Hello all,
I'm not happy for the reasons I join this community. But still, it's better to be together in this than being just on your own.
Also I write the following introduction down for the very hope that someday in the future
I will re-read those words and they will be not more than a bitter reminder of this dark time, a light house to show me the abyss I've been into and a experience to be endless grateful for every good day in life again.
My ear sound started roughly 3 month ago. I can't say that it was never there before, but if so it was only occasionally and I never noticed it really. Hard to say afterwards. Anyway, it started when I was with my new girl friend (1 week only) at her place. I think we watched TV and I heard this unpleasant high noise from her old tube television again since a long time. I've always disliked it since I was young.
This day I noticed a very similar sound in my left ear when I laid in bed. Very faint, but irritating. So I downloaded some random T apps in hope to mask it somehow and to do something against it. I was not really concerned. I didn't know the impact then...
- About myself: I'm 33 years old guy from south Germany. I got a good job in electrical engineering and had luck with girls. My new girlfriend was very exciting and I was hopeful with her. My hobbies were cool and I loved them, I enjoyed horse riding, running with friends, going to the gym... I felt good, strong, experienced, attractive and proven. I knew how thing are. I was active. But also on the other hand, I was very moved about breaking up with my former girlfriend, for whom I never really understood my own feelings and for which I felt incredibly guilty and desperate. My employer asked (or more correct forced) me to move to an east-europian country for a year, the scheduled day came closer and closer and my heart became heavier and heavier since I realized how much I loved my current environment. One year abroad...what for? My best friend told me he is going to be a father. So I felt good, strong, experienced and proven and a little lost. A mild mid-life crisis maybe?...but what does it matter now! -
Next day I had to visit the east european country for a week. And the ear sound became more and more noticeable. At one day in the mid of the week I could even hear it in the office, even though it was full of chatting girls. I tried to mask it with music and earbuds...and got concerned.
- Here I've to admit that I've had mild T 10 years ago and almost forgot about it until this very moment. Even though it annoyed me for as much as a year. Why did I forget about it or at least did not take it serious anymore? Because then I learned it's just about the attitude. If you want to bother yourself about this imperfectness of your body, you can do...but if you don't it plays not much of a role. This insight took me 12 month, but finally removed T completely out of my life. Nothing, completely vanished after a year.
I remember the moment very well a couple of month ago when I was in Asia traveling (traveling...one of my passions) and talked with two swiss girls about T. They told me it is very, very serious and I said naayyy, it's not much of a problem if you don't make it one. One girl objected it could make people suicidal and she knows about someone...and I couldn't believe. And even if, shouldn't medicine have invented something in the meantime? -
When I came back from the business trip on Friday, I was more than concerned with this persisting sound. On the weekend it got so worse I couldn't even sleep anymore and on Monday I went to my GP. He asked me about my life and stress. My tension and anxiety came out in tears and I told him about the breaking up with my girl friend and the move to another country. So he said it might be due to stress. Sent me to ENT and I got a sick note for one week. I went instantaneously to ENT and after a quick check I was sent home with some Ginko prescription. Nothing else done.
So what did I do. I thought about my new situation and was scared. Finally I asked my employer to dismiss the idea to move to another country for a year. He was ok with that. I went back to work. Optimistically. I slept much and easily, thought it might be the key to quick recovery. I knew from my last time, its just about acceptance and not being bothered. So I tried about habituation then I guess.
Unfortunately things went bad. I got something I didn't knew before: nightly spikes. They stroke me maybe two weeks later and so badly. I woke up and didn't knew anymore where is up and down. This is impossible, I thought. This simply cannot be happening. I was so moved I couldn't sleep anymore and got myself a sick note next day.
From then I experienced this nightly spikes and wake ups now regularly. Also I began to study my ear sound. It was really annoying. Not easy to bear, if you are in a silent room. Almost painful. A high noise somewhere above the usual spectrum and on top of it a very slight hiss, very high and oscillating and tickling. Ok, the noise is manageable, but the hiss. Its almost to feel and somehow also appearing in the head and not only in the ear. Also I noticed, that the spikes are the very same hiss, but stronger, more tonal and giving it the sensation of pain now...
What happened then? I got more sick notes - am I still working? I don't know. I went to all doctors. I tried to get rid of all emotional stress that I can cope better, but I realized it had no effect. T was my only stressor. I broke up with my new girlfriend, because I couldn't tell her anymore every single day that I fell bad - for 3 month in a row.
I went to my refuge, my grandpas place, where I go to calm down usually in hard times. This time it was just destroying. I couldn't bear to watch TV or to sit calm at the river with bird sounds and water rushing. It was so painfully piercing, I just couldn't. I couldn't sleep anymore. I woke up every two hours. Masking with my smart phone? Impossible! Only being focused on something or active outside helped me to not hear this sound but I couldn't forget it for seconds.
I came back fully destroyed, depressed and suicidal. I lay in bed and thought of how ending it, all night long.
Next day I didn't went to work but to a psychiatrist. I got a prescription for mirtazapin, another sick note and the referral for psychosomatic clinic.
This was one week ago. I'm not in the clinic but at home, not because I didn't think of it, but because of the long waiting period. Also I don't know how they possibly can help me.
This is where I'm now. From 100 to 0. In 3 month. Which other disease can do that? It makes me dizzy and I still can't truly believe it.
But I don't want to lose hope.
My first success: I found a way to mask it during night time which is giving me a good sleep again (besides the mirtazapin, I guess) and almost more important: a good morning without really hearing it.
I have good support from my parents and my friends and especially from A. Thank you so so much, even if you most probably will never read this.
So I hope for the future that it betters somehow.
What is worst for me: That the sound is so unpleasant, sometimes really painful, even though I wouldn't say its really loud. But I can hear almost always due to its very high pitch. I can't bear it for long in silence, if I'm not distracted. For masking or at least not focussing on it, I need a very complex sound environment, many different sounds. But it seems to make me tired, even when I'm not really hearing it.
If that changes, I will not complain anymore, not with a single word, I promise!!!
So here is the masking idea for sleeping. It might help other people with very high pitched T which can't be masked easily:
Get a plastic paper bin and a water pump, like this:
http://www.amazon.de/helit-Papierko...&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00
http://www.amazon.de/Berlan-Springb...&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00
Just put water in the bin and the pump without any attachment and you get a very loud broad band sound which makes me really sleepy but is so rich to almost mask the T. But take care, depending on the water level the frequencies can be lower or higher. But with to little water in it, it begins to throw water high and out of the bin -> flood in the sleeping room.
Good luck and much strength to all,
M
I'm not happy for the reasons I join this community. But still, it's better to be together in this than being just on your own.
Also I write the following introduction down for the very hope that someday in the future
I will re-read those words and they will be not more than a bitter reminder of this dark time, a light house to show me the abyss I've been into and a experience to be endless grateful for every good day in life again.
My ear sound started roughly 3 month ago. I can't say that it was never there before, but if so it was only occasionally and I never noticed it really. Hard to say afterwards. Anyway, it started when I was with my new girl friend (1 week only) at her place. I think we watched TV and I heard this unpleasant high noise from her old tube television again since a long time. I've always disliked it since I was young.
This day I noticed a very similar sound in my left ear when I laid in bed. Very faint, but irritating. So I downloaded some random T apps in hope to mask it somehow and to do something against it. I was not really concerned. I didn't know the impact then...
- About myself: I'm 33 years old guy from south Germany. I got a good job in electrical engineering and had luck with girls. My new girlfriend was very exciting and I was hopeful with her. My hobbies were cool and I loved them, I enjoyed horse riding, running with friends, going to the gym... I felt good, strong, experienced, attractive and proven. I knew how thing are. I was active. But also on the other hand, I was very moved about breaking up with my former girlfriend, for whom I never really understood my own feelings and for which I felt incredibly guilty and desperate. My employer asked (or more correct forced) me to move to an east-europian country for a year, the scheduled day came closer and closer and my heart became heavier and heavier since I realized how much I loved my current environment. One year abroad...what for? My best friend told me he is going to be a father. So I felt good, strong, experienced and proven and a little lost. A mild mid-life crisis maybe?...but what does it matter now! -
Next day I had to visit the east european country for a week. And the ear sound became more and more noticeable. At one day in the mid of the week I could even hear it in the office, even though it was full of chatting girls. I tried to mask it with music and earbuds...and got concerned.
- Here I've to admit that I've had mild T 10 years ago and almost forgot about it until this very moment. Even though it annoyed me for as much as a year. Why did I forget about it or at least did not take it serious anymore? Because then I learned it's just about the attitude. If you want to bother yourself about this imperfectness of your body, you can do...but if you don't it plays not much of a role. This insight took me 12 month, but finally removed T completely out of my life. Nothing, completely vanished after a year.
I remember the moment very well a couple of month ago when I was in Asia traveling (traveling...one of my passions) and talked with two swiss girls about T. They told me it is very, very serious and I said naayyy, it's not much of a problem if you don't make it one. One girl objected it could make people suicidal and she knows about someone...and I couldn't believe. And even if, shouldn't medicine have invented something in the meantime? -
When I came back from the business trip on Friday, I was more than concerned with this persisting sound. On the weekend it got so worse I couldn't even sleep anymore and on Monday I went to my GP. He asked me about my life and stress. My tension and anxiety came out in tears and I told him about the breaking up with my girl friend and the move to another country. So he said it might be due to stress. Sent me to ENT and I got a sick note for one week. I went instantaneously to ENT and after a quick check I was sent home with some Ginko prescription. Nothing else done.
So what did I do. I thought about my new situation and was scared. Finally I asked my employer to dismiss the idea to move to another country for a year. He was ok with that. I went back to work. Optimistically. I slept much and easily, thought it might be the key to quick recovery. I knew from my last time, its just about acceptance and not being bothered. So I tried about habituation then I guess.
Unfortunately things went bad. I got something I didn't knew before: nightly spikes. They stroke me maybe two weeks later and so badly. I woke up and didn't knew anymore where is up and down. This is impossible, I thought. This simply cannot be happening. I was so moved I couldn't sleep anymore and got myself a sick note next day.
From then I experienced this nightly spikes and wake ups now regularly. Also I began to study my ear sound. It was really annoying. Not easy to bear, if you are in a silent room. Almost painful. A high noise somewhere above the usual spectrum and on top of it a very slight hiss, very high and oscillating and tickling. Ok, the noise is manageable, but the hiss. Its almost to feel and somehow also appearing in the head and not only in the ear. Also I noticed, that the spikes are the very same hiss, but stronger, more tonal and giving it the sensation of pain now...
What happened then? I got more sick notes - am I still working? I don't know. I went to all doctors. I tried to get rid of all emotional stress that I can cope better, but I realized it had no effect. T was my only stressor. I broke up with my new girlfriend, because I couldn't tell her anymore every single day that I fell bad - for 3 month in a row.
I went to my refuge, my grandpas place, where I go to calm down usually in hard times. This time it was just destroying. I couldn't bear to watch TV or to sit calm at the river with bird sounds and water rushing. It was so painfully piercing, I just couldn't. I couldn't sleep anymore. I woke up every two hours. Masking with my smart phone? Impossible! Only being focused on something or active outside helped me to not hear this sound but I couldn't forget it for seconds.
I came back fully destroyed, depressed and suicidal. I lay in bed and thought of how ending it, all night long.
Next day I didn't went to work but to a psychiatrist. I got a prescription for mirtazapin, another sick note and the referral for psychosomatic clinic.
This was one week ago. I'm not in the clinic but at home, not because I didn't think of it, but because of the long waiting period. Also I don't know how they possibly can help me.
This is where I'm now. From 100 to 0. In 3 month. Which other disease can do that? It makes me dizzy and I still can't truly believe it.
But I don't want to lose hope.
My first success: I found a way to mask it during night time which is giving me a good sleep again (besides the mirtazapin, I guess) and almost more important: a good morning without really hearing it.
I have good support from my parents and my friends and especially from A. Thank you so so much, even if you most probably will never read this.
So I hope for the future that it betters somehow.
What is worst for me: That the sound is so unpleasant, sometimes really painful, even though I wouldn't say its really loud. But I can hear almost always due to its very high pitch. I can't bear it for long in silence, if I'm not distracted. For masking or at least not focussing on it, I need a very complex sound environment, many different sounds. But it seems to make me tired, even when I'm not really hearing it.
If that changes, I will not complain anymore, not with a single word, I promise!!!
So here is the masking idea for sleeping. It might help other people with very high pitched T which can't be masked easily:
Get a plastic paper bin and a water pump, like this:
http://www.amazon.de/helit-Papierko...&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00
http://www.amazon.de/Berlan-Springb...&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00
Just put water in the bin and the pump without any attachment and you get a very loud broad band sound which makes me really sleepy but is so rich to almost mask the T. But take care, depending on the water level the frequencies can be lower or higher. But with to little water in it, it begins to throw water high and out of the bin -> flood in the sleeping room.
Good luck and much strength to all,
M
Member
