I Wish I Knew What Silence Was Like

[Alue]

Ha ha.. before we all had T we took silence for granted and didnt enjoy silence? .Who doesn't like silence?.

So, peace and silence was not meaningful to all the members here before we got T ?. That's funny and wrong. Although maybe I misunderstood what you said.

I didn't take silence for granted. I loved it for the most part, seriously. It's the only place where I can find sanctuary, that's why this new onset of T has me so concerned. I don't think I can live with it at this volume if it turns out to be permanent.

 

[Champ]

Because silence is beautiful, it's peaceful, it allows the mind to focus on creative endeavors. I've been trying for almost two years now to finish my novel, but the tinnitus really interferes. Is it the noise, or do the hyperactive neurons in and of themselves squash the creative process? I don't know, but it's very hard for someone like me who spent so much of my life writing imaginative prose, to now struggle to put together a paragraph.

In my early years, I lived in a remote valley in Virginia. My father owned 200 acres (no big deal in that part of the country), and I would walk up the dirt road to the very top, where I could overlook the rolling hills before me and the mountains in the distance. Often it was as quiet as quiet can be.

See, that's my bliss, to be alone with my thoughts and appreciate the world of nature around me. I've always been this way, always, just as you've always sought the excitement of loud venues and surrounding yourself with people. Taking away my silence has pretty much taken away the foundation of all my joy in life.

Damn, what you wrote feels like something I would say with respect to how silence felt to you. I could feel energy emptying out of me when it was silent, like a weird uplifting feeling, like all my negative energy was ramping down.

I still feel good a lot of the time but I miss that feeling that silence gave me.

 

[spime]

I work in the library, and silence use to drive me crazy as I like to chat with patrons. Now with my recent Tinnitus, I miss the silence. I guess I now know the sound of quiet desperation. It sounds like a hissing with a touch of crickets.

 

[Michael2013]

You are wrong. There are many people who enjoy peace and quiet.

So, peace and silence was not meaningful to all the members here before we got T ?. That's funny and wrong. Although maybe I misunderstood what you said.

Yeah, I think my post has been taken differently than I intended. Let me try saying it differently.

Of course there are people who enjoy peace and quiet. And of course it was meaningful for many people -- I never said otherwise. I simply said that many people expressed the sentiment that they took it for granted when they had it. That is not my opinion, it is a fact. I've been around multiple tinnitus boards for a few years and I have seen many people express regret over not appreciating the silence before tinnitus. To me, if they are taking it for granted, then it wasn't really a huge part of their lives at the time. Those people (not necessarily you two, and definitely not "all people") seemingly spent more time worrying about and wishing for something more than they actively enjoyed it when they could. It seems like wasted effort and unnecessary worry that just prolongs any tinnitus suffering. Many (again, not "all") with tinnitus do find silence again, just in a different way.

My was point was really to the OP who wishes he knew silence. To that I say, it's not all its cracked up to be. If you can sit, relax and enjoy the sounds of birds, nature, or the ocean -- regardless of what T is doing -- then that is silence. My own definition is silence is a little more broad -- it's pretty much any situation where my kids are not in the room playing loudly.

All of the above is simply my opinion. I am not being dismissive of anyone's views nor am I trying to be argumentative. Just adding my two cents on silence, that's all.

-Mike

 

[Atlantis]

So many people who get tinnitus worry over "never being able to hear silence again!' and often say "oh, why did I take it for granted and not enjoy it at the time!' The truth is for those people, it wasn't a meaningful part of their life in the past, and so it doesn't have to be in the future. It only bothers them now because they can no longer have it.

What a lousy point of view. Ludicrous!

People take their health always for granted before they lose it.

Or do you actively appreciate all parts of your health and bodily functions?

It doesn't mean they don't appreciate their health if they take it for granted.

It's part of being a human.

It's offensive to insinuate that people have no right to say silence was really important to them if they didn't say so before getting tinnitus.

Your opinion is invalid as usual.

 

[Michael2013]

What a lousy point of view. Ludicrous!

No need to be rude about it.

 

[Cheza]

No need to be rude about it.

I don't want to get into a tussle about it, but your initial post came across as rude at worst or insensitive at best. Also, @Atlantis has severe intrusive tinnitus, so the loss of silence is particularly painful.

I am not being dismissive of anyone's views nor am I trying to be argumentative. Just adding my two cents on silence, that's all.

I appreciate that. Please keep in mind that many of us with severe tinnitus have lost more than just silence, we have also lost the ability to truly hear the beautiful sounds we once heard because those sounds are never clear anymore. It's like trying to watch a movie through a fishnet. Yeah, you see the movie, but it's not the same as if the net were removed.

 

[Atlantis]

No need to be rude about it.

^ Cheza wrote my thoughts above. Think about it Michael, you often come across insensitive yourself. This is a painful topic for me.

 

[Michael2013]

I don't want to get into a tussle about it, but your initial post came across as rude at worst or insensitive at best.

I stand by my opinion in both of my posts, but I do apologize if it came off as insensitive or rude. That was definitely not my intent, as it was a response more to the OP and not a direct post toward you or anything else someone else said here.

I appreciate that. Please keep in mind that many of us with severe tinnitus have lost more than just silence, we have also lost the ability to truly hear the beautiful sounds we once heard because those sounds are never clear anymore. It's like trying to watch a movie through a fishnet. Yeah, you see the movie, but it's not the same as if the net were removed.

You're talking to a guy who lost all his hearing in his right ear, and has moderate sloping to profound hearing loss in my 'good' ear. I'm lucky if I can even understand the words spoken in a movie without subtitles. I don't know the lyrics to a single song because I can't make out any words. I have lost more than silence too, but I am choosing to not focus on the negative aspects of it as it doesn't do a single bit of good.

Think about it Michael, you often come across insensitive yourself.

Often? I rarely post and after one post not even directed at you, you're jumping all over me. You called Telis narrow-minded and my opinion lousy and ludicrous all because you don't agree with it. Look, I get that you have severe tinnitus, but that doesn't give you the right to treat people like crap.

-Mike

 

[Bobbie7]

When you ask "who doesn't like silence?" John... for one, it is my husband, who - most of the time - enjoys having music on unless he is reading. I think he likes a lot of background noise and the tv on and has a tendency to have the volume tuned up very high even though his hearing is not impaired. I, on the other hand, LOVED the silence and it greatly helped me to compose my thoughts and become de-stressed. I have always appreciated my silent times and now... that they have ended... I experience it as grief.. having lost something precious. I have not yet become habituated but hope I will some day. I do try to occupy myself as much as possible with the things I enjoy doing but somehow.. the pleasure has dimmed. I suppose every T sufferer can admit to this to some degree. We must all attempt to keep as optimistic as possible, that's what I keep telling myself.

 

[Ed209]

We all take everything for granted but we only realise it when we lose something. I doubt that something as simple as losing silence would be a concern to the majority of people, that is of course until it's taken away. Only then do you realise how much you miss it! The simple things in life hey

I'd love to hear it again because like many on here have already stated, I've forgotten what it sounds like. And of course silence is not silent, there is a sound to it. What that is I'd love to know because I've totally forgotten. Imagine if we could spend a week with no T, I'd sit in a quiet room and listen. With our finely tuned ears I believe we'd hear something, something that's there for everyone but so feint that it just goes unnoticed. The reason I say this is because I have a memory from when I was a boy lying in bed, and I remember being in a really quiet room in the country at my uncles house. I distinctly remember hearing what I'd call a very minor T sort of sound, a slight hum. I remember thinking its a sound we must all hear.

It's one of those weird memories that's always stuck with me. Either I had very minor T as a boy (which I doubt) or what I heard was the normal sound of silence when it's real quiet.

 

[Raggs]

@Michael2013 ~ Thank you for your revelation! I think I've been yearning for something I never even had.
Your comment made me realize this..so if I never had it, I can't miss it! I just have to find my way back to
whatever my silence was.
@Ed209 ~ I also have a memory of "hearing something" when everything was quiet. And I also remember
just shrugging it off, and went off with whatever I was thinking, and went to sleep. So I think my "silence" always
had noise in it.

I just have to find my way back to "my silence", which I think was going deep into my thoughts so it didn't matter what sounds were going on..
I also think that I may be starting to habituate, so these revelations make sense to me right now, maybe
if you haven't had any habituation, these revelations would be hard to understand. It seems we are all on
a journey, and we all hit different points at different times. I remember when I first got it and some
ppl were saying, to just accept it! I thought they were nuts! But I sorta get it now.

 

[Steve-m]

Because silence is beautiful, it's peaceful, it allows the mind to focus on creative endeavors. I've been trying for almost two years now to finish my novel, but the tinnitus really interferes. Is it the noise, or do the hyperactive neurons in and of themselves squash the creative process? I don't know, but it's very hard for someone like me who spent so much of my life writing imaginative prose, to now struggle to put together a paragraph.

In my early years, I lived in a remote valley in Virginia. My father owned 200 acres (no big deal in that part of the country), and I would walk up the dirt road to the very top, where I could overlook the rolling hills before me and the mountains in the distance. Often it was as quiet as quiet can be.

See, that's my bliss, to be alone with my thoughts and appreciate the world of nature around me. I've always been this way, always, just as you've always sought the excitement of loud venues and surrounding yourself with people. Taking away my silence has pretty much taken away the foundation of all my joy in life.

I've had T for over 2 months now and am really struggling with the idea that I may never be able to experience silence ever again. It just seems impossible to come to terms with. Anytime I find myself in a quiet place my heart sinks as the T amplifies and completely takes over in my mind.

@Cheza I can really relate to your experience, which you so eloquently expressed; your words struck a chord and hit home just how upsetting the loss of silence is.

I get so distressed by my new "silence" that I have to constantly avoid it by masking, when trying to sleep, read, rest, etc. I've gone from relishing silence to detesting it. I would give anything to be able to go back to my old, normal-hearing self.