Just woke up, 3:15 AM. First thing I noticed is both the tinnitus and the absense of the usual ambient night sounds. I can just barely hear a bird chirping outside, but it's very, very faint and muffled. (I never understood why sparrows chirp at night. Maybe they chirp in their dreams?) Something else is missing, other sounds I mean (obviously), but I can't explain what it is/they are. I never really thought about the various miscellaneous sounds I heard at night. My bed is next to a window and I live in a house in a neighborhood with lots of trees in a large metropolitan area. There's a busy major street less than a mile away, and a freeway a couple miles away. Used to be I could hear the sounds of the cars and trucks at night. Not that I want to hear the sounds of cars and trucks, just that I notice I'm not hearing them now. There used to be just a low level "hum" of various outside sounds at night like a neighbor's air conditioner. I did hear a distant freight train blowing it's whistle, but more muffled than before. And now I can hear an airplane in the distance. I live with my great-aunt. Her bedroom is down the hallway and she goes to sleep with the TV on. I can hear people talking on TV, but I can't make out what they're saying (two weeks ago I could have). The loss of these sounds isn't some great tragedy. I just can't be as aware of my surroundings as I was before. What if there's a noise in the house that shouldn't be there and I don't hear it now? The hearing test at the ENT's office showed loss of high frequency hearing. I already knew it would. I just didn't know how bad it would be. When something bad happens I tend to expect the worst and hope for the best. I think my expectation this time is being realized. I really do have very noticable hearing loss. Well it's 4:19 now. I should try to get more sleep. I have to get up in a couple of hours and go to work.
. We need a new emoticon. We need an emoticon that says, "This is it. This is the reality. It's not going away." A "resignation" emoticon, if you will. I picture an emoticon holding it's head in one hand. Not sad. Not droopy-eyed. Not weepy. Not angry. Just grim. That's where I am right now.
it thinking, "There's nothing provable here. Nothing to see. Next." The reply I get something like, "After reviewing the matter, we find no evidence if unprofessional behavior or deviation from standard dental practices yada yada yada." And that will be that. Case closed.
