I Don’t Know What to Do Anymore: I'm Now in a Psychiatric Hospital and Tinnitus Is Crushing Me

[Michael Leigh]

I miss reading books so much you know, and right now the titles of two of the books on my bookshelf keep coming in to my head, the first one is 'Just One More Day' and the second being 'But Inside, I'm Screaming'.

@Vicki3116

Vicki try not to be too hard on yourself. Tinnitus can be quite daunting in the early stages and your brain needs time to adjust, as this strange new noise hasn't' been heard before and it will tend to focus on it. Tinnitus can affect one's mental health considerably because it's intrinsically linked to our mental and emotional well-being and cannot be separated from them. As time passes your brain will learn to no-longer see the tinnitus as a threat so will not focus on it as much. You will return to reading in time. Habituation is something that cannot be rushed for it is a process and for each person it is different.

If you feel up to it click on the link below and read my post, the habituation process, that might be of help.

Take care
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-habituation-process.20767/

 

[twa]

Every single person on here knows how you are currently feeling.
I told my girlfriend these exact words: "I'm sorry, I will be gone for a year or two, please stick around because I will come back".

This is exactly how I'm feeling. I am here but I'm really not. Every single thing that used to be easy and carefree is now covered in fear/tinnitus. Exactly as how you describe it. The careless life is just gone.

BUT - two important things.

First: I am absolutely certain that there is a way to live with this as so many people have shown. Yes - for me it is worth "checking out" of the life I used to know for a year or 2 and try to find a way out of it and become "normal" again.

Second (and most importantly): we are SO CLOSE to finding a potential cure for this (so many different meds / devices / pathways coming out in the next year and years to follow) that it would be a pity (for lack of a better word) to give up now. Imagine one gives up now and in half a year something would have become available that would have cured (or seriously diminished) the tinnitus... now that would be a double tragedy.

Hang in there.
Remember that when you wake up in the morning someone like you fighting the same fight is waking up too. At 8.00am or at 8.05am - you are not alone. As my girlfriend said "This is going to be the fight of your lifetime but as a third party observer, I just know you will find your way out of this. It just doesn't look that way for you because you are the one carrying the burden".

Because we have to live with it, we fail to see the bigger picture - which is understandable. That's why we have to trust on the people around us that are able to have the helicopter view.

Wonderful response from your girlfriend.

 

[twa]

The nurse in charge has just spoken to me and said he's concerned about me because he can see I'm really struggling. He says I need to be honest with the Doctor tomorrow because that's the start of recovery.

The problem is, being honest would be to admit how desperately I don't want to be here anymore. Ah man, I wish this was something that antidepressants could actually fix. Imagine that.

The hardest thing to admit is that you can't fight this, not head on. It's a part of you and I think the only way to win is to be more loving and patient than it seems possible to be. But that's far easier said than done when you want to smash your head against the wall.

We feel your pain. This is tough, very tough. But we can get through to the other side. We are pulling for you, you can do this. Praying for you today that you will feel hopeful and find strength. Sending hugs~

 

[Vicki3116]

@Vicki3116

Vicki try not to be too hard on yourself. Tinnitus can be quite daunting in the early stages and your brain needs time to adjust, as this strange new noise hasn't' been heard before and it will tend to focus on it. Tinnitus can affect one's mental health considerably because it's intrinsically linked to our mental and emotional well-being and cannot be separated from them. As time passes your brain will no-longer see the tinnitus as a threat so will not focus on it as much. You will return to reading in time. Habituation is something that cannot be rushed for it is a process and for each person it is different.

If you feel up to it click on the link below and read my post, the habituation process, that might be of help.

Take care
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-habituation-process.20767/

Thank you Michael, you have the loveliest way with people. The way you support people is amazing. I'm trying to be as kind to myself as I can, be as gentle as I can and just relax and give it time. I sat on my bed just now and made myself remember how it felt to hold my son when he was a baby and just for a second, I remembered who I am. Tinnitus can't change who we are underneath it all, we are all still the same good, deserving people with all the same likes and dislikes as before. It's all still there, it's maybe just a bit buried under this bizarre experience.

 

[Greg Sacramento]

It's like electricity running through my head every couple of seconds which makes concentration near impossible.

I have really unusual, uncontrollable movements of my right foot, electric like surges down my back and sometimes the electrical feeling in my brain that comes with the noise in my head makes my eyes roll.

Also, I forgot to say that there's times when everything goes away, it's like my brain has righted itself, as if someone has flicked a switch and I feel completely like myself again but it doesn't last long.

I had experienced the same as you and millions of others have also. Most common cause by far is not tapering a discontinuation from a psychiatric medication - antidepressants - sometimes only after a few days use. From this, peripheral neuropathy that can even reach the feet and occupational neuralgia (nerve fibers within neck) can develop. Healing from this may take weeks or a few months.

Brain Zaps: Causes & Treatments For Electrical Shock Sensations - Mental Health Daily

Do not pay attention to #2 - MS.

Electric Shock Sensation in Head: Causes and Treatments | New Health Advisor

 

[Vicki3116]

We feel your pain. This is tough, very tough. But we can get through to the other side. We are pulling for you, you can do this. Praying for you today that you will feel hopeful and find strength. Sending hugs~

You are so lovely and kind. I made myself walk 3 miles today and every step was agony with these sensations in my head but I tell myself I can't give up, I've got a son.

Every day is just exhausting and I can't remember the last time I laughed or felt connected to anything. But this will never be more important than my son. We have to carry on don't we xx

 

[twa]

You are so lovely and kind. I made myself walk 3 miles today and every step was agony with these sensations in my head but I tell myself I can't give up, I've got a son.

Every day is just exhausting and I can't remember the last time I laughed or felt connected to anything. But this will never be more important than my son. We have to carry on don't we xx

Thank you, that is kind of you. I have a son also. The hardest part for me is the separation from daily activities because of hyperacusis. He's a normal, noisy kid. But I know time will heal.

 

[Vicki3116]

I had experienced the same as you and millions of others have also. Most common cause by far is not tapering a discontinuation from a psychiatric medication - antidepressants - sometimes only after a few days use. From this, peripheral neuropathy that can even reach the feet and occupational neuralgia (nerve fibers within neck) can develop. Healing from this may take weeks or a few months.

Brain Zaps: Causes & Treatments For Electrical Shock Sensations - Mental Health Daily

Do not pay attention to #2 - MS.

Electric Shock Sensation in Head: Causes and Treatments | New Health Advisor

Hi, thanks for replying. Yeah I've had this before after discontinuing medication, I just don't understand why it's happening now? I wasn't taking any medication or anything, it's just appeared and got steadily worse. It's so aggravating, I think I'd get on much easier with a constant tone. The oscillations sometimes make me feel sick, it's such a horrible, haunting noise. When the tinnitus is louder, I actually find it easier to bear.

 

[Vicki3116]

Thank you, that is kind of you. I have a son also. The hardest part for me is the separation from daily activities because of hyperacusis. He's a normal, noisy kid. But I know time will heal.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that as well, you must be extremely strong. You have such a lovely, positive attitude and I have every faith that you will overcome this xx

 

[Michael Leigh]

Thank you Michael, you have the loveliest way with people. The way you support people is amazing. I'm trying to be as kind to myself as I can, be as gentle as I can and just relax and give it time. I sat on my bed just now and made myself remember how it felt to hold my son when he was a baby and just for a second, I remembered who I am. Tinnitus can't change who we are underneath it all, we are all still the same good, deserving people with all the same likes and dislikes as before. It's all still there, it's maybe just a bit buried under this bizarre experience.

Thank you for your kind comments Vicki they are much appreciated. Counselling is something that I've always wanted to do, and have been helping people with tinnitus for quite some time. Those that wish to contact me by phone, email and tinnitus forums.

You will get through this and smile, as you take a backward glance to see how far you've come.

All the best.
Michael

 

[twa]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that as well, you must be extremely strong. You have such a lovely, positive attitude and I have every faith that you will overcome this xx

Thanks so much, you will too!

 

[Ben Winders]

Somewhere in the near future you need to step away from this forum too or limit yourself to this post and the Success Stories category.

Remember we are fighting our brain, not something physical in our ears actually producing noise, assuming you have "regular" tinnitus.

The brain is not like a bicep which can be trained rather fast... it will take many months / years to mold the brain's neuroplasticity into being able to push the tinnitus to the background. The slowness of this process may seem like a battle that can't be won, but that would be negating all the people that:

1) Are not on this forum... millions and millions of them suffering variable severities of tinnitus.
2) Are on this forum and are telling us what we probably can expect > habituation.

2 thoughts that I use throughout the day to ground myself:

1) I read a story about a little girl that had VERY LOUD tinnitus, so loud that her mom had to scream for her to understand her. But the little girl didn't really know she had tinnitus because she was born with it. Some person asked the mother of the child: "Does she know?" Mother responded: "Don't you dare tell my child she has tinnitus"
That just shows it's very much a mind thing... the sound does not harm you. It's annoying for sure, but it's not there to harm.

2) When I went to the hospital the doctor told me a (seemingly silly) story about a certain part of the population in India that is regarding tinnitus as a blessing from god and they are totally fine with having it.

2 seemingly silly thoughts but it just shows how this is very much a fight against our brains. Pretty sure that everyone on this forum has a history of anxiety / OCD / ...
I'm a nervous guy too, I do not have the right brain to fight this.
Girlfriend is much more chill: she said "While I feel your pain and I will support you I can tell with some certainty that I would have less issues than you coping with something like this" - I have no issues as a 43-year-old guy admitting this.

Sorry for rambling incoherently but please FIGHT! Wait for FX-322, wait for Otonomy, wait for a better device than Lenire. In the meantime find a hobby where you hear it less... I have to find a new hobby too because mine was surrounding myself with loud noise.

 

[Vicki3116]

Somewhere in the near future you need to step away from this forum too or limit yourself to this post and the Success Stories category.

Remember we are fighting our brain, not something physical in our ears actually producing noise, assuming you have "regular" tinnitus.

The brain is not like a bicep which can be trained rather fast... it will take many months / years to mold the brain's neuroplasticity into being able to push the tinnitus to the background. The slowness of this process may seem like a battle that can't be won, but that would be negating all the people that:

1) Are not on this forum... millions and millions of them suffering variable severities of tinnitus.
2) Are on this forum and are telling us what we probably can expect > habituation.

2 thoughts that I use throughout the day to ground myself:

1) I read a story about a little girl that had VERY LOUD tinnitus, so loud that her mom had to scream for her to understand her. But the little girl didn't really know she had tinnitus because she was born with it. Some person asked the mother of the child: "Does she know?" Mother responded: "Don't you dare tell my child she has tinnitus"
That just shows it's very much a mind thing... the sound does not harm you. It's annoying for sure, but it's not there to harm.

2) When I went to the hospital the doctor told me a (seemingly silly) story about a certain part of the population in India that is regarding tinnitus as a blessing from god and they are totally fine with having it.

2 seemingly silly thoughts but it just shows how this is very much a fight against our brains. Pretty sure that everyone on this forum has a history of anxiety / OCD / ...
I'm a nervous guy too, I do not have the right brain to fight this.
Girlfriend is much more chill: she said "While I feel your pain and I will support you I can tell with some certainty that I would have less issues than you coping with something like this" - I have no issues as a 43-year-old guy admitting this.

Sorry for rambling incoherently but please FIGHT! Wait for FX-322, wait for Otonomy, wait for a better device than Lenire. In the meantime find a hobby where you hear it less... I have to find a new hobby too because mine was surrounding myself with loud noise.

I totally agree, for some people to be unbothered by it then having tinnitus doesn't necessarily need to mean suffering does it. Unfortunately for us though, it seems we are of the disposition that will suffer with it. Maybe it's perfectionism, maybe it's anxiety, who knows. I know a big part of my suffering is from the repetitive agitation, I think if I had a consistent tone I would cope a lot easier but this up and down sound is like being poked in the brain every couple of seconds. That's what I struggle with the most. Maybe it's just my make-up but I find this truly torturous right now. I want a constant low hiss for Christmas this year... or a cure.

 

[The Bucket Woman]

Tinnitus doesn't make you less lovely or lovable. What's hard is to love ourselves through the process, a less than lovely thing to deal with. That includes unconditional self-love, that we don't see ourselves as being "damaged" because a part of our body is or is malfunctioning. I'm finding that letting go of "this shouldn't be happening to me" is a huge relief. Resenting tinnitus makes it so much worse for me so I've let go of that. The thing is, we don't feel like ourselves, but this is a part of who we are right now. Tomorrow? Next week? No one knows. All we have is this moment. Right now you need help and you are in the right place. I'm not trying to be patronizing or trite, but having access to quality healthcare and mental wellness tools is wonderful. Good for you! Your openness is helping others. I wonder what wonderful things may happen on this diversion away from my status quo?

That's how I'm dealing right now, hope it helps.

 

[Jrblovsky]

we are SO CLOSE to finding a potential cure for this (so many different meds / devices / pathways coming out in the next year and years to follow) that it would be a pity (for lack of a better word) to give up now. Imagine one gives up now and in half a year something would have become available that would have cured (or seriously diminished) the tinnitus... now that would be a double tragedy.

I hope you're right about this. It would be amazing to have this forum shutdown because of a cure.

 

[Vicki3116]

Tinnitus doesn't make you less lovely or lovable. What's hard is to love ourselves through the process, a less than lovely thing to deal with. That includes unconditional self-love, that we don't see ourselves as being "damaged" because a part of our body is or is malfunctioning. I'm finding that letting go of "this shouldn't be happening to me" is a huge relief. Resenting tinnitus makes it so much worse for me so I've let go of that. The thing is, we don't feel like ourselves, but this is a part of who we are right now. Tomorrow? Next week? No one knows. All we have is this moment. Right now you need help and you are in the right place. I'm not trying to be patronizing or trite, but having access to quality healthcare and mental wellness tools is wonderful. Good for you! Your openness is helping others. I wonder what wonderful things may happen on this diversion away from my status quo?

That's how I'm dealing right now, hope it helps.

You're so lovely and sensible, and sometimes it's hard to maintain your sanity when your brain is singing unwelcome songs day in day out. I always hated noise, couldn't sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend because even him breathing drove me scatty so this is probably the number 1 condition I am not made for.

This is the thing isn't it, it's such a test of patience and self love. I remember when this started I thought 'this is going to be a resilience test'. I didn't expect it to quite this level but still. It's made me extremely grateful for the good moments in life which are incredibly few and far between now, and also for the love of those around us. I guess in some way it's fortunate they don't understand the experience of what we do so in their eyes, we are still the same person.

I've been severely mentally ill before, this isn't my first time in a psychiatric hospital and I remember my Mum saying to me 'when all this is over, all the strengths and qualities you had before will still be there'.

I think about that a lot right now.

 

[Vicki3116]

I hope you're right about this. It would be amazing to have this forum shutdown because of a cure.

Even the thought of it brings tears to my eyes, can you imagine how much suffering would end? Tinnitus is like internal water boarding.

 

[Greg Sacramento]

Hi, thanks for replying. Yeah I've had this before after discontinuing medication, I just don't understand why it's happening now? I wasn't taking any medication or anything, it's just appeared and got steadily worse. It's so aggravating, I think I'd get on much easier with a constant tone. The oscillations sometimes make me feel sick, it's such a horrible, haunting noise. When the tinnitus is louder, I actually find it easier to bear.

According to studies, 23% can have a temporary rebound without present medication use. If oscillation conditions don't improve within weeks or a few months, I would consider contacting Martin Holding - oscillations in tinnitus expert - University of Nottingham, England. He has written papers on what you are experiencing.

 

[Ben Winders]

Even the thought of it brings tears to my eyes, can you imagine how much suffering would end? Tinnitus is like internal water boarding.

Don't know what time it is where you are.

Assuming you're in the UK - time to unwind and prep for sleep - put on some silly show that distracts your brain.

I'm off too. Make sure this forum isn't the last thing you do before (trying to) get some sleep.

 

[Jrblovsky]

Even the thought of it brings tears to my eyes, can you imagine how much suffering would end? Tinnitus is like internal water boarding.

True. I'm in the same spot as you. Lost a great job, been in four or five mental hospitals. I have OCD really bad on top of this which has made it extremely difficult. Hopefully it will calm down or they will find the cause. I would do anything to have quiet and be able to relax.

 

[Tanni]

Hi, me again, I'm just wondering if people generally get back to feeling like themselves? Does happiness return? It seems as though I'm going to feel burdened for the rest of my life and the loss of that free, happy feeling is probably the worst thing about all this.

Any reassurance would be great, thanks.

Hi Vicki,

I'm so sorry to see that you're suffering. I was exactly where you are when I first got Tinnitus. I couldn't even sit still or be left alone without having a panic attack. All I wanted was to stop being here. Plenty of time spent in the emergency rooms of hospitals and speaking with mental health professionals.

It absolutely did get better for me, and I went back to being myself. I was on holiday in Belgium within a year, having the best time of my life. I couldn't believe the difference. Yes, Tinnitus is a real nuisance at times and I would be thrilled if I could get rid of it, but it is absolutely not what it was when I first got it. I can still be happy, just like before.

I also got a lot of neurological symptoms like nerve pain, twitching and burning. I was checked out by a neurologist and they concluded that it was psychosomatic, ie brought on by stress. In time, these symptoms went away completely. You should absolutely get checked out by a neurologist to be sure. Don't let them dismiss you. The pain you are experiencing is real.

I was prescribed Amitriptyline (for nerve pain, depression and sleep). No adverse effects for me, but everyone is different.

Basically, give it lots of time. Be kind to yourself. Be honest with your Doctor. Spend a lot of time reading the Success Stories section of this forum, and try to avoid the Support section if you are feeling very depressed. It's very common for Tinnitus to decrease, disappear or cease to be a problem, but it takes a long time so don't give up hope.

Think about all the future holidays with your son .

 

[twa]

Hi Vicki,

I'm so sorry to see that you're suffering. I was exactly where you are when I first got Tinnitus. I couldn't even sit still or be left alone without having a panic attack. All I wanted was to stop being here. Plenty of time spent in the emergency rooms of hospitals and speaking with mental health professionals.

It absolutely did get better for me, and I went back to being myself. I was on holiday in Belgium within a year, having the best time of my life. I couldn't believe the difference. Yes, Tinnitus is a real nuisance at times and I would be thrilled if I could get rid of it, but it is absolutely not what it was when I first got it. I can still be happy, just like before.

I also got a lot of neurological symptoms like nerve pain, twitching and burning. I was checked out by a neurologist and they concluded that it was psychosomatic, ie brought on by stress. In time, these symptoms went away completely. You should absolutely get checked out by a neurologist to be sure. Don't let them dismiss you. The pain you are experiencing is real.

I was prescribed Amitriptyline (for nerve pain, depression and sleep). No adverse effects for me, but everyone is different.

Basically, give it lots of time. Be kind to yourself. Be honest with your Doctor. Spend a lot of time reading the Success Stories section of this forum, and try to avoid the Support section if you are feeling very depressed. It's very common for Tinnitus to decrease, disappear or cease to be a problem, but it takes a long time so don't give up hope.

Think about all the future holidays with your son .

Do you still take Amitriptyline for nerve pain?

 

[Tanni]

Do you still take Amitriptyline for nerve pain?

Not anymore, no.

 

[Jack Straw]

Yeah, probably to get me out of the consultation room. I did notice she didn't look me in the eye when she said it, so I wasn't convinced.

Upsetting that someone can be so unprofessional in a situation like that.

The nurse in charge has just spoken to me and said he's concerned about me because he can see I'm really struggling. He says I need to be honest with the Doctor tomorrow because that's the start of recovery.

The problem is, being honest would be to admit how desperately I don't want to be here anymore. Ah man, I wish this was something that antidepressants could actually fix. Imagine that.

The hardest thing to admit is that you can't fight this, not head on. It's a part of you and I think the only way to win is to be more loving and patient than it seems possible to be. But that's far easier said than done when you want to smash your head against the wall.

Sometimes antidepressants can cause temporary tinnitus. Have you been on them long?

 

[weab00]

I had experienced the same as you and millions of others have also. Most common cause by far is not tapering a discontinuation from a psychiatric medication - antidepressants - sometimes only after a few days use. From this, peripheral neuropathy that can even reach the feet and occupational neuralgia (nerve fibers within neck) can develop. Healing from this may take weeks or a few months.

Brain zaps usually go away several weeks-months after discontinuation of an antidepressant.

 

[Vicki3116]

Upsetting that someone can be so unprofessional in a situation like that.

Sometimes antidepressants can cause temporary tinnitus. Have you been on them long?

They started me on Sertraline the other day but it's not helping. My head is so full of noise I feel like I can't breathe. I just want to go home but I don't think they'll let me. This is hell.

 

[Vicki3116]

Hi Vicki,

I'm so sorry to see that you're suffering. I was exactly where you are when I first got Tinnitus. I couldn't even sit still or be left alone without having a panic attack. All I wanted was to stop being here. Plenty of time spent in the emergency rooms of hospitals and speaking with mental health professionals.

It absolutely did get better for me, and I went back to being myself. I was on holiday in Belgium within a year, having the best time of my life. I couldn't believe the difference. Yes, Tinnitus is a real nuisance at times and I would be thrilled if I could get rid of it, but it is absolutely not what it was when I first got it. I can still be happy, just like before.

I also got a lot of neurological symptoms like nerve pain, twitching and burning. I was checked out by a neurologist and they concluded that it was psychosomatic, ie brought on by stress. In time, these symptoms went away completely. You should absolutely get checked out by a neurologist to be sure. Don't let them dismiss you. The pain you are experiencing is real.

I was prescribed Amitriptyline (for nerve pain, depression and sleep). No adverse effects for me, but everyone is different.

Basically, give it lots of time. Be kind to yourself. Be honest with your Doctor. Spend a lot of time reading the Success Stories section of this forum, and try to avoid the Support section if you are feeling very depressed. It's very common for Tinnitus to decrease, disappear or cease to be a problem, but it takes a long time so don't give up hope.

Think about all the future holidays with your son .

Thank you, that's made me cry. I feel so hopelessly trapped right now, far more so than when this started and I just worry it's only going to get worse. I just feel this desperate need for peace and I can't find it anywhere because inside me is just chaos. It's such a claustrophobic feeling but I'm sure you know exactly what I mean.

I'm so desperate. I hope it gets better eventually, I miss having a normal life more than I can say xx

One more thing, does it ever stop being insanely annoying? I'm over the anxiety reaction of it but I can't stop getting disappointed when I can't think straight because of the noise in my head, which is most of the day. It's just so intrusive and I feel like it's overshadowing my whole personality because right now, there's nothing in my head except noise and the more I try to think straight the worse I feel. I don't know what to do about that xx

 

[The Bucket Woman]

Vicki, first I'm new to this, too. My high pitched tinnitus started just over a month ago. I totally get needing quiet and feeling distracted by it. I moved from a big city to a rural area because I need quiet, especially when I write. I've accepted that I can't always think straight when it's loud. You seem like the kind of person who is sharp to begin with, so that our version of not thinking straight is still putting us in the intelligent category. I also have chronic PTSD and understand the anxiety.

 

[Michael Leigh]

They started me on Sertraline the other day but it's not helping. My head is so full of noise I feel like I can't breathe. I just want to go home but I don't think they'll let me. This is hell.

Antidepressants take time to work Vicki.

 

[Vicki3116]

Antidepressants take time to work Vicki.

I feel like I'm only depressed because of the noise every 2 seconds in my head and knowing that they can't fix that, it just leaves me hopeless. I don't even feel human anymore. Even if the depression lifts, I still don't think I can accept the tinnitus and that's what scares me. Some people might be able to but I don't know if I can.

It's taken everything from me and I don't see a way back.