New and Struggling :(

[Bear0211]

Oh another note. You any idea why this would have started 11 days after a night out only in 1 ear then about a month later went to both? I thought it would be the next day or 2 after noise damage. One audiologist I've been to thinks its rather peculiar....

Or maybe this is more common. I've no idea :/

 

[Claire S]

Have you gotten checked for ear pressure issues? My tinnitus has almost cleared up after taking a nasal spray for about a week, reducing inflammation in my sinuses. I wonder if it could be something completely unrelated to noise exposure?

In any case, I can totally related to the anxiety stuff. But remember that by restricting yourself to staying at home, etc., and reducing your exposure to the things that make you anxious, is likely to just increase your anxiety and panic about doing those things. Getting out is so hard, I know, but exposing yourself to things and situations that are making you panicky and anxious will help you to deal with them better in the long run. Like self-induced exposure therapy. Just start small and be kind and forgiving of yourself. Sending hugs!

 

[Bear0211]

Hey. I'm glad yours is clearing up.

The only things I've had done are the standard hearing tests. Good poke about in my ears but nothing to do with ear pressure. I don't really get stuffy as such unless I have a cold but I do feel my ears crunch and crackles a lot . My ENT specialist was useless. So I didn't even get the chance to quiz him about other issues. I do have jaw issues (I'm thinking that's the noises in my ears...) and I'm wearing a mouth guard but didn't think that'll help.
I'm going to ask her to refer me to a dental hospital to get an X-ray of my jaw to see if this is interfering.

I just maybe think it's too much of a conincidence that I was on a night out that I felt it was extremely loud but Then again I was totally fine for 11 days straight.... Hmm. I'm not sure if it can happened after that much of a delay. Probs though. :/

I've got an neurologist appointment on the 25th for a couple other issues (I'm falling apart ha) so i will ask him/her about this... I'm not going through another another MRI. Though. Hell no.

My anxiety I've had all my life and I know I need to get a handle on it cause it's as bad as it's ever been.

Thanks for the advice Claire and virtual hug

 

[william adams]

Only you control your future by choice. You can choose to stew in your T or get up and start your healing process. Even though I have T that I hear above the TV and alot of other sounds I want to live as normal a life as possible as most of us are doing. To do so you have to continue your everyday routines, keep yourself very busy doing things that you enjoy which in time will take your mind off of T. Take up Tai chi or yoga which are very relaxing for the brain. I go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week to reduce my adreniline that feeds T. Try to avoid any loud noise and cut way back on alcohol, caffiene, sugar, and other foods that are known triggers to aggravate your T. I dont hear my T some of the times for I keep my brain focused on better things. Please go on youtube and check out Julian Cowan Hill and watch his short videos which I found very helpfull. And Julian is correct the more you think about T the more you get yourself all worked up the worse it seems to be. In time your t will seem to reduce in volume and some people get rid of it all together. You are going to be alright and like the rest of us will habituate and it could be gone tomorrow. Last I work at reducing stress and avoid stressful situations. If you cant do it on your own get your MD or ENT to prescribe low dosage of xanax to help keep your brain in a settled state. And let me stress again you are going to be alright !!!!!

 

[Bear0211]

Thank you @william adams for getting in touch and for those highly encouraging words. This has truly gotten a grip of me just now one day I'm getting by then one really bad day ect... I'm just not 100% sure if mines was noise damage since it started 11 days later....though I suspect it is. Wishful thinking. I reckon my suspected Tmj doesn't help.

My ENT specialist was useless, made me feel worse! I didn't even get ear pressure tests...? Since I feel weird pressure at times. I'm gonna try see a private hearing specialist.

I intend to go back to the gym and I'll defintely try to get as much positivity going on. I just fear it badly. I'm such an anxious person st times.
I've been prescribed a months worth of diazapam for when I really need it but I know my doctor won't prescribe it again.
I'd truly love for it to really fade that I can barely hear it. When I do keep busy I don't hear it as much but it's when I'm trying to chill out it really gets to me. Watching tv ect....I hate how much limitation that it's put on my life...

I don't mean to wallow. Just I have a couple of other health issues right now that this is the last thing I needed. Of course no one deserves it! Hey hopefully I'll get there.

I will take your advice on watching the YouTube videos ...

Everyone is amazing for having to deal with this!!!

I hope you are well

 

[Honey_Bee]

Hang in there @Bear0211!! I know you can do this! I was an absolute mess in the beginning but now things are back to they way before I even had tinnitus. I lost 20 pounds in about a month and a half (and then proceeded to gain it all back lol) I found an audiologist who herself had tinnitus which was a huge help. I also had custom musicians earplugs made that I carry everywhere, so that helps with the worry about being caught off guard around loud noises. The best thing I did was pretty much force myself back into normal living. It was rough in the beginning but then slowly but surely things became normal again. I started talking to people about my ears, and you wouldn't believe how many people I found out had tinnitus and could seriously care less. I was shocked! My mother told me a few weeks ago she had it also. lol didn't tell me when I first got it, because she needed me to figure this out for myself (tough love much?? lol) But most importantly give your self time and please don't be too hard on yourself. This isn't easy to deal with, especially in the beginning. But it gets better, so much better! I was an blah runner before tinnitus. But I needed to do something to take my mind off of it and running was it for me. And the next thing I knew I was running a 10mile race! And then proceeded to get injured but that's another story So hang in there, you are doing great! Everyone on here has amazing advice!

BTW, LOOOVVEEEE your hair color in your photo!

 

[Bear0211]

Hey @Honey_Bee thank you so much for getting In touch
The ONLY person I know who has it is my cousin but I think he's well habituated to it. And he's such a free spirit than nothing really fazes him. I think mines is worse than him but.... and I was a born worrier. Worry or stress should be my middle name. I can't tell you how much I worry about stuff

I can honestly say having T is one of the worst things that could have happend to me with my kind of mindset. I know there's horrible conditions out there to have but by god this is affecting me badly.

Also I lost so much weight the first 2 months too (Eating a bit better now, comes and goes) I was skin and bone and my mum/family were so worried (she still is I guess) and I feel bad for putting her through this stress. Also the dark thoughts I have are scary and I'm scared that if I don't get a grip that I'll do something awful. How bad I'm feeling. I've spoken to my doctor about this. I have 2 and they are great. So I'll be seeing them again soon.

I'm so hard on myself it's unreal, if this is from noise damage...well what can I say. Self inflicted. Was having fun on a night out next to speakers though no one can tell me why such a delay with mines coming on... That I'm thinking I hope it's nothing sinister.... I did have an MRI (also for a couple other issues mind you) so I'm sure if it was anything else it would have been spotted. Hmmmm.

I also have the custom made earplugs which I'm struggling to get used to. Getting them in is a pain in the ass! I've got really small ears haha. I hate wearing them though because it just highlights the noise

I feel I'm missing out. Weddings, party's, festivals though I'm not bothered about clubs anymore. It sucks so much. I can only hope it'll get better for me.

I'm really happy to hear you are now doing so much better. Kudos to you gives me some hope.

And this forum is great. Though I have read some stuff which makes me feel down. I hate to read of people struggling long term. It scares me.

Oh thank you for the hair comment (blushes ha) my hair hasn't looked like that in 3 months! Was such a mess. Yuck. I was too scared to go and get it done as I was anxious the noise from the hairdryer would make it worse :/ but I've went today and gotten it done. Needed it. (Plugs in noise blaring away. Damn)

I'm still a bit unsure of when to wear earplugs ( god I hate them) I know obviously loud places but clothes shops ect I'm not sure. They seem so loud to me. I think I have sound sensetivty (hyperacusis?) too because certain noises really bug and cut through me. Stuff that didn't before.

So yeah I need to haul my ass back to the gym ect. I just need my old self back
I guess time will tell.

Thanks again for writing to me. Much appreciated x

(Sorry I ramble on....so much misery. I need my fun fiesty self back. )

 

[william adams]

I am here if you need advice. I was a basketcase when I first got T and some us need medication to help us cope. You stated your MD would only write you one prescription which is absolutely redicules. Doctors do not suppose to write scripts for xanax or valium for tinnitus but will write them for depression and anxiety so if you need meds for a while dont be stressed out about he wont give you more or find another doctor. Tell them you have poor sleep and severely depressed and they will write them. I take a very low dosage and they are not to be abused. I have weaned myself off the sleeping pills {ambien] and will do so with the xanax when I feel that im ready.. I take the lowest dosage 3 times a day just to take the edge off and keeps my brain in a calm state. Actually even seems to lower my T. Hope this is helpful to you....

 

[Bear0211]

@william adams

Thank you. I really appreciate that. I'd say I'm a basket case just now. Driving me insane

Yeah says they don't like prescribing the diazapam as they are short term use only as they are highly addictive. I don't take them everyday. I feel like it right enough.... I've had depression for almost 5 years now and I haven't taken any medication but now with this. I need help. The thoughts I have are dark.

I just don't understand why it changes so much. When it's loud it scares me and I start pacing. Of course not good I know. I do have days when it will calm down (although I can always hear it) if it's noise damage which is highly likely then I'm fooked
I do want a medical professional to tell me why such a delay after noise exposure though!
I've got a neurologist this Saturday (couple other issues too) so I'll get his opinion. Not another MRI though. Hell no. The anxiety gave me lots of ectopic heart beats , which I'm been seen to by cardiology too. Yaldi!!

Really appreciate you writing to me and sharing your experience

 

[Lizard]

I have had tinnitus for 7 weeks now and it has recently got so much worse, i now hear it over the television and over conversations. I am slowly losing my mind. I cannot sleep. I can't go clubbing with my friends anymore so am increasingly isolated. I worried that being upset all the time about it is pushing my friends and family away from me. I know exactly how you feel, but so many people tell me it really is mind over matter.

 

[Bear0211]

Hey @Lizard
Yeah I'm really struggling with it too. And it's been almost 4 months with me :/ The fact that I'm feeling very isolated too. From friends, going out and doing things...interacting and being sociable

Have you seen a doctor? Might be an idea getting something to help with sleep? That won't be helping at all. Can I ask how you got yours, both ears or...?

I'm pushing everyone away too...because I'm so damn angry and upset... I feel ya.

Yeah my noise Goes up and down all the time. Driving me crazy too. I know, been told mind over matter too but my mind is totally fried!

 

[Lizard]

hello @Bear0211

I had a bad case of labyrinthitis and then i went clubbing with it and came back and my ears were really badly ringing, it's both ears but its suddenly got worse in the last two weeks. How did you get yours? I've just come back from the doctors and they've said I've got a retracted ear drum, but I've finally got an ENT referral for July 14th which i'm looking forward to.

I am just giving myself short term goals and one thing to achieve each day. I have a very supportive family which I'm very grateful for. You should think about CBT think they have a high success rate.

 

[Bear0211]

Are you in the uk or?

Man that sucks! I really hope yours eases up soon. And gives you some relief. Might even go away.

Mines is weird. I think it's from areally loud night out. But my ears were fine the next day. No ringing at all. They were fine for 11 days afterwards then one night I notice my right ear ringing. And a month later my left ear rings! I apparently had fluid behind my ear drum too.
I'm confused as to why the delay after a night out.

Do you think yours is from clubbing or the labyrinthitis?

Hopefully your ENT specialist will help. Mines was useless. I've since went to a much more helpful Audiologist. Yeah take one day at a time. I'm trying.

Great that you have a supportive family Me too. They just feel helpless at times though, cause I get myself in such a emotional mess.

And CTB I'm thinking of trying again

 

[Robert44]

Please go on youtube and check out Julian Cowan Hill

Yeah I've been watching Julian... Check him out

 

[Vicki14]

Hey @Bear0211 ,

Just wanted to reach out and give you a wee hug, sure sounds like you could do with it. I can so relate to your thoughts and feelings and only understand too well how frightening and isolating it is and the frustration of knowing what the right thing to do for your ears is. It's impossible to be proactive in helping yourself when you feel the life has been vacuumed out of you... I soooo get it!

So difficult to be positive about something so shit!! But, the golden rule is not to race ahead and get yourself so wound up about EVERYTHING!! I agree, each day feels like you're wading through treacle and like you, I yearn for the 'old me' to return!! A good friend of mine is training to be a CBT Therapist and she has given me lots of great advice. We need to just get through each day, please don't beat yourself up about it.... I've screwed myself up trying to pin point what the cause is and do you know what, makes no difference as what's done is done and we NEED to focus on recovery. Hindsight is an exact science, so don't make yourself feel any worse than you already do!

I've had this since Jan and eventually abituated after about 2 months but have had a set back and am working at getting there again. I know it CAN be done. Take VERY small steps each day, even if that's just getting out of bed, sometimes that's the hardest part for me in knowing what lies ahead, but it does get easier and don't despair when you're having a bad day, we all do.

Anyway, I see your from Scotland! Me too! Which part? You look after yourself and don't be too hard on yourself!

Much Xx

 

[Path Maker]

In any case, I can totally related to the anxiety stuff. But remember that by restricting yourself to staying at home, etc., and reducing your exposure to the things that make you anxious, is likely to just increase your anxiety and panic about doing those things. Getting out is so hard, I know, but exposing yourself to things and situations that are making you panicky and anxious will help you to deal with them better in the long run. Like self-induced exposure therapy. Just start small and be kind and forgiving of yourself. Sending hugs!

Good advice!

 

[Bear0211]

Hey @Vicki14
Aww thank you so much yeah my life is at a complete standstill. I'm a complete mess not sure how to deal with it. It if I ever will. I get okay days but the bad outweigh them. I think my mindset is far too negative to manage this. I beat myself up so much! I think I know how mines started but there's some scepticism regarding it. Not been 100% confirmed .... If it's self inflicted well damn I'll never get over it. I suffer BADLY with anxiety (got couple other health issues im getting seen to) so it doesn't help. T is one of the worst things that could have happened to me and my mind.
It's so isolating indeed. I feel I'm missing out. Watching everyone get on with their life. I want the old me back I miss doing what I did previously. I'm pushing everyone away and taking my anger out on everyone my relationship is at breaking point.

Sounds like you know exactly were I'm coming from and how I feel. It's horrible isn't it. Therapy I need. Even Though I'm st rock bottom I doubt anything will help except for escaping from this hell.... I've got so much stress in my life I know it won't be helping.
Good to hear CBT steps are helping you out....?

Wow you habituated after 2 months? Now a setback I hope you recover quick! Can I ask is yours loud? Like I'd say mines can be moderate. I get relief some days when it'll go down a bit but I always hear it and it messes my head up! I feel so limited now. Where as before I was relatively care free in what I could do!

Your exactly right. Spot on. And it's just hard because I know I'm not thinking rationally. It's just fear. Of the future too now.

I hope you are doing okay. Better than ok soon! Thank you for getting in touch. Much appreciated. Even though I'm a bag of misery ha.

Yeah I'm from Glasgow. You? xx

 

[Vicki14]

Hey @Bear0211 ,

Me too, I'm from just outside Glasgow, not far from the airport. Did you know that there was a support group in Glasgow which has been newly formed? The next mtg is on 19th July, let me know if you'd be interested?

I completely understand you and know how much it messes with your head. By far, this has been the most difficult thing in my life I've had to deal with! Listen, your entitled to be a misery guts!! I feel like I'm constantly apologising to family/friends as I've done nothing but complain and talk about it.... But you have to.... You've got to get it outta your head!!

No one can possibly understand how incredibly difficult this is to deal with every day, you tire of keeping yourself busy to keep distracted. Not sure how loud mine is, difficult to compare, but I hear it 24/7, sometimes it's soft and other times my ears are ringing with ear pain and some hypercausis. Like you, I'm exasperated by having to adapt my life and avoiding things I would have otherwise enjoyed. We MUST remain positive that this will pass as there are so many success stories and I think we just have to be patient. Not easy, I know, when each minute of every day is painful.

I've only had 1 CBT session privately and I've also been referred by my Doc for them, have you? If not, you should... I've read a lot of positive stuff and think it would really help you.

Anyway, please keep your chin up and keep talking.... That really helps too. Hugs ️.

 

[Bear0211]

Aah fab. I'm not far from the city centre.

No had no idea. Feel like I was the only person with T in Glasgow. Ha. Well except my cousin who is fully habituated. He's such a free spirit that literally nothing fazes him so I expected that. I'd be interested I'm still waiting to hear from a tinnitus clinic that my useless ENT doc apparently reffered me to! Ppffttttt.

Yeah I'm the exact same. I'm sick of it being my world! I don't want it to be I crave it to be gone. Which I know is useless. As much as my boyfriend tries. He can't understand. And I'm not the girl he met now :/ this truly sucks.

I don't understand how mines fluctuates so much. Though I hear it always to some extent. Sometimes it can go loud like a siren which freaks me out and I pace about but then it'll calm down. I sleep with a fan now. I hate wearing earplugs as it makes it 10 louder but I know they are now needed in some situations :/ vicious this is.

So last year I was reffered for CBT for depression. But it was a bit of a disaster. I thought It was one on one which I need, but it was a group one just watching slideshows that I had already read from Google myself! So there was no one on one to discuss my own issues. So I've already spoken to my doctor about being reffered again and I have to see her on the 4th July to discuss my problems more. Hope you continue to feel better with your sessions...

Maybe yours will just go away like it started. You never know... Especially since I read your story and you's aren't sure how it came about ? Is it one or both ears?

Thank ya for the encouragement x

 

[Vicki14]

Hi again @Bear0211 ,

Oh, not too far from me! . You feel like your the only person on the planet with this thing never mind Glasgow!! I went to the first support group mtg and there was about 20 people there!! So, we're not alone it would seem!! Why don't you come along to the next meeting and bring your partner along too? It may help him understand and understand why you've changed as a person. It is hard to be who you were when your facing this battle everyday! I've got 3 girls and I feel I've become very short tempered with them .

Like I said, the mtg is on 19th July from 6-9pm: here's the link;

http://tinnitus.org.uk/contacts/102 (Let me know if you can't access it).

It would be lovely to see you there! Xx

 

[Bear0211]

@Vicki14 Hey. Actually you are so right. Obviously everyone on here knows what we are talking about but yes it feels so isolating
I've had people commenting and messaging giving me great advice esp and support but it's so hard as I'm such a negative thinker.

Yes I think I will come along. don't think I have anything to do that evening....It can't hurt and I'll ask my bf if he can make it. He tries his best with me. But he just doesn't have it so he can't feel what I feel. Oh man I really understand. I'm so snappy and moody it's unreal. Hate what it's doing do me
So yeah I guess I'll get to meet you in person xx