I Think This Is the End

Status
Not open for further replies.
I think you should be ok but could always see if your doctor will prescribe steroids a few days.
Mine goes off especially if hubby is frying food and sets the other one off and my ears spike for a few hours.
Try stay calm so you don't feed your tinnitus with stress ..
Lots of love glynis
 
I think you should be ok but could always see if your doctor will prescribe steroids a few days.
Mine goes off especially if hubby is frying food and sets the other one off and my ears spike for a few hours.
Try stay calm so you don't feed your tinnitus with stress ..
Lots of love glynis
Yeah I am trying to stay calm and not think about it too much. I hope all is well and what I am going through is just temporary.
 
The low battery alarm is not as loud as the fire alarm I think.

But you should put it elsewhere, next to the bed is not ideal.
 
@Nathalie
The best advice that I am able to give you from my own experience, on being exposed to brief loud noise is to try and forget it. I doubt any damage was caused. The ear is quite resiliant so just put it behind you and try to focus on the future and getting better. Try using sound enrichment at night using a sound machine by the bedside, keeping the volume low, preferably below the tinnitus. It will also help to desenstise your auditory system and thus treating the hyperacusis.
Michael
 
@Nathalie
The best advice that I am able to give you from my own experience, on being exposed to brief loud noise is to try and forget it. I doubt any damage was caused. The ear is quite resiliant so just put it behind you and try to focus on the future and getting better. Try using sound enrichment at night using a sound machine by the bedside, keeping the volume low, preferably below the tinnitus. It will also help to desenstise your auditory system and thus treating the hyperacusis.
Michael
Thank you Michael for your advice. I hope no permanent effects were caused. The ear should have a protective mechanism as well, right? Especially if you aren't exposed for too long. I try and not worry about it.
 
Even at full blast, those things are not that loud. In my country, the norm is 85dB at a 3 meters distance. But boy this is not a pretty sound.

The stapedius reflex is the protective mechanism so yes, your ears have it.
 
Thank you Michael for your advice. I hope no permanent effects were caused. The ear should have a protective mechanism as well, right? Especially if you aren't exposed for too long. I try and not worry about it.
@Nathalie
Trying not to worry about it is the right approach. You haven't had tinnitus and hyperacusis long. Understandably you are concerned but to help reassure you, please read the following post below that I recently wrote. Although it addresses hyperacusis, the same advice applies to tinnitus.

Hyperacusis, As I See It.

Some members have asked for my opinion on hyperacusis as they are finding it increasingly difficult to live with. They want to know if there is a way of treating this condition so that their life can become a little easier? Or whether it can be completely cured? For a few it has become so distressing they have decided to only leave their homes when it's absolutely necessary. This is because of the fear of making the symptoms worse, by subjecting their ears to the hustle and bustle of everyday road traffic noise and other environmental sounds that we are all familiar with.

Reading some of the posts in this forum, one can easily see that certain people daren't leave their homes without first checking they have their earmuffs and an assortment of earplugs in various degrees of attenuation, in readiness for any potential environment that they happen to find themselves in. The cinema, nightclub, restaurant, or on public transport. If money is no object aspiring to custom made moulded earplugs for some is the way to go. It can bring the added assurance they will be getting the best hearing protection. Whether this is true or not doesn't really matter because it's what the person believes and this helps to give them that peace of mind which is something many of us strive for at one time or another.

The above may seem a little extreme until I tell you one member provoked a lot of discussion here, when he mentioned having the air bag in a car that he had just purchased disabled in case it was deployed in an accident. I suppose the thought of 170 decibels raining down on his auditory system and the possibility of his tinnitus and hyperacusis shooting through the roof was too much too bear and is more important than a potential life saving device. As strange as this might seem, others have discussed doing the same thing elsewhere on the Internet.

I am not an expert in this field but do have the experience of living with very severe hyperacusis that was brought on with the onset of my tinnitus twenty years ago due to loud noise exposure. It was so severe; conversation with someone at times caused immense pain. However, it was completely cured in two years with TRT and having counselling with a hearing therapist. I wore white noise generators for 10hrs a day and used a sound machine throughout the night until morning for sound enrichment. My tinnitus had reduced to a very low level.

Some people believe hyperacusis cannot be cured and if treatment such as TRT works then it merely suppresses the condition. In the event of future loud noise exposure it will return and the condition will be worse than before. I believe it's up to the individual to take care of their hearing and not subject themselves to loud noise exposure. However, accidents do happen as in my case. I have previously explained in this forum that my tinnitus increased to very severe levels in 2008 due to noise exposure so won't go over it again. To my surprise the hyperacusis did not return and has remained the same till this day, completely silent.

This summer I went onto the Brighton Pier and into the arcade. The place was a hive of activity and many people were using the slot machines. Music was playing and mixed with loud laughter so everyone seemed to be having a good time. I had my sound level meter and also a sound App on my mobile phone. Just in case things got too uncomfortable I had my noise reducing earplugs with me that reduce sound levels by 18 decibels. This was a test and not something I normally do or recommend anyone else to try.

The sound level in that place remained constant at just over 100 decibels. My ears didn't feel uncomfortable and I felt no pain. I stayed at the venue for 30 minutes and then left.

The next morning my tinnitus was silent and I experienced no symptoms of hyperacusis. I do not believe that it is a good idea for someone with tinnitus or hyperacusis (or both) to wear earplugs or noise-reducing earplugs with filters too often, because it's possible for the auditory system to become hypersensitive. In some cases it could make matters worse and cause a condition called phonophobia. This is literally having a fear of sound.

I used to counsel someone that had phonophobia like symptoms although she wasn't diagnosed. This person had hypercausis that gradually got worse and at every opportunity she kept away from sound. This got so bad going out the front door because of the noise was a problem. Her ears couldn't tolerate the sound of the microwave, dishwasher or the washing machine. She even complained of the sound of rain falling on her conservatory roof that was made of glass. Fortunately she has improved.

There is much discussion on this in the medical field from experts saying that the overuse of hearing protection isn't good and therefore discouraged as it will lower loudness threshold and I completely agree with this. I think if one isn't careful they can become paranoid over sound making their hyperacusis and tinnitus worse and I don't think it's healthy.

I believe the answer is to seek proper treatment. If TRT is unavailable then start using a sound machine by the bedside at night for sound enrichment. This usually helps to desensitise the auditory system. Try going out for long walks and getting used to everyday sounds instead of keeping away from them by staying at home. I don't normally recommend anyone to use white noise generators unless they are under the care of a hearing therapist. However, if your tinnitus is under control and you have habituated but experience hyperacusis, that some call: Reactive tinnitus. Then white noise generators could be the way to go. Two should be used to keep the auditory system in balance and set the volume level low, preferably below the tinnitus. This will help to desensitise the auditory system and treat the hypercusis.

Hearing protection is important and does have its place. If I am going to venues where I believe noise level could become loud then I have my earplugs with me. Night clubs, parties etc. I would always use them at the cinema although I haven't been to one in years. Reading some of the posts on this forum people say those places can be very loud.

When I use my petrol lawn mower or electric power tools for those DIY jobs around the home, I always use my ear defenders. I want to live life and enjoy it. Not to be living in fear of hearing a fire truck or ambulance siren coming towards me and I have to panic and quickly insert earplugs or reach for earmuffs to protect my hearing. I just think this is overkill.

Michael
 
Lets just say I now truly know what my "loving" mother and brother speak of me behind my back. I called my mom and the phone answered but no one was talking, all I could hear was them talking in the car driving.

I heard them speaking about me and I continued listening and I witnessed them saying all the opposite things they say to me every day. I have literally been stabbed in the back. I cannot believe this just happened.

Maybe it was a sign I was given to realize I have no real family or supportive people in my home. Maybe it is a wake up call to me. I am actually glad it happened because better be a painful truth than a beautiful lie. It is still shocking.

My mom and brother basically talked about how unbearable I am as a person. My mom said that she has had a hard time with me since I was like 10 years old and now I am impossible to deal with. She said she is tired of me and plans on sending me away in about a year max. She told my brother I must leave home and get out. Sooner the better. She said she can't stand looking into my face. She said my eyes are evil. She said I am toxic. A person that only brings negative energy. There was more to it but I don't wanna say it out. It was simply heartbreaking. She even told my brother that in the future he must distance himself from me and move far away so I cannot see him. She told my brother that I can only communicate over the phone.

She warned my brother of me and told him to never start living close to me. She told him she wants him far away from me. As far as possible. But the most bizarre is what my brother said. How he responded. He agreed to all she said. He told her that he has loathed me for a long time and I am the source of all our family problems. He told her we would be better off without me. He said I am a total idiot and I deserve nothing.

He said he will be happy the day I will be finally gone from their lives. He said he cannot stand me. I would have never expected this from my brother. I genuinely thought at least he cared about me among all the others who had abandoned me. And guess what... when they came home they found me in my room (with a locked door of course, I dread their faces now and do not wish to see them). My mom asked what the hell is wrong with you now. I said I just want to be alone and please let me be. Then she freaked out and started bashing me. I admitted I had heard their talk through the phone. Then she said great, now I don't have to do any additional talking.

Afterwards she told me to go fuck myself and get out. I am still in my room and thinking about what the heck just happened. First the loud fire alarm, now this. Each time I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel the opposite happens.

And guess what? I hear them talking just now as I am writing this post. Still bashing me. They know I am able to hear them. She is blaming for listening to their conversation via the phone. Well am I really to blame? After the alarm incident, I wanted to call my mom and say I have a panic attack, that I love her and I am feeling really dizzy from all this anxiety, please tell me some comforting words so I feel better. And I wanna talk to my brother too. But instead, I called and the phone instantly answered...no one was talking to me but I could hear them talking about what a burden I am. Most likely the phone answered by accidentally something pushing on its buttons. I am sorry but I don't see where my blame is. I really don't. Not this time. If someone wants to say something to me, whatever it is, say it straight to my face. Not rant about what kind of a bad person I am behind my back for 20min straight. I loved my mom and my brother. As of now I don't know anymore. I feel betrayed and for a good reason.
 
Right now I am more suicidal than ever. But I wanna fight and survive. I don't wanna give up. No matter what. I REFUSE to give up. I am not gonna kill myself. I am not gonna let them win. They will see me rise from the ashes. They will witness me thriving again. They will see that I am a true warrior and NOTHING can strike me down. I will strike way harder. I will get back up. I WILL GET BACK UP. I will wear my weakness as my armour and wield my strength as my sword. The sword is sharp and will cut deep. The armour is strong and won't perish. This is not the end. I won't let this be the end. Some walks must be walked alone.
 
Right now I am more suicidal than ever. But I wanna fight and survive. I don't wanna give up. No matter what. I REFUSE to give up. I am not gonna kill myself. I am not gonna let them win. They will see me rise from the ashes. They will witness me thriving again. They will see that I am a true warrior and NOTHING can strike me down. I will strike way harder. I will get back up. I WILL GET BACK UP. I will wear my weakness as my armour and wield my strength as my sword. The sword is sharp and will cut deep. The armour is strong and won't perish. This is not the end. I won't let this be the end. Some walks must be walked alone.

Girl, you strong!
 
@Nathalie ,
I think you could benefit from family counselling and your mum and brother.
There is a bond and that can be worked on over time as it can be a clash of personalities feeding off each other and hormones and health issues and each not know where to go from here.
Space apart and sitting down together talking is better than a slinging match of insults etc.
I'm sure you can move forwards with this but I still don't think it's a place on tinnitus talk for family fall outs other than tinnitus problems and emotional support through your tinnitus journey.

I'm sure family relations counselling is the best way and doctors support and sycologist support too.

We all care for you on here and we will always support you but we are not trained like the Samaratins or Mental Health.
My goal in Life is to work voluntary as a Samaritan and I have a good understanding and listening ear.
I think a nutural person can help you work on problems together and help you and your mum work through this difficult time.
People can not hear what out tinnitus sounds like and how we feel and what we might have been able to shrug off as nothing can become a big issue when we feel stuck in a rut needing help.

Sit and talk together calm and not shout and work on ground rules and feelings .
Life does not come with rules only the law so you all can work on your relationships and amend broken bridges and start caring again for each other and listen to each other's concerns, feelings and fun times.
Do some nice things together away from home and look forward to each pamper time
..stay strong this will get better and can be turned around.
Lots of love glynis
 
Don't panic Nathalie. According to these two sites, that short exposure to the alarm sound shouldn't do permanent damage. Hope that any spike it generates is temporary because your ears are still a bit unstable in the healing phase. Perhaps unplug the alarm for the time being until someone can replace it with a new one. In the meantime, T may try your patience with some spikes. Try think of yourself a few years down the road when T is no longer an issue with habituation or with it fading slowly. That way, you won't sink into a mental black hole every time T throws a curveball your way. Take these as the little bumps on the road towards final habituation. Keeping positive and calm will help healing any spikes much faster as the nerves are not in hyperactive stage, thus calming down any hyper neurons that generate the T signal. Here are the sites with some guidelines on various noises and their dBs:

How loud are various noises and dangerous duration of exposure:

http://www.dangerousdecibels.org/education/information-center/decibel-exposure-time-guidelines/

http://www.gcaudio.com/resources/howtos/loudness.html
 
Nathanie, I am sorry to hear about your latest issue with your mom and brother. I guess frustrations at this challenging time in the family lead loved ones saying thing they don't mean to, just to let out their frustration. This is call ranting, and worse it ranting not realizing it is being heard. We do that sometimes to people behind their back when they offended us. This may not reflect their true feeling. As Glynis said above, there is a bond of kinship, of flesh and blood, tying all members of the family. When the tough time is over, there will be renewed feeling of love between each other.

I can kind of relate to your situation growing up. I was a troubled teen and was near joining youth gangs. My parents had a hard time dealing with me, leading my father literally saying in frustration in one of our fights 'you are the worst among my children and you are just hopeless!'. It was a blow to my young mind, but kind of like what you posted above, I used that to motivate myself the fighting spirit, wanting to prove to my parents that I will succeed beyond their wildest dream. I decided I would work hard to prove that I will be their pride and joy in the family among all my siblings. I put that in action to study harder than never before, and I joined a Christian group. From there I learn the miracle of forgiveness and Christ like love, and I realize that I had much to do with my parents' frustration with my riotous youth. I began to show acts of love and gesture of care to them instead of the usual confrontation and yelling. I learn to forgive them for what was said as I also forgive myself for my silly youth.

I went on to university, as the only one among my siblings, and to graduate with summa cum laude, the top honor in our graduating class. Then I went into IT as a software engineer, dealing with state of the art computer systems. This was back in the early 70's when hardly any one heard of computer, not to say designing and programming them. My parents were more than amazed at my transformation and they feel so proud of my achievement among our relatives. Of course I didn't really do all that solely to prove them wrong. Perhaps initially as a motivation to kick off the transformation but eventually is because I want to excel in life and explore my intellectual potential. But as I grew older and having faith in Christ, I realize the error of my youth and understand why my parents were so frustrated with me. It is out of love and respect for them and for my own dream that I wish to excel academically.

I hope you will climb over this mountain in your life right now. It is tough for a young girl to deal with all this but I have faith in you and your intelligence. Try to forgive them and forgive yourself. Try, if you humanly can, say sorry to them that your struggle with tinnitus and hyperacusis have bought them so much pain and trouble (as they don't understand the gravity and severity of our sufferings and the impact on our emotions) and ask them to forgive and be patient with you, and that you will endeavor to change for the better. This is not easy to do for your young age. But this may prove that you are stronger than them in solving this problem. Try not hate them. Try understand and forgive. It may bring about a miracle to resolve the family problem. I am sure your mom loves you a lot if there is a way she can go forward living in peace and harmony with her children. Some one just needs to do the braver and stronger move to break the viscous cycle of frustration and mistrust. I have faith in you Nathanie, because you are a deep thinker, and you are capable of doing things a normal soul can't do. You go girl. Cheers.

God bless,
Billie
 
I am glad this thread has turned into something more positive than it initially was :D Way to go guys ;)

I was just going to make a comment on how it amuses me that a thread named "I Think This is the End" doesn't look like it's ending soon. :p Hope you're feeling better today, @Nathalie. And even if you're not, hope that you'll feel that this, too, shall pass. Good or bad, nothing lasts forever. Take care.
 
@Nathalie I just graduated from school for music about 6 months ago. I used to sing and play music and listen to it all the time (I sang soprano 1) I understand totally and completely how you feel. I mean it. I was you when my T first started three years ago. I'm you right now with my newest increase. If you ever want to talk to me, feel free. Because I literally was in your shoes. I almost took my life twice and I'm glad I chickened out each time. There is more to life than this T though I know it is hard to see that at this time.
 
@Nathalie hope you are doing ok. Remember you have friends here on this forum. If you need support or wish to rant your feelings please do write to us here. You are so young to having to face these challenges in health and family issue all alone. Sure hope that you and your mother can reconcile and move forward with love and affection.
 
I am sorry. This should not come as a surprise to most of you who have read my previous posts. As you may already know, I tend to be a very self-destructive person full of hatred towards myself. This doesn't come as a surprise to me either.

I have possessed the feeling of self-hate since I remember and not a day has gone by in my life where I have been content with myself. Why? Well there are several different reasons for such negative emotions which have lingered there for a very long period of time since my very childhood.

I don't think it is a good idea to start getting more into details just because this is not a forum for such purposes. I don't wish to flood this forum with my personal issues which most likely wouldn't even make sense to the majority of people. I am aware of the fact that this is a psychological thing and perhaps I should have sought help long ago before all of this even happened. Maybe all of this hadn't been if it was for me acknowledging my true issues deep inside of me.

However, when I think about my life I realize that it is quite impossible to get over the deep issues I have been dealing with. Given everything I have experienced and what has happened to me I have come to a conclusion that I can never be free of these problems. The rubbish is in my DNA. Long story short, I hate my mom for having a child with the abnormal bastard my biological father is. The fact is that I should have never been born if the only way I could have come to this world was by that. No way. Sadly I cannot undo it now, nor can she. I curse the day I was born. It was wrong from the very start. I hate my roots and I can never not hate them. It disgusts me. To hell with that. To hell with me.
Regarding my ear problems, it hasn't gotten any better, rather worse. I haven't exposed myself to any further loud music or noisy environments. Not sure if that matters anyway. Two days in quiet and no changes. Still every last complaint remains. Because of the problems in my family and overall unexpected and bad circumstances I haven't been able to go to a doctor to evaluate me. I don't need to tell what has happened because things have been pretty ugly lately and both I and others are to blame. Every one of us has played our part too well. And in the end, what will the appointment do? I don't think there is much the doctors can do. No matter what kind of a hearing loss it might be or what the hell is going on, there is no magic pill or cure anyway. So what's the point? I might as well sit in my room and lay on my sofa like a complete wretch.

Everything has gone downhill. Not merely my hearing issues but relationships in my family. The amazing and very close relationship with my mom that I once had has been completely destroyed in the process. No kidding. There is nothing left from it. And it took only 2 months. Crazy how much things can change in that short amount of time. We haven't been able to communicate in a civilized manner anymore. I think it's best we stop it all together. Today was it. Got into a bad argument with her. I bombarded her with my accusations and she freaked out, as did I. I have actually understood that I blame others to try and ease the burden of being guilty myself. I am the one hugely responsible whether I wanna admit it or not. Reality hits, sooner or later. I have caused it with all the stupid shit I have done. I am an utter idiot. Cannot argue on that. No matter what someone else tells you to do, you have the final decision. It is up to you and you only. Nothing or no one can protect a person from their own stupidity and ignorance. It is deadly. What happened next after the initial argument is better left unknown. I can only say she doesn't want to talk to me anymore (she said I should move out now and never see her again). She said she is sick and tired of seeing my ugly depressed face and hearing my shit every single day. I have stopped staring at old family pictures with happy faces because it ain't real. It is not real. Who am I fooling? It doesn't exist anymore. Why create even more delusions? I understand that and it is better we end this misery. Right now. Why wait? Nothing is to improve no matter how hard I try. I have made my decision. I have made up my mind. I have nothing left. No health, no friends, no family as of now. I have almost dropped out of school because of this awful disability and no one even takes it seriously. No one even tries to understand. I don't even know if it possible to avoid the drop out. We'll see what life brings, what I bring to myself rather. You know the funny thing is that I have always considered myself wise. However, the recent events are a clear sign that I am everything but wise. I am literally the dumbest person. Blinded my delusions. How can a human being act so foolishly and irresponsibly? I cannot understand that. I wasn't like this before... or was I?

I am so sorry. I am sorry my dear body. Every last part of you. I cannot be forgiven for the pain and suffering I have made you endure. Just let me go. I cannot take this any longer. I am running out of strength. I can't find the missing lifeline. My endeavors have all failed. Let this imprisoned soul be released from this body. It begs for ease. Make this heavy heart light.

I have had countless attempts of trying to end my life. Yet each time, even the darkest times, I haven't been able to take the last step. Am I really so weak that I am not even capable of putting an end to all this suffering, this everlasting madness and sorrow? What is it that's holding me back? I feel I have nothing left in this life. Yet when I am about to take the final step I get all these mixed emotions. What if it gets better...what if. Then begins the onslaught of thoughts. What if I will so terribly miss the feeling of being able to squeeze my pillow tight and cry when I feel everyone has left me? Will I miss the feeling of fresh water touching my lips after a long sleep? Will I? Isn't it beautiful to touch green grass, look at gorgeous flowers and smell their fragrance, breathe in the abundant oxygen in the wild forest, look at the sky and feel the sun caressing my face as my eyes are closed, observe exquisite art, open my eyes in the morning, look around and realize I am still alive, do whatever I want because I still can? Because I am still alive.

I am having these mixed emotions but today I felt like I really wanted to die for a moment. I still feel like that. I want to end this damned life. I wanna live but not like this. This isn't the way to go. I have already died inside. Why not die as a whole? It would be better for everybody that way. It is inevitable that I must leave this Earth in order to end the suffering and let others around me live. They will see that I was right telling that. It is not hard to say goodbye to the world and people around me anymore because goodbyes were already said a long time ago. Now I just have to be able to let it go. Be at peace. Let it go. It will be alright.

Hello Nathalie. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. -- Call a helpline and get some help.

Tinnitus sucks but shouldn't push you over the edge. You will habituate.

As you mentioned, your challenges are deep rooted but you can break free and be your own person. -- Break from the mold that you are stuck in.

There is a lot of help out there but you need to take the first step. -- You can do it. -- I can tell by your writing and self-analysis that you are smart too. :)

Sincerely,
John
 
Right now I am more suicidal than ever. But I wanna fight and survive. I don't wanna give up. No matter what. I REFUSE to give up. I am not gonna kill myself. I am not gonna let them win. They will see me rise from the ashes. They will witness me thriving again. They will see that I am a true warrior and NOTHING can strike me down. I will strike way harder. I will get back up. I WILL GET BACK UP. I will wear my weakness as my armour and wield my strength as my sword. The sword is sharp and will cut deep. The armour is strong and won't perish. This is not the end. I won't let this be the end. Some walks must be walked alone.
Why haven't you posted in weeks. Are you OK. Your tinnitus went away?
 
You probably remember my story... So you know, I'm 100 % certain of the consequences (I only speak for me of course) ;)

I went from mild T, mild H and mild hearing loss to 8-9/10 T, severe H and moderate to severe hearing loss because a kid's balloon popped next to my head inside a car. That was exactly one year ago and my life changed completely.

I know that if tomorrow, an airbag goes bang next to me, I'll live a whole new level of hell. It'd be a shame, as I'm still struggling with my current hellish hearing.

So I will shock some of you, or make laugh some of you, but I'd clearly prefer to die instead of having to face all the consequences (airbags and the rest) of a big crash. I'll always inform my passengers, no one has to come with me if they don't want to. I don't have kids.
Off topic but how big was that balloon?Did a hot air balloon pop beside your head?Had no idea those things could do so much damage.
 
This was a regular kid sized balloon, not hot air or anything special.

140dB in my face several times (because of the closed environnement).
 
You are VERY early on in your T. You WILL feel better about that. I promise. I wont' lie and say I'm "there" yet but I am leaps and bounds better than when if first started. Hold on longer. It DOES get better
 
No, just one bang, but the sound goes back and forth because of the closed windows of the car.

Do you think it might have just been the straw that broke the camel's back? My acoustic trauma was in a small enclosed space with metal walls.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Log in or register to get the full forum benefits!

Register

Register on Tinnitus Talk for free!

Register Now