I Can't Stop Thinking About It

[Neenie]

im bad at spelling! haha

 

[Johno]

Yer, I caved. I was gonna take a break and I did for about a week. But just felt so lonely and had noone to talk to and noone who understands and noone who cares and noone who thinks it's a problem and noone to whinge to!

Yes, I exactly know what it is about. I lost many friends because have tinnitus. But - it means, they wasnt real friends And real friends - those, who stays with me, still support me.

One thing, not very pleasant to read, but i have to write it. Tinnitus is just a sound, not cancer. Yes, true. Cancer is often fatal disease. But, we are mortal and once everybody die. People with fatal cancer suffers a lot, mainly last weeks before death comes. But tinnitus sufferers suffers 10, 20, 30 years... those with catastrophics T are in worse condition than people with cancer. They are alive, but they dont have a life. They are in hell. This is my opinion.

 

[LadyDi]

Yes, I exactly know what it is about. I lost many friends because have tinnitus. But - it means, they wasnt real friends And real friends - those, who stays with me, still support me.

One thing, not very pleasant to read, but i have to write it. Tinnitus is just a sound, not cancer. Yes, true. Cancer is often fatal disease. But, we are mortal and once everybody die. People with fatal cancer suffers a lot, mainly last weeks before death comes. But tinnitus sufferers suffers 10, 20, 30 years... those with catastrophics T are in worse condition than people with cancer. They are alive, but they dont have a life. They are in hell. This is my opinion.

I respect your opinion, Johno, but I have to disagree.

As I have said before on this board: One should keep things in perspective but personal suffering is not a contest. All people who suffer deserve our compassion. There is no ranking system: tinnitus does not get a 10, cancer a 6.

 

[Johno]

I respect your opinion, Johno, but I have to disagree.

As I have said before on this board: One should keep things in perspective but personal suffering is not a contest. All people who suffer deserve our compassion. There is no ranking system: tinnitus does not get a 10, cancer a 6.

Of course. Cancer is often terminal disease. T isn't. But i personally prefer shorter, but good quality life, terminated by cancer, than longer life in mental hell. Its only about preferences. I personally lost point of my life. Here are strongest people, with worse T than mine and they can deal with it every day, can smile and enjoys their life . I envy them.

Ok, i dont want talk about my depressions. It isnt productive. Head up, AM101 and maybe stem cells is near.

 

[Neenie]

Johno, I feel the same here. I'm an overly anxious person and to me, my tinnitus is blaringly loud, but if I'm being honest with myself, I'm sure there are worse out there, that are dealing fine. Even though this is a probable case, I still find myself thinking that I can't cope with the noise either. This attitude keeps ours brains interested in the noise and therefore you keep hearing it. Distraction doesn't work for me because even when I', trying hard to think about something else, it's always in my mind. I don't listen to my partners stories anymore, im too busy listening to my sounds. I don't ask him how his day was, im just waiting so I can tell him how crap I feel. It can't go on like this. The ONLY converstation I want to have with ANYONE is about my tinnitus. It's destructive, unfair, and boring for the person listening to me cry about my tinnitus, as soon as I see them. I am genuinely not interested in what the other person has to say because I'm so busy in my own head listening to my own sounds and feeling the rising panic of anxiety over and over again. I've always been a bit of a selfish person but wow, I'm brought that to a whole other level now. Just wanted to say that I feel the same way you do. Your own problems (regardless of how big or small in comparison) are the most important thing to you because they belong to you. And you are the most important person in your life. On a side note, my Mum says I need to have babies and then I'll be all normal again. omg, im way to screwed up to have a baby! Plus the smell and cry and poop everywhere! Haha

 

[Denny]

Thank you Will, i know your words are correct, but for me it's not just the t, it's the whole life changes that are getting me down ... the fear of it getting louder, having to plug every time i go out, not being able to eat or drink anything i want, to me that's not much of a life!!!!

Don't place any timeframes for improvement. Some people improve faster than others.
Just keep a strong faith in the fact that you will improve and your life will not revolve
Around this annoying noise that you have no control over.

 

[Catarina]

Neenie, I can't tell you how much I empathise with you and your feelings. My first thought in the morning and my last at night are about my ears. Their state occupy my thoughts at least 95% of the time, it seems whatever I do a part of my mind is constantly observing and listening to what goes on in my ears. I don't have a life, my ears do. And the reason is because I allow it. I know this, but it's so hard to break this circle. I feel ashamed that I'm so weak that I let this rule my whole being. I'm working really hard on relaxation techniques and I'm going to try hypnotherapy hoping I will be able to get out of this fixation. What I would tell you is that it's still quite early on for you. For at least the first 6 months from the onset of my tinnitus (7 years ago) the last thing I wanted to hear was that it will get better over time. I wanted it gone! Give me a cure! For me there was no cure, but it did get better. I learned to manage it, and the tinnitus faded to the background of my life. I am worse now, but that is because I have other issues with my ears that affect the sound I hear, the tinnitus itself has not gotten worse. You will get better Neenie, and you will learn how to feel good again. I'm sure you know that many people here appreciate your posts and wish you well, as I certainly do. Let's both fight on and crawl up out of this damn dark hole! <hugs>

 

[Neenie]

Heya,
Thanks so much for the replies. It means the world to me. I keep talking to my family about it and they keep saying the things I don't want to hear, and in fact now they just don't let me talk about it at all because they're so frustrated. I don't tell my friends because...well I don't really have any friends....that's my fault really. I also feel annoyed that something as innocent as a sound is ruling my life. It's just a noise and I just can't get used to it. In the last 2 weeks, I feel like I can't breathe and I always breathe in really deeply and I still feel as though I can't breathe. The crap thing about that is that I'm 99% sure it's just anxiety. Yet still I can not control it. Because I am subconsciously focusing on it, I can't breathe. I can't believe what little control I have over my body. Something as automatic as breathing I now can't do properly because of my mind. Stupid mind. But, this does make me realise how powerful the mind can actually be. I keep telling myself to just breathe normally but I don't. I keep telling myself it's just a noise, or that it's not that bad, or that ill get used to it, I don't. Thanks so much for the replies and for the positivity, I really need that (as I'm sure everyone reading this does also).

 

[Stina]

Heya,
Thanks so much for the replies. It means the world to me. I keep talking to my family about it and they keep saying the things I don't want to hear, and in fact now they just don't let me talk about it at all because they're so frustrated. I don't tell my friends because...well I don't really have any friends....that's my fault really. I also feel annoyed that something as innocent as a sound is ruling my life. It's just a noise and I just can't get used to it. In the last 2 weeks, I feel like I can't breathe and I always breathe in really deeply and I still feel as though I can't breathe. The crap thing about that is that I'm 99% sure it's just anxiety. Yet still I can not control it. Because I am subconsciously focusing on it, I can't breathe. I can't believe what little control I have over my body. Something as automatic as breathing I now can't do properly because of my mind. Stupid mind. But, this does make me realise how powerful the mind can actually be. I keep telling myself to just breathe normally but I don't. I keep telling myself it's just a noise, or that it's not that bad, or that ill get used to it, I don't. Thanks so much for the replies and for the positivity, I really need that (as I'm sure everyone reading this does also).

It is true indeed what you said Neenie, that you are your most precious gift and that your own problems seem worse to yourself than others. Especially if you have to live with it for many years. That being said, I think that how well it is possible to live with tinnitus, missing limbs, blindness etc depends a lot on the person. For example, one of my fathers' pupils is a boy who was born without legs and arms (I think he has hands but they come out of his shoulders). He is applying for two colleges this year and has excellent results. Then again I am sure that there are people who have similar conditions and who are not able to go to school. Therefore, I think a lot depends on the person's attitude as well. Since right now we do not have any medicine for the ears of the brain our attitude is really the only thing we can change. And that smth to wrk on And Neenie, I think you could just be going through a "mourning" period. It is good that you give yourself time to heal. Of course in your case it is made more difficult by the fact that your family doesn't seem to understand you. But that is were this forum comes in.
My own Tinnitus was brought on my listening to too loud music (I think that was the main contributor, although my hearing is fine). Anyway I blamed myself a lot for it. My mother is a very wise woman and she just said that what it is done is done and there is no point in regreting things or think about how they could be. I know in your case there seems to be apparent reason for the ringing. But I think in time you will probably come to terms with it and realize that that's just the way it is.
And also: you and are still young and it is highly unlikely that we will live with that for the rest of our lives. 10-15 years maybe and then it can already be significantly reduced

 

[Neenie]

I can't breathe. I'm not gonna die am I? Sounds retarded I know.

 

[EdnaLegume]

Quite certain that you are breathing fine given that you were able to log onto the internet to inquire about death from lack of breathing.

I would suggest, given your recent posts, you need a second opinion of your meds from a different doctor. That may very well be why you cannot get your focus off the tinnitus as your compromised brain activity (due to too many meds) is on high alert and hyper focused on the tinnitus.

 

[Catarina]

Neenie, you are not going to die. You are having panic attacks that affect your breathing, just as you yourself know. Have you tried breathing into a paper bag? Or try square breathing: Breathe in for 3 seconds. Hold your breath for 3 seconds. Breathe out for 3 seconds. Hold your breath for 3 seconds. Repeat. You could practice this when you're not having a panic attack so it's easy to do if you do have one. And no, you will not die from this!

 

[Jeff M.]

Neenie, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Breathe deep and hold like Catarina said. Focus & relax. You are not going to die!! In fact you are going to live a great life! It's going to happen. It's waiting for you. Your anxiety is real and needs to be dealt with, but it is not stronger than you!! Dig deep, get grounded, and focus on what makes you happy! Find the joy! Read my post in "Success Stories" on habituation. I wound up in the ER once because I was so freaked out and panicked that I thought I was going to die!! I didn't, and I am much better now. It can and will happen!! Take care friend!!

 

[thparkle]

I know this is an old thread, but in case anyone still reads it I want to add my two cents. I recently stopped taking Ambien (Zolpidem) after having a very odd set of anxiety related symptoms and odd mood swings. I would be listening to a song or watching a children's show with my kids, and then within a matter of seconds the entire "mood" would just shift, to something...a feeling...dark, and and ambient and foreboding. I would have to leave the room and thoughts would flood my mind of inevitability of death and suffering etc etc. The only thing that would fix it was sleep, by taking...ABMIEN!

The psychosis was bizarre and the onset was subtle, until the point that every evening around 6PM my mood would suddenly shift. I had been living in a basement isolated from my family for several months by the time I realized it was the AMBIEN. After stopping it cold turkey last week I no longer have these episodes and although my sleep is not as refreshing I would not wish those attacks on my worst enemy. I am not in the basement any more. I have spoken with 4 different medical and psychiatric professionals and not one of them suggested it could be the ambien and in fact I was slated to start two anti-depressants until I realized what was going on.