Scared and New

[Bobo]

Thanks Mark. I appreciate the response. I just retired after a 30 year career with the govt. With T, I thought I was losing my mind. I went to my GP a year ago and explained to him my condition.....and he replied, I have T. My GP said "you just deal with it" and he's younger than me. My ENT said the same and all tests were normal except for some high frequency hearing loss in my right ear. I spoke to my pastor a week later......and he replied, I have T. So here is my pastor who week after week preaches and reaches out to others in the congregation who are going through all sorts of hardships and he has T? I stood in front of the mirror and asked God.....what am I, a wimp? It has gotten slightly better over the year but I may still may pursue the SG's. I've been physically active my whole life and going to the gym has always been my way of reducing stress and relaxing....I also pray that it helps my T. I have my 3rd grandchild due this summer. Like you and others, T has brought me to tears but I feel it's made me a better person. I've had a blessed life but everyone goes through trials and hardships. I don't want to be the grandpa who spends the day in the recliner. I need to head to the gym.....in life we just need to stay faithful and know that He's in control. It has knocked me to my knees but you just have to keep your head down and keep swinging. I'm slowly, very slowly, getting back on my feet. My wife thinks I've googled myself crazy. Thanks for your input.

Greg

 

[Claire43013]

Claire
Glad I can encourage you; I remember very dark days (dark days indeed). I thought it was over (no rest for the 'rest' of my life). It simply is not that way and to say the least, I am so glad I did not give in (to temptations that came my way). The trauma you are experiencing is warping your view of everything (very understandable). Take that fact into account when 'drawing conclusions' about your situation and yourself (and keep talking to other T sufferers -- I wish I had)

I took Ibuprofen PM to 'knock me out' so I could sleep. I considered taking anti-anxiety/anti-depressant but I did not -- and not for any 'moral or ideal' reasons; I just got hooked up with my hearing aids (with white noise) fairly early on and they really took the edge of everything for me (I'm positive God heard my cries and answered with those -- these particular aids with white noise are very new on the market -- and effective). I just recently quit taking Ibuprofen PM -- I'm not a big fan of putting 'non-food' products in me (unless needed, of course). However, if you need something to get you to sleep or to 'chill you out' it's fine.

Not a tough question at all, my life is strangely better; being more real (down to earth, not so concerned about self ambition, able to feel more compassion, smell the roses) is ALWAYS a good thing. I actually enjoy my life now more than I did before. My faith is stronger, I'm more relaxed. Us military folk are always so 'go fight, win' that sometimes we need something to give us real 'pause' in life. Would I ever want to go through it again -- NO! When it comes to suffering -- I stink at it (big baby). It's like my dad used to say "it's a million dollar experience I wouldn't give two-cents for". But coming out on the other end with a stronger, more loving spirit...

I remember those first days when I was scared out of my mind, angry and full of fight, desperate, and simply overwhelmed -- it doesn't last forever (trust me). Eventually you will accept your situation (as hard as that may sound) and then you will start getting some traction. I still remember the first day my T didn't rule my day or master my mood; what a good day that was (ha ha tinnitus, I so kicked you butt) and I went about my day and was productive.

How many days into your T did you not let it master your mood? I'm going to mark that number on my calendar for a day to look forward to : ) I'm still in the throws of despair (and 60 mg of prednisone daily, which is making me crazy!) over this sound. I went to an audiologist on Friday who basically told me try not to think about it and stay away from these forums!! HA!!! If it wasn't for the success stories on here and encouragement of such wonderful people (you!) and others, there would be zero light at the end of the tunnel right now. I'm going to a TRT clinic soon at the University at Buffalo and see if they can give me those sound generators you are talking about.

Seeing people who have this condition living totally normal, happy lives really helps to give me perspective. Did you know Steve Martin has it, from gun shots on the set of Three Amigos? Leonard Nemoy and William Shattner also both have T from a set explosion on Star Trek. Crazy! BUT they seem to be doing alright.

So, please keep praying for me Mark. Pray that it goes away or that at least it doesn't destroy my life in the interim. I'm still trying to stay in school. My professors have been very understanding, thank God. Thank you too so much for your support : )

 

[Carlos1]

Hi Mark,
Yes, I try to remind myself constantly, "God is in control". I feel like this a major test of faith too. I've been having a hard time with guilt because I'm an honest person 99% of the time, but I came down with this viral infection when I was doing something dishonest and I feel like God is punishing me. I've asked for forgiveness and am making amends, but I feel like the punishment does not fit the crime!! It sounds like you have had many trying times in your life, just like me. I'm also prior military (Coast Guard) and a child of the welfare system (with not one, but two mentally ill parents!) so my life up until this point has not been a picnic either. You're right though, this, so far....has been the worst. It has absolutely devastated me.

Your analogy about the tiger in the room makes a lot of sense. You're right, I can either empower it, or not. I know my anxiety is making it worst. This day is better then yesterday though. I hope tomorrow will be even better.

Do you have hearing loss with yours? My doctor said mine is mild but it feels like there is a cotton ball in my ear.

How did yours start? How long before you adjusted to it? Is it in both of your ears? How much are the hearing aids you bought?

Thank you so much for your support and prayers Mark. Please stay in touch.

Claire

Claire my heart goes out to you I'll put you in my prayers ....be strong and take care of yourself .
T brings everyone to their knees the weak and the strong but time will help and we have to have faith in that. I too struggle every day I'm struggling just type this reply ...hang in there and keep posting it helps

 

[Claire43013]

Claire my heart goes out to you I'll put you in my prayers ....be strong and take care of yourself .
T brings everyone to their knees the weak and the strong but time will help and we have to have faith in that. I too struggle every day I'm struggling just type this reply ...hang in there and keep posting it helps

Thank you Carlos! I've read some stories about people who develop T and they just move along, like "Hey no big deal!" I have no idea how they do that, and I don't think it's the norm. For the rest of us (you and me) I guess we have to rely on time and prayer. I pray A LOT and I'm going to pray for you too. Thanks for talking to me. It warms my heart when others reach out and I would say it's probably the only thing getting me through this right now.

 

[Mark McDill]

How many days into your T did you not let it master your mood? I'm going to mark that number on my calendar for a day to look forward to : ) I'm still in the throws of despair (and 60 mg of prednisone daily, which is making me crazy!) over this sound. I went to an audiologist on Friday who basically told me try not to think about it and stay away from these forums!! HA!!! If it wasn't for the success stories on here and encouragement of such wonderful people (you!) and others, there would be zero light at the end of the tunnel right now. I'm going to a TRT clinic soon at the University at Buffalo and see if they can give me those sound generators you are talking about.

Seeing people who have this condition living totally normal, happy lives really helps to give me perspective. Did you know Steve Martin has it, from gun shots on the set of Three Amigos? Leonard Nemoy and William Shattner also both have T from a set explosion on Star Trek. Crazy! BUT they seem to be doing alright.

So, please keep praying for me Mark. Pray that it goes away or that at least it doesn't destroy my life in the interim. I'm still trying to stay in school. My professors have been very understanding, thank God. Thank you too so much for your support : )

Claire
I've been praying for you; hang in there . Good to hear from you again.

As I recall, I was about six or seven weeks in; it was a Saturday and my T was screaming. A few weeks prior to that I had finally accepted my situation (acquiesced, as painful as it was) and just stopped fighting it on the inside. Anyways, my T was yelling at me and I was shaky (at best) and I simply decided to get busy and clean the garage. So I did (T and all) -- oh the audacity (making such a decision)! But it worked; I still remember it to this day. It was a choice; one that I didn't think I could make -- but I did.

However, as I'm write this I'm thinking it is likely not a good idea for you to think of a date/time; instead, just know that it WILL happen for you -- in your time. There WILL be victories in the future for you; right now you are at ground zero. One day (after fully accepting your situation) you will simply decide to 'saunter by the tiger' as if it weren't there and do whatever you want to do (oh the audacity! how dare you!). You will get there; however, even after that day I had many rough days/failures; but I knew I had turned a corner and was on the right track. It's like I used to say when in tough situations in the military; it will get better -- cause it can't get any worse.

Good idea getting some noise generators; they worked great for me. Nonetheless, mine are very special/unique in that the white noise is programmed to mask my T. Many noise generators are just things like wind-chimes or special notes -- mine are targeted (very effective).

I was very surprised to hear the list of people that suffer from T; you'd think there would be an answer from the medical community.

Mark

 

[Bobo]

Claire and Carlos-

You are in my prayers. It's been a year for me and T takes you through a deep valley in life but from those I've talked to and from what I've read.....we'll come out of the valley and hopefully say "Hey, no big deal!" I pray that happens. If you google celebs/famous people with T, there are a lot that have it.....to include 50 million Americans with some degree of T. It's definitely no picnic and has been quite depressing for me. I haven't done any meds other than .5 Ambien to sleep. I was taking that before the T. My GP, who also has T, was against meds for depression. Stay busy, keep your routine, excersice, get a good nights sleep and eat healthy.....seems like the common theme. I've been doing that for most of my life but it appears T may now be along for the ride. Keep praying....He's in control.

Greg

 

[Mark McDill]

Thanks Mark. I appreciate the response. I just retired after a 30 year career with the govt. With T, I thought I was losing my mind. I went to my GP a year ago and explained to him my condition.....and he replied, I have T. My GP said "you just deal with it" and he's younger than me. My ENT said the same and all tests were normal except for some high frequency hearing loss in my right ear. I spoke to my pastor a week later......and he replied, I have T. So here is my pastor who week after week preaches and reaches out to others in the congregation who are going through all sorts of hardships and he has T? I stood in front of the mirror and asked God.....what am I, a wimp? It has gotten slightly better over the year but I may still may pursue the SG's. I've been physically active my whole life and going to the gym has always been my way of reducing stress and relaxing....I also pray that it helps my T. I have my 3rd grandchild due this summer. Like you and others, T has brought me to tears but I feel it's made me a better person. I've had a blessed life but everyone goes through trials and hardships. I don't want to be the grandpa who spends the day in the recliner. I need to head to the gym.....in life we just need to stay faithful and know that He's in control. It has knocked me to my knees but you just have to keep your head down and keep swinging. I'm slowly, very slowly, getting back on my feet. My wife thinks I've googled myself crazy. Thanks for your input.

Greg

Bobo
The similarities in our stories are uncanny! I'm a christian, physically active (to relieve stress), a guvvy (though not retired), my pastor has T (and reaches out to others; which makes me feel like a wimp), and I got T last year (it, too, has brought me to my knees) and I googled myself right into a miserable hole (bad idea).

My pastor had to explain to me that we will have trials (why wouldn't we?); I had such a 'this + this = this' attitude that a trial on this level was just too hard to process. Nonetheless, we all suffer.

T is not for wimps; and when we make it through to habituation -- we can no longer be called wimps!

It's great to hear that you refuse to stay in the recliner.

Mark

 

[Bobo]

Go to the motivational video "Why Do We Fall" on YouTube. Life is short......and we need to put T in it's place.

 

[tandpiano]

Claire, I too have tinnitus mine is in my left ear. I too love Jesus Christ ...He is my everything. Tonight is a bad night. My husband just prayed over me..and then I picked myself up off the floor after crying out to God for a half hour...I live in upstate N.Y. .. I am married with no children. I have a high pitch ringing in my ear that seems to be screaming this evening. There is hope. I have had this tinnitus since 2010. I eventually got use to it and payed no attention to it. Now it has reared its ugly head after having a upper respiratory virus that settled in my left ear. The virus is gone but the ringing remains. I am here and know full well your suffering. You are not alone and it will get better for the both of us. Hang on and when you don't know what to say....just say Jesus.

 

[Claire43013]

Claire and Carlos-

You are in my prayers. It's been a year for me and T takes you through a deep valley in life but from those I've talked to and from what I've read.....we'll come out of the valley and hopefully say "Hey, no big deal!" I pray that happens. If you google celebs/famous people with T, there are a lot that have it.....to include 50 million Americans with some degree of T. It's definitely no picnic and has been quite depressing for me. I haven't done any meds other than .5 Ambien to sleep. I was taking that before the T. My GP, who also has T, was against meds for depression. Stay busy, keep your routine, excersice, get a good nights sleep and eat healthy.....seems like the common theme. I've been doing that for most of my life but it appears T may now be along for the ride. Keep praying....He's in control.

Greg

Thank you Greg. I know that staying busy is important so I'm trying but I'm having to leave school. I just can't concentrate. The lack of sleep (but primarily ringing in my ear!) does not help : ) I'm trying to step back into life slowly. For instance, I consider getting the kids ready for school a victory. Ok, so they are not on time, hey they still got there, dressed, fed and loved. Today I'm volunteering to help out in their lunch room (it's a small private school so their cafeteria isn't loud) and am going to be doing this every Friday. I've found in the past that the best way to get over dwelling on my problems is to serve others.

I'm getting there. When I wake up, I don't know how I'll make the day, but I always feel better after breakfast. There has been a couple of times where I forgot about it for a few minutes so I know there is hope. HOPE. This is what we cling to. Hope in the Lord, hope for ourselves.

 

[Claire43013]

Claire, I too have tinnitus mine is in my left ear. I too love Jesus Christ ...He is my everything. Tonight is a bad night. My husband just prayed over me..and then I picked myself up off the floor after crying out to God for a half hour...I live in upstate N.Y. .. I am married with no children. I have a high pitch ringing in my ear that seems to be screaming this evening. There is hope. I have had this tinnitus since 2010. I eventually got use to it and payed no attention to it. Now it has reared its ugly head after having a upper respiratory virus that settled in my left ear. The virus is gone but the ringing remains. I am here and know full well your suffering. You are not alone and it will get better for the both of us. Hang on and when you don't know what to say....just say Jesus.

Your story sounds much like mine!! Who ever thought a virus could cause such havoc? I was talking to a woman, Mel, that I just met at my daughter's school the other day who has a friend with a similar experience. She had a virus, went to bed, woke up blind. I kid you not. What really drew me to this woman, Mel, was how when I told her what I was going through she just took it in stride, not with a look of shock and horror like when I tell most people what's happened to me. Everyone I have told my story to looks at me with the biggest look of pity, but she just looked at me like "Oh, ok." That was nice! When people feel sorry for me, I think I feel more sorry for myself. I realized why she didn't feel sorry for me after she told me her story. Basically, she almost died from cancer 5 years ago, and it may have come back. She told me that whatever God decides to do with her, she doesn't mind, because she is in his hands. Life or death. WOW! That took me aback. How strong her faith is is so amazing.

Do you feel like everything in life is a test? I do. I think God puts us here to make us stronger and to make us grow, but we choose to be here. (What, I choose this?!?) I mean, life is misery, but life is love too. I think T really forces us to focus on the latter more then most any other illness.

Please stay in touch.
I don't know what else to say...or do at this time about my condition....so.....Jesus

 

[Claire43013]

Claire
I've been praying for you; hang in there . Good to hear from you again.

As I recall, I was about six or seven weeks in; it was a Saturday and my T was screaming. A few weeks prior to that I had finally accepted my situation (acquiesced, as painful as it was) and just stopped fighting it on the inside. Anyways, my T was yelling at me and I was shaky (at best) and I simply decided to get busy and clean the garage. So I did (T and all) -- oh the audacity (making such a decision)! But it worked; I still remember it to this day. It was a choice; one that I didn't think I could make -- but I did.

However, as I'm write this I'm thinking it is likely not a good idea for you to think of a date/time; instead, just know that it WILL happen for you -- in your time. There WILL be victories in the future for you; right now you are at ground zero. One day (after fully accepting your situation) you will simply decide to 'saunter by the tiger' as if it weren't there and do whatever you want to do (oh the audacity! how dare you!). You will get there; however, even after that day I had many rough days/failures; but I knew I had turned a corner and was on the right track. It's like I used to say when in tough situations in the military; it will get better -- cause it can't get any worse.

Good idea getting some noise generators; they worked great for me. Nonetheless, mine are very special/unique in that the white noise is programmed to mask my T. Many noise generators are just things like wind-chimes or special notes -- mine are targeted (very effective).

I was very surprised to hear the list of people that suffer from T; you'd think there would be an answer from the medical community.

Mark

Hi Mark!
I had a similar experience yesterday. I cleaned the whole kitchen! It felt good. I know this whole thing is just a mind trip that I have to overcome.

Can you believe the challenges God gives us? Today as I was taking the kids to school I was talking to God and I said, "Lord, I know from the challenges you've given me in the past that you want me to be strong, but, geez, what do you want me to be, your David? Your Job?"

I think the hardest part is what you said before, giving up the control. The "winning" attitude that I have, which is very strong in me (and obviously in you too).

I want the tiger to be a whinny kitten. I will be so happy to be where you are some day. I have to leave school. It stinks but I know it's not the end of the world. I feel like I'm trying to learn how to walk again. Hopefully by this time next year I'll be running again and will be able to go back to finish the program (last semester, ugh!) It's ok. I'll be ok. My family will be ok. You will be ok : ) Thanks Mark so much for all of your help and support.

Claire

 

[Claire43013]

Claire, I too have tinnitus mine is in my left ear. I too love Jesus Christ ...He is my everything. Tonight is a bad night. My husband just prayed over me..and then I picked myself up off the floor after crying out to God for a half hour...I live in upstate N.Y. .. I am married with no children. I have a high pitch ringing in my ear that seems to be screaming this evening. There is hope. I have had this tinnitus since 2010. I eventually got use to it and payed no attention to it. Now it has reared its ugly head after having a upper respiratory virus that settled in my left ear. The virus is gone but the ringing remains. I am here and know full well your suffering. You are not alone and it will get better for the both of us. Hang on and when you don't know what to say....just say Jesus.

I wish I could give you a real hug. You feel very close to my heart : )

 

[tandpiano]

Thank you Claire... I would like to give you my email...privately. not sure how to do that.

 

[Mark McDill]

Hi Mark!
I had a similar experience yesterday. I cleaned the whole kitchen! It felt good. I know this whole thing is just a mind trip that I have to overcome.

Can you believe the challenges God gives us? Today as I was taking the kids to school I was talking to God and I said, "Lord, I know from the challenges you've given me in the past that you want me to be strong, but, geez, what do you want me to be, your David? Your Job?"

I think the hardest part is what you said before, giving up the control. The "winning" attitude that I have, which is very strong in me (and obviously in you too).

I want the tiger to be a whinny kitten. I will be so happy to be where you are some day. I have to leave school. It stinks but I know it's not the end of the world. I feel like I'm trying to learn how to walk again. Hopefully by this time next year I'll be running again and will be able to go back to finish the program (last semester, ugh!) It's ok. I'll be ok. My family will be ok. You will be ok : ) Thanks Mark so much for all of your help and support.

Claire

Claire
You're moving right along! Praise God! I'm happy to hear it. That is great (good day cleaning the kitchen). Many days of decisions like this in the future; but you have already got one 'win' under your belt. Just like many racquetball games I've played when my opponent is obviously 'all over me'; then I learn how to make one (measly) point against them (that's one!) -- if I can do it once, I can do it again! Now you have a point of reference proving you can do it. No worries about future bad days or failures, just pick up again and 'get another one'. After a while your win-pile gets pretty big.

I'm curious about the AM101; I'm soooo glad I have my H.A.s with white noise; I'm finding out just how unique mine are (I really had no idea what I was getting, I just know they work awesome).

Evidently God knows you and I can handle this; I still have a hard time wrapping myself around that thought (when I think back to what it was like a year ago). I was a mess. If you looked at my eyes you would not see much of spark (for sure). I'm more convinced today (than ever before) that God heard my cries and directed me to NHI (hearing aids, white noise).

Yes, we are winners that don't like to lose (fight, fight, fight). I don't think that is a bad thing; I (you) just need to learn a different form of fighting; wherein the first move is not intuitive or natural (accept, acquiesce). It is so hard to do (I hated it); but it works with T. I recall my 'fight' attitude (when in that form) really only served to carry out the biggest 'psychological jiu jitsu' maneuver on myself; in other words, all my personal strengths and momentum I had learned in life actually worked against me (and made my T way worse). I had to learn to 'fight' a different way (and on a different day). In this sense, we don't give up the fight; we just learn a new way. What's awesome is this 'new way' applies to all areas of life; gee, if you can handle T, you can handle just about anything!

Many times I've been injured in sports and more than a few times the doc said I'm all done. I believed it for a while, but in reality I was simply re-grouping to play another day (that human spirit just keeps coming back). Right now you are re-grouping in life; unfortunately it hit right when you were getting done with nursing school (rats!). But you know very well you will pick it up in the near future and finish just fine.

Really good to hear from you Claire; so glad to hear you are having some victory already (that says something)!

Mark