Fast forward to 2017, I was getting married in September. That summer was stressful. I was also attending stadium cricket matches (it was the champions trophy, held in the UK) and other friend's weddings. Whilst I wouldn't stay and dance, I would have the food, stay for the speeches, and, if possible (some summer weddings had outside seating) would stay for the evening, if I could get away from the dancefloor. At a wedding I attended in the August of that year, my tinnitus spiked when I was exposed to some loud bass (not in the same room as the dancefloor, but I was walking past that room. The door was open and the bass got me). This spike lasted months and months, dominated my thoughts around the time of my own wedding and overwhelmed my honeymoon experience (we went to Orlando, Miami and The Bahamas). It was during this time that I started double protecting. I double protected pretty much everywhere: when walking down the street, in shops, in restaurants, by the pool, on the beach...everywhere. I could hear street noise from the hotels and so would sleep in earplugs. The one time I didn't, in Orlando, the fire alarm went off and was louder than anything I had heard for sometime. It was awful. I grabbed my earmuffs and hit the floor, but it went on for 20-30secs of torture. It was at that moment that I upgraded my earmuffs to Peltors.
...hmmm, where am I now. So this behaviour hasn't stopped. The behaviour has actually gotten worse (some of you will read this with a 'WTF is wrong with you' reaction, and that's fair enough, my own family say it to me regularly). Nowadays, I am double protecting in the house and out of the house, in my car (I still drive as I have to for work) and when walking the dog. I listen to the tv and films on subtitles and with no volume. On the rare occasions that I watch something with the wife that requires volume, I can't hear the volume anyway through the double protection. I sleep in earmuffs as I can hear the road outside through the single glaze windows. I take baths and don't shower - if I have to shower it is in peltor muffs. When washing my hair, I used waterproof 'swimmers' earplugs and take great care not to make undue noise and splashing. I don't go out really much any more. I have friends over but make excuses not to go out to restaurants or places where it could be loud. I have even started saying no to golf (sounds stupid, but I have). My world has become a lot smaller. I am getting chewed up inside now as it is my brother's 30th birthday tomorrow and his wife has organised a meal for friends in London. I'm invited, she even consulted me on venue and booked a private room, but as it gets nearer I know that I will likely not go. I want to go, but I feel I just can't. I am also in the midst of a spike right now, caused by some road traffic noise. My front door is 20-30m from a road. I like to avoid exposure here and so run to the car/run the dog past the road to quieter wooded area, but today, I felt my earplugs 'pop' maybe due to wax behind the ear, and I'm now terrified it wasn't in correctly and I've caused lasting damage - this worry and spike is despite me having earmuffs ontop of the plugs.
...I also spend ages pushing the plugs into my ears; if they crack or make a sound or pop, I repeat the process until they do not do this when i take my hand away. Embarrassingly, yet truthfully, it has sometimes taken my 20 mins to leave the house satisfied that they are in ok. If they 'pop' when 5m from the front door, I am back in the house repeating the 'process'.
It is important to mention that these things did not happen to me at once. They were incremental, but they are at the point now where I do not recognise the person I was before they happened. I have almost become used to this life. Trying to do something different or outside of my limited comfort zone, puts me into a panic attack and weeks of protracted stress and rumination. The double protecting within the house started when I was caring for a sick family member, who has since died. I didn't want any spikes ontop of that stress...but since I started doing it, it has now become habit...
