Introduction from a Lifelong Member of Tinnitus

[trft2]

Hi, I'm just over 70 and a lifelong member of tinnitus. I definitely remember it from when I was an altar boy. It wasn't a problem. It was just this slight sound, always the same, that would come and go. Honest to God, I thought maybe it was God. I thought I had a vocation.

It became a contest of wills and sometimes a problem when I was a programmer. A new computer would make some kind of constant sound that I would have to tinker with until the computer sound would go away. And this would happen about every four years. In 2002 - 2003 it became significant. I was suicidal. For about 30 minutes I kept thinking two things 1) I have to kill myself & 2) "No, I can't do that." Eventually I voluntarily went to a lock down ward at a hospital for a week.

That was the worst. I was dx as bipolar 1, which isn't even f**king close, but the meds helped. So I'm not complaining too much. I was officially taken off my meds in January over a year with no problems. A month later, I don't know what, but the tinnitus was a problem again. I can handle it, but boy oh boy I wish there was a cure. Now, if I concentrate on something, anything really other than thinking about the tinnitus, after an hour I'm OK. And yeah, a glass or two of wine helps, but that's not a great solution.

You just keep thinking there are lots of people who have this and wow it's a pretty weird thing. Mine's high pitch and if I grit my teeth I can make it louder. My guess the brain's wiring is too small. I need a bigger head

 

[Bartoli]

Hi, I'm just over 70 and a lifelong member of tinnitus. I definitely remember it from when I was an altar boy. It wasn't a problem. It was just this slight sound, always the same, that would come and go. Honest to God, I thought maybe it was God. I thought I had a vocation.

It became a contest of wills and sometimes a problem when I was a programmer. A new computer would make some kind of constant sound that I would have to tinker with until the computer sound would go away. And this would happen about every four years. In 2002 - 2003 it became significant. I was suicidal. For about 30 minutes I kept thinking two things 1) I have to kill myself & 2) "No, I can't do that." Eventually I voluntarily went to a lock down ward at a hospital for a week.

That was the worst. I was dx as bipolar 1, which isn't even f**king close, but the meds helped. So I'm not complaining too much. I was officially taken off my meds in January over a year with no problems. A month later, I don't know what, but the tinnitus was a problem again. I can handle it, but boy oh boy I wish there was a cure. Now, if I concentrate on something, anything really other than thinking about the tinnitus, after an hour I'm OK. And yeah, a glass or two of wine helps, but that's not a great solution.

You just keep thinking there are lots of people who have this and wow it's a pretty weird thing. Mine's high pitch and if I grit my teeth I can make it louder. My guess the brain's wiring is too small. I need a bigger head

Welcome. Please tell me, how do I unsubscribe from this lifelong membership?

 

[trft2]

I don't know. But first thank you. I have to admit my first reaction was a little chuckle. Yeah, I'm with you on the unsubscribe.

First, I'd should be up front. I have rarely participated in talking or thinking about tinnitus. It's like I got a huge bad prejudice to the issue.

Second, as someone who has been affected significantly by tinnitus for the last 25 years I will say it does seem to get worse and better. I don't know why. It would be interesting if the science on this situation would explain why it is not constant over months And this is not just a question of coffee or other things, not for me.

If there is one thing that I believe helps then it would be exercise. Being active physically I believe makes tinnitus something that can be put aside. Finally, I really do believe in concentrating on something else. I don't care if it's a creative drawing that takes hours and hours to do... hmmm maybe I'll see if I can show you my latest "therapy" art work?? That was done on an iPhone 7. ) Or writing, pick your favorite genre (mine is a hit man, I've even killed Trump before he became president) No your're not going to become famous. But think of it this way. Ordinarily you can watch a good movie, but if you can type and you got a word processor, and I'm pretty darn sure I'm nothing special, I can spend a couple of hours pounding on the keyboards making up a fictional character who adventures into the world. Also programming, learning to program, Power Shell in Windows, are just studying your operating system and how it works. I guess what I am drumming is the better part of life where something can grab your interest and curiosity. I mean if you have ever debugged a program that you created, it's intense in a good way.

I enjoyed your sardonic or sarcastic into. Certainly struck a chord with me.

Good luck and thank you. It was a neat message.

 

[Bartoli]

Hey

I didn't see your reply as I didn't get notified. If you want to do that, just type @ before the username. It seems you definitely learned all the right techniques of distraction during your long experience with tinnitus.

I wonder why you finally came to the forums since you mention the prejudice of not talking about it. Just curious...
Has yours gotten louder during the years (since your altar boy days)?

Cheers

 

[egowisp]

Heyy! I'm studying to become a programmer .

I feel seen knowing that there are longtime programmers dealing with this.