Let's Talk Parenting: Tips and Experiences for Parents with Tinnitus / Hyperacusis

[Zigs]

Hi all! I hope everyone is doing as well as possible. I thought it might be helpful to start a parent thread for those of us who have little ones—somewhere to share parenting experiences with tinnitus/hyperacusis, tips on staying safe, etc!

I have a three-year-old toddler and a 12-week-old baby - the baby had colic for at least eight weeks and relentless screaming every night, so that's been fun, haha. I live in fear of balloons and noisy kids' parties - for myself and the potential damage to my kids.

I hope to hear from some other parents. x

 

[IYIiKe]

Depending on how severe it is, get Eargasm or custom-fitted earplugs. If you can manage, baths with earplugs for a while can help. Noisy venues? Use earplugs. Just have 3-4 pairs in optimal locations (car, keychain, etc.). Part of hyperacusis, for those who aren't debilitatingly severe, is continuing to expose oneself to noise and getting comfortable being uncomfortable. It gets easier once you overcome the psychological barrier where you think you need to protect yourself from play screams.

The "fear of damage to your kids" is pure projection. Don't let your misfortune be your kids.

 

[Ngo13]

My firstborn is the one who gave me tinnitus, hyperacusis and TTTS as a newborn. The acoustic shock from him crying near my ear just happened to affect me in this permanent way, which I've deduced is just really shit luck at this point. I've witnessed many occasions with others who were assaulted with very similar - if not worse - sound traumas from their kids and come out unscathed. Even those with pre-existing ear issues like tinnitus don't tend to suffer permanent worsenings from these sound traumas - so reminding yourself of that might help.

That being said, I survived my first infancy in foam earplugs and earmuffs most of the time. My custom earplugs saved my sanity. I learned the "danger zones" and always have my custom earplugs at bathtime, diaper changes, feeding, working in the kitchen, car rides, roughhousing time, and bedtime. I never hold my child with their mouth near my ears. When crying occurs and hugs are in order, I always hug to my chest instead of my shoulder, as most do.

I always carry a pair of custom and foam earplugs in a carrying case on my person. My earmuffs hang on a Command hook attached to my bedframe, although I rarely use them at this point.

That's not to say that I haven't had my share of accidents where I've been caught unaware by a scream or loud laugh. I've been lucky to suffer no permanent effects. I always do my best to keep calm in case it makes a difference. And, of course, there are situations where parenting instincts kick in, and there's no time for hearing protection - just the other day, my toddler took a tumble down half our stairs, and my instinct is just to run to them to make sure they are okay (luckily, he was!) I tell myself in those moments that the odds of another acoustic shock/trauma are unlikely, and if I get a temporary spike, it is worth it.

My second is two weeks old, and I practice what I should have done with my first from the beginning - that it's okay for the baby to cry for another minute or two so I can make sure I have my hearing protected. Just put them down in a safe place - it's okay, and they will be okay. I find myself in my earplugs (preemptively) more than I'd like, but I know this phase will pass, and easier days will come. I don't fear overprotecting at the moment because, in the end, my sanity is more important. It's not worth me suffering through being uncomfortable or anxious to prove that my ears will be okay. It's just not the time for that. Hearing protection, especially custom earplugs, and not more heavy-duty stuff, won't hurt in the short term.

I've sacrificed moments with my kid, like sitting out of the fireworks display. And I know I won't be the sporting game parent in the future. If they play an instrument, I will be the parent with the earmuffs in the back during concerts who might need to step out for breaks. My toddler is in a music class, but I always have to step out when they bring out the drumsticks. But kids adapt. I will make sure I still have special things I do with them. It is what it is.

I cling to the hope for better days and a real treatment. Having kids and being a parent is the best thing for me; it's what I love the most about life. Although I still get the lingering fear that my tinnitus could get worse at any moment, I remind myself that I shouldn't waste this day then since I'll wish I enjoyed what I had if the day of worsening ever comes. Being a parent with tinnitus and ear issues is extremely hard, but we have to do what we have to do!

 

[Zigs]

I've learned the hard way to wear earplugs whenever I'm around the kids! They are unpredictable and loud! It does make me sad that I can't do much with my new baby compared to how many classes and activities I did with my first. My ears are too sensitive at the moment, and I feel like I need to protect them as much as possible. Their dad does bath time, luckily for me (but again, I'm missing out).

I know I shouldn't project onto them, but my eldest dislikes hand dryers and things like that and says the baby's screams hurt her ears, so I'm definitely cautious and won't be letting them use headphones at all.

 

[GG_Ear]

@Zigs, @Ngo13, I am also a parent to a young baby. My tinnitus reacts to sounds such as cars, wind, and running water, as well as to certain sounds in speech (including my own voice and my baby's cry). Does your tinnitus react to voices, too?

It's like a high-pitched beep/tone that overlays the external sound. As soon as the external sound stops, so does the beep.

I have a history of neck pain, a closed lockjaw (TMJD), and TTTS, and I might have experienced an acoustic shock in June last year that led to my worsening. (Tinnitus was low-level and non-reactive up until that point). I had pain and burning in my ear last year, but that subsided in a few months.

This all makes parenting so much more difficult! Reading your comments gives me hope for the future.

 

[marqualler]

As a longtime parent whose tinnitus kicked in when my oldest was 1, hang in there. My kids are now ages 10 and 8, going into 5th grade and 3rd grade, and fortunately, no amount of screaming from them has ever worsened my own tinnitus.

I'd also say hang in there for the long haul because when I first had tinnitus, I had the same thoughts that I might not be able to be the type of parent I hoped to be. Still, I've always been enough, and the logistical things like going to concerts, coaching sports, etc., ended up not being a big deal at all with them. It took me years, but I got to a point where tinnitus was never on my mind whatsoever as they got older. I'm dealing with my own recurrence right now, so I'm really glad to share it with you all. I'm glad this thread reminds me that things can slowly change and improve. I also feel for you all, as while my recurrence has caused my tinnitus to feel more reactive than it was, it hasn't been as reactive as having every noise trigger reactions.

I do think there are more of us out there than even any of us realize — just today, I was going back to one of my old Facebook posts and remembering the number of people who replied to me saying they also have tinnitus and that it sucks, but they live pretty normal lives otherwise. It might not be perfect, but our kids need us, and it gives us something to get out of bed to do.

Your posts also make me miss when my littles were just tiny babies — every stage is wonderful and horrible at the same time, but those baby times were amazing.

 

[Utdmad89]

Yeah, I got severe tinnitus just before my son turned one. Then, just after my son turned two, I got hyperacusis. I now have noxacusis, and it's really tough to deal with while having an excitable two-year-old. Protect your ears.

 

[Zigs]

@Zigs, @Ngo13, I am also a parent to a young baby. My tinnitus reacts to sounds such as cars, wind, and running water, as well as to certain sounds in speech (including my own voice and my baby's cry). Does your tinnitus react to voices, too?

It's like a high-pitched beep/tone that overlays the external sound. As soon as the external sound stops, so does the beep.

I have a history of neck pain, a closed lockjaw (TMJD), and TTTS, and I might have experienced an acoustic shock in June last year that led to my worsening. (Tinnitus was low-level and non-reactive up until that point). I had pain and burning in my ear last year, but that subsided in a few months.

This all makes parenting so much more difficult! Reading your comments gives me hope for the future.

Yes, I have reactive tinnitus as well. What did you do to ease pain or recover from pain, especially with a baby? I can't avoid all the noise.