I Can't Sleep, Just Cry — 3:30am

[Gigi]

Well I know my ears have only been ringing for a week, but I am just a crazy mess right now. I am already a super anxious person and have insomnia, so this is just the icing on the cake. It's 3am here so I'm just thinking that typing about it might exhausted me enough to get back to sleep idk.....

I am studying music composition abroad and use to play percussion but I always wore ear plugs and took care of my ears etc..... the ONE night my friends drag me to a bar new years eve, (I didn't even want to go to), my ears start ringing. The music wan't that loud and I do not often listen to loud music so idk why it won't stop. My family and friends thinks I am being dramatic and I know that is probably true, but I can't help it 'cause I am such an anxious person already. I saw a Dr. and he said it should go away and they look fine and will see me again next week but each day just sucks more and more. I'm trying not to to focus on it, but that makes me focus on it more so I realize I am not helping myself.

I hate my friends. I hate myself for going out with them when I didn't want to and not just saying no. I hate silence. I just want to sleep. I'm exhausted from crying. I hate my brain. I just want it to stop. -Gigi

 

[dboy]

This sucks - I remember how stressed out I was in the early days of my tinnitus. I was like you, problems sleeping, replaying the events that caused the problem and hating everyone involved including myself. That stuff does get better, believe me. You've maybe got to go through these horrible feelings for a while, but hang in there. Try to let go of the bad feelings as much as you can. Your tinnitus might still go away, and even if not will most probably not stay as bad as it seems now once you are sleeping a bit better (insomnia is terrible I know) and feeling less anxious.

You could ask your doctor for Prednisone, although realistically it is probably too late now. It is important to eat healthily. Getting some exercise might help with sleep, although I know how hard that can be when your stomach ties itself in knots all the time. Do the best you can to look after yourself both physically and emotionally, and let time do some healing. Don't try to force yourself not to focus on it - instead you need to distract yourself by doing things that will take your mind away from the sound for a while. It may only be a few seconds at first, but that will get longer as your brain calms down.

I found a supplement called melotonin gave a little bit of help with getting back to sleeping again. It may have been placebo or coincidence, but when I started using that I started sleeping for longer periods. There is a thread about it on the forum if you search for it.

It is a shame your family and friends are not more supportive - people without this tend just not to understand because there is nothing they can actually see that is wrong. There is lots of support on this forum though - ask people anything you want and people will do their best to help. I hope some of this helps.

 

[Cheza]

My family and friends think I am being dramatic

You're entitled. Be as dramatic as you want. The last thing you need right now is to deny what you're feeling.

Based on what you've said about the night the tinnitus began, you'll probably find that it begins to fade. Try to stay as calm as possible, take deep breaths and think good thoughts, envision memories that make you smile. That will tell your brain that there are better things to do than make a bunch of useless noise.

Definitely take the melatonin, because you need to sleep. Take twice the recommended dose if you have to, it won't hurt in the short run. Timed release is good.

 

[Ryane]

I hate silence. I just want to sleep. I'm exhausted from crying. I hate my brain. I just want it to stop. -Gigi

Hey Gigi,

I feel you. I've had T years now and had learnt to deal with it, but something changed the pitch and tone of it, and now I feel like I have only just got it. You've hit the nail on the head, my hardest part is the inability to sleep. Its 5.47am where I am right now. I dont even attempt to sleep. But, whilst its driving my crazy, I constantly look for distraction to try take my mind off it.

From the sounds of how you got it, its could just be temporary, so dont loose hope. Just try to find things that will take your mind off it. Currently, I am branching into meditation (something I never thought I would say ) but, thing is you just gotta find whatever takes it of your mind. Try not to stress though, as hard as that is I know

 

[AnxiousJon]

@Gigi
Medication for anxiety and sleep will probably help in every way:
1. You will fall asleep faster
2. Stay asleep longer
3. Your ears can heal far more effectively while asleep.
4. During sleep your mind/brain can recalibrate and stop trying to turn up the volume(causing tinnitus)
5.[important] When you are awake, your neurons will not be manic, via your anxiety, inflaming your condition and preventing your mind from recovering.
Your anxiety puts you at high risk(imo) for tinnitus, because utilizing the physical ears without messing it up, takes a balanced mind.
Please address your underlying causes: anxiety and sleeplessness. Medication is the answer if you are not already on it. Being a "super-anxious person", you probably fear the side-effects of meds, but please fear your current condition more.

 

[Gigi]

Thanks for all of your posts you guys. Yes I think when I see the Dr. next week I will ask him about medication for sleeping/anxiety. Hopefully it will get quieter or go away.... I just want to sleep. Why do our brains do this... you would think the body would be smart enough to just let us lose our hearing instead of putting in this ring.

 

[dboy]

I'm certainly not saying don't take medication, but if it is benzodiazepines then it is worth doing a bit of research first as they can be addictive and have side effects. Lots of people on the forum have found them helpful but others have had bad experiences too. I believe they are best used just for a short time only, and stopping gradually by reducing the dose rather than stopping outright. They might be useful to get through the current bad time you are having, but probably best to take them with some background knowledge. Sorry if I'm adding to your worry and/or confusion by saying this.

 

[AnxiousJon]

I'm certainly not saying don't take medication, but if it is benzodiazepines then it is worth doing a bit of research first as they can be addictive and have side effects. Lots of people on the forum have found them helpful but others have had bad experiences too. I believe they are best used just for a short time only, and stopping gradually by reducing the dose rather than stopping outright. They might be useful to get through the current bad time you are having, but probably best to take them with some background knowledge. Sorry if I'm adding to your worry and/or confusion by saying this.

Those undergoing acute anxiety(and sleep deprivation) tend to focus more on reasons to be afraid of meds, than reasons to take them; you usually have to be simple in your message.
Though, full-orbed knowledge is good, as long as it reinforces the simple message of the course of action that needs to be taken by someone, that at the end of the day, after all they have tried in life up to this point to rid themselves of anxiety, still calls themself a "super-anxious person". But I agree with you about the factual element of what you are saying Dboy; I am very aware of "the dangers" of my meds(as one should be), but am still glad I take them. Hopefully her attending physician will be sufficiently clear, as to those dangers.

 

[dboy]

Indeed, I dislike this response of yours(not that you should care), and I'll tell you why. Those undergoing acute anxiety(and sleep deprivation[crying at 3am]) tend to focus more on reasons to be afraid of meds, than reasons to take them; you usually have to be simple in your message.

Yes, I was aware that I might be confusing the issue and did hesitate about posting. But since I've read accounts from folks who have had a really bad time because of those meds and who regretted not having been given better info from their doctors I figured that on balance information was probably better than no information.

As I see it one of the important functions of the forum is to inform people. It is obviously up to each individual to decide how much they want to look into something themselves or how much they want to just go by medical advice. I don't feel comfortable to assume that someone is incapable of making their own choices and so to only give them one side of a situation. That feels to me like manipulation, which would be troubling to me even if there were not any risk involved.

I am very aware of "the dangers" of my meds(as one should be), but am still glad I take them.

This is good to hear, and I only wanted to give Gigi (or other readers who may be in a similar situation) the opportunity to be in the same position as you. But I do care if you think I did the wrong thing. Thanks for giving your point of view - I appreciate candour.

 

[AnxiousJon]

@dboy
Oops, I did not mean to include the first hostile line hahaha... Sorry; that was saved by the draft-auto-save. I never meant to post that part. I deleted that part in edit a few seconds after posting it. I was a lil excited there.

 

[dboy]

@dboy
Oops, I did not mean to include the first hostile line hahaha... Sorry; that was saved by the draft-auto-save. I never meant to post that part. I deleted that part in edit a few seconds after posting it. I was a lil excited there.

No problem.

 

[Gigi]

Thanks for all of the info guys. Yes I realize it is probably not good to rely on drugs to fall asleep, but right now I would take anything I am so desperate for some relief. I am in Spain now so maybe I will go to a pharmacist and see if they have something because I cannot wait until I see the Dr. again. Hope you are all doing well.

 

[billie48]

Hi @Gigi, above members have given you great advice. I will only add from my own experience that I did have to take some sleeping pills and anti-anxiety as well as anti-depressants for a while because a few years back my ultra high pitch dog whistle T plus severe hyperacusis just scared me so much that my nerves just totally gave out. I couldn't sleep and I had to work on my busy IT job. I am the sole bread winner as my wife was chronically ill with asthma. So what choice did I have but to get some sleep so I could work? The doctors prescribed something for my insomnia and for calming the anxiety and depression. So daily I had to take Ativan (a benzo), Prozac (a SSRI anti-depressant), and sleeping pills which I forgot what brand it was. I had no choice but to depend on meds, as the first 6-8 months were pure hell for me and the big 'S' word was dangling in front of my tired and stressed out mind. Having some sleep with the aid of some meds saved me actually.

Besides T & H, I had to deal with relentless anxiety and panic attacks on auto mode the minute I heard the ringing. I was someone with prior history of anxiety and panic disorder. So my nerves had no chance against these two alien, tortuous new masters of my life. T & H combined made it very hard to live my life, and I had to depend on meds to survive. However I did so knowing full well that there may be side effects, and that the benzo and sleeping pills can be addictive. I used these drugs to help me sleep, and to calm the sharp edges of extreme emotions, knowing that I would need to phase them out once I could handle T & H better emotionally. And I did phase them without serious side effects. Drug reaction and side effects are highly personal. Work with your doctor closely on these drugs, and ask them for guidance on how to phase them out.

Instead of sleep meds from the doctor, you can also try natural alternatives such as Camomile tea, Hops, Valerian tablets, Melatonin etc. Check out this site on using natural herbs for sleep problem. Hope things will work out for you. Take good care & God bless.

http://www.christopherhobbs.com/lib...alth/herbs-and-natural-remedies-for-insomnia/

 

[AnxiousJon]

Though be careful about mixing anti-depressants with certain feel-good herbs as per medication warnings(serotonin overload[called serotonin syndrome/life-threatening]).

 

[Cristian Ro]

I subscribed to this forum from the same reason: I had mild tinnitus until a week ago. Now it gets worse and it wake me up in the night.
I hope I will not... I'm crying and I'm afraid to think about it.

 

[billie48]

Cristian, Don't be too worry and panic about spikes. They often settle to baseline. Saying that, have you checked with your doctor/ENT about your condition to see if there is any medical reason for the spike? Sometimes TMJ, ETD, hearing loss etc. can cause T spikes, or even stresses of life. So try to deal with the reason to see if it is fixable first. Remember stress and anxiety are bad for T. The more calm and positive you are, the higher chance T can settle back to baseline. Take care & God bless.

 

[Cristian Ro]

Thank you for your reply. In couple of hours I received two replies (one private) and I am really glad somebody is "up there" for me. Thank you, guys!
Yes, this is the first spike who lasted more than couple of hours.
I am scared and I hope your suppositions will become true.
Yes, I am quite stressed these days - I'm student and the exam session will come quick.
Also for my regular life: I moved from my country, I separated from my girlfriend (12 years together - we're still together but 2000km apart - she is preparing to join me, but still...).
I really hope these are the motives, I can't wait for my "regular" tinnitus, which today I almost regret it.
In the last years I drank alcohol, I drank a coffee a day, I did bike exercise... all the factors who influence T. but didn't.
In the last two weeks, visiting my folks, I stop the alcohol drinking, no more coffee, no bike trips every day. Still... T. it strucked.
From Tuesday I will return to my "normal" day: school, 30 minute a day bike riding, a coffee a day, maybe a beer a week... should my "silence" return?
I will keep you informed.
Last night was the worse, I started contempling afterlife. But today it's a new day. I was joking with my girlfriend saying: "it's too muddy outside to jump over the balcony".
--> Tomorrow I will schedure for a MRI scan of my skull and I'll see a doctor (the guy who sent me for the MRI). It will be the first visit to a medic to check my T since 2009.

 

[Gigi]

Yeah Christian I feel yeah, it's woken me up every night since it started. I've gotten maybe just a couple of hours of sleep in total over the last week, so I'm starting to go into critical insomnia mode lol where I just wander around in a zombie-like daze during the day and my face is really hot. But I'm a student too so I get that it's hard to stay unstressed in life when life is just stressful. My family keeps saying "aww just relax and don't stress, it will go away" I'm like "oooohh okay try to relax, I didn't even think about that!" *sarcasm* It's like the more I try not to stress the more I stress. What a sick, sick, joke..... I'm just trying not to be so mad at my poor body, it's not its fault it is a moron. Let me know how your MRI scan goes dude, I hope it goes well.

I contemplate the afterlife all the time, ever sense I was a kid, so I feel that too..... let's just not literally jump over a balcony please. <3

 

[Cristian Ro]

Hey,
I just slept "like a dead guy" (lol). After reading the message from billie48 (thank you!!) I searched for what ETD means (I'm new here, I don't know the acronyms). Looking for it, on youtube I found this:
Lymph Drainage for the Ears from Louisville Massa…:
I said to myself: "heck, it's about 10 minutes of a massage, let's try."
Nothing happened, my T is still there, but after that massage I went to bed and man, I SLEPT!
I also went to the local farmacy and they gave me some "supplement", some pills (herbal) you can take 6 a day. I took just one. The main ingredient: valerian.

The MRI is postponed until January 20 or later: it is very crowded, my clinic have just one scanner.

I'm student in Electronics. I promise I will dedicate a part of my life for improving ("multiplying") medical electronic tools.

 

[Gigi]

Thanks Cristian, I did that massage and slept a little better. I went to the Dr. again and he did a test and said my hearing is normal, scheduled me for an MRI Thursday. But to be honest I think I'm just gonna give up and accept that it will never go away. It's funny, I spent all this time protecting my ears and the one night I forget I get punished for it forever. Life is a harsh mistress I guess. Hope things are better for you.

 

[AnxiousJon]

Thanks Cristian, I did that massage and slept a little better. I went to the Dr. again and he did a test and said my hearing is normal, scheduled me for an MRI Thursday. But to be honest I think I'm just gonna give up and accept that it will never go away. It's funny, I spent all this time protecting my ears and the one night I forget I get punished for it forever. Life is a harsh mistress I guess. Hope things are better for you.

"You saw the doctor again?" Did you get some anti-anxiety and sleep meds?
As you said, the music "wasn't that loud". I believe you. Reasons for tinnitus can be alot more complicated than, "I'm an idiot that went to a bar with music". The bar was just the occasion that it started; it probably would have started the next time you were playing in a musical group(since you are studying music that is), given your response to moderate music and noise in a bar; playing in musical groups is just as tough on the ears as that. If this is about hearing damage, which you can't really tell without one of those machines that beeps into your ear and tests the feedback from the hairs in your inner ear(you are passive in that test), then it's probably cumulative, not because of one night. But I believe you that you have been diligent with protecting your ears, so I don't think you have significant hearing damage(everyone has a little, it seems).
Instead, as I said in my earlier post, I believe chronic, severe anxiety has put you at a much higher risk level for developing tinnitus than your average person. I also believe that lack of sleep has put you at a higher risk of your tinnitus sticking around longer. So let me ask you again: Did you get some medication for your anxiety and sleep?
P.S. If you aren't supposed to get medication, Mr. "very anxious person", than who is? I think you'll find there is more you'll need to get those alphawaves and serotonin to stick around, than a massage or some breathing techniques, or whatever else you are inclined to try.

 

[Gigi]

Yeah that is true. It is actually "Ms. Anxious person" but thank you lol Yes I took the hearing test where they beep all the frequencies at you and the Dr. said everything is normal I could hear them all. So I have an MRI tomorrow. Man I just want some quiet. Some silence again would be fun.

 

[Cristian Ro]

Please post news. Start a journal (I'm thinking to do the same), maybe some researchers will "compute" these experiences, adding all in a matrix and solve the system.

 

[Gigi]

Man MRI's are weird. They are just so loud like jesus. It was super weird. Like a muted jack hammer. Anyway I should get the results next week. I'm sure he will just say tough luck. It is weird tho that I could hear all of the frequencies in the test. Because I thought Tinnitus was your brain trying to hear a frequency you have lost.... How are you guys doing?

 

[AnxiousJon]

Man MRI's are weird. They are just so loud like jesus. It was super weird. Like a muted jack hammer. Anyway I should get the results next week. I'm sure he will just say tough luck. It is weird tho that I could hear all of the frequencies in the test. Because I thought Tinnitus was your brain trying to hear a frequency you have lost.... How are you guys doing?

There can be many causes of tinnitus. I guess the MRI will rule-out "brain tumor" as your cause, but maybe there is something else they are looking for.
But I'm with you; I doubt they will find anything.
As I spend more time on the site, I am noticing a somewhat high ratio(though, small sample size/bias), of out of all those who have non-acoustic-trauma-caused tinnitus, that have also had preexisting anxiety issues.
The general consensus here among those who I think know their stuff, seems to be, that not listening for the tinnitus, dealing with anxiety issues, and establishing a healthy, regular sleep pattern, is the best treatment--that you can do things beyond this, but this is the minimum.

 

[Karen]

Hi, @AnxiousJon ,

As a long-time tinnitus sufferer, I can truly say that I agree with your opinion. Distracting yourself from your tinnitus and not listening for it, finding ways to deal with anxiety, and getting enough sleep are some of the best ways to deal with tinnitus. It is not a cure, but it is a way to be able to better cope with this condition that we all share.

 

[Vincent777]

Sorry to hear you've got tinnitus. Go to the ENT doctor ASAP and ask for prednosine, it's still not too late, I've started a week later also and it helped! Doctor told me that they treat tinnitus with medicament therapy for the first three weeks so there's still time.

I know how terrible T can be, it drove me crazy two nights ago.

Try listening to this to mask your tinnitus, it works wonders for me. I use them together, basically one is white noise and the other is is Binaural beats music. I've slept like a baby from it.
Mix them together, white noise should mask the tinnitus while binaural beats should help you calm down. I wish you peace and calm my friend.
















And check this rain sound generator, you can choose white, brown, pink and grey noise as well as some frequencies for the sound of the rain you want. http://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/rainNoiseGenerator.php

Also get a doctor to prescribe you some clonazepam to calm you down, it makes your tinnitus lower as well.

Here's the study: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22626945

I listen to this radio when I work from home to help me relax and get into the mood, it's an ambiental post-rock/trance with a little of dubstep: http://www.divbyzero.de/index.php/streams the a m b i e n t & d o w n b e a t radio station.


Hope it helps and update me on how you like the music/white noise sounds!

How loud is it from 0 to 10? It should pass eventually because our brain eventually filters it out, as the doctors explained to me it's the same process as when you don't feel the clothes on your skin or the ring on your fingers after a while. But you have to avoid loud noise exposures

 

[Vincent777]

Here's the advice I've got from @Bobby B about avoiding loud noises in the city, sharing it here.

My advice is to keep wearing those ear muffs if you want your ears to really heal.
You need to keep noise under 70 db for at least a few months.
Unless you live in a desert or remote countryside, there is no way you can control the noise yourself as soon as you step outside your house.

Walk into a restaurant or cafe with some music and loud crowd and that's a constant 85 db with 100 db peaks .Ride a train or car or walk along a busy street can be 85-90bd db as well, and a sudden unexpected heavy door slamming or fire/police siren can be even far worse if you don't wear ear protection.

Its great to desensitize the ears and listen to various sounds to rehabilitate - I do it too - but do that at home in a controlled environment not outside.

Some people on these site have T which ins't directly noise induced, maybe caused by anxiety or meds etc.. so for them 85bd is safe perhaps and wearing ear protection all the time is "bad" but not for us.

its really easy to make it even worse so be very careful..
I did read a lot of posts of guys with long term T and loss and most of them noticed T worsening - permanently - with noise levels that would be considered "safe" by normal standards. I did a few mistakes myself which I regret now..by being not patient enough with my ears healing process

Wearing ear muffs makes T more noticeable and harder to ignore for sure but over time your mind power can make T disappear even with ear muffs.
In life the easy way isn't often the best way.

You will see after a few months T will slowly move to the background and you will get used to it - but what remains is a weakened internal ear which you must protect.

 

[Gigi]

Thank you for all of the help @Vincent777 ! Today I went back to the Dr. to get my MRI results. She said everything is good and gave me a hearing test and said I have not lost any hearing so she gave me "Audiovit" pills to take for a month. She said they help regulate the blood flow to my ears or something, idk I am having my Spanish friend translate everything for me lol. But she said to take them for a month then if nothing has changed go back and she will try something else.

 

[AnxiousJon]

"Active substances: magnesium citrate, ginkgo biloba extract and melatonin"
My guess is, magnesium is to increase neural health/regeneration, melatonin to calm the nerves, and ginkgo biloba for circulation.