I have good friends, those who I know would open up their homes if needed, help me out financially if ever needed, and are always willing to chat. But for some reason, I have been unable to discuss my depression and tinnitus in depth with them, so maybe we aren't as close as I thought.
Trust me, don't think like that. I've had the same feeling with friends who don't know what it is like to have tinnitus, but that has nothing to do with being close or not. For a healthy person, it is simply impossible to realize what it is like to be unable to "recover" to a normal state once in a while.
One of my friends encountered tinnitus long before I did. Or more accurately stated: the severity of tinnitus. I've actually had it once before due to earwax stuck in my ear, about five years ago. It was just one simple tone, but it really annoying and made it hard for me to sleep. After the wax was removed, the tone vanished and I was relieved: I recovered.
This was not the same for that friend who got tinnitus in the same period. His tone had nothing to do with his ears. No wax, no hearing loss, nothing like that... it just appeared without any reason. He tried many kinds of diagnosis, but nothing cleared it up, and there was no hope for him to get rid of it.
In his case, I was that friend that did not understand. My tinnitus was removed: surely his would have some valid cause? Did the ENT really check his ears correctly? Is it really not wax? I could only view the situation from my own experience: I've had wax issues, they caused tinnitus, wax removed, tinnitus removed. Simple. Surely his problem would be similar? Only in my new situation can I imagine the frustration this must have caused him. Such a dumb friend that has no clue what he is talking about when we're discussing my issues with tinnitus...
Though I had tinnitus for a few months, I did not know yet what it is like when tinnitus is a chronic problem. I could not understand the severity of a tinnitus caused depression.
My respect goes out to him now that I encounter the same problem. He never responded negatively to me. Sure, we lost track of each other a few years ago due to other circumstances (him getting married, me pursuing my career elsewhere), but he always remained polite and understanding of my ignorance. He understood that I could not understand.
This is my attitude now as well towards people who don't understand the vagueness and broadness of tinnitus. Don't blame them, it's not their fault: they just don't know better. Sadly, it's also one of the reasons I can't really take doctors seriously who don't have experience with tinnitus: they don't know better. "Just ignore it". Sure, it can be done, but you are not the one to teach me that...
Feel free to express your feelings towards your friends, also when those feelings concern your tinnitus. However, do not expect understanding. Once you do not expect it, you won't be disappointed by the responses, and it becomes much easier to just "be friends", like you always were. As time progresses (in my experience), tinnitus becomes much less of a topic with them anyway. To be fair, I think this is actually a good thing: it helps you as a person to have your focus elsewhere, and it helps you to retain your friendship.
During those moments when you really need understanding, find people in your environment who have/had tinnitus, or simply on this forum. Even if it's just online, it helps a lot.
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