Still Recovering from the MRI

[Red]

I'm already on NAC. I was before the scan and still am. I honestly think I'm working up the stress levels to intense levels and making my situation worse. There is the objective 'new sound' which is what threw me into overdrive; into a state of fight or flight. This only makes my situation worse and I know this. I'm trying to tell my CNS but the stupid thing is having non of it. It's just one of those things and I feel terrible again. A lot of it is the guilt of not getting out; it's eating me up.

You've had to deal with this for much longer than me but in case you have been lucky enough to never have gone through it before… I got a new tone after a loud event and it went away after a couple of weeks. While it gave me a good idea of what to avoid in my life, seeing myself recover from it gave me some hope.

 

[PaulBe]

You're one tough cookie

Thanks, but I don't feel it some days. Having to be on a drug that is notorious for generating tinnitus is scary enough, but its listening to it spike after administration, well that really hurts. Seems I'm being faced with a new choice of life over hearing.

 

[Jcb]

I thought I'd post an update to say I haven't been doing too good the last 5 days. In fact, that's an understatement. I completely lost it on Thursday and had a bit of a breakdown. All the same emotions from 3 years ago came flooding back. It was really intense. What started it off was hearing a new tone in my left ear during the night. I was full of regret wishing I'd pushed the button to get out instead of lying in there for 20 minutes.

I will point out I've had an MRI before, but this one in particular seemed to be off the scale in terms of loudness. I had double protection but it felt like I had nothing. I know a thing or two about noise and this to me, at the time, felt louder than a rock concert on the front row. I managed to calm myself down and the huge spike calmed down with it. At the moment I'm back in the 'checking' and 'monitoring' stage and trying to break myself back out of it. Yesterday was much better.

What breaks my heart more than anything is that I was 100% habituated. I didn't care about the noise at all. Now I care again and that's the problem. Because I care I'm struggling to divert my attention but I won't let it beat me and as of today I'm back following my own advice. I need to leave the forum again and take a break. Me and the wife are thinking of dropping everything and just going to Wales for a week. My emotional state was severely low, but thankfully yesterday I had a sudden surge of strength that has pulled me up a bit.

I will say don't let this put you off MRIs. I'm convinced the ones in mobile units (trailers) are inherently louder if doubled with an already loud machine. The last one I had was in the hospital and was much quieter. I've gotta now try and forgive myself for not pulling the trigger to get out. Please do NOT misconstrue this to mean you should protect against everyday noise. You DO NOT. This was LOUD (had a small steel enclosure and no acoustic dampening), and under any other circumstances I would have run a mile, but I needed to have it done because my shoulder is in a bad way. The Vibrations gave me a huge headache.

Hopefully, it's my over reaction and things will calm down. This is exactly what happens on a regular basis for many posters over noises that really are non threatening, but they face the same anxious reaction nonetheless. I haven't felt this bad since the time I first got it but I'm slowly coming to terms with what happened. Thanks for being an outlet TT, and please if you're a newcomer, DON'T let this panic you. Nothing has bothered me like this has, and the new tone in my left ear is either fluid behind my eardrum or I've taken further damage.

Sorry to hear this mate, just take the time you need and hopefully it'll all calm down for you and go back to base level.

 

[Markku]

@Ed209, you're just too good of a human being. I'm in awe how you're the complete opposite of a self-centered person. Even in the midst of this distressing setback you've got other people's well-being in mind, making sure nobody's unnecessarily scared.

I can only hope it's a temporary setback and will settle down. Maybe the new sound disappears.

The guilt of not exiting the unit; I probably wouldn't have either. It's quite difficult to abandon a medical procedure in the middle of it (at least for me it is, thinking how I'd be wasting the medical staff's time etc), even more so if it's something you can't just easily get done at another place at short notice. In this case you clearly had a need for the MRI. Try not to blame yourself for it. You did fine and most would have acted the same way (I firmly believe).

Will keep you in my thoughts, keep us posted how things progress.

 

[Gman]

Hopefully it's temporary and you will be fine.

Consider a benzo if you really need it. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm really glad I recently decided to get some extra help, that I had been reluctant about.

I would research the machine and find out it's max dB output. Then work back from there on the duration of exposure and how much protection the ear plugs at least provided.

You could at least explore the possibility of legal action. It can be costly, but not always if there are lawyers in your country that have a no win no pay policy.

These people are medical health care professionals. They are have a duty of care and are obliged to make sure your health is protected, to explain the risks and so forth. With the caravan set up, they may be in breach of the law if it exceeds safe sound levels with the sounds being effectively amplified and reverberated around in an enclosed space.

 

[Ed209]

@Markku, thanks for the kind words and support it means a lot. It's strange how I have a head full of intrusive noise, and yet, one new sound totally breaks me down and folds me in half. I feel like my other sounds are now more reactive but this was far more noticeable 3 days after the exposure. I'm hoping this is now fading. I've been forcing myself out of bed and going for walks with my wife and daughter to keep myself busy and get fresh air at the same time. I feel like lessons learnt from last time are making this a lot easier. We were due to go away, but we're now going during the Easter holiday. Instead, I reluctantly carried on teaching my students, but, I'm glad I did. Yesterday turned out to be a great day because my lessons really did distract me and take me outside of myself. I've been living inside my head and it's an awful place to be stuck. Absolutely nothing has nudged my attention and then viola, I start teaching a student Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, and suddenly some of the beautiful arpeggios start to really pull me out of myself. I came away from that lesson feeling great, literally. Even though the new noise is still there in my left ear. I came home last night and had a realisation: what's one new sound in my ear when I already have half a dozen all over my head? I've got an orchestra in there, so now I've gained a flute, so what in the grand scheme of things? These noises never bothered me before so why now? I feel I have made peace with it - for now possibly - who knows how I'll feel in a few days or weeks.

Last night I turned off my masking for the very first time. I've walked around with masking on my phone 24/7 since the incident. I don't usually mask, so I decided to stop it yesterday and I fell asleep just fine and felt ok.

@Gman, thanks for helping, but it's not in my nature to sue the NHS. It only diverts money away from vulnerable people who are already waiting for life saving treatments. I feel it would be impossible to prove and I'd feel guilty about taking money from a system already at breaking point. I did, however, tell one of my students who is a lead consultant there about my concerns.

So that's my update, but don't be fooled, my mental state could change in the blink of an eye. I'm hoping days like yesterday continue. I'm trying to stay positive.

 

[Elfin]

what's one new sound in my ear when I already have half a dozen all over my head?

great attitude and great post - glad you are experiencing some positivity/relief/escape.

thanks for continuing to inspire and lead the way even when faced with fresh difficulties

 

[Jazzer]

@Ed209 - you're such an inspiration. x

 

[Bill Bauer]

I find myself in a chicken and egg situation. Did the MRI create more damage or did my reaction do that for me.

Did your T got permanently louder as a result of the MRI? If that's the case, you know that it couldn't have been due to stress. And you are right:

This is exactly what happens on a regular basis for many posters over noises that really are non threatening

 

[Ed209]

Did your T got permanently louder as a result of the MRI? If that's the case, you know that it couldn't have been due to stress. And you are right:

I gained a new tone in my left ear, but the volume went back to baseline (my baseline is already really loud). However, the particular machine I was in was obscenely loud. Far louder than the previous MRI I had, and I can safely say it's one of the loudest things I've ever been in the vincinity of and I was stuck inside it for 20 minutes. It was inside a small, metal, mobile unit, with no acoustic dampening whatsoever. The previous one was in a hospital and was way quieter. It was the most traumatic thing that's ever happened to me (post my T becoming worse), but I had no alternative. My shoulders are in constant severe pain and I needed that MRI to see if it would shed any light on the matter.

It was the first time I saw a real risk which is why I posted asking if anyone knew where I could get any metal free ear muffs. But nobody did.

Life's not perfect, Bill, and even with this setback I bounced back. In no way would I ever compare that to anything I'd encounter on a day to day basis. Not even going to a concert would come close to that thing. A rocket ship maybe.

 

[TuneOut]

I was stuck inside it for 20 minutes.

No. You could have left. You attempted to justify an unnecessary and unacceptable risk. I know because I have done it many times.

I needed that MRI

You didn't need that specific MRI. What's most important?

 

[Ed209]

No. You could have left. You justified an unnecessary and unacceptable risk. I know because I have done it many times.



You didn't need that specific MRI. What's most important?

Why's this being dragged back up? Don't you think I regretted not pressing the trigger at the time? It's all in the posts on this thread.

In hindsight, I stand by my decision because my shoulder and joint problem has exceeded any remaining tinnitus concerns that I may currently have. In fact, tinnitus isn't even on my concern list at all right now; I've got many other things that I'm facing.

 

[TuneOut]

Why's this being dragged back up? Don't you think I regretted not pressing the trigger at the time? It's all in the posts on this thread.

In hindsight, I stand by my decision because my shoulder and joint problem has exceeded any remaining tinnitus concerns that I may currently have. In fact, tinnitus isn't even on my concern list at all right now; I've got many other things that I'm facing.

It's not a personal attack. I'm just making a point, for the benefit of others.

 

[Ed209]

It's not a personal attack. I'm just making a point, for the benefit of others.

And what was the point? You have no idea how bad my shoulders have been. I haven't been able to workout for months and the gym is one of my sanctuary's. I can barely put my jacket on. An MRI is not an unacceptable risk to me, so I completely disagree. Going back into one of those mobile unit ones is a lesson learned, and I'd never do it again. In a hospital setting I'd have another if I needed one, I'd just make absolutely sure that I'd be adequately protected. I'd probably stick some thick padding under some proper ear muffs and not use the useless headphones they gave me last time.

In my opinion, if someone needs an MRI they should get it done. They should just make sure that they have proper ear muffs and earplugs by taking their own.

 

[TuneOut]

And what was the point?

The point, for everyone:

If it's too loud, get the hell out of there. Immediately. No excuses. No false justifications. No hesitations. No rationalizations. No "but I have to" or "I promised" or "it's important" or "I'll feel foolish."

 

[Jiri]

The most important thing, apart from the new tone, you feeling better @Ed209 ? Did the MRI scan actually reveal something wrong with your shoulders? I hope you'll be able to hit the gym again soon. Pain free & with lower t. vol.

 

[Ed209]

The point, for everyone:

If it's too loud, get the hell out of there. Immediately. No excuses. No false justifications. No hesitations. No rationalizations. No "but I have to" or "I promised" or "it's important" or "I'll feel foolish."

To me life is full of these coulda, shoulda, woulda moments, but it's so easy to see things with the benefit of hindsight. If you find yourself in an MRI like the one I had then I'd definitely advise people to press the button and get out. However, I think it's unlikely as a week after I had mine they got rid of the unit. Maybe because I complained about it to a student of mine who's a consultant there? Who knows? I still think mine was an anomaly in terms of loudness.

All I'm saying is that people shouldn't let my story affect their decision to have an MRI. Like I said, I've had one before and it was nothing like this mobile unit one. If it's needed for an important medical decision then it's got to be done. Just make sure you properly, double protect, your ears and don't be afraid to press the button if you feel it's far too loud.

 

[Ed209]

The most important thing, apart from the new tone, you feeling better @Ed209 ? Did the MRI scan actually reveal something wrong with your shoulders? I hope you'll be able to hit the gym again soon. Pain free & with lower t. vol.

Yea, I feel way better and it was actually encouraging to realise I could recover back to where I was, mentally, so quickly.

It revealed a few things. One, I've got calcific tendinitis in both my supraspinatus tendons; I've got signs of wear and tear, and they said the ball was sitting high in my joint so they tailored some physio to specifically target everything they saw, and then injected both shoulders with steroids and chirocaine.

My knees are bad as well now, and so is my back and a few other things. I'm hoping it's because of my lack of activity; that's what my physio thinks. He reckons my body is adjusting from all action to the lack of it by giving me aches and pains. He reckons it'll go if I start exercising my legs again. My shoulders have probably improved a bit, but I suppose it's a long process. This can't be undone over night.

I'm seeing a rheumatologist next month. My GP must think I'm falling apart. This year I've seen a gastroenterologist (had to have a colonoscopy), an osteopath, a physio therapist, an ENT, and now a rheumatologist. I've had two blood tests which showed I have high ESR levels, high eosinophils, and low vitamin D.

 

[Starthrower]

Why's this being dragged back up?

Seems like lately there has been a flurry of old threads bumped up. But those were the suicidal threads by a new poster which is an indicator of something isn't right. And this is done to make the board look dismal to someone who may have been told to read it.

But this is just @Bill Bauer trying to make his argument? And it is kinda shameful that what you endured is being used against you right now.

 

[Starthrower]

Yea, I feel way better and it was actually encouraging to realise I could recover back to where I was, mentally, so quickly.

Yes. This is the point - peoples. Recovery after an unfortunate loud incident. You are not going to be tortured for life.

 

[Jiri]

Yea, I feel way better and it was actually encouraging to realise I could recover back to where I was, mentally, so quickly.

It revealed a few things. One, I've got calcific tendinitis in both my supraspinatus tendons; I've got signs of wear and tear, and they said the ball was sitting high in my joint so they tailored some physio to specifically target everything they saw, and then injected both shoulders with steroids and chirocaine.

My knees are bad as well now, and so is my back and a few other things. I'm hoping it's because of my lack of activity; that's what my physio thinks. He reckons my body is adjusting from all action to the lack of it by giving me aches and pains. He reckons it'll go if I start exercising my legs again. My shoulders have probably improved a bit, but I suppose it's a long process. This can't be undone over night.

I'm seeing a rheumatologist next month. My GP must think I'm falling apart. This year I've seen a gastroenterologist (had to have a colonoscopy), an osteopath, a physio therapist, an ENT, and now a rheumatologist. I've had two blood tests which showed I have high ESR levels, high eosinophils, and low vitamin D.

To me, this actually all sounds like good news. It means there are ways you can work on to improve your condition. Your other health issues are fixable, and I realise full well that it's not an over night process. You're being proactive about it and got now medical specialists to help you make the right decisions that'll lead to your recovery. Good.

You are not going to be tortured for life.

I wish so hard this was true for every one of us.

 

[TuneOut]

Yes. This is the point - peoples. Recovery after an unfortunate loud incident. You are not going to be tortured for life.

It's also a lesson from the school of hard knocks. One that should be heeded.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Yes. This is the point - peoples. Recovery after an unfortunate loud incident. You are not going to be tortured for life.

Recall, he got a new tone. It is all about what can we do to avoid making our T worse.

And it is kinda shameful that what you endured is being used against you right now.

I have been restraining myself like you wouldn't believe. And I had succeeded, for the most part. In any case, it is all about what we can learn from each other's experiences (and not about whether someone is right or wrong). Right?

 

[BobbyH]

and please if you're a newcomer, DON'T let this panic you. .

Thank you for saying that. It is helpful to learn from the experiences of others while understanding the outcomes can differ among us. I appreciate your advice and hope you recover soon. Take care.

Bobby

 

[Greg Sacramento]

Seems like lately there has been a flurry of old threads bumped up. But those were the suicidal threads by a new poster which is an indicator of something isn't right. And this is done to make the board look dismal to someone who may have been told to read it.

This person did say that she meant not to upset anybody after she was confronted. A book 'Night Falls Fast', talks about genes that associate with serotonin. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that carries messages between brain cells. Some of us with tinnitus know well about this. This is a tinnitus board where those with concerns can post. We should not try to place someone into a particular personality group. We should act as compassionate caring resident representatives to all.

 

[Starthrower]

This is a tinnitus board where those with concerns can post.

@Greg Sacramento I am so sorry. Thanks for reminding me. I really mean this Greg. I edited to add this because I was afraid it sounded (read) sarcastic.

The issue I had was maybe the original poster may be embarrassed or uncomfortable seeing an old thread like that brought back to the top. And there are some instances where a person is prodded to bump certain threads for a particular reason. I cannot explain any further details.

But I will be more understanding and less how I responded.

 

[Starthrower]

I have been restraining myself like you wouldn't believe. And I had succeeded, for the most part. In any case, it is all about what we can learn from each other's experiences (and not about whether someone is right or wrong). Right?

@Bill Bauer hum....True.

But now I forgot the original argument/issue. And I am not gonna go back and reread this thread. @Ed209 seemed to be under some sort of attack which was rather unfair. You need to take into consideration that he is going through hell right now with personal issues regarding death of loved ones and illnesses of others. It is way too much for a person to go through.

Yet he still came here to give support.

It's also a lesson from the school of hard knocks. One that should be heeded.

Yep. And @Ed209 shared this.

It is easy for me to say yeah I agree if the MRI was so loud I would have/should have exited. But when you are in that type of situation it isn't so easy.

But you are right. It is a good lesson to learn before hand and I am glad Ed did so.

 

[Bill Bauer]

@Ed209 seemed to be under some sort of attack which was rather unfair.

The way it all began, was that I made some posts that Ed had attacked. So what you had interpreted as me attacking Ed, was me defending my posts.

You need to take into consideration that he is going through hell right now with personal issues regarding death of loved ones and illnesses of others.

I wasn't aware of it...

 

[TuneOut]

But when you are in that type of situation it isn't so easy.

No, it isnt. I've had to train myself to do it and I still mess up. It's easy to get caught up in something and forget what really matters.

 

[Gman]

The way it all began, was that I made some posts that Ed had attacked. So what you had interpreted as me attacking Ed, was me defending my posts.

I wasn't aware of it...

This is true. You do get unfairly attacked. I've read many positive posts by you, but some people have you pigeonholed and only pick on certain things you say, as though they actually know better. Everyone's honest thoughts and opinions on here should be valued. Personal attacks aren't nice.