How to Be with Someone Having Tinnitus?
- Thread starter Christophe_85
- Start date
MemberThese are profoundly sad statements, Bill. Have you always felt this way or is it directly related to your tinnitus?
- Jun 6, 2013
- 1,373
- Tinnitus Since
- January 2002
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Dental Surgery
I understand @Bill Bauer. No problem. That is what makes your life okay.
One day - sooner than later - I will probably be a young widow and I doubt I would ever find love again nor would I want to. I wonder how I will feel? That is why I appreciate each day right now.
- Jun 6, 2013
- 1,373
- Tinnitus Since
- January 2002
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Dental Surgery
People need to understand once you get tinnitus you are pretty much limited in a sense of what you can do. I have decided to be single forever. I just dont think its fair to my partner that they have to put up with my condition (no movies, no bars, no concerts, no listening to music in the car, always being on edge of making it even worse than it is), anxiety, etc).
- Feb 17, 2017
- 10,400
- Tinnitus Since
- February, 2017
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Acoustic Trauma
What is even more sad is someone with my preferences mindlessly allowing themselves being influenced by peer pressure, and "sharing their life" when they would be a lot happier being free.
It has nothing to do with tinnitus.
I am sorry to hear that. My dad was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 42 (he passed away when he was 47). Is it the case that your husband has cancer?
I hope that should you become a widow, you will end up feeling fine. I won't elaborate, as I am worried about upsetting you.
- Feb 17, 2017
- 10,400
- Tinnitus Since
- February, 2017
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Acoustic Trauma
?? I don't think that anything I said was arrogant or assholian in any way. I am not sure why you would be upset about someone agreeing with me.
- Jun 6, 2013
- 1,373
- Tinnitus Since
- January 2002
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Dental Surgery
@Bill Bauer oh you never are that way. It is how you are and no issues.
It is the constant blah blah my my my only my material things matter from my quote of someone else.
It is the constant blah blah my my my only my material things matter from my quote of someone else.
I don't quite agree with you @dpdx and I am replying because you are someone that has manners and respect. Hopefully I will be able to give you something to think about. You haven't had tinnitus long. Even though it has increased and life isn't going the way you would like it at the moment, try not to think that your life won't turnaround and improve because it certainly can. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you but if you convince yourself that there is no hope for your future and this doesn't just mean in finding a partner, to share your life then you won't.
It took me 4 years to habituate the 2nd time. Throughout those years negative thoughts came to me many times but I soldiered on through the difficult times and you can too. I was an avid reader but was unable to read for 2 years. Take each day as it comes. I am not saying to never feel negative about how you feel but try to refrain from saying: you've decided this is the way that my life is going to be forever. It is a defeatist attitude and not the right one. Of course you feel fed up and miserable I fully understand that. Focus on the positive things in your life and please don't reply and say you haven't anything positive to focus on because I don't believe that's true. Never give up. Take small steps and think about the things you are able to do at this moment and gradually life will become easier. It won't happen overnight. But with practice and a little determination and positive thinking you will probably surprise yourself at what you're able to achieve.
You may be averse to taking prescription antidepressant. Therefore, consider taking something like ST John's Wort. It is used to help mild to moderate stress. It herbal and won't make your tinnitus worse. All I feel you need is something to help relax you and this can be enough to make you start looking at life more positively. Please think about it.
All the best
Michael
Being free is a wise choice when one feels as you do, Bill. I wish you much happiness.
Sorry if I offended you in any way, I didn't mean to, this is the truth.
Thank you for your kind words @dpdx
Someone with your disposition, don't make the good and rare qualities that I know you have, go to waste. Dust yourself down and pick yourself up. Print the following words and place them somewhere in your home so that you are able to read them every day:
Our greatest glory is not in ever falling but rising each time that we fall.
Confucius
Someone with your disposition, don't make the good and rare qualities that I know you have, go to waste. Dust yourself down and pick yourself up. Print the following words and place them somewhere in your home so that you are able to read them every day:
Our greatest glory is not in ever falling but rising each time that we fall.
Confucius
- Feb 17, 2017
- 10,400
- Tinnitus Since
- February, 2017
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Acoustic Trauma
Material things matter. They are what allows us to care about and to have the non-material things.
You haven't offended me.
Hi@Christophe_85! Cool part is you never really were into the "loud" stuff with crowds of people. Like you I don't miss movie theaters either.
You are still a young guy with so much potential even with tinnitus. This is where you see - like you wrote - "the good things still possible for me !"
You know that feeling when you just met someone and there is a spark - something special - that is not found everyday? Trust that gut feeling. I think we tend to let our self esteem get to low and believe that we are not worthy or attractive or that the person will reject you because of tinnitus.
So you start out just going for coffee somewhere which is still trendy. Meet there so she feels safe. Talk and see if that "feeling" is there in you and don't worry about what she is thinking.
The girl tribe is very hard to figure out sometimes!
Hum...well I am married and don't have to date....but I always try to keep it as if we are dating. Oh but when this first hit me things went not so well but he actually carried me from doctor to doctor. My secret perhaps is finally seeing that I needed to live and appreciate life and what I could do and not be miserable all the time even if I had to fake it just to see him smile and feel good also.
Thanks for your positive attitude !
Yes trying, very hard sometimes, to live and enjoy Life... Also changing some bad habits that last since a very long time...
Actually, I have other things to deal with besides of Tinnitus and Hyperacousis... But one thing leads to another so I keep that hope and fighting for it !
You are married since a long time ?
And do you have kids ?
All the Best !
Christophe
- Mar 1, 2018
- 871
- Tinnitus Since
- birth/ recent spike 2/2018
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Born with ETD, several acoustic traumas, most recently ETD
Sorry to jump in late... but why is everybody's views of a relationship so binary?
Shortly after I started dating my now current partner, I said to her
"Am I the light of your life?"
She replied "haha...you will never be the light of my life, I am my own match, candle, and flame. If you can't find happiness on your own, you are with the wrong person."
Why do people think that they have to spend all of their freetime with their partner? Why do they think it somehow is restricting?
Why do you have to go to movies, bars, etc with your partner?
For what it's worth I've been with my wife for seven years, have a 2.5 year old and another on the way.
We have separate interests and often different groups of friends. Keeping these areas seperate keeps our relationship fresh! Dont think for one second T can stop you from living your best life!!
Shortly after I started dating my now current partner, I said to her
"Am I the light of your life?"
She replied "haha...you will never be the light of my life, I am my own match, candle, and flame. If you can't find happiness on your own, you are with the wrong person."
Why do people think that they have to spend all of their freetime with their partner? Why do they think it somehow is restricting?
Why do you have to go to movies, bars, etc with your partner?
For what it's worth I've been with my wife for seven years, have a 2.5 year old and another on the way.
We have separate interests and often different groups of friends. Keeping these areas seperate keeps our relationship fresh! Dont think for one second T can stop you from living your best life!!
I believe @Bill Bauer comments have a lot to do with the unfairness or the biased approach shown towards men, by the courts, should a marriage come to an end. I agree with a lot of what he says.
Michael
Michael
Hello !
Thank you for sharing your point of view !
I agree with you regarding the fact that we don't have to do everything with our partner... To me it's about sharing small normal everyday's stuff like watching TV or just be in a room with the music on the radio... All of these are already too loud for me ! Otherwise when I wanted to put the volume down, they always complained about hearing nothing at all !
This is like going out with friends in restaurants or different places, people love the noise, and make noise !
But anyway I appreciate your message, especially the last sentence !
All the Best !
Christophe
- Jun 6, 2013
- 1,373
- Tinnitus Since
- January 2002
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Dental Surgery
This is so true!!! We have our separate interests and never do everything together. That would drive me nuts. I like my own time and so does he. But we have stuff we do together also.
@Christope I can feel in your words that you are a great young guy. Relationships happen sometimes when you least expect it.
Thank you for your kind words !
Sometimes I think about what my parents did with us when we are kids, and plenty of activities were so loud I couldn't do it if I had a family !!!
Thinking about that makes me sad because this is like Life took away from me tons of possibilities to enjoy...
This needs to be "people going their own way" because marriage can be a trap for women too. I miss the freedom of single life. I really wasn't prepared for the lack of privacy that comes with marriage.
You piqued my curiosity: what specific aspect of your privacy is something you didn't expect would be lacking in marriage?
Indeed it can. More often, men are the biggest loses should a marriage end in divorce. Both financially and emotionally. How often do you hear of a man having a divorce party? Until men are treated more fairly by the courts, mgtow is the way to go, because the risk of losing everything is just too great.
- Mar 1, 2018
- 871
- Tinnitus Since
- birth/ recent spike 2/2018
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Born with ETD, several acoustic traumas, most recently ETD
I honestly feel pity @ MGTOW. I would spend a lifetime with tortuous T in exchange for the joy and pride of being a parent.
I don't know about that pact with the devil, but I certainly agree that kids bring a special meaning to life that I think is hard to comprehend until you have one (not unlike T actually). My daughter's a big part of me "hanging in there" with T.
- Feb 17, 2017
- 10,400
- Tinnitus Since
- February, 2017
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Acoustic Trauma
Being a parent is like a disability (in the sense that it prevents you from doing the things that you want to do, and spending time the way you want to spend your time). I would resent having a disability, and would spend all of my time thinking about ways to get well again. I would pray for the kid to get sick and die. But of course this is not how it works. You don't pray for wealth, you steal the money and pray for forgiveness. So I would have to find a way to get the kid to do something like sticking scissors into a power outlet (would that just set off a circuit breaker? I am so thankful that I am free and that there is no need for me to look into all of that nonsense). It would be a horrific memory to have to live with, but to remain a parent would be even more terrible.
Suicide would be another option. I am not sure what option I would end up choosing, but I know for a fact that both the child and myself being alive at the same time would not be an acceptable option for me, not for long, anyway.
Of course the above assumes that for some reason I Had to be around the child. If I could just drop the child off at an orphanage, there would be no need to take any of those more drastic steps.
All of the above is just a long-winded way of saying that I would not make for a great dad.
Thank you for your kind words !
Sometimes I think about what my parents did with us when we are kids, and plenty of activities were so loud I couldn't do it if I had a family !!!
Thinking about that makes me sad because this is like Life took away from me tons of possibilities to enjoy...
Same here man. I made peace that I will never live a normal life. Oh well it was fun while it lasted.
- Feb 17, 2017
- 10,400
- Tinnitus Since
- February, 2017
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Acoustic Trauma
You make some interesting points @Bill Bauer and it's good to read your opinions on this very sensitive topic and the unfair way that men are treated today by the judicial system. I never wanted to children but wish the best of luck to anyone that has them because they certainly need it these days. A lot of children are a nightmare as soon as they reach their Teens or before. Many (but not all) are disrespectful to their parents and do exactly what they want to do. The parents rarely can do anything about this because of the law. This is what I hear all the time on Talk radio and from friends of mine that have children. I wouldn't want to subject myself to this for all the tea in china.
- Feb 17, 2017
- 10,400
- Tinnitus Since
- February, 2017
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Acoustic Trauma
I understand why men are not given any say in whether a fetus is aborted or not, but men should certainly take into account the fact that they Don't get any say in this matter, and act accordingly.
It is my understanding that most people's children don't seem to share their values. Most people are not even that close to their parents. It is a mystery to me why people have children.
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