mix of what you would have chosen if you were free to choose and what the other person would have chosen if she were free to choose. Seems to me like a good way to define "compromise."

Respectfully, my experience has been completely different, so I strongly disagree. Yes, there are inherent compromises in any interaction with other people -- but, after ~12 years of cohabitation, "what [we] would have chosen were we free to choose" - was, and remains, to live with each other. That's the desire, that's the choice, and so the compromise of not necessarily being able to stay up until 3am playing Horizon on a 120" screen every single night, or not getting to eat in exactly the restaurant I would have chosen every single time just pales in comparison. Likewise, the desire to sire offspring to share my experience of life with is something I've been consciously aware of since I was about 15, and if that's a life goal it gets a lot more complicated and financially harder to go it alone.

I would say that it is myopic to not view a potential romantic partner the way one would view a tick that could infect one with Lyme disease. In both cases, if you let it get close, you could live to regret it. A lot.

I think this is kind of a silly statement: false equivalence, hyperbole, etc. It's all well and good if you want to view romantic interactions that way, but it sounds pretty tone deaf to anyone who has found happiness in any kind of relationship.

Besides, would you have sex with someone who was born a man, but changed genders?

This gets into really personal territory that doesn't even really connect to the rest of your narrative, but, speaking completely personally: I'd say I'm overall probably more concerned by not having sex than anything else, so if you stranded me on a desert island with just about any adult capable of consent and intellectual conversation, eventually I'd probably end up wanting to have sex with 'em. That's just my own pragmatism, though... I'm a mindful and gleeful slave to my baser instincts, and have little interest in changing that, as my baser instincts have been one of the more consistent sources of dopamine and serotonin for more than 2 decades now. Asceticism may be fine for some, but it's not the path I've chosen...

 

[Bill Bauer]

after ~12 years of cohabitation, "what [we] would have chosen were we free to choose" - was, and remains, to live with each other.

Good point. I am glad that you are not regretting your choice of getting married.

Well, in my case, for the past 25 years or so, after every instance of socializing, I would ask myself - was there anything positive/useful/interesting/funny about the experience? The answer has always been "no."

gleeful slave to my baser instincts

So am I, but if the only way to have access to milk is to have a cow living at my place, I would rather forgo milk. Now that I am in my 40s, "jacking off using a woman's body" started to seem bizarre and unnecessarily complicated. I prefer keeping things simple!

 

[Alue]

Living with another person implies that you will be doing some kind of a mix of what you would have chosen if you were free to choose and what the other person would have chosen if she were free to choose. Seems to me like a good way to define "compromise."

Solitude = no need for compromises. Of course there are many more benefits to it. I don't understand why the word "alone" has a negative connotation for some people. To me, it is like assigning a negative connotation to the word "healthy."

There are always compromises. Humans are social creatures. There's a reason solitary confinement is considered a cruel punishment and people would rather take the risk of being in the general population in prison rather than in solitary confinement. If you choose to isolate yourself, you are still making a compromise. You may be free to do other things, but you are giving up a integral part of the human experience. For some people isolation is not so much a choice but an effect of their circumstances. When I think of isolation I mean lack of human interaction (including friends), so perhaps we are talking about different things.

I realize that this probably boils down to the difference between introverts and extroverts. Most people are extroverts, so their preferences are considered to be default and normal. Since an introvert doesn't need to do anything to be happy (as long as he or she stays alone), and an extrovert has to work to become happy (work on relationships, friendships, etc.), I would say that introverts are healthier. (Here is an analogy to clarify what I was trying to say above: An addict needs to do something to get a fix, whereas someone who is not addicted doesn't need to do anything to stay happy.)

Not true, what you are describing is a schizoid, not an introvert.

I do think people become accustomed to their situation and change their focus to adapt. Call it habituation. For me I'm accustomed to being alone. I honestly don't feel the desire to be in a romantic relationship. It wasn't always that way, but as I got older I just stopped caring. Do I think my life could have been different given different circumstances when I was a teenager or young adult? Yes, but I'm not the same person anymore. I do, however, wish I still had friends to do things with on a regular basis. All of my friends got married and have their own families now which leaves me even more isolated. Going out and socializing without the intention of finding a partner is hard enough when you are in your 30's. Doing that with hyperacusis makes it so much harder.

Besides, would you have sex with someone who was born a man, but changed genders? I wouldn't, even if this person were to be indistinguishable from a woman. But what is the difference between a woman and such a person? The difference is the timing when they got exposed to female hormones - a woman got her hormones in the womb. I say - who cares about the timing of those hormones - there is no difference between the two, and if you wouldn't do one, don't do the other.

I'm really not sure what your point is here.

 

[Mettafort]

sorry for all the trouble on this board here. I know, that u need the right mindset to conquer this condition. And a lot of strength. well, its so fucking hard after the spike to think of anything other than the T.

This board is here for support; theres no trouble. Lots of empathy and compassion. Personally speaking, you do need the right mindset, for all of lifes inevitable challenges. I realize that when the T increases, especially when it felt to be at high levels before, it brings a new dimension to the experience. The words we use have a MASSIVE effect on how we respond to our experience. How about changing the word SPIKE, which feels so sharp, pointy and lethal. You have had a volume increase, but that description has way less emotion attached to it.

I'm very early in this "new Life" but the suicidal thoughts each day are becoming more and more serious. Also, the Clinic in were i was said things like "u can only conquer it alone" and then my GF got me out of there, cuz she said " i've never saw u so down and full of pain."

Suicidal thoughts are a very serious matter, and while you are away from the clinic, if these persist you should definitely seek a doctor for support as you navigate this life stage. I think there is a natural normalizing process that is personal for everybody, but similar in that most seem to go through a set of phases as they come to terms with their new world order.

What are you thinking about when you feel so down and full of pain?

My Body simply don't wanna anything do then lying in bed and my body don't feel the need for food anymore. The Depression is far beyond that, what i can handle and getting up is such a pain, never felt like this. I certainly hope that the spike will settle anytime soon because i'm not a very hard or brave person like fishbone or alue and not so positive thinking like glynis. these member here are truly some hardened person!

I respect your psychology right now, and how life might seem so much a struggle. Again the use of the word spike. The nature of the universe is that EVERYTHING changes, and the "spike" will also change. Ironically the more you focus on that spike and what it represents to your experience, determines how more important/serious that spike actually is for you. You present an idea (because its nothing more than that) that "I'm not very hard or brave person", and "not so positive thinking". Bravery and courage is nothing more than a decision, along with whether we decide to think positive or negatively - to learn more about this simple transition into a positive psychology, read Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman. Similarly Learned Helplessness; a psychology concept that while has such a negative effect to the patient, has relatively simple solutions to transcend it.

"All i want is that this horrible thinking stops."

What strategies are you employing to stop the "horrible" thinking? From what you are trying, which have worked better than others?

I think its ok to miss (grieve) for the losses, such as silence. But it requires a process to let it go, so that you can reframe what the future looks like. Looking into the future with a perspective of loss is what will cause your depression to worsen. Pain is an absolute in life - no matter when it happens, it will happen to all of us. But its how we choose to respond to it that defines whether we suffer from it, or grow from it.

Again though, I see great courage in reaching out for a lifeline here on this board. Who says you arent hard or brave? It takes real bravery to bare ones soul in public, and to admit perceived negative beliefs about their character. Another dangerous mental trick which you MUST eradicate it immediately from your experience is MINIMIZING your positive character traits and possibilities as a human being. This is why I asked what strategies are you employing to stop the "horrible" thinking? By all means allow yourself some moments of feeling sad, life has changed drastically and you are in a transition phase. But timebox that shit and start taking action to move forward, to reframe what the future means and see how you can harness this new journey into something thats going to be life defining for yourself and your girlfriend, that is empowering, not disempowering.

Good luck.
mf

 

[linearb]

Now that I am in my 40s, "jacking off using a woman's body" started to seem bizarre and unnecessarily complicated. I prefer keeping things simple!

Yeah... I don't know what to make of this comment at all; sex is fundamentally different than masturbation for me, by a long shot, because it's a shared experience. Both things can result in a release of pent-up energy, but other than that they don't really have anything in common for me. I can't quantify it in words, really, it's just the way things feel, personal energy fields collapsing into some kind of shared experience of warmth, love and kindness. Certainly, if you don't feel that connection, I'd say you're doing everyone a favor by not using women as objects of sexual release!

This quote, combined with your comment about not getting any satisfaction from social interactions makes me wonder if perhaps you just process the experience of empathy differently than I do?

Note that I'm not being judgmental here; there's a huge diversity in the way that we all experience reality, and I think that at the end of it all, the important part (for me anyway) is living our lives in a way that's true to ourselves and satisfying. As long as other people aren't harmed in the process, I don't think there's a "right" or "wrong" to it.

 

[Tom Cnyc]

Jesus. Most of @Bill Bauer comments seem far more distressing than tinnitus.

Women are like ticks? Sex is masturbation?

Sorry to hear the people in your life are so shitty.

 

[Bill Bauer]

you just process the experience of empathy differently than I do?

I am actually an empathetic person. Unusually so. I wouldn't go out of my way to post tinnitus recovery statistics (that I found in an obscure Finnish dissertation)[and make other posts to cheer other T sufferers up] on this site, if I wasn't.

 

[Bill Bauer]

comments seem far more distressing than tinnitus.

My comments are heartfelt. These are ideas that had crystallized in my head over decades.

Sex is masturbation?

Unfairly glorified masturbation.

Sorry to hear the people in your life are so shitty.

It's not them, it's me.

 

[linearb]

I am actually an empathetic person. Unusually so. I wouldn't go out of my way to post tinnitus recovery statistics (that I found in an obscure Finnish dissertation)[and make other posts to cheer other T sufferers up] on this site, if I wasn't.

Yes, I am not accusing you of a lack of empathy or anything of the sort -- just sounds like we relate to things, people and maybe even places differently! I tried to be careful in my wording to make that clear, but, text is hard... there's a huge swath of different ways of processing the world, and I am not suggesting that the things which motivate me and make me happy, should apply to anyone else.

 

[Aschenherz]

Suicidal thoughts are a very serious matter, and while you are away from the clinic, if these persist you should definitely seek a doctor for support as you navigate this life stage. I think there is a natural normalizing process that is personal for everybody, but similar in that most seem to go through a set of phases as they come to terms with their new world order.

What are you thinking about when you feel so down and full of pain?

mf

Mostly that i am a burden for my enviorenment and the people here on this board.

When i thought about, which bullshit i posted here (really stupid question for suidice help and such stuff) it's really not helpful. My Psychologist wouldn't get in touch with me, because this is, on his point, a physical thing and he can nothing do about it.

My GF is sad the whole Day, still cries, when she is here, while i'm constantly in despair and i cannot cheer her up, which is even more painful for me, because there a five good years so far for us and i couldn't break this cycle... no one can do it, only me, and that is hard pill to swallow, when u see, what we are capable of, when it goes to physical treatment. So i am the problem here, not the people, that want me to help. Got so many support now and still feel like shit. And that is also a huge point for me, that i'm thinking, to be a burden... the cycle is real.

 

[Mettafort]

Hey @Aschenherz, if its not too personal, how old are you?

 

[Alue]

Mostly that i am a burden for my enviorenment and the people here on this board.

When i thought about, which bullshit i posted here (really stupid question for suidice help and such stuff) it's really not helpful. My Psychologist wouldn't get in touch with me, because this is, on his point, a physical thing and he can nothing do about it.

My GF is sad the whole Day, still cries, when she is here, while i'm constantly in despair and i cannot cheer her up, which is even more painful for me, because there a five good years so far for us and i couldn't break this cycle... no one can do it, only me, and that is hard pill to swallow, when u see, what we are capable of, when it goes to physical treatment. So i am the problem here, not the people, that want me to help. Got so many support now and still feel like shit. And that is also a huge point for me, that i'm thinking, to be a burden... the cycle is real.

So, you're not actually alone all the time? I guess I misread this thread.

 

[Aschenherz]

So, you're not actually alone all the time? I guess I misread this thread.

Once in a month i have a weekend with my gf. sorry, that i misquoted this. It still feel like i'm alone all the time for me..

 

[Aschenherz]

Hey @Aschenherz, if its not too personal, how old are you?

I'm 29 Years old.

 

[Mettafort]

When i thought about, which bullshit i posted here (really stupid question for suidice help and such stuff) it's really not helpful. My Psychologist wouldn't get in touch with me, because this is, on his point, a physical thing and he can nothing do about it.

There was nothing stupid about posting here, reaching out - far from it. Exactly the opposite. That was smart. It seems helpful to me - you have engaged with like-minded journeymen and women who are all going through their own process with their own personal conditions. I would advise seeking a new psychologist. I respectfully disagree with his point that it is a physical thing - the inner stress, anxiety, and emotional responses fall squarely in the domain of psychology. Depression is not a physical thing typically, its mental.

My GF is sad the whole Day, still cries, when she is here, while i'm constantly in despair and i cannot cheer her up, which is even more painful for me, because there a five good years so far for us and i couldn't break this cycle... no one can do it, only me, and that is hard pill to swallow, when u see, what we are capable of, when it goes to physical treatment. So i am the problem here, not the people, that want me to help. Got so many support now and still feel like shit. And that is also a huge point for me, that i'm thinking, to be a burden... the cycle is real.

So when your GF sees you for that one time a month, she spends the day crying because she sees you in such despair?

When you say "break this cycle" what do you mean exactly? The relationship? Or the cycle of depression?

I think you are making progress; good progress. You reached out; that was great. You are seeking help, which is great. You even understand this is your problem. The unfortunate reality is that it will be difficult for your girlfriend, when you are depressed. Its a challenge; I have been there myself once.

You are only 29 years old....only just begun. You have your whole life ahead of you.

One of the things you should consider is, what are you getting out of being depressed? What do you get from those that care and support you? What RISKS are you not taking by being depressed?

Let me tell you this - I was once clinically depressed, on prozac and lithium. It was a fabulous time. I got to checkout of life. I felt special around people who cared for me, and people I hadnt heard of started asking how I was. I felt important. I felt people cared. I moped around so my girlfriend at the time would give me extra care and attention. I got to take a large period off work, so I could just continue to check out. I even got creative with how I felt, to see if I could increase the dials on my depression. And dont get me wrong, I was depressed. I got checked into something called The Priory, and had all of these people caring for me. It was the best of times....it was the worst of times.

My best friend slapped me across the face, told me to pull myself together, and gave me a copy of a book called 10 Days to Self Esteem by Dr David Burns. I continued for a few weeks enjoying my depression and its gifts, feeling aweful too for sure. And then one day I started reading that book. 10 Days to Self Esteem. I remember getting to day 3, and I have never been depressed like that again. I stopped my drugs, and got on with my life.

My point here is that depression for the most part is something we do, unconsciously sure, but we do it. Its not a virus or bacteria thats in us, though I am sure you will find someone saying that's the case. But if working through 3 days of exercises in a $10 book can fix depression, you have to ask yourself, how is it serving you? And even though it is serving you, is this how you want to live your life?

As a final comment, I am having work done at my home. The contractor turned up literally an hour or so ago; I havent seen him since my event. We got talking - the guy is hilarious. Very funny, very upbeat, 64 years old. Starts telling me he got tinnitus 25 years ago from a head cold. As he was talking to me, he was telling me what he could hear, but mentioned he moved on from it many years ago. My point? Part of negative feelings and depression comes from a sense of hopelessness about the future. But most of the thoughts behind the hopelessness are completely baseless ideas with no facts. So they are essentially lies run wild in the mind. And since thoughts create emotion, by changing what/how you focus on something, you can change how you feel in an instant......if you really wanted to.

It is worthwhile thinking deeply about what you are getting out of your depression, AND also what that is doing to those that matter to you. If you can find what is important to you that you get from that depression, you can find more wholesome ways of getting those things without using depression as a vehicle.

In the end though, you have to WANT to get out of depression enough to take the action steps that are necessary. And I already see you taking action, reaching out; just keep moving.

mf

 

[Applejuice]

It's not easy but you can do it. I did had a lot of help thanks to my family but in the end you have to change your mindset yourself. My sister was asking me: "are you a part off your beep in your ears, or is that beep a part of you?", in the beginning it was the former but now it is the latter. She was right, well she always is, and the thing is that other people who don't have it can't understand what you're dealing with but you can't really blame them. You don't know unless you're experiencing it yourself. I'm reading your story and I can see that you'r experiencing the same as I did.

What I did was the following: I tried seeking professional help but they were useless to me, they're trained for this but they don't understand. I was perfectly normal before my T but a wreck after. Not because of issues but because of the lack of silence and peace. So I started doing yoga simple as that, even though I do not like yoga at all (at first). The 4 step breath technique got me out of panic mode (breathe in - hold- breathe out - hold, listen to and count your heartbeat), do this every single time that you feel when you're nervous. I also bought a hammock and a mini water fountain so I have a moment to relax. It does not get the volume down, but it helped me taking control over my T instead of getting controled by it.

I'm hearing it right now (I'm always hearing it, I have it for 7 weeks now, I don't know if it'll ever go away and I fear that it is forever but fearing it is not going to make it go away) So I'm just letting it do its thing even though it annoys me a bit now. The mornings are the most difficult part but then I just turn on my fountain. I've taken zero meds so far because I don't like taking meds. I didn't know about prednisolone but it's not common to give in my country (at least for T it isn't) and it is already too late anyway. Can't change the past so I can only look forward. Protecting my ears, I do take pomme grenade (which already have magnesium added) supplements which are good for your veins (don't combine them with Ginko or other heart medications), I go outside on rainy days because it masks the sounds completely and I stopped putting my fingers in my ears (advice from this site, don't try to measure the volume but how you feel about it even if you feel really bad).

Also your gf constantly crying is not helping you mentally, go out and try to do some fun stuff (not in the loud places). Go for a walk or something. And you can also think about taking a pet to fight the loneliness in your house. I have a dog and even though he'll make me run away when I see that he's going to bark, he does break the silence in my home whenever I'm alone.

 

[light rain]

I was married for 19 years before I was widowed at 41. You can be alone or lonely even in a relationship by the way. It is no guarantee of bliss but it does have its advantages and is something to be considered. I however have not been interested starting another relationship. I haven't dated or anything. My husband was quite domineering and drank heavily at times. I loved him and thought the world of him but after getting away from the chaos not all that interested in rolling the dice again. Unless of course someone wonderful came along but then I would have to be sure - not compromise. So I know its unlikely and that's OK.

My son has autism and the acorn didn't fall too far from the tree. Name calling is something I've been on the receiving end of and so I don't think it is productive to insist were social creatures or that people have problems if they don't have any interest in coupling off. I would respect someone more for being honest rather than using another person for their own gain.

As for coping -,no one wants to hear it in the middle of it but do something even if you don't like it. Walking or exercising or doing something so your not focusing on yourself can help. I didn't take the advice either for years because I thought it was stupid. Now I love hiking.

Being without a strong support system is hard but there are lots of people in the same or similar boats.

Lynn

 

[Aschenherz]

Also your gf constantly crying is not helping you mentally, go out and try to do some fun stuff (not in the loud places). Go for a walk or something. And you can also think about taking a pet to fight the loneliness in your house. I have a dog and even though he'll make me run away when I see that he's going to bark, he does break the silence in my home whenever I'm alone.

Thank u for your response. A Pet would be wonderful, but my landlord doesn't allow it. I will try Yoga also.

 

[Aschenherz]

I was married for 19 years before I was widowed at 41. You can be alone or lonely even in a relationship by the way. It is no guarantee of bliss but it does have its advantages and is something to be considered. I however have not been interested starting another relationship. I haven't dated or anything. My husband was quite domineering and drank heavily at times. I loved him and thought the world of him but after getting away from the chaos not all that interested in rolling the dice again. Unless of course someone wonderful came along but then I would have to be sure - not compromise. So I know its unlikely and that's OK.

My son has autism and the acorn didn't fall too far from the tree. Name calling is something I've been on the receiving end of and so I don't think it is productive to insist were social creatures or that people have problems if they don't have any interest in coupling off. I would respect someone more for being honest rather than using another person for their own gain.

As for coping -,no one wants to hear it in the middle of it but do something even if you don't like it. Walking or exercising or doing something so your not focusing on yourself can help. I didn't take the advice either for years because I thought it was stupid. Now I love hiking.

Being without a strong support system is hard but there are lots of people in the same or similar boats.

Lynn

thank u Lynn, for your response. Yes, the Factor that there is someone with the same problems on this world helps to be stronger at times. Also my condolense for this hard time with your ex. It's not easy, when u love someone, but he has quite big problems.

I'm looking currently in exercises that would help me. many of the Users doing this. I'm confident that this would help.

Also i'm on pregabalin and notrypytline currently. And something happend with my T. The response is not so harsh anymore.

 

[Applejuice]

Thank u for your response. A Pet would be wonderful, but my landlord doesn't allow it. I will try Yoga also.

Not even a hamster? Goldfish are a bit too quiet.

 

[Aschenherz]

Not even a hamster? Goldfish are a bit too quiet.

hehe, yes. A small Animal would go. But it's even better with a Doggy :>

 

[Bill Bauer]

I just saw this post. I see your posts sometimes, and a lot of the time I am impressed (in a good way). Specifically I respect that you are able to enjoy solitude where you live and that you have had supplies like N100 masks since before the start of the pandemic. My policy of placing the people who smoke weed on my Ignore list might have gotten me to discard the "baby" (you) with the bathwater.

Having said the above, it wasn't very nice of you to make a post attacking me, when you knew that you are on my Ignore list and I would be unlikely to defend myself.

if someone has a history of comments that at least come across as representing some kind of schizoaffective disorder

If I were to have a psychiatric condition, I would talk about it freely. In fact, what I have is "avoidance disorder", but it isn't a disorder since it doesn't bother me, and I am just avoiding what I learned the hard way isn't for me.

how fundamentally different it is from the center of the bell curve

The reason that position isn't more popular among the introverts (who I believe make up about a third of the population) might be because they haven't thought long enough about these things. They have been brainwashed with the extrovert point of throughout their life.

In other words, the person who pointed out that the emperor has no clothes is also far from the center of the bell curve, but this doesn't mean that many of the others in the crowd won't be agreeing with that person.

exual intercourse is vastly different than masturbation along purely neurochemical lines because of the hormone release that happens from skin-to-skin contact, and other mechanisms

Well, in general no one thing is 100% like the other. Basically there's the physical and the mental/visual stimulation. Sex might offer more of the physical stimulation (some of it being of lower quality, as one can't control tightness), but it offers less of a mental/visual stimulation. It offers negative mental stimulation if one is rational and is thinking about the risk of having to pay all of that alimony for the next 18 years for these minutes of what is no longer fun (and I won't even talk about the partner changing her mind about the act decades afterwards, and the can of warms that THAT would be opening). You get to look at basically the same handful of "images" that you have already seen many times before (not much mental/visual stimulation there). The alternative is to be overwhelmed by the visual stimulation, while not having a reason to worry about anything.

his is genetically abnormal, because the drive towards sexual intercourse is one which has to be maintained for the species to survive

If I were to not have an alternative (as was the case when I was under 18 and there was no internet), I would be forced to jump through hoops for every "set of images" of visual stimulation, and I would have no choice but to join the crowd.

I don't think that men who support "men going their own way MGTOW" movement are genetically abnormal.

he takes himself out of the gene pool with this view

10 generations from now, less than 1/1000 of your genome will be part of the gene pool, and I doubt those snippets will be unique to you (pretty sure that the same sequence can come from someone else). If that isn't true after 10 generations, surely it will be true after 20 generations. Besides, who cares what some people's physical features or actual genetic code is hundreds of years after one's death?!?