@Telis, in the past you have acted like a jerk toward me (less so since I decided to start posting here again), so I'm taking a risk by responding to your heartfelt post and I hope you will respond in kind. You aren't being well-served by your doctors. Things obviously aren't fine and the approach your doctors have recommended to you isn't working. Second, you aren't overreacting, you haven't lost your mind, you don't need to keep putting yourself in a position where you feel you have to suck it up. If you take anything from this post, it is that you have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of. If anything, your doctors should be ashamed for making a hash out of the opportunity to help you. I am sorry you are hurting.
I'm glad you aren't overprotecting your ears. That is the one thing you should retain as you go forward. But rather than try to ignore or put a brave face on the pain you feel when someone laughs or sneezes, understand there is only one way this is going to get better for you. You need to get into therapy to treat your decreased sound tolerance. If you do that, then over time the pain and discomfort you feel when you encounter normal sounds will get much better. But before you can get into therapy, you have a far more important decision to make, assuming you choose to see it that way. The only way through this terrible time in your life is to make the decision that you need help with what you are going through. Finding the right clinician to help you can (and probably will) take time, but you should allow yourself that time. And then you should commit to therapy as if your life depends on it – because it does.
I have been where you are. There isn't anything you are describing that I haven't been through too. There isn't any question in my mind that you can feel much better over time, but only by making the decision to get help, finding a doctor who is knowledgeable about the diagnosis and treatment of hyperacusis in particular and related decreased sound tolerance issues, and by making a commitment to get into, and stick with, therapy.
For people with moderate or severe hyperacusis, the condition won't go away by itself or solely by exposing our ears to normal sound. When you get home, your ears feel like they have been run over by a bus because you need to do more than you are doing. You need a different strategy.
You won't believe this, and there is no reason you should, but exposing your ears to normal sound isn't causing damage. It just feels absolutely horrible, it physically hurts like hell, and it ramps up your tinnitus. Again, I have been where you are now. I understand what you are describing and how bad it feels. For me, it was ear pain, aural fullness, tinnitus that sounded like it is being sent through a loudspeaker, the feeling of someone driving an ice pick deep into my ears, constant pain, confusion, disgust, fear the size of a ten refrigerators, and a zip code's worth of despair. And on top of that, an incredibly low tolerance for normal sound. You aren't alone in what you are going through. This happened to me, and it has happened to others. You can either listen to folks whose despair has gotten the better of them or to folks who came out the other end and are fine – like me. Every single time I heard sound that physically hurt like hell to hear, I thought it was damaging my ears. When I felt constant ear pain twenty four hours a day for seven months with no let-up, I was convinced exposure to normal sound had damaged my ears. I am here to tell you that I hadn't done any damage at all. It just felt awful and was very frightening.
I agree with you that to continue with the strategy your doctors have laid out for you is ridiculous. Someone once said the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same damn thing and to expect a different result. That lesson certainly applies here. Continuing with the strategy of exposing yourself to normal sound and not wearing hearing protection is not enough. The fact that you have tried hundreds of times to do your best, that you push it as hard as you can, that you realize that leading an isolated life is not an option any more, says a lot. It means that everything you need to turn this around is inside you. It can only begin by making the decision to get help and then sticking with it.
You wrote that you can go to any doctor and they will all tell you this is all fine and you should just keep going out. Nonsense. Treating hyperacusis happens in increments. Unfortunately, your doctors haven't helped you to treat it yet. Get started today. Make yourself get out of bed and find two or three doctors who seem to know what they are talking about regarding hyperacusis no matter where they are. Pick one. Make an appointment and get there.
It is normal to feel desperate and confused. But anyone who tells you that it's you, that you are overreacting, or complaining, or you are expressing anxiety but don't know it, should be made to change their vocation to shoe salesman. Any "expert" who has told you it's OK is an idiot. You haven't lost your mind, you're not "complaining like a wuss", you're not mentally ill, you aren't expressing some kind of self-involved hypocondriacal fantasy, or making stuff up.
I believe you are a strong person. You can get through this, but you're going to have to make the move. No one else can do it for you. Those of us who have walked down the same road can't do it for you. We can only encourage you.
So, there you go. You can continue to act like a jackass toward me, or take on board that I have been where you are now and I'm trying to help. I got through it with a lot of hard work. And you can too. Don't give up on yourself.
here2help