Living in the Twilight Zone

[Grrr!]

You remember that episode of The Twilight Zone where the librarian lived to read books and then he found himself the last man on earth with a library of books and he accidentally breaks his glasses? That's me.



I love peace and quite. I take vacations where it's silent except for nature. Now, I will never be able to enjoy that again.

I haven't been diagnosed with tinnitus (T) but I have a doctor's appointment today which I suspect will just lead to a referral to an audiologist.

But I'm sure I have it.

I used to believe that T was a high pitch sound or something that rock and roll bands or soldiers got from explosions or loud noises. That's not what I have. I have a low frequency rumble ALL THE TIME.

Frankly, I've had this for years (I guess) but I always thought it was the bulldozers and machines in the area. Believe it of not, I could live with that.

But a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Vegas and heard it. "Why the hell do I hear those trucks all the way up here on the 11th floor?" Hmmm.

But it didn't sink in.

Then a week ago I realized it was ME.

Now it's in my head. Literally. I hear it all the time because I know it's me and not the trucks.

Last night I got about three hours sleep... and NOT in a row. Twenty minutes here, twenty minutes there...

Grrr!

I can't imagine going through life like this. It's louder than most things around me.

For the most part, it gets masked if I go on walks through the city or if I have a big fan blowing on me (the wind must mask it) but it's getting a little cool for that.

And it's been getting worse. A few weeks ago (when I still thought it was trucks) I awoke and thought, "Damn those guys are really busy tonight!"

Sigh.

BTW, earlier this year I was tested and the same ear has 25% hearing loss. I think it's more now. If I use an iPhone to play music I have to adjust the slider so it's 50% to the right to sound like it's in the middle.

If there is any saving grace that I have to wrap my head around it's that I was "dealing" with it when I thought it was trucks. I just need to get back to that state of mind.

I have to.

 

[daedalus]

I used that same expressions "to be in the twilight zone". If you are wondering if you have tinnitus you are one of the lucky ones who have a mild case. Good.

I like calm and quiet. I hate "meaningless and vulgar noises". My tinnitus was that bad that i was unable to finish one page of a comic book. Couldn't concentrate.

Now, i can enjoy calm. Despite the tinnitus. I used to want a surrounding sound ambiance to soothe me. Not anymore. In fact when i want to read or study in peace i put noise canceling headphones so as not the hear the neighbours or my computer.

Of course when i do that i hear my t screaming but it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

My post is good news for you: if after a while i went from "very bothered by t and cannot enjoy calm" to "not bothered by t and enjoy so much calm that i read with noise canceling headphones" so can you ! Give it (lots of) time.

 

[Grrr!]

MILD? Today is the loudest it's ever been. Or loudest it's ever been since I realized it's me and not the environment.

 

[Albert Savage]

I'm one of those who's tinnitus was from those bangs and booms from being in the service. And I've had for over 40 years. I also have hearing loss. My tinnitus improved significantly once I started to use hearing aids about 10 years ago. So there is hope. Good luck.