Spending Christmas Alone

[another sean]

I was just wondering if anyone is spending Christmas alone, not by choice, and if so, how do you cope?

This is my 6th year alone at home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and this year is so far the hardest and am honestly dreading it even tho it's my favorite days of the year.

Every time I look at my 7ft Christmas tree, I am reminded of fond Christmas memories with my family who is no longer with me and when I feel that empty place in my heart, most. And ironically I tell myself each and every year that I won't be alone the following year.

And getting tinnitus has really made being alone for the holidays almost a sure thing for years to come since going to events or even accepting invites to friends' houses for dinner is not possible because of tinnitus.

I just wondered if anyone is going through a similar situation and how they handle it.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Bill Bauer]

spending Christmas alone, not by choice

I am spending it alone, by choice. It is wonderful that I don't have anyone around here to ruin it for me.

 

[Jcb]

I'm sorry buddy, that's heartbreaking.

Could you go round to one of your family members or friends, just for Christmas dinner? Maybe ask them to be as quiet as they can be until you've left, at least then you could have a bit of "Christmas magic"

I've never been one for Christmas myself but I totally understand why people love this time of year.

Maybe some people could Skype each other in a group if they are alone this Christmas, I know time differences may make it difficult but something like that could be quite nice, just a thought.

 

[emmalee]

Maybe some people could Skype each other in a group if they are alone this Christmas, I know time differences may make it difficult but something like that could be quite nice, just a thought.

......and such a compassionate thought, Jcb. You are a a good guy.

 

[emmalee]

I am spending it alone, by choice. It is wonderful that I don't have anyone around here to ruin it for me.

Really, Bill? Why be alone if you have family and friends? How could they ruin the day for you?

Sorry if these questions are too personal. It is just that I find it sad that you feel this way.

 

[Jcb]

......and such a compassionate thought, Jcb. You are a a good guy.

It may not work out but it's an idea. I know this time of year can be so magical for many people but I know it can also be the loniest time for many as well. It's really heartbreaking Emma.

 

[emmalee]

know this time of year can be so magical for many people but I know it can also be the loniest time for many as well. It's really heartbreaking Emma.

I agree.

 

[another sean]

I'm sorry buddy, that's heartbreaking.

Could you go round to one of your family members or friends, just for Christmas dinner? Maybe ask them to be as quiet as they can be until you've left, at least then you could have a bit of "Christmas magic"

I've never been one for Christmas myself but I totally understand why people love this time of year.

Maybe some people could Skype each other in a group if they are alone this Christmas, I know time differences may make it difficult but something like that could be quite nice, just a thought.

I should have said my family has passed away instead of no longer with me. And friends that did invite me in the past have forgotten me since tinnitus when I couldn't leave home for 2 years. And my life long friends all moved away.

Actually I just discovered that Skype now does caption during a call. Great for those you have issues with speakers.

Also I'm especially weak mentally this year because a chiropractor screwed up my back and I am having a lot mobility issues and feeling vulnerable, if tinnitus wasn't causing that enough. Lot of numbness in my legs, feet and burning spots on my thighs so I cant sit at all, I can only stand for about 10 minutes and laying down so much is causing new spots to get numb. I only feel good when I walk.

 

[Bam]

I'm not handling it....at all. I've never ever battled such an overwhelming urge to end this miserable sub human existence. Or even considered it was possible for a human being to feel this fucked with nobody and nothing to save them.

I was in accident and emergency last night slipping further in to delirium with pneumonia, a kidney infection and my constant screaming companion. I have never ever felt so alone, broken and fucking hopeless.

Tinnitus is a fucking curse and it's slowly but surely destroying me physically and mentally. I'm not sure it's possible for a human being to descend much further in to hell and I can't see myself living much longer despite all my efforts. It's taken all my defences.......This world is just a torturous prison now.

 

[Jcb]

I should have said my family has passed away instead of no longer with me. And friends that did invite me in the past have forgotten me since tinnitus when I couldn't leave home for 2 years. And my life long friends all moved away.

Actually I just discovered that Skype now does caption during a call. Great for those you have issues with speakers.

Also I'm especially weak mentally this year because a chiropractor screwed up my back and I am having a lot mobility issues and feeling vulnerable, if tinnitus wasn't causing that enough. Lot of numbness in my legs, feet and burning spots on my thighs so I cant sit at all, I can only stand for about 10 minutes and laying down so much is causing new spots to get numb. I only feel good when I walk.

Im sorry to hear that mate, you sound like you've been in the wars. I agree Tinnitus alone is a beast all by its self then add anything else into the mix and it can bring you even closer to the edge.

I know it's a chance and you would most probably feel extremely weary (rightly so) and tbh I would be as well, have you thought about possibly seeing another chiropractor and see if they can fix whatever that idiot did to you? I know it would be a huge risk and maybe wait until you are feeling a bit stronger mentally.

Give that Skype idea a go, I'm sure there a few members on here who could benifit from this, T can make you feel extremely alone anyway and this time of year can just make that feeling feel 1000 times worst.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Why be alone if you have family and friends? How could they ruin the day for you?

My original post included more details about what I am doing, but I didn't want to derail OP's thread, so I deleted all of that text.

A short answer to your question - a life without compromises is better than the one filled with compromises. Any time another person is present, one has to deal with constraints and compromises.

I find it sad that you feel this way.

I am the one who doesn't need anyone to be happy. I feel sorry for the people who are unhappy unless they find the right people to be around, etc (you know the nonsense I am talking about).

 

[Nanny chocolate]

Oh Bam, you are breaking my heart in compassion for you. Whereabouts in this Country are you now? that's probably private though and I'm sorry I asked that.
Surely there must be someone, somewhere that can love and support you.
Eve xxx
@Bam

 

[Jcb]

I'm not handling it....at all. I've never ever battled such an overwhelming urge to end this miserable sub human existence. Or even considered it was possible for a human being to feel this fucked with nobody and nothing to save them.

I was in accident and emergency last night slipping further in to delirium with pneumonia, a kidney infection and my constant screaming companion. I have never ever felt so alone, broken and fucking hopeless.

Tinnitus is a fucking curse and it's slowly but surely destroying me physically and mentally. I'm not sure it's possible for a human being to descend much further in to hell and I can't see myself living much longer despite all my efforts. It's taken all my defences.......This world is just a torturous prison now.

I don't know what to say to make you feel better mate, all I can say is there's a few promising things on the horizon and nothing is guaranteed to work but keep pulling through. I know it's hell on earth, and as I said before when you mix things in with T it brings you even closer to the edge.

Keep strong for your doggo, try to keep pushing through. F@#k even if coming on here is keeping you somewhat sane(ish) keep doing it Bam. I know these are just words but we are all here for you, for everyone.

 

[Agrajag364]

I was just wondering if anyone is spending Christmas alone, not by choice, and if so, how do you cope?

This is my 6th year alone at home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and this year is so far the hardest and am honestly dreading it even tho it's my favorite days of the year.

Every time I look at my 7ft Christmas tree, I am reminded of fond Christmas memories with my family who is no longer with me and when I feel that empty place in my heart, most. And ironically I tell myself each and every year that I won't be alone the following year.

And getting tinnitus has really made being alone for the holidays almost a sure thing for years to come since going to events or even accepting invites to friends' houses for dinner is not possible because of tinnitus.

I just wondered if anyone is going through a similar situation and how they handle it.

Thanks for reading.

I am so sorry. Sometimes people who will have a Christmas alone volunteer to feed the homeless Christmas dinner in one of those centres. Sad but it's nice to help others. I really hope you won't always be alone. It's very hard to be alone with the tinnitus. Could you not still have a family of your own in the future, or a partner?

 

[Agrajag364]

I'm not handling it....at all. I've never ever battled such an overwhelming urge to end this miserable sub human existence. Or even considered it was possible for a human being to feel this fucked with nobody and nothing to save them.

I was in accident and emergency last night slipping further in to delirium with pneumonia, a kidney infection and my constant screaming companion. I have never ever felt so alone, broken and fucking hopeless.

Tinnitus is a fucking curse and it's slowly but surely destroying me physically and mentally. I'm not sure it's possible for a human being to descend much further in to hell and I can't see myself living much longer despite all my efforts. It's taken all my defences.......This world is just a torturous prison now.

So sorry Bam. I know you are one who's tried many things but...have you tried any neck physio? It helped me with a constant headache and I swear there's some weird neck thing going on with some people's tinnitus. My dear old Dad got tinnitus too in the last year, his started off quiet then got very loud. He is going for neck physio as he also has neck pain/headache with it.

 

[Emperor-Drax]

I just watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and think "phew! Glad I'm not living there".

 

[Jiri]

Hey Sean, I am really sorry to hear that. @Jcb made a good suggestion, but alternatively if you can't do it or feel uncomfortable going to your friends' places, perhaps you could invite some of your friends to come over at yours?

...I tell myself each and every year that I won't be alone the following year.

One year you won't be alone. With the coming treatments for tinnitus this is now even more realistic.

 

[Bam]

Oh Bam, you are breaking my heart in compassion for you. Whereabouts in this Country are you now? that's probably private though and I'm sorry I asked that.
Surely there must be someone, somewhere that can love and support you.
Eve xxx
@Bam

Sadly not Eve.
I'm back in Brighton
The nurse in the hospital gave me a long hug and I never wanted to let go of her.
I really feel like I can't take much more.
At least I know I've a fairly peaceful and reliable out. Small comfort but it's better than having to hang myself to escape this nightmare.

 

[glynis]

@Bam,
Keep fighting for your right to have a happy life.
I know it's hard as my ears blast 24/7 and mentally challenging.

No hubby this Xmas
No mum last xmas
No dad the year before.......

I'm going fight and get through Christmas as a independent me !!!!

I gave my ticket away to see a Slade tribute band as my ears are more important and I do suffer greatly.

WE NEED A CURE.

love glynis x

 

[Autumnly]

I really feel like I can't take much more.

Neuromod is launching next month in Ireland, any chance you could fly over or perhaps hold on until they launch in your country? But I can't deny that I get it... At first, I didn't understand why people committed suicide even though new treatments seemed to be on the horizon - wasn't that hope enough? - but I have to say I've reached a point where I understand these people now. Even though Neuromod probably comes to my country next year, and the University of Michigan and the University of Minnesota will probably launch their devices within the next five years... I don't how long I can wait and I don't know what I will do if Neuromod doesn't help me.

 

[Nanny chocolate]

How do I pm you Bam? is that possible? I want to tell you how it was for me when T got so much worse in December 2017.
I don't want to upset others by posting here but it might be relevant to you xx
@Bam

 

[Bam]

Neuromod is launching next month in Ireland, any chance you could fly over or perhaps hold on until they launch in your country? But I can't deny that I get it... At first, I didn't understand why people committed suicide even though new treatments seemed to be on the horizon - wasn't that hope enough? - but I have to say I've reached a point where I understand these people now. Even though Neuromod probably comes to my country next year, and the University of Michigan and the University of Minnesota will probably launch their devices within the next five years... I don't how long I can wait and I don't know what I will do if Neuromod doesn't help me.

I don't know what to make of it all anymore Autumnly. If I buy that thing and it doesn't work it's going to kill me. You see what Ross o'neill probably doesn't realise is that some of us are clinging to the fucking door of the last chance saloon as a hurricane tries to sweep us in to an abyss....... I've pissed away thousands, lost all quality of life, seen the cold selfish cruelty of those I once loved in all its glory. I've been horribly let down by the healthcare system I've paid in to for twenty years and barely even used before and left to be ripped off left right and centre by tinnitus clinics, hearing companies, chiropractors, acupuncturists, herbal doctors, hypnotists, spiritual fucking healers, you name it I've crawled through their fucking door in tears and begged for help like a useless piece of desperate shit. And it's got me fucking nowhere. The torture just goes on and on. I don't know if I'm up for being ripped off one last time. I really do envy those who cut their losses and ended it in the first month or two. A moment of 'madness', proved not so mad after all......Living with this is the real madness.

 

[coffee_girl]

@Bam, I thought you were married with kids? Are you spending the holidays with them? I'm so sorry dude... I always get so down when I hear how much you're suffering... Hope this dark feeling passes soon.

 

[Alex Matyjasek]

I don't know what to make of it all anymore Autumnly. If I buy that thing and it doesn't work it's going to kill me. You see what Ross o'neill probably doesn't realise is that some of us are clinging to the fucking door of the last chance saloon as a hurricane tries to sweep us in to an abyss....... I've pissed away thousands, lost all quality of life, seen the cold selfish cruelty of those I once loved in all its glory. I've been horribly let down by the healthcare system I've paid in to for twenty years and barely even used before and left to be ripped off left right and centre by tinnitus clinics, hearing companies, chiropractors, acupuncturists, herbal doctors, hypnotists, spiritual fucking healers, you name it I've crawled through their fucking door in tears and begged for help like a useless piece of desperate shit. And it's got me fucking nowhere. The torture just goes on and on. I don't know if I'm up for being ripped off one last time. I really do envy those who cut their losses and ended it in the first month or two. A moment of 'madness', proved not so mad after all......Living with this is the real madness.

Bam I can't amagine the horrible sh.t you are going through. I know you're loosing energy and hope, but this neuromed device (after watching the video) doesn't sound like the tipical pack of crap out there. It sounds promising and it's worth a shot. You've got nothing to loose. You only have to wait for a month. I just want to help. You're incredibly intelligent and people like you find a away to live/survive this horrible hurracane.

 

[Bam]

@Bam, I thought you were married with kids? Are you spending the holidays with them? I'm so sorry dude... I always get so down when I hear how much you're suffering... Hope this dark feeling passes soon.

Have you been reading someone else's posts? I lost everything to Tinnitus.

 

[Bam]

How do I pm you Bam? is that possible? I want to tell you how it was for me when T got so much worse in December 2017.
I don't want to upset others by posting here but it might be relevant to you xx
@Bam

I'll message you Eve and you can reply.xx

 

[coffee_girl]

Have you been reading someone else's posts? I lost everything to Tinnitus.

If someone gave me the last and only cure in the world, you'd be the first person I give it to and never regret it. But I can't so I can only wish that some miracle happens that will give you some relief.

 

[Bam]

If someone gave me the last and only cure in the world, you'd be the first person I give it to and never regret it. But I can't so I can only wish that some miracle happens that will give you some relief.

Thank you @coffee_girl I would in turn offer you any organ I possess and you might ever require.

 

[Tinker Bell]

Have you been reading someone else's posts? I lost everything to Tinnitus.

Wait, were you married with kids? This implies that you were, but I thought from previous posts that you were not married nor had children.

@another sean the holiday season is hard for so many people. Is there maybe a volunteer opportunity that would give you a chance to interact with others? Might lift your spirits while you're lifting the spirits of others. I recall @fishbone volunteers at soup kitchens. Or what about a hospital or nursing home? Incredibly sad, but nursing homes are filled with elderly who are alone or somewhat forgotten by family during the holiday season.

 

[another sean]

I am so sorry. Sometimes people who will have a Christmas alone volunteer to feed the homeless Christmas dinner in one of those centres. Sad but it's nice to help others. I really hope you won't always be alone. It's very hard to be alone with the tinnitus. Could you not still have a family of your own in the future, or a partner?

I wish I could but my back issues have really confined me physically which is amplifying my confinement mentally which tinnitus was already causing. I wish I could have family of my own. I just dont know if someone will ever want to with me due to tinnitus and with my back in its current state, I can't even try. Being physically weak has made me feel just very vulnerable to life and its has increased all my fears. Especially being homelessness.

I'm not handling it....at all. I've never ever battled such an overwhelming urge to end this miserable sub human existence. Or even considered it was possible for a human being to feel this fucked with nobody and nothing to save them.

I was in accident and emergency last night slipping further in to delirium with pneumonia, a kidney infection and my constant screaming companion. I have never ever felt so alone, broken and fucking hopeless.

Tinnitus is a fucking curse and it's slowly but surely destroying me physically and mentally. I'm not sure it's possible for a human being to descend much further in to hell and I can't see myself living much longer despite all my efforts. It's taken all my defences.......This world is just a torturous prison now.

Same here. Tinnitus has caused a snowball effect of new health issues because I was trapped in my home for 2 years and the depression of that caused me to become very sedentary which caused feet issues, back issues, panic anxiety, high blood sugar, inflamed ribs and cardiovascular issues. The countless trips to the ER, Urgent Care and doctors have broken me financially the last few months to where some days I can only eat one meal a day. I've lost 20 pounds in the process. Even if I could afford it, I cant even enjoy a drink or chocolate anymore.

I know it's a chance and you would most probably feel extremely weary (rightly so) and tbh I would be as well, have you thought about possibly seeing another chiropractor and see if they can fix whatever that idiot did to you? I know it would be a huge risk and maybe wait until you are feeling a bit stronger mentally.

I've seen 3 chiropractor and 1 physical therapist and I now feel that all the physical manipulation is making things worse and some have suggested to not see anymore doctors and just rest and see what happens.

Hey Sean, I am really sorry to hear that. @Jcb made a good suggestion, but alternatively if you can't do it or feel uncomfortable going to your friends' places, perhaps you could invite some of your friends to come over at yours?

One year you won't be alone. With the coming treatments for tinnitus this is now even more realistic.

there is no where I can go and nobody will visit me. after being isolated for years when tinnitus first came on, a lot of friendships locally have been lost.

@another sean the holiday season is hard for so many people. Is there maybe a volunteer opportunity that would give you a chance to interact with others? Might lift your spirits while you're lifting the spirits of others. I recall @fishbone volunteers at soup kitchens. Or what about a hospital or nursing home? Incredibly sad, but nursing homes are filled with elderly who are alone or somewhat forgotten by family during the holiday season.

I wish I could but my back is really confining me. I cant sit in a car for more than 5-10 minutes. I cant stand for more than 10 without something going numb, getting pinched or feeling like pins and needles. I think the discs in my spine are getting compressed and I cant do an MRI without risking my tinnitus so I'm in the dark about the condition and its just been getting worse and worse over the last 3 months and I suspect is because of all the chiropractic manipulation as I was seeing one once, sometimes twice a week. I just want my back to get better. Then I can get a lot of my life back. It's more effecting than tinnitus right now and worries me every day and I feel the doctors I have seen don't really listen to me and just do their standard adjustment and off I go unless they see an MRI.