I Feel Like a Wimp and Loser

[object16]

My tinnitus has been up and down over the years, but whenever i get a set back, it seems like almost forever before i get a bit of recovery - example, if a Harly roars by or ambulance or fire truck, i instantly plug my ears, except sometimes it gets me by surprise, i don't react in time, such as a sudden truck backfire out of nowhere, and then I'm suffering with a spike for 3+ months or more. gradually my world is getting smaller and smaller, and i keep thinking the unthinkable. so i wear hearing protection a lot, and now i find my hyperacusis is getting quite bad.

i used to be able to drive my motor vehicle with no issues, but now the vehicle, i find is too loud for me, and basically i wear Bose qc15 almost all the time, except when i'm in my house, and not at night.

i am not happy because i was taking medications that i thought would be temporary, but instead meds have become a necessity, and eventually inevitably i succumb to the temptation to up the dose.

fortunately, i don't take any meds that are easy to o/d on, but after i take my meds now, in the evening, i feel this strange sensation like my heart is flipping over of something, and i know that cannot be a good thing. this now makes me despondent and discouraged.

i read here, about people that make all kinds of amazing progress, and i wonder, why cannot i do the same, make the same progress, and give a positivity thread, instead of going to support all the time?

also, what happens now, is that if there is a truck with no or bad muffler, the low frequency rumble drives me nuts, my tinnitus goes from 6/10 and keeps going up and up, with no stop, until i get my bose set on, othewise, it just keeps going till 11 or 12/10 and this also makes me depressed, because i have one of those neighbours with two of such trucks, one starts at 6 a.m. the other at 8 a.m. and other idiots in the neighbourhood have similar such "muscle" vehicles.

quite frankly, i'm surprised i am able to tolerate this, at all, and i frequently wonder how long i'll be able to keep going.

please help me.

 

[GregCA]

i read here, about people that make all kinds of amazing progress, and i wonder, why cannot i do the same, make the same progress, and give a positivity thread, instead of going to support all the time?

Everyone experiences T differently and you shouldn't try to compare yourself to others. You may be experiencing something that is more severe and therefore more difficult to habituate to, or you may be more sensitive in some particular brain area. Who knows.

You're not a wimp or a loser. You're just struggling with this crappy condition, like many of us in here are. That doesn't make you a wimp or a loser, it just makes you human.

Good luck!

 

[fishbone]

My tinnitus has been up and down over the years, but whenever i get a set back, it seems like almost forever before i get a bit of recovery - example, if a Harly roars by or ambulance or fire truck, i instantly plug my ears, except sometimes it gets me by surprise, i don't react in time, such as a sudden truck backfire out of nowhere, and then I'm suffering with a spike for 3+ months or more. gradually my world is getting smaller and smaller, and i keep thinking the unthinkable. so i wear hearing protection a lot, and now i find my hyperacusis is getting quite bad.

i used to be able to drive my motor vehicle with no issues, but now the vehicle, i find is too loud for me, and basically i wear Bose qc15 almost all the time, except when i'm in my house, and not at night.

i am not happy because i was taking medications that i thought would be temporary, but instead meds have become a necessity, and eventually inevitably i succumb to the temptation to up the dose.

fortunately, i don't take any meds that are easy to o/d on, but after i take my meds now, in the evening, i feel this strange sensation like my heart is flipping over of something, and i know that cannot be a good thing. this now makes me despondent and discouraged.

i read here, about people that make all kinds of amazing progress, and i wonder, why cannot i do the same, make the same progress, and give a positivity thread, instead of going to support all the time?

also, what happens now, is that if there is a truck with no or bad muffler, the low frequency rumble drives me nuts, my tinnitus goes from 6/10 and keeps going up and up, with no stop, until i get my bose set on, othewise, it just keeps going till 11 or 12/10 and this also makes me depressed, because i have one of those neighbours with two of such trucks, one starts at 6 a.m. the other at 8 a.m. and other idiots in the neighbourhood have similar such "muscle" vehicles.

quite frankly, i'm surprised i am able to tolerate this, at all, and i frequently wonder how long i'll be able to keep going.

please help me.

First of all, anyone that is handling tinnitus is no wimp at all. You are a champion, we are all champions. It takes a special breed of a person to handle such an ordeal. You and I have had tinnitus for about the same time, it's not easy at all. My ears are poor, hearing is very bad and the ringing is beyond horse crap.

You just have to try to move forward in this life. You are on some meds as you say, they could be impacting your life too. If you need support, come to this board and all of us will lend our support to you.

Like i said, it takes a true warrior to deal with garbage noises 24 7..Be proud of who you are and never let the world change that..nor tinnitus...

 

[object16]

thank you all, for the perspective. this is a real ordeal, and although i sometimes am tempted to take the easy way out, i am so grateful for you letters of support, and validation of my struggle, which is all i need to keep going. i did use a couple clonazepam last night, which for me is like an "emergency" medication, i use it very very sparingly, and it just helped me to reset my brain a little bit. clonazepam, i don't like to resort to, because i already have experience with other meds, that once you're on, you never get off, and this is one med that i never want to become tolerant.
thank you so much again, it makes me feel much better to be addressed as a warrior, rather than a wimp. i shall keep this in my mind: "I am a valiant and noble warrior".