Hi Everyone,
So a few days ago, I finally went to my first ever family gathering since my onset all began and I'm happy to report that it went mostly okay. I had my earplugs on while driving, but took them off once I arrived to my destination and vice versa when I returned home. It was a family gathering of like 15-20 people. I was relaxed and holding conversations at a fairly decent pace. I finally felt a bit normal, as my interactions with people allowed me to forget about my severe tinnitus in those moments. It was in the back of my mind for good stretches I'd say. We ate food at a big dining table and that went fairly well. For the record, I can tolerate silverware pretty well now, but they happened to be serving our food on paper plates which i guess is something I can't really complain about.
I will say though, by the end of my visit, my ears were starting to fatigue and some people's voices were beginning to irritate me slightly. Multiple people engaging in high pitch laughter was one instance where I was experiencing some discomfort. I briefly stepped outside to take in some nice natural sounds and this honestly helped ease off the tension & fatigue. I tend to notice, when I back off a bit from longer exposure to sounds, my ears will rejuvenate back to normal quickly. When I got back home, my ears were feeling good in terms of sensitivity and discomfort.
A good day's rest also tends to restart things for me and I'm good as new.
My phonophobia progress - The fear of most sounds is a horrible situation to be in, but I'm finally overcoming this to a great degree. With hyperacusis, I've been trying my best to tackle this issue at all angles. The slow methodical approach of reintroducing sounds especially in the household has been extremely beneficial to me. My phonophobia is becoming a non-issue as the days go by. 7 months ago, something like accidentally dropping my phone on the floor was a nerve wrecking experience which would later lead to an intense build-up of anxiety & constant rumination on potential worsening. Now if these things were to happen again, I easily brush it off and don't give it much thought anymore. And if I do get negative thoughts, I just let the negative thought run its course on me without ever giving it any real meaning. If there is a car honk nearby me, I have no reaction to it whatsoever, I just move along and carry out my business as usual.
So yeah, my confidence is growing and growing, but this is not to say I've ditched hearing protection entirely. I think they still have their use and I intend to protect when I feel like it's necessary, which in my case would be anytime I go outside in the streets of Manhattan. I made a real effort to completely ditch the earplugs/earmuffs in the household unless of course there is something that warrants protection such as using a blender or nearby construction noise.
Distortions and reactivity are still there. Some days are better than others. I can't seem to figure why some days are worse than others. It's like it has a mind of its own. Same with my tinnitus which still fluctuates a lot in intensity, tones, and volume. I'm handling it better though. It can still get tiring, but I'm not as stressed out as I used to be. Engaging in hobbies (video games) helps to keep my mind somewhere else.
I'm not really good at writing thank you messages, but a special thanks to
@MindOverMatter and
@Damocles for assisting me with this matter. Your guidance and wisdom has meant so much to me. I will continue to seek it if you don't mind.
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