Hi
@untamed wolf - Glad you enjoyed the music and you have made small measure of peace with your T. Music for me was a creative outlet especially in college after what I went through with my family. I used music to express emotion, and what I was working on at a particular time often reflected my mindset at that point in time. I lost my sense of smell after a serious head injury in college, so when I got T, I was afraid of losing my hearing as well. Sound is a sensory experience that we use to build, shape, and process memories that we can then recall in a time of need - be it for good or less benign reasons. So, losing that ability I think would more difficult to cope with more so than my T.
Your story sounds very similar to mine (except I have only had T for a couple months). After what happened with my family, I was operating under assumption of "the only person you have in life is yourself" early on, but that is simply not true. I made some friends in college I continue see and talk with today, found role models outside of my immediate family in a few of my professors and extended family who thought my parents idiots, and developed some hobbies like music production which helped me meet new people as well. I understand your reservations about your studies in college. I entered college as a General Studies student initially split between Engineering and History, and ending up graduating with a degree with Environmental Chemistry. Not sure where you are located, but props for being admitted to college to study Law. In the USA, Law (J.D.) is a postgraduate degree. If you live your life according to what others expect of you and if you assign value to yourself based only on what others think of you, it will only lead to your own destruction. For career or scholastic advice, look beyond your immediate family to your professors, peers, and alumni who work in similar fields you are interested in. When I first started out, I adopted a proactive, practical, and pragmatic approach to most things in life which has proved pretty good for me so far. Something along these lines may be beneficial for you as well.
In this life, you only get one set of parents and one group of siblings. So as difficult as your family may be, I would definitely recommend resolving those differences and get back on good terms with them. However, I will say supporting you and supporting your path forward in life are two different things, so if your family cannot distinguish between them, then they may have some self-reflection of their own to do as well. Success is an esoteric, subjective, and ethnocentric concept. Everyone wants to achieve it yet it means different things to different people and a person who thinks he/she is successful may encounter other people who think they have not achieved anything (since their success is judged based upon the other person's standards and criteria). I grew up as the middle of five boys, and I hold two different Masters Degrees in Oceanography and Physical Geography and I consider myself a successful scientist, but if I was still speaking with my father or brothers, I am sure the first thing they would ask is - "When do you plan to get a real job?". Yet, I have seen sunrises over the big island of Hawai'i, rode a snowmobile across sea ice during polar night to collect ice cores and water samples in the Canadian Arctic, and swam in every ocean (including the Southern Ocean) - all things I got do through my studies and work and all things I am fairly certain none of my family will ever get to see or do. Success is not only interpreted in terms money and material possessions, but also in terms of richness of experience and job satisfaction. Moving forward, just remember you cannot please everyone but you should not completely ignore those people close to you either. Keep an open mind as well as there is an entire world outside of your home, town, and even country. If you adopt self-limiting approach to life, this will be a hard habit to break later on.
I grew up in a strict military family in which we were ordered instead of asked to do most things. I will just leave it at that, but all in all it was not always the best of times. I left my house the day after I graduated high school and have never been permitted to return, so I was thrust in adulthood probably earlier than most. If you feel you have changed, demonstrate this to your parents and siblings. For example, f you are sure Law is not for you and you have something else in mind, identify it, develop a plan for getting from where you at present to where you want to be with logical and achievable steps or milestones, and discuss it with your parents. Take the initiative and your family will notice.
Hope all this helps. One more song for you (Progressive House) that seemed appropriate. Feel free to send me a PM if you want to talk more.
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