Not Coping

[fedup]

Hello group,

I have had Tinnitus for some months now. Caused by using headphones and leaving them on all night as I slept, like a fool. This led to ear infection and T which is 24\7 . Early on I had a total mental breakdown over it.

Slowly I began to cope and did so for ages .Now, five days ago began a HUGE spike in noise that is horrific .It will not let up .I cannot read ,watch TV or eat . I am back at square one .So very depressed and feel suicidal again. I am afraid that this spike will never reduce this time .I have had other spikes but eased after a day or two.I am afraid of the feelings I am having in that I wish to die at times as the T is so loud.

I just need to reach out for me human contact. I am at home alone all day and findc it very hard.I am really not coping.

Thanks for reading

 

[Michael Leigh]

@fedup
I advise that you stop listening to music through your headphones even at low volume. Have a talk with your GP about your depression and suicidal thoughts. Tinnitus can make a person feel the way you do but help is available. Asked your Dr to refer you to ENT, so tests can be carried out on your auditory system. When tinnitus is severe it is best to be seen at ENT.
Best of luck.

 

[Bobby B]

is your T high pitched ? do you heave hearing loss

 

[glynis]

Welcome to Tinnitus Talk.
We totally understand what you are going through with a loud spike and the big wobble makes you feel like your back to square one.
Try to think of it of a few bad days and the better days you are use to will come back to your normal base sound .
The unwanted emotions can be tough going and add on not sleeping can make us feel even worse.
These are normal reaction as tinnitus comes from the limbic part of the brain that out emotions come from .

At these times be very kind to you self with lots of lovely treats ,walks in the fresh air or open a window .
Try play soft relaxing music if carnt watch tv etc or read.
Have lots of relaxing baths to help stress and anxiety and see your doctor for support.

Ring MIND or Samaritans or Mental Health who are a wonderful support if need to talk to someone.
You are not going mad this spike will pass and over time will learn how to battle these storms that come from nowhere and remember you will get through it.
I'm going through a tough time also since a second sound appeared a few weeks ago and not sleeping and tearful but my ears have a fight on their hands as I'm pushing hard to get through it.

We are here for you around the clock for support so your not alone and we can help you through it with your doctor....lots of love glynis

 

[fedup]

Thank you all for your wonderful help amd support .
I no longer use my headphones . I stopped once i got the infection . I only used them at very low volume .
I have already been checked by ENT and been told I am clear of any tumour or structural ear defect . I have a follow up appointment to come.
My GP just says i have to live with this and try to be more outgoing . Easy said ! As you all no doubt know.
I had only just got to the point where i felt i was beating T . Yes I could still hear it but it had become less loud and intrusive . I even used to forget i had it for the odd hour or two . I was happy .
Then i went and ate some salty snacks . I KNEW i shouldn't be doing it but i was greedy ! The next day the T was insane ! It has just got louder and louder since . It is so loud today I can hardly hear my own inner voice and I feel panicky. It just will not stop .
Usually any spikes have died down yo base levels in four days but this is day five now. I am worried that this is the new base level -i.e HORRIFIC
It is an extremely high pitched hiss and sometimes a high pitched tone too. The tone is the worst.
At night it all seems to go whoosh whoosh whoosh ...very distressing.
I so long for the silence of a quiet room .
My T is now so loud I hear it well over massive traffic , tv, radio , busy shops etc. Only the shower drowns it out...just.
I am so fearful of the future. At night I lay in bed thinking 'what will I do if my wife passes away before me?' I will be left alone with this noise . My wife is a wonderful support but its not fair to keep pestering her with this. She still works part time so I am alone a fair bit . All very gloomy I know . Sorry .
I HATE being alone . We have a daughter but she lives miles away . Most of my friends are dead so there is nobody to connect with in the real world. I don't like pubs or clubs and am too unfit for a gym or pool etc so that's out. I have a lot of other health issues that restrict my mobility.
Before this I was so happy . I just bumbled through life . No money worries as such . Nice holidays and kept busy at home Now it all seems meaningless. What good is money !
I feel robbed of the things that really matter in life . Tinnitus has taught me so much .

 

[Michael Leigh]

@fedup Try listening to your music through speakers and not headphones even if the volume is low. Wait until your tinnitus is more managable and if you must then go back to headpone use but I strongely advise against it. If you sleep in a quiet room this can make the brain focus more on the tinnitus and it will appear to be louder and more intrusive. Buy a sound machine and use it by your bedside. Keep the volume below your tinnitus. A sound machine can also be connected to a pillow speaker for privacy.
When tinnitus is intrusive and especially if it was caused by exposure to loud noise then I don't recommend using headphones ever again. Some people show no adverse affects with headphone use and have tinnitus, but I have counselled too many people who's tinnitus has got a lot worse with headphone use even when the volume is kept low.
Michael

PS: Oasis sound machines are very good and made for people with tinnitus.

 

[fedup]

Thanks again. I will certainly never use headphones again.Now i play stuff on my ipod very low and place it under my pillow . I cannot listen to anything for long because it just seems to annoy me so much.
I keep the windows open for ambient noise .
Dear me the T is utterly insane this afternoon .Very scary indeed. Thankfulky my lovely wife is on her way home . We will have a meal then early to bed as usual these days . I try to watch soms tv at night but it is hard at the moment . I just keep hoping things will calm down. If this level of T is the new base level then I am in serious trouble.

 

[Michael Leigh]

. I will certainly never use headphones again

@fedup I am pleased to hear that you will not use headphones again. I believe it has contributed to making your tinnitus worse. Some ENT Drs tell tinnitus patients, there's nothing wrong listening to music through headphones as long as the volume is kept low. These Drs know about the anatomy of the ear but the majority of them have never experienced loud intrusive tinnitus, and don't realise the cochlear (in the inner ear) is a lot more sensitive to sound when someone has tinnitus, especially when it was caused my exposure to loud noise which is the most common cause of tinnitus. Please click on the link below as you may find some of the information helpful.
Best of luck
Michael
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/an-introduction-to-tinnitus.12100/

 

[Sam Bridge]

I run a fan in the background while i watch tv, certainly helps , may help you to.

 

[glynis]

Hi @fedup,
Always around for a chat anytime if need to talk to someone over the phone
Try not to think of the future as it could be better than it is now and you will be stronger to deal with spikes as you will have been through a few and know how deal with them in the best way you know how .
Stay strong and positive .....lots of love glynis

 

[billie48]

Sorry for your suffering with the new T level @fedup. When T is new or hit a new level, your ears will be sensitive and unsettled for a while. So mentally prepare for such a thing and don't try to monitor or gingerly tip-toe around it. Think of it that you are climbing a mountain with the sharpest slope first and then it becomes a plateau, and then it slopes down on the other side. This may be the T journey you will experience. So you are at the initial stage of the new spike. It is best to give it some time to settle, perhaps use some herbal supplement such as lemon balm or Chamomile tea to help calm the nerve or Melatonin to help sleep. Your anxiety about the future is understandable. But anxiety and stress about the new T level will only make T worse. So try your very best to stay calm and give it some time. Spikes will usually settle down especially we stay calm and keep living and use distractions to avoid focusing on T. Take good care. God bless.

 

[OnceUponaTime]

@fedup We understand how u are feeling. I hope that this spike settles down for you quickly. Try to keep yourself busy...do the things that you enjoyed to do before this spike.... I know it is hard, but you have to keep trying. I learned how to crochet while I was going through my first couple of months with t.... somehow it helped my brain to focus in the new learning activity...my brain was developing a new skill so it helped to distract me tremendously. I also read the Bible and other books a lot.... do puzzles, cooking, gardening... Think positive. @I who love music has a great technique that has help many here.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-silence.7172/
Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Jeff M.]

@fedup So sorry that you are suffering so badly!! It sucks! No other way to put it! I, and many others here on TT totally get it!! The way nobody else can. We've been to the dark place and faced what your dealing with. The encouragement is.......we're still here!! Stay engaged and connected, don't isolate yourself!! And most importantly GET YOUR SLEEP!! Take seriously the good advice that's been posted here on your thread. These are positive, knowledgeable people who care!! We are with you and support you!! It WILL get better!!

 

[fedup]

Hi friends and thank you all SK much .You are a very kind and knowledgeable bunch . I will take on board all your excellent advice.My T is still screaming insanely so perhaps this is it for me now.It is beyond bad.
I better try to get used to it then.I feel so sad.
Worse still both ears feel full and my hearing is dull .Again Dr says there is nothing wrong.My Dr says I won't go deaf but I think he says that to make me feel better.The thought of deafness makes me sick with fear.
You are all so kind so I won't take anymore of your time but will stay here as a member .Hopefully soon I can report a drop in my T .
Have a superb day folks

 

[fedup]

Hello again friends .I am so pleased to report that my T level dropped dramatically this morning back to my normal base level ! The relief ! I hope it stays down now.
Lately my 'good ear' has been feeling very full as if full of water or cotton wool and my hearing gets a bit muffled.It happens at all different times but more so if I go outside.It also makes it sound like my head is in a bucket ! My Dr says there is nothing in the ear to cause it. It is really worrying me .I am afraid that I might be losing my hearing in tha ear but the Dr swears I am not.
Have any of you guys had this condition ? Anybody know what it is please? I thought it might be caused by my TMJ but that has not hurt for quite a long time now .
Thank you !

 

[dan]

Wow, what a contrast between soft and loud tinnitus....happy for you man.