Hi All,
I have been lurking on here over the past couple of months, and I find it to be a place of solace and camaraderie.
In April of this year I woke up with a ringing in my left ear. There was nothing special about the day before, except a couple of weeks before that I attended an awards ceremony for work, and the months preceding that I had an ear infection. That infection cleared up but I never had tinnitus during the infection.
For the past, it must be 10 or so years I had always slept using ear plugs in total silence. I found comfort in that silence to combat another fear of mine - an irrational fear of insomnia. I was happy during those years and felt I had found inner peace. I was productive at work and this kind of shattered that with force. You can imagine how much tinnitus came as a shock to me - I was in a full blown panic mode for the first month and it all seems a bit of a blur looking back on it.
The second month was also pretty bad. Quite a few sleepless nights, and I still have the odd one occasionally. The tinnitus is mild - I can barely hear it, but my emotional reaction to it has been very strong due to my need/love of silence, and the potential impact on my work (I am a lawyer by profession, so concentration/sleep is key for me).
I haven't had to take any time off work, but I am struggling at work for sure - the problem for me is my relentless searching for it. I feel as though I am suffering from OCD - I am obsessive about it. I'll often try and find a quite place in work and plug my ears to check it is there or not. Sometimes it is there very faint, sometimes it isn't. But oddly, when I sit at my desk it's as though I can feel it.
Now, I know for a fact that my symptoms have improved - initially I could hear the tinnitus all day and certainly when I put my head on my pillow at night. I felt initially like I was getting "head zaps" is the only way to describe it. Now, i'm not even sure I have it sometimes - as I type this post right now I don't think I can hear it, at least i'm not sure anymore if I can differentiate between what is normal silence or not.
Now the weird/interesting part. Without fail, when I wake up in the middle of the night it is there - and it is strong. However, when I move about for 30 minutes, it seems to fade/go away. It isn't simply me noticing it more in silence - it really is there and quite intrusive (by my standards...i know you guys have it far worse) but only when I wake up in the night. When that happens I either sleep through it or will use an app on my phone to mask the sound.
There have been a few nights where i had only slept an hour, it's there and I haven't been able to get back to sleep. Those are the real difficult days at work.
I have seen an ENT, had an MRI and everything was clear. No hearing loss. I am sleeping generally quite well, and because I am rigidly sleeping earlier now to account for difficult nights, i'm probably sleeping more than I did before this occurred.
But I just can't seem to shake my obsession of thinking about it and my dread of going to bed at night - when I know it will be there when I inevitably wake up even if temporarily, and know I have to endure a day dealing with my own OCD. I tried a few nights sleeping with white noise already on, but I just can't seem to drift off without [mostly] silence. Although I'm feeling better - and by the standards of others on here - would seen to be nearly cured - I just can't shake the constant feeling of dread/obsessive thoughts.
At work, it's also as if I can "almost" hear it - and it disrupts my concentration. I find that the sound of crickets eliminates it - but then I wonder if it's all in my mind, and it's playing tricks on me!
I am going to see a psychiatrist this week, and i'm not going to take any meds but maybe just talking will help.
I know i'm just under 3 months in with this, but the constant thinking about it is emotionally/mentally exhausting. I have kept my fitness up, kept working and have been seeing my friends more, and spending time with my family but I just don't feel secure anymore. I still feel anxious, and the days when i don't sleep well become flat out depressed.
Any advice/comments welcome
I have been lurking on here over the past couple of months, and I find it to be a place of solace and camaraderie.
In April of this year I woke up with a ringing in my left ear. There was nothing special about the day before, except a couple of weeks before that I attended an awards ceremony for work, and the months preceding that I had an ear infection. That infection cleared up but I never had tinnitus during the infection.
For the past, it must be 10 or so years I had always slept using ear plugs in total silence. I found comfort in that silence to combat another fear of mine - an irrational fear of insomnia. I was happy during those years and felt I had found inner peace. I was productive at work and this kind of shattered that with force. You can imagine how much tinnitus came as a shock to me - I was in a full blown panic mode for the first month and it all seems a bit of a blur looking back on it.
The second month was also pretty bad. Quite a few sleepless nights, and I still have the odd one occasionally. The tinnitus is mild - I can barely hear it, but my emotional reaction to it has been very strong due to my need/love of silence, and the potential impact on my work (I am a lawyer by profession, so concentration/sleep is key for me).
I haven't had to take any time off work, but I am struggling at work for sure - the problem for me is my relentless searching for it. I feel as though I am suffering from OCD - I am obsessive about it. I'll often try and find a quite place in work and plug my ears to check it is there or not. Sometimes it is there very faint, sometimes it isn't. But oddly, when I sit at my desk it's as though I can feel it.
Now, I know for a fact that my symptoms have improved - initially I could hear the tinnitus all day and certainly when I put my head on my pillow at night. I felt initially like I was getting "head zaps" is the only way to describe it. Now, i'm not even sure I have it sometimes - as I type this post right now I don't think I can hear it, at least i'm not sure anymore if I can differentiate between what is normal silence or not.
Now the weird/interesting part. Without fail, when I wake up in the middle of the night it is there - and it is strong. However, when I move about for 30 minutes, it seems to fade/go away. It isn't simply me noticing it more in silence - it really is there and quite intrusive (by my standards...i know you guys have it far worse) but only when I wake up in the night. When that happens I either sleep through it or will use an app on my phone to mask the sound.
There have been a few nights where i had only slept an hour, it's there and I haven't been able to get back to sleep. Those are the real difficult days at work.
I have seen an ENT, had an MRI and everything was clear. No hearing loss. I am sleeping generally quite well, and because I am rigidly sleeping earlier now to account for difficult nights, i'm probably sleeping more than I did before this occurred.
But I just can't seem to shake my obsession of thinking about it and my dread of going to bed at night - when I know it will be there when I inevitably wake up even if temporarily, and know I have to endure a day dealing with my own OCD. I tried a few nights sleeping with white noise already on, but I just can't seem to drift off without [mostly] silence. Although I'm feeling better - and by the standards of others on here - would seen to be nearly cured - I just can't shake the constant feeling of dread/obsessive thoughts.
At work, it's also as if I can "almost" hear it - and it disrupts my concentration. I find that the sound of crickets eliminates it - but then I wonder if it's all in my mind, and it's playing tricks on me!
I am going to see a psychiatrist this week, and i'm not going to take any meds but maybe just talking will help.
I know i'm just under 3 months in with this, but the constant thinking about it is emotionally/mentally exhausting. I have kept my fitness up, kept working and have been seeing my friends more, and spending time with my family but I just don't feel secure anymore. I still feel anxious, and the days when i don't sleep well become flat out depressed.
Any advice/comments welcome
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