4 Months
I'm not sure how long I'll write monthly updates. I feel like progress slowed or stopped the last month and writing monthly posts feels like pressure.
Physical t
The T has been mostly eee the last month. Before the sirens a couple months ago I felt like the t varied more and was changing to something else. Now it's mostly eee. I've noticed sometimes my left ear will get louder than my right ear. That was something I noticed before the sirens so perhaps I'm getting back to where I was.
I get crickets, more in the morning than the afternoon, along with the eee. The crickets play under the eee and don't cancel it out. I can't remember if the crickets cancelled the eee before the sirens.
The t isn't very variable except for the crickets and it reacting to loud noise. Days are the same for the most part.
The volume of the t isn't getting lower. Perhaps I'm getting more used to it? If I'm in a room with the windows and doors closed the t is there and very noticeable. If I go outside where there is no traffic the level of the t is just above the ambient noise. I can hear the t if I look for it but it's easy to ignore or hear in the background.
I've been wearing ear muffs and ear plugs a lot the last month and a half. When I put them on I can definitely hear the t. I'm not as freaked out by the noise but if I stop and listen with muffs or plugs it's really cranking.
I remember how loud the t was the first month when I put ear muffs on. I feel like it's a little quieter now but not by much. I admit I switched my ear muffs. I was using 30 db muffs and now I'm using Peltor x5a's which are rated at 31 db but probably higher. Perhaps that's the difference?
The fullness has mostly gone away. I don't want to say that too confidently because I'll jinx myself. Feeling like I just got off an airplane hasn't happened for a couple weeks but I know from experience it can come back.
The h has been going down. I'm still very sensitive to noise but noise doesn't seem as loud. I still jump when a Peterbuilt tractor trailer or Harley goes by the house but it doesn't seem 'as' loud.
I listen to the TV and computer at half, if not more, of the volume I used to. My children, both under 12 years old, complain that they can't hear the tv when I'm listening to it. If I'm watching a show where there could be shooting I put the volume too low and guess what they're saying for fear of the noise. I rented Pacific Rim II last week and I kept the volume control in my hand the whole time and did my best to anticipate explosions. The last 1/4 of the movie I turned way down.
How is it they can build giant robots to fight the kaizan/bad creatures but can't build a few giant ballistic missles? How hard would that be???
Mental t
I'm burned out!
After 4 months of ups and downs I've grown tired of focusing on t. I still spend too much time thinking about it but I'm tired of thinking about it. I want to get back to something like life was before.
When I think about t my inner voice says, "Whatever."
I don't monitor my t as much as I used to. It is what it is and there's little I can do about it besides stay away from loud noise. Yes, I constantly listen to it but I don't focus on it and don't compare the volume or tone as much as I used to.
The last couple weeks I've made an effort to get back to some form of my former life. I've started working 2-4 hours at a time, working in the gardens around my house and trying to help my wife around the house. I have a way to go on the latter but the guilt is there for how little I've been doing.
Last weekend my sons Boy Scout Troop was selling hamburgers and hot dogs and stayed for 4 hours. It was outdoors so I felt ok about being there. I brought my ear muffs and ear plugs in case I needed them. This may seem like a small step but it was probably a big step considering where I was a few months ago.
I'm very nervous about indoor public places, especially restaurants. You never know what is going to happen or who is going to turn up the music. I always carry my ear muffs when indoors and if there's a fire alarm, loud child, whatever I'm ready.
I use ear plugs when outside in the yard. I don't know if I have them in perfect. If my t gets louder and I rub my fingers by my ears and can't hear them I feel like I've got them in good enough. I don't stand right next to the road so the plugs lower the volume enough.
I like ear plugs more than ear muffs for lower volumes because my head was getting sore from wearing ear muffs so much. If I know the noise is going to be loud and/or unpredictable I go with ear muffs. I never wear glasses with ear muffs because sound can get under the frame.
Other Thoughts
I've heard the longer you have t the slower progress comes if you're going to have it. I wonder if I've had t long enough that progress has slowed down or if the sirens a month and a half ago set me back. The sirens set me back 1-2 months and I'm not sure I got back to where I was before.
I was taking some supplements, which I'm not going to list, but I stopped because I was relying on them too much. I was afraid I was going to take too many and create another problem for myself. I'm going to start taking some again but more conservatively.
I'm getting used to having t and my hopes of t going away are diminishing. What I've got wouldn't be that horrible but I'd prefer to have none of it. Like everyone on this site I want to be one of the lucky ones.
The last week I found myself craving repairing my truck for enjoyment or going to see a movie to disconnect with the world for a while. I also wanted to grab a weed wacker and trim the edge of my lawn that I now have someone else mow. I can't do any of those things right now for fear of making my t worse. Someday I'll be able to do them again but with care.
I feel indifferent/melancholy about what I can't/shouldn't do right now. Some on this site say life is for living so have at it while others say protect your ears at all costs. I fall more in the protect your ears category so I'm not going to push loud events.
Unfortunately I've learned that life is a loud event; tractor trailers with ridiculously loud Jake brakes, freaking airplanes and helicopters, people honk as they go by and see me in the yard, my diesel truck is crazy loud, my wife dropped a dish as she put it in the dishwasher tonight, dogs like to bark, people talk louder when they're excited about something, tv's and radio's at local delis are often ridiculously loud, air conditioners are loud but usually tolerable, you get the idea.
I should go back and clean up this post but I'm tired so please forgive the grammar or punctuation mistakes (I went back and cleaned it up). I'm tired because I worked for 3 hours today in 90 degree heat and then worked around my yard for another hour. Yes I could do more but it's a start.
May peace be with you friends.