So I have had tinnitus since I can remember, it was mostly a buzzing and sometimes slight ringing, I kinda thought that's normal so it never bothered me. But what's relevant is that at the end of last year, within a second, weird sound distortions suddenly appeared. I went to a doctor who assured me that it should go away in a few weeks, which it didn't. At the second visit he said I should come again if it's still there next year. It still was there next year, but I knew at this point it's probably permanent and I already got kinda used to it, so I didn't bother going again.
A bit about my past, I was a polysubstance user, one class of drugs I had the worst problem with were benzodiazepines, alcohol and GHB, I had two benzo withdrawals and one GHB withdrawal, and after that I had to stop because a single dose would often give me intense rebound anxiety when it wore off. This mostly happened before the sound distortions, but maybe it contributed to them appearing. After that I mostly just used Kratom and prescription Concerta. I want to stop Kratom since it's opioid like, and opioids might cause hearing loss, maybe it also caused the distortions for me.
Around 4 days ago the distortions got worse after staying the same all the time, which terrified me. Especially reading posts of people wanting to kill themselves because of these distortions. Today when calling with my girlfriend I just broke down crying for the first time. I listened to a song I really like, and the distortions made it so awful that I couldn't listen to it, it makes me so sad just typing this here. I'm just scared it will keep getting worse until it drives me into suicide as well. Thinking that after getting out of my drug addiction and finding an amazing girlfriend this shit might ruin it all just scares me, I want to live.
I'm sorry if this got pretty dramatic at here, I just feel so hopeless right now, especially after finding not a single success story with these sound distortions and people saying how it's so much worse than tinnitus.
A bit about my past, I was a polysubstance user, one class of drugs I had the worst problem with were benzodiazepines, alcohol and GHB, I had two benzo withdrawals and one GHB withdrawal, and after that I had to stop because a single dose would often give me intense rebound anxiety when it wore off. This mostly happened before the sound distortions, but maybe it contributed to them appearing. After that I mostly just used Kratom and prescription Concerta. I want to stop Kratom since it's opioid like, and opioids might cause hearing loss, maybe it also caused the distortions for me.
Around 4 days ago the distortions got worse after staying the same all the time, which terrified me. Especially reading posts of people wanting to kill themselves because of these distortions. Today when calling with my girlfriend I just broke down crying for the first time. I listened to a song I really like, and the distortions made it so awful that I couldn't listen to it, it makes me so sad just typing this here. I'm just scared it will keep getting worse until it drives me into suicide as well. Thinking that after getting out of my drug addiction and finding an amazing girlfriend this shit might ruin it all just scares me, I want to live.
I'm sorry if this got pretty dramatic at here, I just feel so hopeless right now, especially after finding not a single success story with these sound distortions and people saying how it's so much worse than tinnitus.