Searching for Hope with Only Darkness on the Horizon

[Kolisar]

Hi @Kolisar - Just as I, too, had been betrayed a few times in my life by those who were "supposed" to be close and trusted friends I certainly do understand your hesitance to seek psychological assistance due to trust issues. Many a moon ago when I was seeing a psychiatrist regularly for major clinical depression it was difficult at first to open up since it is only natural to shield some of your personal actions and innermost thoughts out of fear of judgment. Aside from your tinnitus which is a genuine issue, of course, perhaps seeing a therapist would offer some therapeutic value. I had so many internal struggles at a time of my life which was most challenging - divorce from first husband, 3 year old child and being prone to depression (had bouts throughout my life) and therapy helped me tremendously to unburden myself to someone who was completely objective and non-judgmental. While it is no panacea, some times even verbalizing what you are thinking and feeling to someone who is completely outside your life and objective is in itself useful. Just by this act, it served to crystallize certain choices I had and helped me somewhat. While not every person requires medication, for me.... an antidepressant and two anti-anxiety meds was indicated and helped me tremendously.

Your posts are insightful, empathic, helpful and I feel you possess a great deal of inner strength even though you may doubt it.

Sending best wishes,
Barbara

Thank you Barbara (@Bobbie7). I also am a long time suffer of depression. I think you may have convinced me. I may consider seeking counseling. I may even return to medication (I was taking some for 10 years in the past).
It will still be difficult, as although the betrayal was many, many years ago, I have never been good at "letting go", especially when I have been hurt.

Thank you again, you have been especially kind and supportive to me here. I am always happy to see your name pop up as I read through the forum, and especially in response to one of my posts.

 

[Bob94]

Dude please don't give up. Ur such a nice person, when you're writing comments to other people's topics.... A shame u have to live with this. Always the best people suffer the most. After this comment im going to pray for you Kolisar. Did u really try everything? Maybe Weed or MDMA could help? There has to be something.... I wish u the best in the world

 

[Kolisar]

Dude please don't give up. Ur such a nice person, when you're writing comments to other people's topics.... A shame u have to live with this. Always the best people suffer the most. After this comment im going to pray for you Kolisar. Did u really try everything? Maybe Weed or MDMA could help? There has to be something.... I wish u the best in the world

Thank you @Bob94. I have tried everything that I can at this point. Unfortunately the medications you suggested are not an option. While I certainly believe in the medicinal uses of marijuana, and MDMA was originally developed for medical purposes, I know I am prone to addictive behavior. My family (relatives and siblings, not spouse and son) is rife with addicts, and has suffered numerous deaths due to alcohol and drug addiction. It os for those reasons that I an extremely hesitant to take medications (I do not partake in recreational medication, nor do I drink alcohol, so basically I am no fun at parties).

I appreciate your kind words, and I am hoping that my doctors visit scheduled for the end of this month will lead me to some relief.

And, thank you for the prayer; while I am not a religious person I appreciate the kindness behind the gesture and thank you for thinking of me.

 

[butterfly75]

Thank you @Roger_S . I do enjoy technology news (fits in with my career). Actually, recently, I have taken up a couple things to relax and try to avert my focus on the ringing; Drawing and "blogging" (mostly poorly written poetry and prose trying to deal with emotional issues I am not equipped to deal with).

But, having something to relax with is helpful.

I find writing relaxing as well (and I'm sure your writing isn't poor if your words are as fluid and eloquent as they are on here.) I fear that my tinnitus will become louder someday and it will be too distracting to write, although.

 

[Kolisar]

I find writing relaxing as well (and I'm sure your writing isn't poor if your words are as fluid and eloquent as they are on here.)

Thank you for your kind words. We will have to discuss writing some time (I assure you, mine is terrible, poetry is very difficult, but I find it a great outlet for dealing with emotional issues that I am not really equipped to handle).

I fear that my tinnitus will become louder someday and it will be too distracting to write, although.

I hope that day never comes. Having such an outlet is important, and having such a versatile means of expression, not only of emotions but creativity, is essential and can help one find peace and order in an otherwise chaotic existence.