Hello everyone. Clare here.
I've been a silent lurker on this forum since I acquired this Hell. Thought I'd finally sign up.
Apologies for the long spiel. Which will be all over the place. My head is more than fried and my grammar won't be the best here.
Well I'm pretty damn sure this is self inflicted which I'll never forgive myself for! Since my early 20s I've done what most young girls do and went clubbing once a week with friends to let my hair down. As someone who suffers with pretty bad anxiety (especially health anxiety) and id say moderate depression for the past few years, (though it's now bordering on severe) going out with friends was my time to have some fun, have a few jäger bombs and get my "dancing shoes" on ha. I'd get the usual muffled ears by the end of the night and on the rare occasion ringing in the ears the next day. I guess you really don't think about it until something awful happens eh. As I hit my late 20s going out clubbing just didn't appeal to me as much, the odd night out and event here and there. Roll on the 13th of February this year, went out for dinner then we decided to go to a club. How I wish I didn't! Sitting at our table a group of us chatting away drinking (oh and everyone's ears are fine from this night) and I notice this Big speaker not far from us, thought probably not the best place to be sitting, duh! But the more I drank I didn't think about it as much....Fool. Saying that as the night went on and whilst on the dance floor I just feel that's it's super noisy this time and i actually plug my ears at one point as I felt it was that loud! I was wanting to leave at this stage but was convinced to stay a while longer. Meh. My bad.
Anyways the next day I wake up feeling ok. With no ringing ears at all. So I go about my usual business until the night of the 25th I go to bed and notice a ringing in my right ear. I must mention that I had bit of a cold, runny nose constantly (nice) fatigued, just generally feeling rundown. But I've had a cold much worse. I didn't even think right away to the night out 11 days previous. I must also say I was going through a very stressful period worrying about a couple of health issues that I was getting seen to by my doctor/hospital. I really don't know why I'm mentioning all this as deep down I know the cause eh.
I go to my doctor a week later. My doctor is fantastic btw. He couldn't see my ear drum at this stage because of ear wax so he gives me olive oil drops to take then return in about 5 days. After a few days I take myself off to a hearing specialist to get a hearing test done but when she looked into my ear she said she could see a tiny pinprick hole on my eardrum with fluid behind my ear. So I couldn't get the hearing test at that point. I go to my doctor the next day. Said there wasn't a tiny perforation that he can see but there is fluid behind my ear drum. I have no pain. Gives me amoxicillin to take and referred to ENT specialist. I take myself back to a different hearing specialist after I'm told the fluid is now gone, to get a hearing test which was normal.
I then begin to think I hear a faint ringing in my left ear. I wasn't sure if I actually did or if my mind was playing tricks on me. The whole time my anxiety was through the roof. Panicking constantly, crying my eyes out all the time, loss of appetite, withdrawing into myself. Avoiding everyone pretty much.
A bit of a mess to say the least! Anyway I was advised to get custom made earplugs sorted out in the meantime. Whilst getting them moulded I got another hearing test done. Same as last. Normal. Although it only went up to 8000 Hz and I've since read about hidden hearing loss that isn't tested for...? Although she said if it's noise damage there usually a dip at 4000Hz? I don't even know if I'm putting this down correctly. In the meantime I develop some sort of sound sensitivity! I wasn't sure at the time if it was in my head but everything sounds louder to me. Not painful just louder. And I can't stand the noise that comes off my refrigerator, that of course no one else can really hear. Also goes for those big freezers/refrigerators in supermarkets. They sound extra loud and kind of rattle to me. Thought i was going a bit stir crazy.
I may as well throw this in. I have since 3 days ago been given a mouth guard/splint by my dentist to wear each night because my jaw constantly cracks/crunches when I open my mouth, when I yawn...sometimes when I bite into a burger for example too... I sub-consciously sometimes move it from side to side... My bf has remarked on an occasion that he's heard a crack from my jaw whilst I slept too. I've had this jaw cracking/popping since I was a kid. So yeah Tmj I have I reckon. Sometimes my jaw gets achey. Like tired achey but not painful. I feel when I yawn then close it, it isn't aligned properly and I have to open my mouth again or move my jaw from side to side to click into place. If I make sense. Probably not. I'm aware not to open my mouth too wide when yawning as I'm anxious it'll lock. Or clicks out of place too much. It's happened Once. A long while ago but. I can hear the crunching in my ears all the time. I know that this hasn't cause the T (wishful thinking) but thought I'd chip everything in anyways, I just don't know if it'll be making it worse....
So yeah I have the noise in both ears. Changes all the time. Up and down a lot, and it is actually destroying my mental health even more! Not to mention the fact the ENT specialist wasn't very helpful to say the least. Tbh my doctor did warn me that they aren't very good at dealing with tinnitus but still he was so blunt. His words "It can drive people mad, there is no cure and I'll refer you to the tinnitus clinic" I couldn't get out of his room quick enough. Although I don't know what I was expecting really....
I've had more empathy and information from the 3 audiologists that I have seen previously. 2 did find it rather strange that it didn't start until 11 days after my night out though. Also That it only really started in one ear and then about a month later started up on the other ear. I have since found out that there can be a delayed reaction from noise exposure but have been told that's it's really only a couple of days... ? Obviously you guys on here have a lot more knowledge than me. I try my hardest not to google because all I see are utterly depressing stories which scare the bejeezus out of me. So 3 months on and I'm panicking 24/7 , lost all interest in seeing my friends. Guess I'm just a tad envious too. Bad I know. Too scared of any a social situation, although I have ventured out to a couple of restaurants...reluctantly. I've been a bit of a hermit and my life has came to a standstill. I can't bear the noise. Im not functioning properly at all. I'm not fully clued up on what's acceptable noise and not damaging. I fear even normal noise will be damaging. Not rational I know. (The hearing specialist did give me more info than the ENT but I was just a mess while seeing her so didn't take a lot in) I don't even want to Hoover my house or get my hair blow dried at the hairdressers incase it make it worse. Silly I know.
Things you don't even have to think about before.
Like I say the noise level goes up and down a lot of the time but I can always hear it. Sometimes It feels like it's trying to retune itself like when your trying to find a certain radio station... Weird. Can't explain it properly. When it's revved up its bad and I feel like sirens are going off in my ears/head. Oh I've also had a private MRI to rule out anything sinister (although I wanted it done too because I'm a migraine sufferer )
The self loathing I have for putting myself in that situation when I knew it was very loud. Drunk or not. It's turned my life upside down. I Just don't fully understand the 11 day delay. Wishful thinking it's another cause. Yes I need to get over that eh.
I'm taking each day as it comes but boy my thoughts are very dark.... I've got an upcoming appointment with my doctor to see about anxiety medication. I've never previously taken anything for my anxiety, just dealt with it myself really which isn't the best I know, but this is on a whole different level and I'm not coping at all. I was told by a locum doctor that for someone with my level of anxiety that this is one of the worst things that could possibly happen to me. Yes no shit! And when it's self inflicted. Well. I Just can't put into words how much I hate myself for it.
Now I know there's people out there with horrible conditions... My brother had cancer a few years back and kicked it's arse!! My hero! I feel rotten even going to him about this but he tells me not to be silly and this is my struggle and he understands. I also actually care for an older family member and i have a lot of empathy for folk, believe me I do but for me this is just all too much for me to handle right now. With my mindset...I'm such a worrier. Always have been. I was born that way. Ha. Stress is my middle name! I'm really struggling. Not to mention the fear about the future...I can't even imagine it being worse if it's like this just now.
I Just needed to properly vent. Even if it is all over the place. A bit like me! Any words of encouragement would truly be appreciated.
Thank you
x
I've been a silent lurker on this forum since I acquired this Hell. Thought I'd finally sign up.
Apologies for the long spiel. Which will be all over the place. My head is more than fried and my grammar won't be the best here.
Well I'm pretty damn sure this is self inflicted which I'll never forgive myself for! Since my early 20s I've done what most young girls do and went clubbing once a week with friends to let my hair down. As someone who suffers with pretty bad anxiety (especially health anxiety) and id say moderate depression for the past few years, (though it's now bordering on severe) going out with friends was my time to have some fun, have a few jäger bombs and get my "dancing shoes" on ha. I'd get the usual muffled ears by the end of the night and on the rare occasion ringing in the ears the next day. I guess you really don't think about it until something awful happens eh. As I hit my late 20s going out clubbing just didn't appeal to me as much, the odd night out and event here and there. Roll on the 13th of February this year, went out for dinner then we decided to go to a club. How I wish I didn't! Sitting at our table a group of us chatting away drinking (oh and everyone's ears are fine from this night) and I notice this Big speaker not far from us, thought probably not the best place to be sitting, duh! But the more I drank I didn't think about it as much....Fool. Saying that as the night went on and whilst on the dance floor I just feel that's it's super noisy this time and i actually plug my ears at one point as I felt it was that loud! I was wanting to leave at this stage but was convinced to stay a while longer. Meh. My bad.
Anyways the next day I wake up feeling ok. With no ringing ears at all. So I go about my usual business until the night of the 25th I go to bed and notice a ringing in my right ear. I must mention that I had bit of a cold, runny nose constantly (nice) fatigued, just generally feeling rundown. But I've had a cold much worse. I didn't even think right away to the night out 11 days previous. I must also say I was going through a very stressful period worrying about a couple of health issues that I was getting seen to by my doctor/hospital. I really don't know why I'm mentioning all this as deep down I know the cause eh.
I go to my doctor a week later. My doctor is fantastic btw. He couldn't see my ear drum at this stage because of ear wax so he gives me olive oil drops to take then return in about 5 days. After a few days I take myself off to a hearing specialist to get a hearing test done but when she looked into my ear she said she could see a tiny pinprick hole on my eardrum with fluid behind my ear. So I couldn't get the hearing test at that point. I go to my doctor the next day. Said there wasn't a tiny perforation that he can see but there is fluid behind my ear drum. I have no pain. Gives me amoxicillin to take and referred to ENT specialist. I take myself back to a different hearing specialist after I'm told the fluid is now gone, to get a hearing test which was normal.
I then begin to think I hear a faint ringing in my left ear. I wasn't sure if I actually did or if my mind was playing tricks on me. The whole time my anxiety was through the roof. Panicking constantly, crying my eyes out all the time, loss of appetite, withdrawing into myself. Avoiding everyone pretty much.
A bit of a mess to say the least! Anyway I was advised to get custom made earplugs sorted out in the meantime. Whilst getting them moulded I got another hearing test done. Same as last. Normal. Although it only went up to 8000 Hz and I've since read about hidden hearing loss that isn't tested for...? Although she said if it's noise damage there usually a dip at 4000Hz? I don't even know if I'm putting this down correctly. In the meantime I develop some sort of sound sensitivity! I wasn't sure at the time if it was in my head but everything sounds louder to me. Not painful just louder. And I can't stand the noise that comes off my refrigerator, that of course no one else can really hear. Also goes for those big freezers/refrigerators in supermarkets. They sound extra loud and kind of rattle to me. Thought i was going a bit stir crazy.
I may as well throw this in. I have since 3 days ago been given a mouth guard/splint by my dentist to wear each night because my jaw constantly cracks/crunches when I open my mouth, when I yawn...sometimes when I bite into a burger for example too... I sub-consciously sometimes move it from side to side... My bf has remarked on an occasion that he's heard a crack from my jaw whilst I slept too. I've had this jaw cracking/popping since I was a kid. So yeah Tmj I have I reckon. Sometimes my jaw gets achey. Like tired achey but not painful. I feel when I yawn then close it, it isn't aligned properly and I have to open my mouth again or move my jaw from side to side to click into place. If I make sense. Probably not. I'm aware not to open my mouth too wide when yawning as I'm anxious it'll lock. Or clicks out of place too much. It's happened Once. A long while ago but. I can hear the crunching in my ears all the time. I know that this hasn't cause the T (wishful thinking) but thought I'd chip everything in anyways, I just don't know if it'll be making it worse....
So yeah I have the noise in both ears. Changes all the time. Up and down a lot, and it is actually destroying my mental health even more! Not to mention the fact the ENT specialist wasn't very helpful to say the least. Tbh my doctor did warn me that they aren't very good at dealing with tinnitus but still he was so blunt. His words "It can drive people mad, there is no cure and I'll refer you to the tinnitus clinic" I couldn't get out of his room quick enough. Although I don't know what I was expecting really....
I've had more empathy and information from the 3 audiologists that I have seen previously. 2 did find it rather strange that it didn't start until 11 days after my night out though. Also That it only really started in one ear and then about a month later started up on the other ear. I have since found out that there can be a delayed reaction from noise exposure but have been told that's it's really only a couple of days... ? Obviously you guys on here have a lot more knowledge than me. I try my hardest not to google because all I see are utterly depressing stories which scare the bejeezus out of me. So 3 months on and I'm panicking 24/7 , lost all interest in seeing my friends. Guess I'm just a tad envious too. Bad I know. Too scared of any a social situation, although I have ventured out to a couple of restaurants...reluctantly. I've been a bit of a hermit and my life has came to a standstill. I can't bear the noise. Im not functioning properly at all. I'm not fully clued up on what's acceptable noise and not damaging. I fear even normal noise will be damaging. Not rational I know. (The hearing specialist did give me more info than the ENT but I was just a mess while seeing her so didn't take a lot in) I don't even want to Hoover my house or get my hair blow dried at the hairdressers incase it make it worse. Silly I know.
Things you don't even have to think about before.Like I say the noise level goes up and down a lot of the time but I can always hear it. Sometimes It feels like it's trying to retune itself like when your trying to find a certain radio station... Weird. Can't explain it properly. When it's revved up its bad and I feel like sirens are going off in my ears/head. Oh I've also had a private MRI to rule out anything sinister (although I wanted it done too because I'm a migraine sufferer )
The self loathing I have for putting myself in that situation when I knew it was very loud. Drunk or not. It's turned my life upside down. I Just don't fully understand the 11 day delay. Wishful thinking it's another cause. Yes I need to get over that eh.
I'm taking each day as it comes but boy my thoughts are very dark.... I've got an upcoming appointment with my doctor to see about anxiety medication. I've never previously taken anything for my anxiety, just dealt with it myself really which isn't the best I know, but this is on a whole different level and I'm not coping at all. I was told by a locum doctor that for someone with my level of anxiety that this is one of the worst things that could possibly happen to me. Yes no shit! And when it's self inflicted. Well. I Just can't put into words how much I hate myself for it.
Now I know there's people out there with horrible conditions... My brother had cancer a few years back and kicked it's arse!! My hero! I feel rotten even going to him about this but he tells me not to be silly and this is my struggle and he understands. I also actually care for an older family member and i have a lot of empathy for folk, believe me I do but for me this is just all too much for me to handle right now. With my mindset...I'm such a worrier. Always have been. I was born that way. Ha. Stress is my middle name! I'm really struggling. Not to mention the fear about the future...I can't even imagine it being worse if it's like this just now.
I Just needed to properly vent. Even if it is all over the place. A bit like me! Any words of encouragement would truly be appreciated.
Thank you
x
Member
