How Do You Find Forgiveness When Your Tinnitus Was Caused by Another Person/Source?

[Agrajag364]

I love the count of Monte Cristo and often considered the frustration and despair of being falsely imprisoned. And now I'm trapped in a nightmare a thousand times worse.

Worse than being falsely imprisoned for 13 years, having your father die of hunger and losing your true love Mercedes? He did get out in the end though and got REVENGE

 

[Jazzer]

My own severe tinnitus was caused by a 'musician' who clearly abandoned his responsibility to 'a duty of care' by blasting off in my face in a fit of Aspergers anger.
The primary instinct of such dangerous people is to morph any frustration into immediate anger.
(Aspergers people are frequently control freaks, by the way.
Hence their frustration leading to anger when things do not go their way.)
I have not directly accused him - though I hope and suspect that he knows.
I left his band, never used him again in my own combos, and have no wish to reacquaint with him.
He is the source of my pain,
physical, emotional, financial etc..

I have not forgiven him - to say that I have would be a hypocritical lie - however I do not hate him.
His intention was not to injure me, but an act determined by his aggressive nature, which, coupled to our own acoustic fragility led to injury.

Whenever I write in Facebook about tinnitus, I always remind the jazz fraternity that everybody should adopt a 'duty of care' to those working with them, and keep their own volume output under control.
This is perhaps the most positive action that I can take.

 

[Bam]

Whenever I write in Facebook about tinnitus, I always remind the jazz fraternity that everybody should adopt a 'duty of care' to those working with them, and keep their own volume output under control.

The real kicker is that some people can expose themselves to loud noise for years and will never ever hear a single peep of T. I grew up in a world of insane noise and nobody ever mentioned this affliction and I certainly never met or heard of anyone openly suffering from it. Equally I have a friend in a band and he had to ask me what tinnitus was and then presumed I was being treated with a cure and would be back to normal in no time. Does he wear earplugs on stage even now? Nope. Because this is one of those weird things that happens to other people.

 

[3ri0w]

My own severe tinnitus was caused by a 'musician' who clearly abandoned his responsibility to 'a duty of care' by blasting off in my face in a fit of Aspergers anger.
The primary instinct of such dangerous people is to morph any frustration into immediate anger.
(Aspergers people are frequently control freaks, by the way.
Hence their frustration leading to anger when things do not go their way.)
I have not directly accused him - though I hope and suspect that he knows.
I left his band, never used him again in my own combos, and have no wish to reacquaint with him.
He is the source of my pain,
physical, emotional, financial etc..

I have not forgiven him - to say that I have would be a hypocritical lie - however I do not hate him.
His intention was not to injure me, but an act determined by his aggressive nature, which, coupled to our own acoustic fragility led to injury.

Whenever I write in Facebook about tinnitus, I always remind the jazz fraternity that everybody should adopt a 'duty of care' to those working with them, and keep their own volume output under control.
This is perhaps the most positive action that I can take.

Hiya, got a question. Did he blast you off by shouting in a 'sperg anger or did he use a guitar amplifier set to maximum volume or whatt? Sorry for even asking and like you kno, just curious to know

 

[3ri0w]

I usually have the 3am half hour panic but then force myself to focus on my 'tropical nights' app and usually get off again until 5 and then repeat and get up around 8 or 9. I get enough hours but broken. My main issue now is my flagging spirits and what to do next......Unfortunately I'm at that point where im barely clinging to an existence. I was always so healthy and motivated and now I'm just sinking in to a pit of spending my time alone, frustrated, angry that this has happened to me and wracked with regret, drinking every night and having zero clue how to even help myself. Pathetic really. I'm ashamed of myself and don't even want to see old friends because of embarrassment of what's happened.

I really do wonder how many other people are out there like me being completely brushed under the carpet by the NHS and BTA while tinnitus washes us away in to a lonely oblivion?

Don't lose hope my man..!! mine took like 5 years for them T and H to go "away" (but ye the tinnitus was replaced with chronic pain issues lol so it's a +-0). Then was quiet time and enjoying life without ear issues (only with the dang back pain etc though). Whatcha drinking? + how old is Bam?

 

[Finnigan]

Send the doctor a letter iwith your feelings about him and don't hold back then make sure you rate him/her poorly every chance you get. Remember what goes around comes around. Then forget about it and let karma take care of business.

Hi folks!

I was just wondering if anyone has ever reached a point of forgiveness when this condition was inflicted upon them by another person/source?

In my case, a careless Audiologist sent my VERY mild tinnitus stratospheric after a Microsuction procedure along with very careless, damaging words. I understand forgiveness is a big step in healing but I'm just not sure how to make that step, especially when I see no real improvements... only noise trauma after noise trauma

I find the injustice of it all VERY difficult to accept and achieve and just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and ever reached that point? Thanks x

 

[Vicki14]

Send the doctor a letter iwith your feelings about him and don't hold back then make sure you rate him/her poorly every chance you get. Remember what goes around comes around. Then forget about it and let karma take care of business.

Thank you @Finnigan - I've done both! I just hope Karma takes care of it now! x

 

[Vicki14]

Don't lose hope my man..!! mine took like 5 years for them T and H to go "away" (but ye the tinnitus was replaced with chronic pain issues lol so it's a +-0). Then was quiet time and enjoying life without ear issues (only with the dang back pain etc though). Whatcha drinking? + how old is Bam?

@Bam - for you!

 

[Vicki14]

Hiya, got a question. Did he blast you off by shouting in a 'sperg anger or did he use a guitar amplifier set to maximum volume or whatt? Sorry for even asking and like you kno, just curious to know

@Jazzer - one for you!

 

[Finnigan]

Thank you @Finnigan - I've done both! I just hope Karma takes care of it now! x

I know exactly how you feel except that my so called "expert" went to jail for something else and lost his license in that state then went to another state to practice medicine after he got out. That POS will see karma too.

 

[Jazzer]

Hiya, got a question. Did he blast you off by shouting in a 'sperg anger or did he use a guitar amplifier set to maximum volume or whatt? Sorry for even asking and like you kno, just curious to know

As I edged away from his vile volume he thrashed a 'godsorsaken fucking banjo' as loud as he could, saying "you keep fucking moving away!"
I had attempted to defend myself, but in that instant, All was lost.
I lost everything - except my sanity.
You may or may not agree?

 

[JohnAdams]

As I edged away from his vile volume he thrashed a 'godsorsaken fucking banjo' as loud as he could, saying "you keep fucking moving away!"
I had attempted to defend myself, but in that instant, All was lost.
I lost everything - except my sanity.
You may or may not agree?

was the banjo amplified?

 

[coffee_girl]

Sorry to hear that. Why were you cautious of going to the concert, did you already have some ear problems?

I didn't wanna go because i didn't know the band, i hated the location, and because loud venues weren't my thing anymore. The irony was that they drove me there the night previous but then we realized we came a day early (my friends got the date messed up)...so we ended up just sitting on the sidewalk playing cards for a few hours.

I should have taken that as a sign that i shouldnt be going =[

 

[coffee_girl]

@coffee_girl / how would you describe your Tinnitus? Do you have hypercausis too? That's crazy how you've ended up with Tinnitus through just attending a concert. Was it excessively loud? X

It was a tiny room the size of your living room, and it was so loud my wine glass was moving across the table on its own. It was the loudest thing i have ever heard in my life, and I've been to a chinese firecracker festival lol

 

[Lane]

It was my decision not to bring any charges because I knew I did not have the inner strength

A problem I see is that if charges are never brought, things will never change. Which leads to other people having to go through what we've had to endure. Tough sometimes to know what the answer is.

And would happily have worse hyperacusis to be rid of the screaming.

Interesting the tradeoffs that come to mind for many of us. For a while, I thought I'd be happy to trade off some of my screaching tinnitus for--hopefully--a bit softer and more tolerable pulsatile tinnitus. Then I had an experience just a couple days ago where I was bending my neck back to put a drop of essential oil in my mouth. The drop wasn't coming out, so I was in that position for 15-20 seconds.

All of a sudden I started to get dizzy and immediately sat down. Then a horrible fullness began to fill in my left ear. And then I got hit with a pulsatile tinnitus I had never experienced before (and never imagined how awful it could be). I had read some people saying how pulsatile tinnitus was the worst of all their symptoms, and in that moment I felt I could fully understand where they were coming from.

Sort of like most people when hearing about our tinnitus; they'll never know what we go through, and that won't change until they experience it themselves. -- I felt unbelievably grateful my experience with PT lasted only about 1-2 minutes, though it felt like an eternity at the time. I absolutely have a new found empathy for those who suffer from it 24/7.

I have not forgiven him - to say that I have would be a hypocritical lie - however I do not hate him.

I don't even think I know what it might mean to "forgive" somebody. But I have a much better sense of what it means to not hate somebody. Don't know exactly how they're connected, but I think if we can learn not to hate somebody, we've taken a big step on the way to forgiveness--if that's even a desirable outcome.

I just hope Karma takes care of it now!

From what I feel I've learned about life, is that there's not even a need to hope. I've come to assume karma does take care of things in the end, so there's really no need to have any concern about it. Another important thing I feel I've learned, is that karma is never vindictive. But instructive only.

 

[Agrajag364]

@Vick14 -- You broach a difficult and delicate topic (for me). I've had continuing difficulties forgiving the health practitioners at the ER who never cautioned me about the potentially catastrophic effects of taking the anti-nausea medication they gave me--which gave me severe tinnitus and a host of other ongoing neurological problems. Plus their indifference and unwillingness to believe what I experienced afterwards. Plus their anger at me for even suggesting the medication caused any of my problems. (I recently discovered they no longer make this drug available to the ER practitioners, which makes it look like they actually did believe me.)

I continue to struggle with whether I should try to sue them for negligence, and somehow reclaim some kind of semblance of control over my tinnitus/hyperacusis situation. -- I struggled with (partially) blaming my wife for insisting I go to the ER, even though I didn't really want to, as I felt my GI pains and accompanying nausea would subside on their own. But I probably blame myself more than anyone else for having made a decision to take a medication before doing extensive research on the potential side effects. (They told me at the ER it might cause some drowsiness, but never told me it could cause tinnitus, extreme agitation, psychotic episodes, extreme muscle twitching, shaking, trembling, etc.)

So here I am, still struggling with the whole concept of forgiveness, but not nearly as much as in the beginning. I often recall my mother in her final years dealing with dementia. It was very frustrating for her, but so often she would catch herself while complaining, and just say, "It is what it is". And then she'd be done with it--at least for a while. -- I also think of others who've had terrible things happen to them--such as having somebody else be responsible for the death of a loved one--and yet they find it within themselves to forgive the perpetrators of their intense pain.

It seems those who are able to forgive have one thing in common. They've come to the conclusion that holding onto anger or hate for the most part only hurts themselves. I agree with that on some level, but still find myself unable to fully let go. I sometimes feel I'm in a quandary, where I feel I should be compensated for my injuries. But when I think about going back and reviewing the doctors communications who reviewed my case, where they expressed such cold indifference and anger at me; well, it just starts to get me riled up again. So, should I put myself through all that again, or just accept the situation of overwhelming reactive tinnitus/hyperacusis and move forward with as much peace and calm as I can muster?

I don't think any of this reflects some kind of clear answer. But maybe some of my ramblings/musings will be helpful. -- @Vicki14, I've noticed how much you've suffered and continue to suffer. I hope you can in some way find a sense of peace and calm we all seem to be striving for. -- Warmly... Lane

I totally agree with your words and I had a similar experience with a surgery gone wrong. What was the drug you took can I ask?

 

[Jazzer]

was the banjo amplified?

No John - but right in my face and 'thrashed!'

 

[Manny]

it was so loud my wine glass was moving across the table on its own.

That is horrible. My T was also induced by horrendously loud "music" (not a single ear problem prior, ever). The people responsible for these reprehensible acoustic assaults (and that's really what they are) are beyond all words.

 

[coffee_girl]

That is horrible. My T was also induced by horrendously loud "music" (not a single ear problem prior, ever). The people responsible for these reprehensible acoustic assaults (and that's really what they are) are beyond all words.

I honestly think there should be a law against it, assault by sound lol

 

[Bill Bauer]

Does he wear earplugs on stage even now? Nope. Because this is one of those weird things that happens to other people.

If after finding out about tinnitus and what can cause it he doesn't seem to care, I sincerely hope that he gets it and Gets it Good.

 

[Bam]

If after finding out about tinnitus and what can cause it he doesn't seem to care, I sincerely hope that he gets it and Gets it Good.

I see your point but he's a nice guy just lives in a bubble.....like everyone until the shit properly hits the fan.

 

[Lane]

I totally agree with your words and I had a similar experience with a surgery gone wrong.

So sorry to hear that. Everything does have its risks, but unfortunately, doctors do a very poor job of describing those risks.

What was the drug you took can I ask?

A single 25 mg. dose of Promethazine, also known as Phenergen. It's classified as an anti-cholinergic drug, which blocks acetylcholine receptors from uptaking acetylcholine. These receptors are located throughout the body, and concentrated in certain parts like the gut, the brain, and the inner ears. Here's a just a partial listing of the potential side effects (I bolded the ones I experienced). -- Notice they put "ringing in the ears" under the "less serious" category. Aaargh!

Possible side effects

They may include an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat. Also the most possible side effects include:
twitching, or uncontrollable movements of your eyes, lips, tongue, face, arms, or legs;
tremor (uncontrolled shaking), drooling, trouble swallowing, problems with balance or walking;
feeling restless, jittery, or agitated;
high fever, stiff muscles, confusion, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats, rapid breathing;
feeling like you might pass out;
seizure (convulsions);
pale skin, easy bruising or bleeding, fever, sore throat, flu symptoms;
decreased night vision, tunnel vision, watery eyes, increased sensitivity to light;
hallucinations, agitation;
nausea and stomach pain, skin rash, and jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes);
urinating less than usual or not at all;
joint pain or swelling with fever, swollen glands, muscle aches, chest pain, vomiting, unusual thoughts or behavior, and patchy skin color; or
slow heart rate, weak pulse, fainting, slow breathing (breathing may stop).

Less serious include:

dizziness, drowsiness, anxiety;
blurred vision, dry mouth, stuffy nose;
ringing in your ears;
weight gain, swelling in your hands or feet;
impotence, trouble having an orgasm; or
constipation.

 

[Agrajag364]

So sorry to hear that. Everything does have its risks, but unfortunately, doctors do a very poor job of describing those risks.

A single 25 mg. dose of Promethazine, also known as Phenergen. It's classified as an anti-cholinergic drug, which blocks acetylcholine receptors from uptaking acetylcholine. These receptors are located throughout the body, and concentrated in certain parts like the gut, the brain, and the inner ears. Here's a just a partial listing of the potential side effects (I bolded the ones I experienced). -- Notice they put "ringing in the ears" under the "less serious" category. Aaargh!

Possible side effects

They may include an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat. Also the most possible side effects include:
twitching, or uncontrollable movements of your eyes, lips, tongue, face, arms, or legs;
tremor (uncontrolled shaking), drooling, trouble swallowing, problems with balance or walking;
feeling restless, jittery, or agitated;
high fever, stiff muscles, confusion, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats, rapid breathing;
feeling like you might pass out;
seizure (convulsions);
pale skin, easy bruising or bleeding, fever, sore throat, flu symptoms;
decreased night vision, tunnel vision, watery eyes, increased sensitivity to light;
hallucinations, agitation;
nausea and stomach pain, skin rash, and jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes);
urinating less than usual or not at all;
joint pain or swelling with fever, swollen glands, muscle aches, chest pain, vomiting, unusual thoughts or behavior, and patchy skin color; or
slow heart rate, weak pulse, fainting, slow breathing (breathing may stop).

Less serious include:

dizziness, drowsiness, anxiety;
blurred vision, dry mouth, stuffy nose;
ringing in your ears;
weight gain, swelling in your hands or feet;
impotence, trouble having an orgasm; or
constipation.

Thanks and I agree it's crazy ear ringing is listed as a minor effect. Clinical trials etc might only have acknowledged it as a temporary one. Re my surgery, what annoyed me was I asked in detail about the risk I fell foul of and was assured it wasn't an issue. After years of patient safety campaigning it is obvious that when patients fall foul of a risk after a treatment denial of a link by medics is very common, possibly to try to avoid legal liability, and they are not great at warning of risks either. The law round medical consent ie warning of risks was pretty slack in the uk til the 2015 Montgomery ruling. Not sure of US law.

 

[Vicki14]

My own severe tinnitus was caused by a 'musician' who clearly abandoned his responsibility to 'a duty of care' by blasting off in my face in a fit of Aspergers anger.

@Jazzer

That's truly awful, why on God's earth would someone do that? What a moron! It's devastating his idiotic actions have left you suffering like this! It's truly criminal! x

 

[Bill Bauer]

Notice they put "ringing in the ears" under the "less serious" category.

Unbelievable!!!

 

[Alue]

Hi folks!

I was just wondering if anyone has ever reached a point of forgiveness when this condition was inflicted upon them by another person/source?

In my case, a careless Audiologist sent my VERY mild tinnitus stratospheric after a Microsuction procedure along with very careless, damaging words. I understand forgiveness is a big step in healing but I'm just not sure how to make that step, especially when I see no real improvements... only noise trauma after noise trauma

I find the injustice of it all VERY difficult to accept and achieve and just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and ever reached that point? Thanks x

My tinnitus and hyperacusis was caused by a careless coworker that blasted my ears. After he permanently damaged my hearing, he was more concerned with not getting in trouble for it at work than about the damage he had done. He was even wearing hearing plugs when he did it and there was no reason to be wearing hearing plugs in that area. It wasn't just the coworker... I was threatened by management to not talk about my injury or symptoms.

It took a long time to move on (over 2 years), and I didn't fully move on until I changed jobs and got away from the person and environment, but it wasn't until I did that I started to accept my tinnitus. Before I was just angry all the time and with that anger my tinnitus was all I could think about.

 

[Bam]

Unbelievable!!!

Disgusting. Less serious?!! Are they fucking mad?!? Any drug or procedure with even a tiny possibility of causing this should be scrapped ASAP.

 

[Vicki14]

My tinnitus and hyperacusis was caused by a careless coworker that blasted my ears. After he permanently damaged my hearing, he was more concerned with not getting in trouble for it at work than about the damage he had done. He was even wearing hearing plugs when he did it and there was no reason to be wearing hearing plugs in that area. It wasn't just the coworker... I was threatened by management to not talk about my injury or symptoms.

It took a long time to move on (over 2 years), and I didn't fully move on until I changed jobs and got away from the person and environment, but it wasn't until I did that I started to accept my tinnitus. Before I was just angry all the time and with that anger my tinnitus was all I could think about.

Flipping heck @Alue - that's brutal. I'm so sorry to hear that. It's disgusting how it's covered up and no responsibility is taken for this. It sucks having a hidden condition that folk can easily kick under the carpet. I'm so glad you're doing better though! Xx

 

[Staceyyy]

I know she meant zero harm but to me giving someone tinnitus is the psychological equivalent of throwing acid in their face.

It really is... I sometimes try and remind myself it could be worse, but really could it? I honestly don't know. I've had this discussion with multiple people and its always... "I can't imagine, well at least you're not paralyzed." Sure I'm ambulatory, but is my life really all that much better? When you look at quality of life I see it being somewhat equivalent... or maybe I've just suffered for so long now and every other ailment seems to be somewhat of a relief and I think about all the people who would trade places with me in a heart beat and then I feel even more pathetic. Its a vicious cycle that never ends. Thank you for your support. I've read your story and I'm really sorry this happened to you. It seems as if we were both making our way through life just fine. I never in a million years felt like this was the way my life was going to "end." I would like to say its nice to know I'm not alone, but really it's not. I would NEVER wish this on anyone. My heart breaks for myself, but just as much for everyone else.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Here is an old thread, that is relevant to this thread:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...nds-around-my-ear-and-yelled-in-my-ear.24518/