How Do You Find Forgiveness When Your Tinnitus Was Caused by Another Person/Source?

#121
Jazzer said:
My own severe tinnitus was caused by a 'musician' who clearly abandoned his responsibility to 'a duty of care' by blasting off in my face in a fit of Aspergers anger.
The primary instinct of such dangerous people is to morph any frustration into immediate anger.
(Aspergers people are frequently control freaks, by the way.
Hence their frustration leading to anger when things do not go their way.)
I have not directly accused him - though I hope and suspect that he knows.
I left his band, never used him again in my own combos, and have no wish to reacquaint with him.
He is the source of my pain,
physical, emotional, financial etc..

I have not forgiven him - to say that I have would be a hypocritical lie - however I do not hate him.
His intention was not to injure me, but an act determined by his aggressive nature, which, coupled to our own acoustic fragility led to injury.

Whenever I write in Facebook about tinnitus, I always remind the jazz fraternity that everybody should adopt a 'duty of care' to those working with them, and keep their own volume output under control.
This is perhaps the most positive action that I can take.
Click to expand...
@threefirefour has aspergers.

can't trust those spergs, gotta purge em all.
 
#123
Forgiveness is hard whether your condition comes from other people, or from a decision that you made. Either way, you can't change the outcome. It's easy to blame someone else, if they are careless, even though they clearly meant you no harm. The truth of the matter is , most people have never even heard of this monster. Even most medical professionals don't think about it when prescribing medicine or procedures. It's a "common, yet uncommon" affliction. People can't see it, and so the old adage is true, "out of sight, out of mind." Unless of course you happen to suffer with it. There have been many days when I have struggled to find forgiveness for me. It's hard. To realize that you will never hear the sound of silence again, or that you will have to forever be on guard for situations that have the potential to make it worse is draining. Still, at the end of the day, you have a choice to make. You can either continue to carry the anger and all of the baggage that comes with it, or you can let it go and move on. Neither of those choices is easy, but a decision is necessary, if you intend on having any kind of life in spite of tinnitus.
 
#125
TracyJS said:
@Bam Thank you for asking. I'm afraid I'm not doing very well at all. Things are very bad....
Click to expand...

Dear Tracy - I think about you and worry about you so much.
I still haven't found the answers Trace, but like everybody else, I keep looking.
Take care sweetheart

Dave x
 
#126
TracyJS said:
@Bam Thank you for asking. I'm afraid I'm not doing very well at all. Things are very bad....
Click to expand...

I understand Tracy. I won't even ask if it's inproved as it obviously hasn't. Mine has only gotten worse recently. No idea why. The suffering with this just seems endless.

A new year and it should be new beginnings but instead it's the same old dreadful unseen torture day after day, night after night. If only we could get a second chance at silence. It's too sad. I'm so sorry. None of us deserve this nightmare. I'm thinking of you. Try and keep going. I know how desperately lonely this condition is.
 
#127
Jazzer said:
As I edged away from his vile volume he thrashed a 'godsorsaken fucking banjo' as loud as he could, saying "you keep fucking moving away!"
I had attempted to defend myself, but in that instant, All was lost.
I lost everything - except my sanity.
You may or may not agree?
Click to expand...
Dang :( that's wrongggg
That story of yours reminded me of this book, I wonder if you know this book or this artist (a guitarist John Fahey), very good book: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/171889.How_Bluegrass_Music_Destroyed_My_Life

Ps.What kinda music did you play?
 
#128
#129
I cannot forgive the person who put me with the stress that's played part in me getting this. The stress was mostly sound related also so it ain't strange
 
#130
Jazzer said:
Jazz trombone. Armstrong to Ellington styles.
My trombone favs being:
Jack Teagarden - Vic Dickerson and many more.
You can see me play on here in:
Jazzer's Videos.
Click to expand...
Nice, watching
 
#132
devilinthedust said:
Forgiveness is hard whether your condition comes from other people, or from a decision that you made. Either way, you can't change the outcome. It's easy to blame someone else, if they are careless, even though they clearly meant you no harm. The truth of the matter is , most people have never even heard of this monster. Even most medical professionals don't think about it when prescribing medicine or procedures. It's a "common, yet uncommon" affliction. People can't see it, and so the old adage is true, "out of sight, out of mind." Unless of course you happen to suffer with it. There have been many days when I have struggled to find forgiveness for me. It's hard. To realize that you will never hear the sound of silence again, or that you will have to forever be on guard for situations that have the potential to make it worse is draining. Still, at the end of the day, you have a choice to make. You can either continue to carry the anger and all of the baggage that comes with it, or you can let it go and move on. Neither of those choices is easy, but a decision is necessary, if you intend on having any kind of life in spite of tinnitus.
Click to expand...

@devilinthedust:
I absolutely agree with you. Fit your own sake you have to move on but it's just difficult when you're being CONSTANTLY reminded by it and like you said, being on edge all of the time is very very tiring...x
 
#134
I haven't been able to forgive the person who put me through this, but alas, I'm new to all of this and it my stupid self that has to shoulder this for listening.
 
#135
I think this is the same way as you would find forgiveness in an assault or accident... It depends...
 
#136
I haven't forgiven! Not sure I can! For me, who has OCD, this has now wrecked my life. OCD is nothing compared to tinnitus, but the two together are a match made in hell. I am very, very bitter.

I should now be 2000 miles away happily playing with my young family, but instead i'm going through constant turmoil and torment. All because of medication. Medication about which I asked the dr three times if there are any side effects. I wanted to make sure. NO, NO, NO he said. Then BOOM tinnitus. Life changed forever. Can't go back in time though, and now i'm on the verge of losing my family and my sanity.

Can I move on? Don't know! I have little other choice.
 
#137
all to gain said:
Medication about which I asked the dr three times if there are any side effects. I wanted to make sure. NO, NO, NO he said. Then BOOM tinnitus. Life changed forever.
Click to expand...

@all to gain -- So sorry to hear about your ordeal. I too got my BOOM tinnitus from a single dose of an ototoxic medication, Promethazine, also known as Phenergen. I visited an acupuncturist shortly afterwards, and he said when it comes to tinnitus, he's had the best success with those who got it from an ototoxic reaction. Besides doing ear points, he also does liver and kidney points to help eliminate the drug from the body, which may have settled in those organs.

I feel I got a modest improvement from my acupuncture visits, but I think the reason I didn't do better was because I think the main reason I got tinnitus is what the drug did to my muscles, which in turn major affected my joint and spine structures (severely constricted them). So I believe a big part of my tinnitus is somatic, and I'm doing a wide variety of techniques / exercises to try and bring things back into alignment for myself.

Regarding being able to forgive: I too faced that in the beginning, as I was only told that the Promethazine might cause a drowsy affect. They "forgot" to tell me it can cause major muscle spasming and even lead to psychotic episodes (it was originally formulated as an anti-psychotic drug!). But as time has gone by, and I've been able to cope better, I've noticed the anger and bitterness has decreased substantially. I'm not "letting it go" for them, I'm doing it for myself.

I hope things can improve significantly going forward!
 
#138
Lane said:
@all to gain -- So sorry to hear about your ordeal. I too got my BOOM tinnitus from a single dose of an ototoxic medication, Promethazine, also known as Phenergen. I visited an acupuncturist shortly afterwards, and he said when it comes to tinnitus, he's had the best success with those who got it from an ototoxic reaction. Besides doing ear points, he also does liver and kidney points to help eliminate the drug from the body, which may have settled in those organs.

I feel I got a modest improvement from my acupuncture visits, but I think the reason I didn't do better was because I think the main reason I got tinnitus is what the drug did to my muscles, which in turn major affected my joint and spine structures (severely constricted them). So I believe a big part of my tinnitus is somatic, and I'm doing a wide variety of techniques / exercises to try and bring things back into alignment for myself.

Regarding being able to forgive: I too faced that in the beginning, as I was only told that the Promethazine might cause a drowsy affect. They "forgot" to tell me it can cause major muscle spasming and even lead to psychotic episodes (it was originally formulated as an anti-psychotic drug!). But as time has gone by, and I've been able to cope better, I've noticed the anger and bitterness has decreased substantially. I'm not "letting it go" for them, I'm doing it for myself.

I hope things can improve significantly going forward!
Click to expand...
Thanks Lane.

I think my tinnitus could have been easier to deal with if it wasn't for the MRI scan I had that has definitely worsened things. There again, I spent weeks researching MRI scans and hearing protection and asking for assurance from the radiologist that my tinnitus wouldn't get worse. Yes, yes everything will be fine! BOOM, worse tinnitus. Now I have electrical and metallic sounds added to my high pitched tinnitus. I blame myself more for this one though as I'd read online about a woman who had got tinnitus from having an MRI scan.

And all I wanted was to be a happy and healthy Daddy.
 
#139
I was assaulted by a sociopathic cab driver that genuinely seemed like a nice guy. The trauma of that experience and the resulting tinnitus has left me with extreme distrust of other human beings.
 
#140
all to gain said:
I haven't forgiven! Not sure I can! For me, who has OCD, this has now wrecked my life. OCD is nothing compared to tinnitus, but the two together are a match made in hell. I am very, very bitter.

I should now be 2000 miles away happily playing with my young family, but instead i'm going through constant turmoil and torment. All because of medication. Medication about which I asked the dr three times if there are any side effects. I wanted to make sure. NO, NO, NO he said. Then BOOM tinnitus. Life changed forever. Can't go back in time though, and now i'm on the verge of losing my family and my sanity.

Can I move on? Don't know! I have little other choice.
Click to expand...

I feel you. I'm going through something similar right now. I wake up almost every morning for a deep hatred of my (now former) psychiatrist. I really wish I could help and say something that would cure it for you, but unfortunately, we don't have much (although I AM new here, so there are many, many other members that may say we do!).

Some of us will be able to forgive, the others may never, but from what I've been reading from many other members here, we eventually will slip back into the flow of our lives and with some work on our end, be able to handle it.

I know what makes me feel better is trying to develop a closure plan. So for example, here's what I have for when I reach the 90 day mark of acquiring tinnitus.

1. Email to psychiatrist. Not angry or anything, but an update on the situation and lay out the problem. It won't solve my issue, but it may at least make them think twice about prescribing so wrecklessly. My goal here is to prevent this for others. It doesn't help ME, but it makes me feel better knowing I may save someone else.

2. FDA MedWatch form. I don't trust this will solve anything, but as someone with an MS in Computer Science, I believe the more data someone has to work with, the better. I don't expect results, breaking news, or anything. But one thing I do know is that someone will eventually come along and need this information for their research. I've seen some success for the PSSD folks when they had accessible data to work with. Not sure if it came from this MedWatch data, but the more the merrier.

3. Bad review for the psychiatrist. No hatred, no ad hominems, but to alert potential patients and lay that out for them. I'm thinking a two star for them because they did at least treat me like a human and not like a lab rat like my second pdoc did.

I'm really sorry you're going through with this. I have SAD and GAD and it creates this awful loop of anxiety, tinnitus, more anxiety, more tinnitus. I don't have any answers to your question, but if anything hopefully it may give you some tools to try and give you some hope.
 
#141
cls said:
I feel you. I'm going through something similar right now. I wake up almost every morning for a deep hatred of my (now former) psychiatrist. I really wish I could help and say something that would cure it for you, but unfortunately, we don't have much (although I AM new here, so there are many, many other members that may say we do!).

Some of us will be able to forgive, the others may never, but from what I've been reading from many other members here, we eventually will slip back into the flow of our lives and with some work on our end, be able to handle it.

I know what makes me feel better is trying to develop a closure plan. So for example, here's what I have for when I reach the 90 day mark of acquiring tinnitus.

1. Email to psychiatrist. Not angry or anything, but an update on the situation and lay out the problem. It won't solve my issue, but it may at least make them think twice about prescribing so wrecklessly. My goal here is to prevent this for others. It doesn't help ME, but it makes me feel better knowing I may save someone else.

2. FDA MedWatch form. I don't trust this will solve anything, but as someone with an MS in Computer Science, I believe the more data someone has to work with, the better. I don't expect results, breaking news, or anything. But one thing I do know is that someone will eventually come along and need this information for their research. I've seen some success for the PSSD folks when they had accessible data to work with. Not sure if it came from this MedWatch data, but the more the merrier.

3. Bad review for the psychiatrist. No hatred, no ad hominems, but to alert potential patients and lay that out for them. I'm thinking a two star for them because they did at least treat me like a human and not like a lab rat like my second pdoc did.

I'm really sorry you're going through with this. I have SAD and GAD and it creates this awful loop of anxiety, tinnitus, more anxiety, more tinnitus. I don't have any answers to your question, but if anything hopefully it may give you some tools to try and give you some hope.
Click to expand...
Hi cls,

I don't think no 1 on your list will make any difference. In the end, they don't really care that much. They are 'drug doctors', or as I like to call them some of the highest paid drug dealers in town.

Where I am we also have a form that can be filled in and sent. I can do it so the dr also gets a copy. Problem is is that the doctor in question is friendly with my parents. And they would probably side with him.

Yeah, anything anxiety or depression based make tinnitus much harder to deal with.
 
#142
all to gain said:
Hi cls,

I don't think no 1 on your list will make any difference. In the end, they don't really care that much. They are 'drug doctors', or as I like to call them some of the highest paid drug dealers in town.

Where I am we also have a form that can be filled in and sent. I can do it so the dr also gets a copy. Problem is is that the doctor in question is friendly with my parents. And they would probably side with him.

Yeah, anything anxiety or depression based make tinnitus much harder to deal with.
Click to expand...

I feel the same way. I don't think it would change anything, but I figured I'd put it on my list anyways. That's a good way to describe them haha.

That could definitely be an issue. I know in my case, I can fill out the form without going through the doctor, but if I had it go through them, I doubt it would get filed. I haven't gone through many doctors that would. Maybe it's just bad luck on my end, dunno...
 
#143
cls said:
I feel the same way. I don't think it would change anything, but I figured I'd put it on my list anyways. That's a good way to describe them haha.

That could definitely be an issue. I know in my case, I can fill out the form without going through the doctor, but if I had it go through them, I doubt it would get filed. I haven't gone through many doctors that would. Maybe it's just bad luck on my end, dunno...
Click to expand...
No it doesn't have to go through the doctor, but if I want I can have him sent a copy. Part of me wants him to know what I feel. But it will make no difference to my situation or to his life.
 
#144
all to gain said:
No it doesn't have to go through the doctor, but if I want I can have him sent a copy. Part of me wants him to know what I feel. But it will make no difference to my situation or to his life.
Click to expand...

Oh, okay, I see. Yeah, I definitely can relate in that case. It's that turmoil between, "look what you've done to me" and "they won't care, because they're detached from us". Understood...
 
#145
Just to mention, I read recently doctors are required to send some kind of report "somewhere" when a patient has an adverse drug reaction. I've been meaning to contact the hospital that gave me the ototoxic drug that gave me tinnitus, and have them send me a copy. -- Wish I had more details to share, but thought I'd at least leave a "heads up".
 
#146
Lane said:
Just to mention, I read recently doctors are required to send some kind of report "somewhere" when a patient has an adverse drug reaction. I've been meaning to contact the hospital that gave me the ototoxic drug that gave me tinnitus, and have them send me a copy. -- Wish I had more details to share, but thought I'd at least leave a "heads up".
Click to expand...
They are 'supposed' to where I am too. But maybe the doctors don't agree with you that it was the drugs that caused it.
And how many doctors are going to say, "Yes, the drug i gave this patient caused his tinnitus". Not many i reckon. So they don't mention the form. Saving their own skin is more important.

Where I am you can fill in the form online. Maybe you can too?
 
#147
I never understand how forgiving perpetrator helps one heal. I mean how is that different from letting murderers go without punishments? Seriously? By forgiving, only the perpetrators benefit, not victims.
 
#148
daiso said:
I never understand how forgiving perpetrator helps one heal. I mean how is that different from letting murderers go without punishments? Seriously? By forgiving, only the perpetrators benefit, not victims.
Click to expand...

Hi @daiso -- To me, your question touches on the whole concept of karma. My own understanding about karma is that everything we put out, whether word, deed, action, thought, emotion, etc, must (and will) come back to us in some way, shape, or form. This principle of course applies to anger and resentment, which is at least a part of being unable--or unwilling--to forgive. The thing is, this principle doesn't recognize whether anger is justified or not. The ripples we send out must come back to us.

To take this a step further, perpetrators never benefit--except perhaps to learn a valuable life lesson. It may seem they benefit in the short term, but long term, the effects of their deeds must come back to them, whether in this lifetime or a future one. So I never think in terms of "I hope so and so gets this or that", because it's really out of my hands, and don't need to even give it a second thought. The exact (and remedial) nature of what comes back to the perpetrator is left to the experts (aka Lords of Karma) to administer with utmost fairness. -- I hope this wasn't too esoteric for your tastes, but it makes sense to me and is the best explanation I'm aware of. -- @Daniel Lion, any thoughts?
 
#149
Lane said:
Hi @daiso -- To me, your question touches on the whole concept of karma. My own understanding about karma is that everything we put out, whether word, deed, action, thought, emotion, etc, must (and will) come back to us in some way, shape, or form. This principle of course applies to anger and resentment, which is at least a part of being unable--or unwilling--to forgive. The thing is, this principle doesn't recognize whether anger is justified or not. The ripples we send out must come back to us.

To take this a step further, perpetrators never benefit--except perhaps to learn a valuable life lesson. It may seem they benefit in the short term, but long term, the effects of their deeds must come back to them, whether in this lifetime or a future one. So I never think in terms of "I hope so and so gets this or that", because it's really out of my hands, and don't need to even give it a second thought. The exact (and remedial) nature of what comes back to the perpetrator is left to the experts (aka Lords of Karma) to administer with utmost fairness. -- I hope this wasn't too esoteric for your tastes, but it makes sense to me and is the best explanation I'm aware of. -- @Daniel Lion, any thoughts?
Click to expand...

That then begs the question, what did you do wrong Lane? What did I do wrong? And so on...
 
#150
Vicki14 said:
Hi folks!

I was just wondering if anyone has ever reached a point of forgiveness when this condition was inflicted upon them by another person/source?

In my case, a careless Audiologist sent my VERY mild tinnitus stratospheric after a Microsuction procedure along with very careless, damaging words. I understand forgiveness is a big step in healing but I'm just not sure how to make that step, especially when I see no real improvements... only noise trauma after noise trauma :(

I find the injustice of it all VERY difficult to accept and achieve and just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and ever reached that point? Thanks x
Click to expand...
Well the source of my tinnitus is mostly my fault so once I figure out how to forgive myself I will let you know.
 

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