Living Alone and Single vs Living Together with Partner — Tinnitus Easier to Handle?

[musicblue]

Who here lives alone and is single? Normally I would be fine with this situation without tinnitus, but now I have it I am finding it is playing havoc with my mind, particularly in the morning and evenings - not being able to offload some stress simply by being cuddled up to someone on the couch or bed, or having someone to talk to in those dark moments. I am not talking about friends or housemates here but someone who lives with a long term partner and shares intimacy with.

If you have a long term partner it would be good to hear your thoughts on this as to how this helps with your stress and general well being.

I want to start dating but I feel like it's a nonstarter right now as dating is meant to be fun and spontaneous in the beginning - and that is not how I feel at all right now. Catch 22.

 

[Alex Vorn]

Tinnitus has a huge negative impact on relationships, I can't image right now dating with my current situation, maybe you would like to move with your parents (for a short period)?

 

[stacey]

I am in this exact boat. How I'm feeling is I wouldn't want to bring someone who doesn't have tinnitus or hyperacusis into my misery... people who don't have this condition find it hard to sympathize. Especially since everything that's considered "fun" to most people are things with loudness/events.

But we're human and we still crave the intimacy and comfort of another person. Sadly I just don't see it happening.

 

[Lilah]

I'm single and living alone. For the past few months I've been allowed to telework at my parents because of the pandemic. I think it is much better than quarantining alone, especially with tinnitus. Generally speaking, I feel better with I have other people around, including roommates. Despite this, I'm too old for roommates and I do like my personal space.

With respect to living with a partner, it really depends on compatibility and partner's personality and caretaking abilities. You said you wanted to offload some stress to your partner; however many partners may not be able to handle this and if they do only for a certain while. Chances are if your partner doesn't have tinnitus or another chronic illness, he/she will most likely not understand what you are going through. However, don't give up hope, you can still try dating. You might find a "rare gem" of a person.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Normally I would be fine with this situation without tinnitus, but now I have it I am finding it is playing havoc with my mind, particularly in the morning and evenings - not being able to offload some stress simply by being cuddled up to someone on the couch or bed, or having someone to talk to in those dark moments.

I feel sorry for all of the extroverts. It must be tough to be unable to be happy unless you go through the trouble of convincing some random dude/dudette to be there in the room with you.

 

[aot]

I feel sorry for all of the extroverts. It must be tough to be unable to be happy unless you go through the trouble of convincing some random dude/dudette to be there in the room with you.

Introverts also get married and have relationships.

 

[Walker123]

I want to start dating

If you want it, just try it.
There is only one way to find out if it works.

 

[Lilah]

One thing to realize is that when one partner has a chronic illness, both partners suffer a loss. It will definitely take a toll on the healthy partner, especially men, after a while. It is very important to discuss this and maybe even consider counseling prior to entering a relationship.

 

[JohnL99]

Personally even just having another human in the same house provides comfort to me. Anxiety brought on by tinnitus takes me into a very lonely, dark place and I feel much better when there is someone else there.

The only problem is my roommate wakes me up too much and as hard as it is to get to sleep sometimes it doesn't help.

Well just three weeks ago I didn't have to worry about such concerns because I was completely habituated to my mild tinnitus. Now things have gone haywire for no discernible reason. Oh well.

I remember 4 years ago (before tinnitus) when I had a month straight of horrible ear clogging (maybe ETD?) it made me so anxious that I had to move in with my dad for a while because it was so distressing to me to be alone. Unfortunately he passed away so I'm stuck for now. I seem to be having the same clogging again, but this time there's tinnitus involved so it's worse...

 

[GeorgeLG]

It's a catch 22 for sure. I live alone after the loss of my wife 3 years ago. I am as good at living alone as anyone but there is a limit and figuring out some socialization mechanism is important. I have chosen not to pursue another intimate relationship but I have found that figuring out some routine human contact is necessary for my health and well-being so I have been putting more effort into that lately. As far as caring understanding partners, they are out there but are in the minority. If you put the time in, you have a good chance of finding someone that will support you but you might have some disappointment along your journey.

George

 

[dan]

I have chosen not to pursue another intimate relationship but I have found that figuring out some routine human contact is necessary for my health and well-being

What about sex? What are we supposed to do about sex?

 

[GeorgeLG]

What about sex? What are we supposed to do about sex?

These are tough challenges for sure but nothing is impossible. My advice would be to work on yourself to be as funny, compassionate, empathetic and caring as you can so that you come across as a really nice guy that is a desirable partner that just so happens to have a challenge with their ears. I sought out compassionate and kind family members to have Christmas with this year because I knew that they would go out of their way to accommodate my issues. They hid phones, disconnected Alexas, turned off the refrigerator and we had a great time. There are potential partners out there that are just as understanding and kind. I'm sorry but my wonderful niece is taken, she just got married, but she has friends.

George