Music Producer / Engineer Working Better Than Ever

[Quetiapine_Kid]

I originally posted this elsewhere - perhaps this will help others in a similar position to me. It took a long time for me to realise I should be reading success stories instead of looking for cures!

I'm two years in now. I work as a music producer / engineer - I rely on my hearing to make a living.

I first noticed the 'sound of my brain' was louder than usual when my girlfriend asked if I could hear something while we were watching TV. I was already struggling with anxiety and depression at the time and realising I had tinnitus sent me into a full on nervous meltdown.

I felt totally helpless. I was hooked on benzos just to get through the day, I was suicidal and was consumed by a deep sense of dread and despair. I'm bipolar and had been low before but never like this.

I cancelled all of my work, thinking my career was over at 31. The only thing I was able to do all day was walk. I would leave the house for hours and just walk, never too far from home, to distract myself. When I got home I would pace up and down the hallway. To stop moving was to allow the tinnitus to take over.

A few months in I realised I could handle some quiet, moody music (Acid Rain by Lorn was the gateway. Now one of the most important songs in my life!)

Slowly but surely I was able to start introducing more music back in and about a year later I started making it again.

This journey has been two steps forward, one step back. I have good and bad weeks, but it doesn't control me anymore. Some days I don't notice it until I'm relaxing on the couch.

I've managed to get to a place where I can confidently say tinnitus has pushed me to become a better producer. I'm more focussed on sounds, I take far better care of my hearing and I swear my mixes now are better than they ever were before. I love mixing. I cherish each mix I get to do and my clients love the work I'm doing.

I've gone through extensive hearing tests, exams, ENT apointments, psychologists, psychiatrists, acupuncture - all of it. It always comes back the same - I have excellent hearing, the tinnitus is in my head and the only treatment right now is habituation. I'm not 100% habituated by a long shot but I'm definitely on the way.

 

[Mister Muso]

Thanks for the encouraging story. Tinnitus for a musician is particularly hard to bear, even one who does it as a hobby like me, so it's great to hear about the light at the end of the tunnel for you.

 

[magiccat]

I originally posted this elsewhere - perhaps this will help others in a similar position to me. It took a long time for me to realise I should be reading success stories instead of looking for cures!

I'm two years in now. I work as a music producer / engineer - I rely on my hearing to make a living.

I first noticed the 'sound of my brain' was louder than usual when my girlfriend asked if I could hear something while we were watching TV. I was already struggling with anxiety and depression at the time and realising I had tinnitus sent me into a full on nervous meltdown.

I felt totally helpless. I was hooked on benzos just to get through the day, I was suicidal and was consumed by a deep sense of dread and despair. I'm bipolar and had been low before but never like this.

I cancelled all of my work, thinking my career was over at 31. The only thing I was able to do all day was walk. I would leave the house for hours and just walk, never too far from home, to distract myself. When I got home I would pace up and down the hallway. To stop moving was to allow the tinnitus to take over.

A few months in I realised I could handle some quiet, moody music (Acid Rain by Lorn was the gateway. Now one of the most important songs in my life!)

Slowly but surely I was able to start introducing more music back in and about a year later I started making it again.

This journey has been two steps forward, one step back. I have good and bad weeks, but it doesn't control me anymore. Some days I don't notice it until I'm relaxing on the couch.

I've managed to get to a place where I can confidently say tinnitus has pushed me to become a better producer. I'm more focussed on sounds, I take far better care of my hearing and I swear my mixes now are better than they ever were before. I love mixing. I cherish each mix I get to do and my clients love the work I'm doing.

I've gone through extensive hearing tests, exams, ENT apointments, psychologists, psychiatrists, acupuncture - all of it. It always comes back the same - I have excellent hearing, the tinnitus is in my head and the only treatment right now is habituation. I'm not 100% habituated by a long shot but I'm definitely on the way.

Do you remember when you started to feel better? And how was year 1 compared to year 2? Happy for you and your success!

 

[Quetiapine_Kid]

@magiccat Feeling better wasn't a linear thing, very up and down. It probably took 6 months for me to start really thinking rationally about it and being able to appreciate my new normal. I was also going through other struggles as well so T wasn't the only focus.

I still have bad days and weeks but they don't terrify me the way they used to - I'm far better equipped to deal with it now.

 

[magiccat]

@magiccat Feeling better wasn't a linear thing, very up and down. It probably took 6 months for me to start really thinking rationally about it and being able to appreciate my new normal. I was also going through other struggles as well so T wasn't the only focus.

I still have bad days and weeks but they don't terrify me the way they used to - I'm far better equipped to deal with it now.

I see and I agree on success not being linear based on my own experience as well. Im over a year in now and is still struggling a lot, but hopefully things turn around for me soon. All the best

 

[Quetiapine_Kid]

I see and I agree on success not being linear based on my own experience as well. Im over a year in now and is still struggling a lot, but hopefully things turn around for me soon. All the best

Good luck to you. I'm having a bad week currently so really feeling your pain, but it does get better and on good days, the bad ones seems silly!

 

[APJ]

Don't worry, you're not alone - I too am a producer (although in a more retired fashion) and my hearing is good, but like you I have high pitched ringing in either one ear or both, the levels vary day to day.

 

[MAnSV]

@Quetiapine_Kid Thanks for the encouraging post. I'm also in a critical listening career, in fact, my livelihood and company rely on my ears, at least it did. I'm currently hiding my handicap, but need to come out, and allow others to step in, and step as I just can't do it anymore.

I'm unable to listen critically and have been unable for more than 6-months. The moment I try, the approximate 8750hz starts really drilling in, amplifying, and turns everything into mud.

Are you able to listen to mixes and mix without hearing the ringing, or have you learned to hear through it?

Right now, I'd give anything to just never hear this frequency again, if it meant I could again listen to all the others normally and with a critical ear.

I can't focus on any music at all, the moment my brain tries to "listen" to the timbre of the track, it's like cranking up tinnitus from 85 to 100dB+.

Music and sound have been a massive part of my life since I can remember. It's a bummer...