Is 2016 for Anyone Else a Very Difficult Year?

[bill 112]

I don't believe in a god either but the way this year planned out for me with literally millimetre precision and tied the events together would make you think WTF?!

Nothing is planned in my eyes,it's all just random circumstance and one action leading to another.Of course we don't think of every action we make ruining our lives hence why people are killed speeding,paralysed from the smallest of decisions etc.They didn't see these outcomes coming from these small decisions they made,it just happened unexpectedly and blaming yourself for the unexpected is not going to help you at all.

You can't predict whats going to happen from one moment to the next,if we did nobody would ever leave their homes again!As my father use to say,"we're not in charge of this life"and it couldn't be any more true in the grand scheme of things.We can't control what happens to us from one moment to the next,life does and we have no choice but to deal with it.

 

[Alue]

Worst year of my life so far...

 

[SilverSpiral]

The way I see it is,this might or might not last the rest of our lives and what I mean by that is all the research that's being carried out as we speak i.e Stemcells etc.

Now not to bash religion or anything but in my opinion there is simply no God or afterlife so why kill yourself?If anything you'll just be left with absolutely nothing in unimaginable nothingness for all eternity.I know it's probably better than being tortured every single day of your life but would it be worthwhile if they do indeed come up with effective treatments?I don't think so,to me this life is all we get so no matter how bad it's is we have to fight for every last second of it.

And no,this isn't coming from someone whose habituated,I have T and super severe H,beyond your wildest dreams of pain and sorrow.I got myself into this mess and it's up to me to get myself out of it,how?Well I guess time will tell.

Man from your description it sounds like you're coping pretty well even though you have severe T and H. Because if someone is suffering their belief that there is "nothing" after death is not a reason to live, its reason to die, to escape the pain.

 

[bill 112]

Man from your description it sounds like you're coping pretty well even though you have severe T and H. Because if someone is suffering their belief that there is "nothing" after death is not a reason to live, its reason to die, to escape the pain.

Why are your posts coming up as ignored to me?

Anyway,no I wouldn't say I'm coping well as everyday is an unbearable struggle for me sadly.
But if anything becoming an atheist saved my life and here's why.
I wanted to die,I couldn't wait for it if I'm honest.All I wanted to do was see my father and brother again and be done with all this unbearable suffering and to finally enter the after life.
It was an answer for me,that there was something bigger and better to move onto and that I shouldn't fear it.
But to cut what will be a dramatically long story short I done my research and I'm absolutely convinced that it's all bullshit now,I grew up in a heavily catholic family so religion was always something that was engraved into me and as such I never questioned it.
But now that I know in my heart that this is all we get,that there is literally nothing after this life for any of us only eternal nothingness then it just doesn't seem worth it for me.
Leaving my loved ones who I love so so dearly to literally never see them ever again for all eternity is something I'm not willing to do.
This is all we get,no matter how shit that may be we just have to deal with it because it's either this or absolutely nothing forever.

I am quite suicidal at times but I just remind myself that what I have is better than nothing at all,I remind myself that science has a better chance at healing me than anything in the supposed religious realm and as such I should try my utmost to bear it out for that day of sweet relief whenever it, if ever that day may come.

 

[bill 112]

Never mind see why,I must have clicked your profile before and accidentally hit ignore,fixed now.

 

[SilverSpiral]

Never mind see why,I must have clicked your profile before and accidentally hit ignore,fixed now.

All good man, I've never ignored anybody on this forum, and had not even heard such a function existed until now, and I can't think of a situation where I'd ever use an ignore function on an online forum either... Too bad it doesn't exist in real life though...I'd use it on tinnitus.
To be honest I am sort of the opposite to you, I used to be an atheist or agnostic, spirituality had no place in my upbringing just chaos, paranoia and violence, but I feel developing a spirituality is the only thing that will ever give me any reason to live now. I really don't have any loved ones, the only people i've known for the past 10 years is my mom and our cats, and before that my father who is the worst person I ever met, and whenever I see parts of me that remind me of him, I want to kill myself. The only thing I ever found pleasure in is music, and now that it's ruined it's just too weird. You can't even avoid music in this society if you try, it's on TV and it sounds wrong, it's in the supermarkets and it sounds wrong, it's in the background of video games and it sounds wrong. I mean I value that I can still hear speech without getting too upset, but still, and we both know how beyond having distorted hearing, the constant T is a whole nother issue when it comes to anxiety/sleep etc. And then there's the hyperacusis. Then theres the whole possibility that this condition will only get worse as we age, and we will have to deal with other health conditions on top of it, while already having other health conditions before it.

I'm glad you have stuff in your life that keeps you going, optimism is important and all that.

I know this is off topic, but in another thread I saw you say that you regret ever believing in TRT, and the "It's just your nervous system on high alert" stuff. Hope I'm not misquoting you there, do you know what I mean? Could you explain what you mean by that? Because that line is what that julian cowan hill guy on youtube says right? He's one of the few people that gives hope, but it sounds like his tinnitus was originally caused by stress, but then he talks about how he had an acoustic trauma later, but was able to use the same methods to get his tinnitus to go away, but when he talks about that acoustic trauma, I've heard the lengths of time he said it took him to get it to go away vary from 2 weeks to 2 months, I'm not sure if it really can relate to people that have had severe acoustic trauma. Whats your experience with that stuff?

 

[MikeGreen]

Nothing is planned in my eyes,it's all just random circumstance and one action leading to another.Of course we don't think of every action we make ruining our lives hence why people are killed speeding,paralysed from the smallest of decisions etc.They didn't see these outcomes coming from these small decisions they made,it just happened unexpectedly and blaming yourself for the unexpected is not going to help you at all.

You can't predict whats going to happen from one moment to the next,if we did nobody would ever leave their homes again!As my father use to say,"we're not in charge of this life"and it couldn't be any more true in the grand scheme of things.We can't control what happens to us from one moment to the next,life does and we have no choice but to deal with it.

Ships are safer in harbor but thats not what they are made for.

 

[Jason C]

Ships are safer in harbor but thats not what they are made for.

Yes indeed, I have had bad years in the past but this is different, it's just the way everything fits together perfectly that blows my mind. If I had tried too do it wouldn't have happened so perfectly.

 

[bill 112]

All good man, I've never ignored anybody on this forum, and had not even heard such a function existed until now, and I can't think of a situation where I'd ever use an ignore function on an online forum either... Too bad it doesn't exist in real life though...I'd use it on tinnitus.
To be honest I am sort of the opposite to you, I used to be an atheist or agnostic, spirituality had no place in my upbringing just chaos, paranoia and violence, but I feel developing a spirituality is the only thing that will ever give me any reason to live now. I really don't have any loved ones, the only people i've known for the past 10 years is my mom and our cats, and before that my father who is the worst person I ever met, and whenever I see parts of me that remind me of him, I want to kill myself. The only thing I ever found pleasure in is music, and now that it's ruined it's just too weird. You can't even avoid music in this society if you try, it's on TV and it sounds wrong, it's in the supermarkets and it sounds wrong, it's in the background of video games and it sounds wrong. I mean I value that I can still hear speech without getting too upset, but still, and we both know how beyond having distorted hearing, the constant T is a whole nother issue when it comes to anxiety/sleep etc. And then there's the hyperacusis. Then theres the whole possibility that this condition will only get worse as we age, and we will have to deal with other health conditions on top of it, while already having other health conditions before it.

I'm glad you have stuff in your life that keeps you going, optimism is important and all that.

I know this is off topic, but in another thread I saw you say that you regret ever believing in TRT, and the "It's just your nervous system on high alert" stuff. Hope I'm not misquoting you there, do you know what I mean? Could you explain what you mean by that? Because that line is what that julian cowan hill guy on youtube says right? He's one of the few people that gives hope, but it sounds like his tinnitus was originally caused by stress, but then he talks about how he had an acoustic trauma later, but was able to use the same methods to get his tinnitus to go away, but when he talks about that acoustic trauma, I've heard the lengths of time he said it took him to get it to go away vary from 2 weeks to 2 months, I'm not sure if it really can relate to people that have had severe acoustic trauma. Whats your experience with that stuff?

What I mean by the TRT stuff is that it is indeed pure and other nonsense and I've learnt that from painful personal experience and there's many like me too.

Sound therapy does not increase your tolerance to sound,it sits by the sidelines as your ears heal and then takes all the credit for it when it's done.That or it does nothing and you just didn't want to get better or it puts you into a false blanket of security and leads you down the path of worsening your condition even further.
TRT may be good for T or anxiety induced H but it does absolutely nothing for noise induced H only worsen it.I've actually gotten messages off new H sufferers here asking me if they should find sounds that are painful to hear and just stick them out until they don't become painful anymore.Do you have any idea of the insanity in that logic?Well I'm sure your a smart man and can see how stupid that is but that's exactly what the TRT people or Jastrebrites want you to do.They want you to push yourself into challenging environments to desensitise your over active nervous system,it's bollox it's inner ear/auditory nerve damage and it will heal to a degree all on its own without the use of TRT.Julian Cowell is wrong it's really that simple and I implore you not to listen to him or anyone else that spreads this harm inducing message.

I get it though,when I developed H I bought into all that crap also by seeing it plastered all over YouTube and by reading all the success stories I could find.It looked like it had to be the answer and when my audiologist convinced me,a frightened young man that this was the way and that I Would be back to my old self in no time of course I trusted him.

There's people here who believe in TRT very strongly for H as they believe it helped them but I see it as just being there along side the healing process that was going to happen regardless of TRT and then,as I said above taking all the credit for it.

On the subject however there is one thing that's good about sound therapy and that's letting you know the limit of your ears.If you listen to music and you become sensitive to a certain volume that's all you can handle,blasting it any louder is not going to change that.So protect your ears and sooner or later you may or may not see improvement but it does take some time.I've actually spoken to people who were cured of at least a lot better at the 4 year mark without any sound therapy whatsoever.

Sorry for the rant but I have strong feelings about this thing,it's ruined me and I don't want to see it happen to you too.

 

[bill 112]

Yes indeed, I have had bad years in the past but this is different, it's just the way everything fits together perfectly that blows my mind. If I had tried too do it wouldn't have happened so perfectly.

Ever hear of"a series of unfortunate events"?
That's exactly what happened to you Jason,just a series of unfortunate events that lead you down this path.I mean if I look back on my life with T there are a freakish amount of dots that connected and landed me where I am today,it wasn't fate but more so random circumstance.No higher power or anything like that lead you,me or anywhere else here.

I use to think exactly the same as you Jason and I can tell you it's dangerous,you start thinking all sorts of crazy thoughts and it's not going to do you any good at all.

If I sound harsh or anything like that it's not my intention,just trying to help.

 

[Tweaker]

2016. Quite simply, another year of tinnitus getting louder. Each year it gets louder for me. I guess it will reach max levels at some point. Every year I think it can't possibly get any louder, and it does. Just have to keep going. My two daughters still need their Dad.

 

[Jason C]

Ever hear of"a series of unfortunate events"?
That's exactly what happened to you Jason,just a series of unfortunate events that lead you down this path.I mean if I look back on my life with T there are a freakish amount of dots that connected and landed me where I am today,it wasn't fate but more so random circumstance.No higher power or anything like that lead you,me or anywhere else here.

I use to think exactly the same as you Jason and I can tell you it's dangerous,you start thinking all sorts of crazy thoughts and it's not going to do you any good at all.

If I sound harsh or anything like that it's not my intention,just trying to help.

No not at all and I totally agree, there is no higher power but honestly the way things happened this year would really make you think. It is literally perfected down too the second and if even one event changed ever so slightly then this would never have happened. I try not too think
About it but the circumstances leading too this are just mind blowing.
All this on top of the fact I warned myself about these alarms and told myself never too work on them as I know they are dangerous then I go and do it!!! I just don't see how it's possible. I even tried too talk myself out of doing it before I did it. Like my mind was hijacked or something.

 

[Michael Leigh]

How do you know about my cosy little room?? Lol
I'm trying Michael I really am. You know how hard it is and I am sure you have thought about ending it.

My real problem is I really cannot believe how I let this happen.
If it was from headphones or a concert I could deal with it, but this is a whole different thing especially the connected events and I am not joking, these events could not have been timed better. It's like it was all planned out. I know that sounds crazy but seriously......

@Jason C I decided to delete my post but you still managed to retrieve it, strange. I know about your cosy little room believe me. Seriously. As I type my tinnitus is quite loud and intrusive and yesterday it was so quiet I could hear a pin drop.
Ask your GP to refer to you a Hearing Therapist for counselling as it might help.
All the best
Michael

 

[Jason C]

@Jason C I decided to delete my post but you still managed to retrieve it, strange. I know about your cosy little room believe me. Seriously. As I type my tinnitus is quite loud and intrusive and yesterday it was so quiet I could hear a pin drop.
Ask your GP to refer to you a Hearing Therapist for counselling as it might help.
All the best
Michael

The tinnitus is only a small part of the problem for me. I am still awaiting an appointment at ent.

 

[Michael Leigh]

tinnitus is only a small part of the problem for me. I am still awaiting an appointment at ent.

You need to try and address the other issues in your life if possible.....
Michael

 

[Pleasure_Paulie]

Hmm.. Got divorced and lost the love of my life, then got Tinnitus.. Yeah, 2016 can be done with!

 

[Jason C]

You need to try and address the other issues in your life if possible.....
Michael

It's coming too terms with the incredibly detailed events that began February 2016 and concluded on the 29th May that is the hardest part. It tortures me every day even more so than the tinnitus and balance problems.

 

[Kendall]

This year sucks, most difficult since having T so many years ago. It was stable all these years with one tone until the recently. have been depressed for months and now its worse.

Started off with a spike in T this past summer for a few months and the floaters in my eyes made things difficult too. now the last couple months i have another tone that sounds like wind blowing. started out soft now its louder. i can handle the high pitched hissing but this wind type sound is driving me mental. i dont want to live but i dont want to die either.

the wind noise started not long after i put my finger over my ear canal and pushed down i dont know why i did this and heard a gurgling sound. wish i didnt do that and now i am having a hard time doing anything that i used to do. just going out is difficult and dont want to talk to my friends.

 

[Nathalie]

How do you know about my cosy little room?? Lol
I'm trying Michael I really am. You know how hard it is and I am sure you have thought about ending it.

My real problem is I really cannot believe how I let this happen.
If it was from headphones or a concert I could deal with it, but this is a whole different thing especially the connected events and I am not joking, these events could not have been timed better. It's like it was all planned out. I know that sounds crazy but seriously......

Exact same for me, especially the course of events as if they had been planned out specifically. It was something I would never do with my typical sane mind. It feels like it wasn't me yet it was and that's what makes it so terribly difficult to accept I will send you my entire story in details tomorrow when I have time to write, unbelieveable and maybe it will make you feel better even if it is just for a fraction of a second.

 

[Kekistan]

Worst year also. Turning 30 should have been a year-long celebration, it was a nightmare instead.

At least it wasnt 18 for you.

 

[Kekistan]

I spent most of 2015 in bed, and made a resolution to try to be social in 2016. March 2016 get tinnitus and h. Game over.

And here I am with tinnitus also in March just days before being 18 damn this is depressing.

 

[Kekistan]

The problem is... how can 2017 be a good year, we cannot socialise or have a normal life, Guns n roses are playing slane castle in Dublin 2017 and I would have been there if not for this.
I am also now an alcoholic in order too deal with these problems.
Dealing with this as a disability that will last the rest of my life is so hard too deal with.

Every day I struggle with feelings of ending it all and I have the means too do so.

I feel the same got tinnitus last week random the only thing that had changed was that had more stress and now here I am can't even do anything can't find anything funny anymore, well what can you do.

 

[Kekistan]

I actually quit drinking after this happened in order to give it a better chance to heal. Might want to consider that, as drinking also can cause depression. Nobody should ever kill themselves, but what means would you do? My best option is hanging, which I really don't want to do, since I was strangled growing up.

Well when I say I don't want to I mean I want to figure out a better way.

I actually think the same ever since I got tinnitus I have been thinking about suicide everyday just don't want to do it on those ways if there was easier way maybe I could have done it but I don't think I will do it yet, at least not right now.

 

[Kekistan]

We all have regrets Jason,as someone once said to me"you can't regret what felt right at the time"

It's true in so many ways,like people who to a concert that they're looking forward to,it feels right,they don't see nor know what's coming and when they develop T after all they do is sit there in a pool of regret and tell themselves how stupid they are.The fact of the matter is,they aren't,it simply wasn't their fault as they didn't know of the outcome.
It's like somebody looking at a bright to screen all day everyday only to develop some form of rare eyesight problem as a result that barely anyone has heard of.The can't blame themselves for that,it's not their fault that they didn't predict every single outcome of watching tv that day.

Then there's me,someone who constantly lives in utter regret and anger every single day!I done this to myself,a lot of it was something I didn't or couldn't possibly predict.

-Developed T in January 2011
The exact cause was unknown but I have my suspicions as to what caused it.
I was told I hadn't damaged my hearing at all and that it was most likely from an infection and sent home.
A year later and my T was 99.9% gone so for intensive purposes I was cured.

-February 2012
I was tired of not getting out with my mates and seeing as it was Saint Patrick's day I went down to the pub for a few pints.Pubs weren't a problem for me and I enjoyed the entire day.Then my mates were leaving and going to a night club and I was extremely resistant to go.I didn't know if it would be ok or not so I rang two of my mates who also had T and also my uncle.They all told me I would be absolutely fine as they had attended Milano clubs and concerts since onset.
This convinced me it would be ok but I still wore earplugs regardless.
Half way through the night my plugs fell out after a friend of mine who hugged me knocked them out without me realising at all!I spent another hour in there before I realised and froze in the middle of the dance floor.I didn't know what to do,I danced a little longer before leaving as I didn't want to push things too far.
The next day I woke up with a loud blaring tone inside my head and I instantly went into blind panic mode,this gamble had not payed off for me,a gamble I would have never taken if not for the encouragement of my uncle and friends.I was the kind of guy that always took what people said as a truth especially those very close to me.
Anyway I rushed to an ear specialist and got all the hearing tests done yet again and she told me that I hadn't damaged my hearing whatsoever,as she was a professional and I was young I believed and trusted everything she told me including her advice.She told me to get out and about and if I ever found myself in noisy places to give myself regular breaks and not to over do it.I was also to wear proper earplugs in loud places but this wasn't a problem as I simply was never setting foot in such a place ever again!
Anyway the T backed off after a few months,back down to just a soft hiss and I could manage just fine.
I was back working,back socialising although I was careful about louder environments,if it was too loud for me I would simply stay and chat before abruptly leaving.I protected my hearing with tools etc and for the best part I was doing great!Then....

-January 2014

I went to my mates 21st birthday party,when I walked inside it was extremely loud and I made the decision that staying here wouldn't be a good idea but as I went to leave I was greeted by a locked door.Surprise surprise they had organised a stripper for him and I was now locked inside for way longer than I was comfortable with.Upon leaving I had a temporary threshold shift and a bit panicked I went home to bed.Luckily the next day everything was fine so I went to dinner with a few friends and it was at dinner I noticed something weird with my ears.I couldn't really tolerate the sound of the place and when I left my ears felt raw.A few days later my T suddenly jumped up and so began the panic yet again.I sat in my room watching YouTube videos when suddenly a high pitched squeel burst out of my TV and that was it,straight into the pits of hell!
Everything got ten times louder and my T went through the roof,higher than I ever thought possible.I was so confused as to what was happening to me,I was just so scared and worried that I completely collapsed in front of my family.I woke up in the back of my fathers jeep on route to the doctors office.After we arrived there I told him I had T and what looked like severe Hyperacusis from what I goggled on my phone on the way over.Of course he had never heard of it and I was sent to a Tinnitus and Hyperacusis specialist near my home.Upon getting to his office yet another full hearing evaluation was conducted and slyet again they came back absolutely perfect.I sat there confused and scared and that's when he fed me the Jastrebroff"nervous system shock"theory.He then showed my countless success stories of people who underwent said treatment and that I would be absolutely fine.I believed every word of it and committed to it with all my heart and to cut an already long story short two years later my T had dropped to a stable low hiss yet again and my H had improved by about 80-85% mainly just having problems with sharp noises and very loud noises.
I met a girl and we started getting out a lot more,never anything too wild but I began pushing myself harder and harder in the last two months of 2015.We went for a trip to England,to a comedy show and a few dinners and such with family.

-January 2016

I had began to experience weird symptoms leading up to Janusry but doctors had confirmed that I had a sprained neck and of course I believed them.It was like a stingy burning pain all over my neck and down my back but in January it became unbearable!I made an appointment with my audiologist and my neurologist.My T suddenly got much louder and yet again the state of panic started all over again.
Surprise surprise yet again no hearing damage found and I was told to do sound therapy by both of them.I was angry and now a huge sceptic of sound therapy but regardless it was all I could do to try and improve or so I thought.I began doing it everyday when one day my volume randomly jumped to full for no reason whatsoever and that was the final straw.Since then I've been in utter hell that seems to be worsening by the day,no matter what I do every noise seems to be way too much for me and only worsens me everytime.As a result I'm now a complete hermit living my days out in pure isolation and fear.Its not easy and I often just think about ending it all but as of yet I don't see that as the best option.

Didn't mean to write an essay but I just thought I'd tell my story for what it's worth.

Feel for you.

 

[Rings-a-Bell]

2016 was challenging... in order of occurrence...

• Dad died from cancer
• Got Tinnitus
• Needed surgery for kidney stone
• Had a business partner who went crazy and ruined our successful business.
  
• Daughter got Crohn's disease

2017 isn't any easier yet but I am pushing though