I could really use some help and advice right now, and I have some specific questions. But it seemed like the best thing to do would be to put my whole story out there so people have some context. (sorry this is so long, just skip to the end if you don't have the time)
My problems started with hyperacusis last Spring. I was a DJ at a club, and at first I kept thinking either some of the CDs were badly burned, or the speaker system needed calibration. I found myself frequently turning down the high end because it seemed really off.
Next I started having really bad depression the morning after DJing, and feeling dazed for a couple days afterward. I kept blaming the depression on other things, like changes in my meds or alcohol, so it took a while to figure out that it was sound-induced. I got worried, so I took a couple weeks off (it was just a one night a week thing) to go to an audiologist and ENT. Everything was fine with the audiologist, I have very good hearing range. It was clear to me from the test, though, that my left ear was the hypersensitive one (voices sometimes hurt it). The ENT found nothing wrong. He said this kind of thing would often go away after a few months, and both he and the audiologist said I should use hearing protection when I DJed.
I tried that, but it was difficult to do my job when I couldn't judge the sound levels very well and it made having conversations frustrating. The first weekend with earplugs was okay, but the second I took the earplugs out a few times... and ended up with the "sonic hangover" depression again the next morning. That really scared me, and I quit the job. I didn't go to the club, to DJ or to hang out, for about three months. The hyperacusis was annoying; things like the microwave beeping would bother me, and exposure to things like ambulence sirens would cause short bouts of depression. Even road noise in my car (noise nobody else could hear) would have a depressive effect and bother me if I didn't use earplugs on long drives.
That was frustrating, but I could cope with it and I was hoping it would eventually go away. But a couple months ago I got the tinnitus for the first time. I felt, in my left ear, what felt like an air pressure change - like your ears popping or whatever you want to call it. Then a high-pitched sound in that ear, rising in volume then subsiding. Then the tinnitus came on, for just a few hours. It was really weird and I was worried I had an ear infection. The next day the same thing happened in the afternoon. Eventually the tinnitus just stayed; while the left ear seemed to be the source of the problem, the tinnitus itself was mostly centered.
It comes and goes for me, seeming to cycle with a few days on more loudly, and a few days where it subsides enough that I barely notice it. I can, on a conscious level, deal with some noise. My brain is already tuning a lot of it out. The problem is that it sometimes hits that note/pitch that causes depression with the hyperacusis (even though it's not a "real" sound it has the same effect). Depression isn't even the right word, really. It's just pure anguish sometimes, like someone is pressing a button in my brain that just turns on psychological pain. I've dealt with "regular" depression all of my life, but this was a whole different feeling. I had one night where I was up all night, where it was too loud to mask with noise (I play rain sounds on my computer sometimes) and hitting that bad pitch terribly. It was the worst night of my life, in pain and having a panic attack for hours. Literally torture. I was traumatized for a couple days afterward, terrified I'd have to experience that again.
I went to an ENT that specializes in hyperacutis and tinnitus, but she said she'd never heard of tinnitus or hyperacusis making someone *directly* depressed. And that's what I'm talking about. I don't get depressed *about* the tinnitus or hyperacusis. Rather, the sound exposure sometimes triggers something in my brain that causes psychological pain. I try to pop my ears sometimes when it's severe, desperate to do something to help. One time it DID help - the depression went from on to off within the space of about 15 seconds. I have never had anything that weird happen before. But it made it really clear what was going on.
The cycle seems to be 2-3 days quieter, then a few days louder, with one day of it being pretty bad. My psych started me on Wellbutrin, and between that and my own aclimation the bad times aren't reaching quite the level of anguish they did before. But they are still pretty awful... yesterday night I was just laying on the couch crying a little, trying to distract myself with phone stuff. The psychological pain is so overwhelming that it's hard to distract yourself, though, and hard to concentrate on things like video games and movies.
What I'm really terrified of is the possibility that the tinnitus would shift to being stuck at that awful note that causes depression all of the time. I can cope with that if it's temporary, and I have a few days to emotionally recover, but if it was constant I'd probably kill myself. I couldn't live with that kind of pain every moment.
I have a couple specific questions for people:
a) Do any of you have this direct, severely depressive response to tinnitus or hyperacusis sometimes? As I said, this isn't getting depressed *about* having it. It's more like the sound directly triggering the psychological pain centers of the brain.
b) Lately the tinnitus is making me more dazed, almost dizzy at times. I was so nauseous yesterday that I laid down and brought a bowl in case I had to throw up. Is that normal?
d) Help. Please tell me anything that you think would help reduce the depressive symptoms or keep the volume moderate. I don't know how I'm supposed to live like this.
Med stuff:
Lamictal 100mg
Wellbutrin 150mg
Latuda 20mg
Gabapentin 600mg 3/day
Before all this happened I was just getting over protracted withdrawal syndrome from clonazepam. That stuff wrecked my life. And now this
My problems started with hyperacusis last Spring. I was a DJ at a club, and at first I kept thinking either some of the CDs were badly burned, or the speaker system needed calibration. I found myself frequently turning down the high end because it seemed really off.
Next I started having really bad depression the morning after DJing, and feeling dazed for a couple days afterward. I kept blaming the depression on other things, like changes in my meds or alcohol, so it took a while to figure out that it was sound-induced. I got worried, so I took a couple weeks off (it was just a one night a week thing) to go to an audiologist and ENT. Everything was fine with the audiologist, I have very good hearing range. It was clear to me from the test, though, that my left ear was the hypersensitive one (voices sometimes hurt it). The ENT found nothing wrong. He said this kind of thing would often go away after a few months, and both he and the audiologist said I should use hearing protection when I DJed.
I tried that, but it was difficult to do my job when I couldn't judge the sound levels very well and it made having conversations frustrating. The first weekend with earplugs was okay, but the second I took the earplugs out a few times... and ended up with the "sonic hangover" depression again the next morning. That really scared me, and I quit the job. I didn't go to the club, to DJ or to hang out, for about three months. The hyperacusis was annoying; things like the microwave beeping would bother me, and exposure to things like ambulence sirens would cause short bouts of depression. Even road noise in my car (noise nobody else could hear) would have a depressive effect and bother me if I didn't use earplugs on long drives.
That was frustrating, but I could cope with it and I was hoping it would eventually go away. But a couple months ago I got the tinnitus for the first time. I felt, in my left ear, what felt like an air pressure change - like your ears popping or whatever you want to call it. Then a high-pitched sound in that ear, rising in volume then subsiding. Then the tinnitus came on, for just a few hours. It was really weird and I was worried I had an ear infection. The next day the same thing happened in the afternoon. Eventually the tinnitus just stayed; while the left ear seemed to be the source of the problem, the tinnitus itself was mostly centered.
It comes and goes for me, seeming to cycle with a few days on more loudly, and a few days where it subsides enough that I barely notice it. I can, on a conscious level, deal with some noise. My brain is already tuning a lot of it out. The problem is that it sometimes hits that note/pitch that causes depression with the hyperacusis (even though it's not a "real" sound it has the same effect). Depression isn't even the right word, really. It's just pure anguish sometimes, like someone is pressing a button in my brain that just turns on psychological pain. I've dealt with "regular" depression all of my life, but this was a whole different feeling. I had one night where I was up all night, where it was too loud to mask with noise (I play rain sounds on my computer sometimes) and hitting that bad pitch terribly. It was the worst night of my life, in pain and having a panic attack for hours. Literally torture. I was traumatized for a couple days afterward, terrified I'd have to experience that again.
I went to an ENT that specializes in hyperacutis and tinnitus, but she said she'd never heard of tinnitus or hyperacusis making someone *directly* depressed. And that's what I'm talking about. I don't get depressed *about* the tinnitus or hyperacusis. Rather, the sound exposure sometimes triggers something in my brain that causes psychological pain. I try to pop my ears sometimes when it's severe, desperate to do something to help. One time it DID help - the depression went from on to off within the space of about 15 seconds. I have never had anything that weird happen before. But it made it really clear what was going on.
The cycle seems to be 2-3 days quieter, then a few days louder, with one day of it being pretty bad. My psych started me on Wellbutrin, and between that and my own aclimation the bad times aren't reaching quite the level of anguish they did before. But they are still pretty awful... yesterday night I was just laying on the couch crying a little, trying to distract myself with phone stuff. The psychological pain is so overwhelming that it's hard to distract yourself, though, and hard to concentrate on things like video games and movies.
What I'm really terrified of is the possibility that the tinnitus would shift to being stuck at that awful note that causes depression all of the time. I can cope with that if it's temporary, and I have a few days to emotionally recover, but if it was constant I'd probably kill myself. I couldn't live with that kind of pain every moment.
I have a couple specific questions for people:
a) Do any of you have this direct, severely depressive response to tinnitus or hyperacusis sometimes? As I said, this isn't getting depressed *about* having it. It's more like the sound directly triggering the psychological pain centers of the brain.
b) Lately the tinnitus is making me more dazed, almost dizzy at times. I was so nauseous yesterday that I laid down and brought a bowl in case I had to throw up. Is that normal?
d) Help. Please tell me anything that you think would help reduce the depressive symptoms or keep the volume moderate. I don't know how I'm supposed to live like this.
Med stuff:
Lamictal 100mg
Wellbutrin 150mg
Latuda 20mg
Gabapentin 600mg 3/day
Before all this happened I was just getting over protracted withdrawal syndrome from clonazepam. That stuff wrecked my life. And now this
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