Good post, Nich. Your T is new but you are already showing the stamina to win the battle and on the right path. You last paragraph hits right on the nail. The choice is there. The ringing will be there choice A or B. But if A will give you a much better quality of life, and even perhaps a high % of overcoming T, why not A then?
In my journey with T & H, I had 2 heroines and their stories I particularly like. They are role models in my struggle to overcome the T challenge. One was a pretty young lady Zoe. She made a tinnitus film which you can view in youtube. A few years back when I was new with T, she came to Yuku forum to inform the members there about the film. In the process, she disclosed that she became deaf at a young age of 15. Her T was unmaskable due to the deafness. She said at first it made *#(*^%@ of a life for her. She said she had to make a decision. A, accept the ringing and try to enjoy life regardless of T, or B, live the rest of her young life in misery. She said her choice of A is obvious. Who wants to spend the rest of life in misery? It is reality set in for her and she chose A wisely. She said her T is really
*@#%^&* and unmaskable. But what else can she do except to move on with life and try to make peace with T. Wise choice. She did just that. She even went on to university where she made her tinnitus film. Her story inspires me to make the right choice fast. Acceptance! Acceptance! and Acceptance! What else have I got to lose?
I also read the story of a young lady jazz singer Melody Gardot. Besides severe T & H, at the young age of 19 she was hit by a SUV while biking which did massive damage to her body. She was in hospital for a long time struggling with incredible pain. Even to this day, she is limping on a cane. She also has to wear sunglasses everywhere due to ultra sensitivity to light. You would think she would quit on life with not just T & H but so much more challenges. Not so. She chooses positivity over negativity. She never quits in the face of adversities, and moves on with a booming singing career doing shows all over the world. She is an inspiration to me as someone who embraces positivity and excel regardless of the challenge she faces.
So given choice A & B, let's make the right choice fast. Why prolong the agony? Eckhart Tolle, the author of the Power of Now, talking about the role of the crooked ego and twisted mind, reveals a point which really dawns on me what went wrong with me and my problem with anxiety/panic disorder. He said & I paraphrase that the ego & the twisted mind of ours often tend to mislead us that by negativity, by reacting emotionally, we can somehow solve the problems we face. Isn't that true for the most of us. Perhaps this is coming from the days we were babies and toddlers. By crying and acting emotionally & negatively, we somehow learned that help will come and problem will be solved for us (by our parents, grandparents). This primordial instinct may linger on even when we are adult. So when crisis as bad as T hit us, and when the doctors can't help us, the negativity, the crying, the negative emotions are in full display.
Yet we know such negativity will be futile against a formidable & non-passionate object as T. It doesn't care how bad shape you are in. In fact, the more negative, the more louder and intrusive it seems. So what choice do we have? I guess reality needs to set in at some point. Change course, from negativity to positivity. It can only help you and doesn't cost you anything. Why not? It makes perfect sense. Fight back with positivity in your life until you bury that T bully. I know it is doable. I am living it. I never thought good life can be back again after T. But I am a believer now. May the force of positivity be with you.
Member
reminders to not try that again "for a while!"
