Hello!
First of all I want to thank you for all your support.
I was going through a very difficult time, the fight is not over yet, probably never will, and you really helped me a lot.
Last time we talked my condition was getting worse super fast.
I was struggling with a new tone that appeared out ot the blue, after a very relaxing day, 3 weeks ago.
At first it was intermitent but after a period of time it became louder (I was hearing it daytime), hard to mask and permanent.
All of my older sounds aggravated, I had a loud hiss, a high pitched screeching insect sound in my right ear and other symptoms like ear fullness, ear aches and hyperacusis.
The new tone, that loud "eeeeee," became so intrusive that I couldn't sleep anymore.
After 3 almost sleepless nights I was at my lowest point ever and I realised that something needs to be done.
So I talked to my ENT and a psychiatrist.
They both recommended Clonazepam and Olanzapine.
I started the first night with 0.5 mg Clonazepam (the smallest dose I think).
The psychiatrist told me that if I don't go to sleep in 2 hours I should take another 0.5 mg.
That wasn't the case, because after an hour I started to feel somehow more relaxed and sleepy. I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 3.30 AM because of that very loud "eeeeee" sound. The good part is that I managed to fall back asleep in a few minutes till morning.
I woke up already feeling better and I continued to get better the day that followed.
I don't know if it was because of the Clonazepam (I suppose so) but that was the best day I had in the last year.
I can't even know how to describe you the feeling of being "normal".
My tinnitus returned to my old baseline, that loud "eeeeee" that tortured me non stop for the last 3 weeks was almost completely GONE, the hyperacusis got way better and I wasn't anxious anymore.
To be honest, I didn't expect something like this to happen. It felt like being in hell and suddenly going to heaven.
So the next night I took another 0.5 mg of Clonazepam.
The night that followed was even better than the previous one. I didn't hear the "eeeeee" sound AT ALL and slept like a baby till morning.
For me, this is a miracle. I didn't know that something like this was possible.
The second day the tinnitus and hyperacusis got a little louder comparing to the day before, but at a manageable level. I hear the morse code "eeee" sound only if I plug my ears, but it's a sound that I could leave with on a daily basis.
So my dilemma was: should I take Clonazepam 3 nights in a row?
I decided to give myself a chance and see what happens if I don't take it. I did manage to sleep, not so good like the night before, but for me this was a huge thing.
So here I am today, with tinnitus a little bit above my baseline, with a faint "eeeee" on the background, with the classic hissing, and an acceptable level of hyperacusis.
I'm feeling a lot better though because managed to sleep 3 nights in a row!!
So my thougts about this:
The good part:
If Clonazepam was the one that bring me back from hell, this is huge. It worked on every level: anxiety, insomnia, hyperacusis and basically make one intrusive tone dissapear almost completely (for a short period of time probably but still a huge thing).
I have been taking other kind of benzodiazepines before but they didn't have that effect.
The bad part:
Benzodiazepines are highly addictive and they are not a long term solution. To be honest, I am a little scared, even if I only took 2 pills.
I am expecting, once it gets out of the system completely (and it takes some time, because of the long half life) for my syptoms to get back.
The thing that scares me the most is that the "eeeee" sound will be louder once the "magic" is over.
I feel like Cinderella, waiting for the midnight to come and all her beautiful clothes disappear and to return to her suffering...
So I'm trying my best to avoid this.
I wake up early in the morning even if I'm tired and try go to sleep early.
Oh, and big news, I got rid of the walking frame and I can move now without help. It's hard, I'm limping, but it's a step forward.
I will talk to my psychiatrist and search for a long time solution. For me, Clonazepam works only as a safety net, and, as tempting as it would be to use it on a daily basis, this would only make things worse in the long term.
So this was my success story. My 2 day success story. That's what I've been asking God for, just some time to breathe. And I got it.
It was the most beautiful thing that happened to me in the last year. I wish every one of you got to feel like I felt theese days... you deserve it so much!
I'll keep you updated.
I know what to expect for the next days. Winter is coming. I just hope that it will be more like a cold autumn...
The picture above is a little something that I cooked for my family on the day that I felt better.
And another thing, I managed to get an online appointment with Dr. Dirk De Ridder.