I won't deny that I have had a bitter and angry side to me, but this affliction really brought it out. Some days I cry as I lay in bed. At such a young age an affliction like this is unbearable.
You are not alone. As others have already responded, what you are feeling is common. I cry, usually on my commute to and from work as I prefer to do so alone. I will even play certain songs that strike an emotional chord with me to elicit tears because I need to be "cried out" before I am with people.
I even cuddle a stuffed animal because how depressed I am.
I have stuffed pembroke welsh corgis, one in my living room on the chair and one on my desk at work. Only one friend at work (gone now, but will return) knows why I really have that corgi (I ended up getting her one after she borrowed mine because she needed it).
I wonder if the fall from my third floor balcony is enough to kill me. I want to die, I think about it everyday yet I don't do it. I need something to kill my lust for life so I can move from talking about dying to actually dying,
Again, many of us have been there (and some of us have tried to end our lives). We understand how you feel. We understand the depths of despair that tinnitus can drive someone to. But suicide is not that answer. You are considering throwing away a young life over something that can be overcome. I know that at this time you probably do not feel that you will ever be able to cope with this, but take it from us, you can. We have felt that way at one time (and more than one for most) but we have all managed to keep going. You will be surprised how strong you are and what you are able to handle when you have to.
If you have not yet, look through the "Introduce Yourself" posts (find people who's responses to your and other's posts have struck a chord with you), I am sure you will find many who felt that they were at the end of their ropes, who felt that they could not continue with the unrelenting ringing (or however their tinnitus manifests itself). You will also find that they are still here, not only have they managed to keep going, but they are also helping others despite their own suffering.
Tinnitus is debilitating, it is horrible, and it feels like it is stealing your life away. And, it can if you let it. But the secret there is you have to let it. You are in control, even though you cannot stop the ringing, you can control how you let it effect you and your life.
Staying positive is very important to coping with tinnitus.
@billie48 wrote his success story demonstrating how positivity helped him habituate.
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/
And, conversely, a negative attitude can make tinnitus worse:
@Michael Leigh wrote the following, excellent post on negativity and tinnitus:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-the-negative-mindset.23705/
I wish I could tell you that your tinnitus will go away, although you have a fairly good chance of that happening:
@Bill Bauer wrote the following post discussing studies that show a fairly high recovery rate from tinnitus (
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/spontaneous-recovery-stats-over-70-recover-3-studies.21441/ )
But, even if it does not, you can learn to live with it. Your tinnitus is fairly new (based on your first post stating that you first noticed it in April). It takes time to learn to deal with it.
It is a common idea that there are seven states of grief (
http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html ). You are probably at at least one of them and will need to go through the stages because, when hit with something as traumatic and debilitating as tinnitus, you will need to grieve. There is a feeling of loss, the loss of sleep, the loss of a calm state of mind, the loss of "sanity", the loss of the love of life, the loss of silence, etc.. While these things can return to you, at this time you probably feel that they are gone forever (most are not, the silence may not return, but the others absolutely can).
Again, while I cannot tell you that your tinnitus will go away, or that you will ever experience silence again, I can tell you that you can learn to live with it, and that you can get your normal life back.
Member
If they don't quite get it find something similar to your T sound and play it for them. That always seems to work.
