There's a lot more to it than just that. It's actually not the person that caused it that I'm most angry with. My injury was swept under the rug and I was even threaded by management to not talk about my injury or symptoms with other coworkers. Which hyperacusis really is a disability, one that my job caused and I'm threatened to not even talk about it. Since my injury was invisible, it's all in my head and I'm just making it up even though it has wrecked my life.
Did your injury cause a permanent condition or loss of use? If I were better tomorrow I could move on, I have even forgotten about it and let it go when I was feeling okay and the tinnitus wasn't bothering me as much, but when it does torment me it all comes back.
Hi Alue-
Thanks for sharing more details, they help to put the previous comment into more context. Reading your situation, I can why it is hard - the response by your management seem like it violates many things, but most importantly you, your trust, and obviously your boundaries as a person who deserves to be treated properly. None of what you share above is doing that. I agree, hyperacusis is a disability; I have it too.
For me I have multiple scars on my body, some visible all of the time. I was t-boned by a car doing over 100mph and I was stationary. The impact caused multiple injuries, broken bones etc - all of those areas I feel pain in when its cold or I exert myself. I had damage to my pelvis. It disallows me from doing certain activities - I cannot run on tarmac, it has to be soft. I cannot squat either because I have an ache deep inside my pelvis area. My daughters wanted me to join them in a school sports day, 100m dash. I could not do it because of my pelvis problem.
Most times I forget about my scars until my youngest daughter normally points them out, and I do forget about my pelvis issue until I am asked to do something or I see something I would like to do and realize "ah, I cant do that". The other part to that car crash is that I still get flashbacks of the very nanosecond before the world went black. It took me years to be able to look at that memory and not freak out. I dont freak out today, but writing this, the memory is there and it does pull up a whole basket of darkness with it....but I always choose to just put the basket down and focus on something else.
In my original post, I did not intend to say you have no right to be angry at your situation. The post mentions getting angry every time the T gets loud; and so I wrote my response from a place of empathy and compassion. Knowing what I know of anger in my own life, getting angry every time the T gets loud is taking you from experiencing happiness, and probably not helping the T. Neurons that fire together, wire together, so getting loud T and then angry will become a habit.
Forgiveness has absolutely NOTHING to do with anything other than letting the person doing the forgiveness be free of their negative emotions. You have to want to let go of the emotions though for it to be of any use. It doesnt mean what happened was right, it doesnt mean those people feel any differently, it doesnt even mean your management team or the person that played a key role in your event is affected by your personal forgiveness process.
I will also add this - one possible reason, assuming I dont have Menieres (I still need more tests), is that my immune system was SOOO rundown after 6 months of EXTREME stress at my workplace, doing 100 hour weeks almost every week since last August, that my body got an infection that caused my current situation. There were a myriad of possibilities presented, but this was the most likely one. I got ill, from being overworked, and now I am deaf in my left ear and I have a very loud dentists drill in my head 24/7, with hyperacusis. I have every right to be furious at my employer. My wife was even talking about getting a lawyer to me when it all happened. A sentiment I have shared in another post though, is all of that will just take me to hell in a hand basket. I am disappointed at my situation, but I have let it all go. Since returning to work it has been almost as stressful as before my incident, but I have learnt new things about myself, how to work with my employer, how I deal with co-workers etc. I changed a number of thinks about what work means to me, and ironically I am enjoying my work again, which I havent experienced for a number of years in fact.
Again though, forgiveness is about the person forgiving being able to move past the hurts and negative emotions, and start to feel alive again.
mf
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