Bumping this thread because I hope to god the people who posted here are still around.
I've had tinnitus for 16 years. I got it at my first rock concert. The first time was horrible, then I got used to it. Got a bunch of problems because nobody was there to explain this stuff to me! OCD, anxieties... you name it. Anyway, time passed, I got through uni, got a bunch of awesome friends, moved several times, got a job, had moderate success (local shows, haha) with my music, became a raver, became not a raver again... through all this time, the tinnitus was there but it wasn't bothering me anymore. It was so silent I couldn't hear it at all. Or perhaps I was not concentrating on it. Always a tricky one, eh? Mind me, I've been to huge clubs with a Funktion One standing right next to the speakers and my tinnitus? Nothing.
Anyway, about two weeks ago, following a loooong series of stressful events events, I got a new tinnitus. Or maybe it's my old one except it's changed. Who the hell can tell? My tinnitus was always kind of wandering in frequency. The new one is very high, not even 10000 Hz, forget it, far higher. It's like one of those old TVs. Plus stronger on the left ear. High-pitched sounds, rich sounds in general, excite it and seem to make it worse about half of the time, which is the most annoying thing.
I became totally desperate. I thought I was over this! I am in treatment at all kinds of doctors - dentist, ear doctor, going to an orthopaedic... But well, you know what, even though there might be factors that make the tinnitus worse - I know for a fact my jaw isn't too well, for instance - it's obvious what caused it. My new job (had it for about a year) is hard and not as relaxed as my old one. I got my student load repayment letter and have to pay an astronomical sum (thankfully, German authorities aren't too much of a PITA, but still, it's debt). And just two weeks ago, a few days before the tinnitus got worse / came, I broke up with my girlfriend of over a year, perhaps the most serious relationship I have ever been involved in. I've been missing her since, but I cannot ask her to take me back because I honestly don't know if I want to make another honest attempt or if I want comfort. I don't trust myself at the moment, what with the constant anxiety.
Anyway, whew, long story... I'm totally at the end of my ropes. A bit better since yesterday, but generally bad. The ear doctor decided to treat me with cortisone. No clue if it's helping or not (it does seem to have become less stable), but it gave me a bunch of additional side effects like lack of sleep and even more crazy mood swings. Holy cow.
Which leads me to the actual topic at hand. MDMA. Serotonin. All that jazz. Let me begin slowly....
Yesterday, my cortisone side effects decided to give me a mood swing up. Anyone who was under cortisone in the past will probably know how that feels. Suddenly, you have so much energy you could run a marathon, despite the fact you've only slept for two hours. You think, "screw all this... I will make it! What's so bad, after all? Life is awesome!" You take a long walk and take in everything around you. The tinnitus might even still be there, but you just don't care anymore. You don't even make plan - you just live in the moment.
This is when I realized, I used to feel like this. No, not under MDMA (that was pretty good though, hehe). I used to feel like this all the time. This is how humans are supposed to feel. I used to feel like this years ago almost all the time, before the apparent depression of years must have crept up. Because I don't remember having felt so alive in years. But this, or close to this, used to be my natural state.
I came home, and the tinnitus was... no, not gone. And still music excited it. But it was, well, better. That night I got sleep - not good sleep, mind me, but about the quality you can reasonably ask for after weeks of living in anxiety hell, plus being on a stress hormone.
So what does it all have to do with MDMA? Well, I used to be a really, really, really regular user. MDMA and ecstasy. Never had any problems with tinnitus, despite the loud volumes you usually subject yourself to in places you are, um, likely to consume this drug. Yeah, it also threw my happy hormones off balance, so I would never recommend anyone to abuse the drug. But it opened up some things to me that I believed non-existant, or long gone. It also made me connect with other people more. You can always say it's a fake connection, but as a one-off experience, it's impressive.
It is NOT a cure for depression, at least not in the amounts and the way it is consumed in clubs. If anything, in the long run it will deepen the depression. But right now, while I'm at the end of my ropes, reading this thread has seriously given me hope. In fact, the high-pitched TV is gone right now cause I have hope, hahaha! (The lower f****r is still there but I think that's always been there, more or less, so not having the damn TV is a definite huge improvement.) I just wish there was a way to feel better, more secure and with more serotonin permanently...
Of course I will be on cortisone for the next 6 days. Plus I think I might have caught something evil in my lung during the cortisone treatment (it lowers your immune system and I was hanging around bars). But when that is taken care of, I'm thinking of experimenting a bit with a low dosage. Not the kind of dose I used to take, just enough to remind me that life, in fact, kicks ass and you people are beautiful.
I'm a bit scared of the comedown effects. They've traditionally been kind of bad for me (again, high dosages though), and I fear this might worsen the issue. I might not go for it at all, and try first to seek out all kinds of other ways to boost my serotonin levels. But at least this thread is kind of a proof that THERE IS A DIRECT LINK BETWEEN YOUR SEROTONIN LEVELS AND TINNITUS.
A very direct link. Losing my girlfriend, regretting the decision, stress at work and the conviction that my life was over now that I had to repay the student loan completely depleted mine. I think I need to get some of that s*** back.
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