Suicidal

[dan]

I know... I wear earmuffs every time I go out, especially in the tube, cars, and walking near traffic. All in vain. It never gets better. I call it the ratchet from hell.

Isn't that a given with anybody who has severe tinnitus?

I wear earmuffs in the kitchen too.

 

[Exit]

Just realised that I'm an old person now. I was a late bloomer, shy skinny boy at age 24 when life left me suicidal due to illness.

Now sicker than ever, wasted 18 years, and worse than that, got no hope for anything other than watching tv... muted.

 

[Taw]

I'm sorry it doesn't work for you
Shaun

Sorry if maybe I was not clear.

Clonazepam works for me greatly, but I try not to abuse it.

Btw, I read that your hyperacusis cause was also motorcycling, I think 6 years of riding my Yamaha R6 made my ears more sensitive.

 

[Taw]

Just realised that I'm an old person now. I was a late bloomer, shy skinny boy at age 24 when life left me suicidal due to illness.

Now sicker than ever, wasted 18 years, and worse than that, got no hope for anything other than watching tv... muted.

Sorry to hear that.

Do you also have hyperacusis?

 

[Damocles]

Just realised that I'm an old person now. I was a late bloomer, shy skinny boy at age 24 when life left me suicidal due to illness.

Now sicker than ever, wasted 18 years, and worse than that, got no hope for anything other than watching tv... muted.

That's bullsh*t @Exit! You've got loads to live for.

1) You're hot as f*ck.

2) .....

Okay, can't think of anything for 2, but basically you're hot as f*ck!

All you've got to do is get this tinnitus thing figured out, and you can have pretty much any girl... or guy... or whatever... you want.

Hell, I've never even seen you, I'm generally not into dudes and I'd let you take me out on a date...

 

[Exit]

And then neighbour next door drilling in concrete today...

Nice to not bother letting me know. They're doctors too.

 

[Exit]

Do you also have hyperacusis?

Yes I do... Aching ear right now. Guess I'm in for 5 new tones next week after today's drilling.

 

[ShaunR]

Sorry if maybe I was not clear.

Clonazepam works for me greatly, but I try not to abuse it.

Btw, I read that your hyperacusis cause was also motorcycling, I think 6 years of riding my Yamaha R6 made my ears more sensitive.

My very old tinnitus is from a single concert and a few years of unprotected ears riding motorbikes.

I'm not sure I have hyperacusis... Sounds are not too loud. Sounds don't cause stabbing. I have fullness and achiness and more annoying tingling at times. It was started by possible Acoustic Shock and made worse by Valsalva.

Doctor won't prescribe me Lorazepam anymore or anything similar for that matter so am at another dead end.

Shaun.

 

[Exit]

My very old tinnitus is from a single concert and a few years of unprotected ears riding motorbikes.

I'm not sure I have hyperacusis... Sounds are not too loud. Sounds don't cause stabbing. I have fullness and achiness and more annoying tingling at times. It was started by possible Acoustic Shock and made worse by Valsalva.

Doctor won't prescribe me Lorazepam anymore or anything similar for that matter so am at another dead end.

Shaun.

What was the possible acoustic trauma?

Can you change doctors?

 

[aura]

That's bullsh*t @Exit! You've got loads to live for.

1) You're hot as f*ck.

2) .....

Okay, can't think of anything for 2, but basically you're hot as f*ck!

All you've got to do is get this tinnitus thing figured out, and you can have pretty much any girl... or guy... or whatever... you want.

Hell, I've never even seen you, I'm generally not into dudes and I'd let you take me out on a date...

@Damocles, you are something else! <3

And yes, you are right.

@Exit is smart, funny& damaged.

Perfect combo.

 

[ShaunR]

What was the possible acoustic trauma?

Can you change doctors?

High pitched sudden noise from my brother's car. It was apparently his faulty differential. The noise startled me. After that the symptoms built up. Tingling in the face, jaw, pain etc. After a Valsalva one night everything seemed to get worse... That or I overthought it and stress caused a worse reaction.

Hearing's apparently perfect but doesn't feel like it.

I'm going to move to a different GP surgery soon. But I don't have much energy for anything at the moment.

Shaun.

 

[Exit]

High pitched sudden noise from my brother's car. It was apparently his faulty differential. The noise startled me. After that the symptoms built up. Tingling in the face, jaw, pain etc. After a Valsalva one night everything seemed to get worse... That or I overthought it and stress caused a worse reaction.

Hearing's apparently perfect but doesn't feel like it.

I'm going to move to a different GP surgery soon. But I don't have much energy for anything at the moment.

Shaun.

I remember your story now. Your brother took off like a madman after he drove you home I think...

Agree with the lack of energy...

Quite idiotic that one 2-second noise at distance can make it worse...

But some even get tinnitus from 2-second noise...

 

[ShaunR]

I remember your story now. Your brother took off like a madman after he drove you home I think...

Agree with the lack of energy...

Quite idiotic that one 2-second noise at distance can make it worse...

But some even get tinnitus from 2-second noise...

It's more the feeling of pressure I get in my face and head than tinnitus.... My tinnitus is basically non.existent.

Just been for a walk and my face and jaw are super tight. No tingling today yet thank God.

Shaun.

 

[Tau]

I am very much suicidal after my recent MRI trauma. I was wearing foam earplugs and foam pads on ears, but it was a 3T magnet, so their loudness is about 110-115 dB. Even with earplugs it reaches 90 dB and I was there for 20 minutes. The sound didn't feel too loud, but I got more damage... It's insane that my otologist said 'go ahead and get the MRI'.

Most sounds give me a beep or a hum on top, and I am pretty sure I have more hearing loss as music sounds even worse. Fucking hell (excuse my language!), running my hand on the bedsheets gives me a hum! What?! I was even taking NAC daily, should it not mitigate a lot of new damage?! My left ear was the bad one before the MRI, now my right ear gives me more distortion in my favourite games (Apex, Overwatch - I hear a prolonged, distorted, shallow beep instead of a nice humming effect, etc). I think my right earplug was loose.

In addition, I got new tinnitus sounds, one of them I can hear all the time, over traffic, over anything. It's at about 14 kHz and it pulses with any sound like a mouse click.

I know I am supposed to go to Anova IRM for stem cell secretome treatment, but I got a Dexamethasone shot today, just to see if I could somehow stop or reverse the MRI damage. Apparently you should not have your cells harvested for like a month after steroid treatment, so that has now been postponed.

I don't know if I can wait any longer. What I am doing is writing a list of things for my wife to remember/use when I am gone. Things like passwords, instructions for how to access the router (lol), how to water my bonsai, how to transfer my investments to bank accounts or transfer to her name.

I also wanted to write a few lines about myself. I had a really great life with my wife before all this happened. We are both highly educated, she's a cardiologist and is currently pursuing a research PhD on top of that, I already have a PhD in Physics from a world-class university. We had the perfect life, almost without any worries: no children, no mortgage. I worked from home, offering online consultancy and private tutoring. In my free time I listened to a lot of music (I was a huge audiophile, my favourite genres being jazz, classical and rock), played competitive shooters (used to compete in actual tournaments when I was a teen) and did a lot of cooking with my wife.

I want to say I can do it, that I can persevere, but I don't think I can. This new injury from the MRI has completely screwed me over. Most sounds give me distortion and I have moderate to severe tinnitus at night (10+ sounds). Even if stems help, they won't fix me completely. I can't drive without distortions, hell, I can't even cook or sleep, or type on the keyboard. Of course, work is out of the question as I need headphones for that. Games are out of the question, same idea.

 

[Exit]

It's more the feeling of pressure I get in my face and head than tinnitus.... My tinnitus is basically non.existent.

Just been for a walk and my face and jaw are super tight. No tingling today yet thank God.

Shaun.

My jaw / ear feels tight today after the neighbour drilling. I guess it's the ear and then it just feels like jaw.

Funny, I never had pain/ache/stiffness in my "good ear".

I should just be adopted by a family on a ranch like an old dog.
Couple of years curled up in a chair, then put to sleep.

 

[ShaunR]

My jaw / ear feels tight today after the neighbour drilling. I guess it's the ear and then it just feels like jaw.

Funny, I never had pain/ache/stiffness in my "good ear".

I should just be adopted by a family on a ranch like an old dog.
Couple of years curled up in a chair, then put to sleep.

I get the tightness even without sound. Wish someone would tell me what I've done so I can at least try find something to help. Feels very muscular as opposed to pain.

I took my last Lorazepam to see if it takes it all away again. If it does, then I'm still thinking TTTS.

Shaun.

 

[Stacken77]

I am very much suicidal after my recent MRI trauma. I was wearing foam earplugs and foam pads on ears, but it was a 3T magnet, so their loudness is about 110-115 dB. Even with earplugs it reaches 90 dB and I was there for 20 minutes. The sound didn't feel too loud, but I got more damage... It's insane that my otologist said 'go ahead and get the MRI'.

Most sounds give me a beep or a hum on top, and I am pretty sure I have more hearing loss as music sounds even worse. Fucking hell (excuse my language!), running my hand on the bedsheets gives me a hum! What?! I was even taking NAC daily, should it not mitigate a lot of new damage?! My left ear was the bad one before the MRI, now my right ear gives me more distortion in my favourite games (Apex, Overwatch - I hear a prolonged, distorted, shallow beep instead of a nice humming effect, etc). I think my right earplug was loose.

In addition, I got new tinnitus sounds, one of them I can hear all the time, over traffic, over anything. It's at about 14 kHz and it pulses with any sound like a mouse click.

I know I am supposed to go to Anova IRM for stem cell secretome treatment, but I got a Dexamethasone shot today, just to see if I could somehow stop or reverse the MRI damage. Apparently you should not have your cells harvested for like a month after steroid treatment, so that has now been postponed.

I don't know if I can wait any longer. What I am doing is writing a list of things for my wife to remember/use when I am gone. Things like passwords, instructions for how to access the router (lol), how to water my bonsai, how to transfer my investments to bank accounts or transfer to her name.

I also wanted to write a few lines about myself. I had a really great life with my wife before all this happened. We are both highly educated, she's a cardiologist and is currently pursuing a research PhD on top of that, I already have a PhD in Physics from a world-class university. We had the perfect life, almost without any worries: no children, no mortgage. I worked from home, offering online consultancy and private tutoring. In my free time I listened to a lot of music (I was a huge audiophile, my favourite genres being jazz, classical and rock), played competitive shooters (used to compete in actual tournaments when I was a teen) and did a lot of cooking with my wife.

I want to say I can do it, that I can persevere, but I don't think I can. This new injury from the MRI has completely screwed me over. Most sounds give me distortion and I have moderate to severe tinnitus at night (10+ sounds). Even if stems help, they won't fix me completely. I can't drive without distortions, hell, I can't even cook or sleep, or type on the keyboard. Of course, work is out of the question as I need headphones for that. Games are out of the question, same idea.

@Tau, I'm awfully sorry to read about the MRI.

Believe me when I say, I understand the despair and hopelessness as I've seen my state slowly deteriorate over the recent months.

I don't have a lot of experience with sound distortions, but did have it in the first few weeks following my acoustic trauma. Although not severe, it was an annoyance, but luckily it did resolve completely. I may never be able to understand the circumstances of your conditions, but I believe you will persevere this. I'd say, as long as it doesn't get progressively worse from everyday sounds, I believe one can adapt, to a great length, although it takes lots of time. I believe you'll be at a brighter place at some point, so do persevere.

Let's hope the Dexamethasone can give some relief, and also your future stem cell treatment.

Sincerely,
Stacken

 

[Tau]

@Tau, I'm awfully sorry to read about the MRI.

Believe me when I say, I understand the despair and hopelessness as I've seen my state slowly deteriorate over the recent months.

I don't have a lot of experience with sound distortions, but did have it in the first few weeks following my acoustic trauma. Although not severe, it was an annoyance, but luckily it did resolve completely. I may never be able to understand the circumstances of your conditions, but I believe you will persevere this. I'd say, as long as it doesn't get progressively worse from everyday sounds, I believe one can adapt, to a great length, although it takes lots of time. I believe you'll be at a brighter place at some point, so do persevere.

Let's hope the Dexamethasone can give some relief, and also your future stem cell treatment.

Sincerely,
Stacken

Thank you, it means a lot My previous distortions were not that severe compared to what I am experiencing now. Sure, drums would hiss, something would crackle a bit, I would hear beeps over the tap and the fridge. But only one tone. Not 4. If it was raining outside, I'd hear distorted crackling in my left ear, now it's in both. This is so screwed up.

It was getting worse week by week. Not sure if it was from my speaker use (I did online tutoring and a bit of gaming), or mostly from the HBOT (I wore vented plugs).

How are you dealing with your condition? What kind of distortions did you have?

 

[Stacken77]

It was getting worse week by week.

Sounds distressing. I really hope you make a recovery.

How are you dealing with your condition? What kind of distortions did you have?

My main tormentor is spikes which occurs to almost all noise. Too many of them over the months have slowly increased my baseline. This is due to my loudness hyperacusis/sensitivity to sound which I partially have brought on by insane over-protection. But it's a Catch 22 to break out of, but I'm trying.

Regarding my distortions; I initially was bothered by a weird tone that was caused by my computer fan, a pure tone which dropped immediately when I left the room. When showering, I'd hear a cacophony of weird pure tones blaring at me, but that's pretty much it. Nothing severe, just a little weird and annoying.

Wish you well,
Stacken

 

[Damocles]

@Damocles, you are something else! <3

Hey! I feel the same about you miss @aura; I think you're awesome! <3

 

[Tau]

I get the tightness even without sound. Wish someone would tell me what I've done so I can at least try find something to help. Feels very muscular as opposed to pain.

I took my last Lorazepam to see if it takes it all away again. If it does, then I'm still thinking TTTS.

Shaun.

I get sort of 'pressure' on my ears, the eardrums feel tight. For me that means they have had enough sound and that they're sensitive AF.

 

[ShaunR]

I get sort of 'pressure' on my ears, the eardrums feel tight. For me that means they have had enough sound and that they're sensitive AF.

Thank you for the reply

I get horrible tension in my face, jaw and ear. Tonight I've taken another Lorezapam and it's all gone away.

Someone said its' either acting on GABA receptors or relaxing the middle ear muscles.

I think I'm going to try get the Dr to prescribe Baclofen next. I'm just semi relieved I've found something that actually works! Maybe my neurologist will prescribe be me something similar.

Shaun.

 

[SD7]

I am very much suicidal after my recent MRI trauma. I was wearing foam earplugs and foam pads on ears, but it was a 3T magnet, so their loudness is about 110-115 dB. Even with earplugs it reaches 90 dB and I was there for 20 minutes. The sound didn't feel too loud, but I got more damage... It's insane that my otologist said 'go ahead and get the MRI'.

Most sounds give me a beep or a hum on top, and I am pretty sure I have more hearing loss as music sounds even worse. Fucking hell (excuse my language!), running my hand on the bedsheets gives me a hum! What?! I was even taking NAC daily, should it not mitigate a lot of new damage?! My left ear was the bad one before the MRI, now my right ear gives me more distortion in my favourite games (Apex, Overwatch - I hear a prolonged, distorted, shallow beep instead of a nice humming effect, etc). I think my right earplug was loose.

In addition, I got new tinnitus sounds, one of them I can hear all the time, over traffic, over anything. It's at about 14 kHz and it pulses with any sound like a mouse click.

I know I am supposed to go to Anova IRM for stem cell secretome treatment, but I got a Dexamethasone shot today, just to see if I could somehow stop or reverse the MRI damage. Apparently you should not have your cells harvested for like a month after steroid treatment, so that has now been postponed.

I don't know if I can wait any longer. What I am doing is writing a list of things for my wife to remember/use when I am gone. Things like passwords, instructions for how to access the router (lol), how to water my bonsai, how to transfer my investments to bank accounts or transfer to her name.

I also wanted to write a few lines about myself. I had a really great life with my wife before all this happened. We are both highly educated, she's a cardiologist and is currently pursuing a research PhD on top of that, I already have a PhD in Physics from a world-class university. We had the perfect life, almost without any worries: no children, no mortgage. I worked from home, offering online consultancy and private tutoring. In my free time I listened to a lot of music (I was a huge audiophile, my favourite genres being jazz, classical and rock), played competitive shooters (used to compete in actual tournaments when I was a teen) and did a lot of cooking with my wife.

I want to say I can do it, that I can persevere, but I don't think I can. This new injury from the MRI has completely screwed me over. Most sounds give me distortion and I have moderate to severe tinnitus at night (10+ sounds). Even if stems help, they won't fix me completely. I can't drive without distortions, hell, I can't even cook or sleep, or type on the keyboard. Of course, work is out of the question as I need headphones for that. Games are out of the question, same idea.

Tau, I am so so so deeply sorry you are going through this. Both our trauma and life story are so similar. Please give it a bit more time to see if the recent MRI distortions reduce or subside. I know it's like moving mountains and every sound is like a tortured reminder but please persist as long as possible.

 

[Matchbox]

I am very much suicidal after my recent MRI trauma. I was wearing foam earplugs and foam pads on ears, but it was a 3T magnet, so their loudness is about 110-115 dB. Even with earplugs it reaches 90 dB and I was there for 20 minutes. The sound didn't feel too loud, but I got more damage... It's insane that my otologist said 'go ahead and get the MRI'.

Most sounds give me a beep or a hum on top, and I am pretty sure I have more hearing loss as music sounds even worse. Fucking hell (excuse my language!), running my hand on the bedsheets gives me a hum! What?! I was even taking NAC daily, should it not mitigate a lot of new damage?! My left ear was the bad one before the MRI, now my right ear gives me more distortion in my favourite games (Apex, Overwatch - I hear a prolonged, distorted, shallow beep instead of a nice humming effect, etc). I think my right earplug was loose.

In addition, I got new tinnitus sounds, one of them I can hear all the time, over traffic, over anything. It's at about 14 kHz and it pulses with any sound like a mouse click.

I know I am supposed to go to Anova IRM for stem cell secretome treatment, but I got a Dexamethasone shot today, just to see if I could somehow stop or reverse the MRI damage. Apparently you should not have your cells harvested for like a month after steroid treatment, so that has now been postponed.

I don't know if I can wait any longer. What I am doing is writing a list of things for my wife to remember/use when I am gone. Things like passwords, instructions for how to access the router (lol), how to water my bonsai, how to transfer my investments to bank accounts or transfer to her name.

I also wanted to write a few lines about myself. I had a really great life with my wife before all this happened. We are both highly educated, she's a cardiologist and is currently pursuing a research PhD on top of that, I already have a PhD in Physics from a world-class university. We had the perfect life, almost without any worries: no children, no mortgage. I worked from home, offering online consultancy and private tutoring. In my free time I listened to a lot of music (I was a huge audiophile, my favourite genres being jazz, classical and rock), played competitive shooters (used to compete in actual tournaments when I was a teen) and did a lot of cooking with my wife.

I want to say I can do it, that I can persevere, but I don't think I can. This new injury from the MRI has completely screwed me over. Most sounds give me distortion and I have moderate to severe tinnitus at night (10+ sounds). Even if stems help, they won't fix me completely. I can't drive without distortions, hell, I can't even cook or sleep, or type on the keyboard. Of course, work is out of the question as I need headphones for that. Games are out of the question, same idea.

Although I didn't fully recover. I did an acoustic reflex test and it was a similar story. Beeps over voices. Static sound everywhere.

That shit went away. Give it a couple days to a week at least. It's likely more a spike.

 

[Tau]

Although I didn't fully recover. I did an acoustic reflex test and it was a similar story. Beeps over voices. Static sound everywhere.

That shit went away. Give it a couple days to a week at least. It's likely more a spike.

My thing seems to be slowly getting worse.
I used to hear crackling over a fan in the HBOT chamber, it was loud, and it only happened when it was working at max RPM.

Now I hear crackling if a car passes our house, even when the windows are closed. I think it may be recruitment or something similar, I may have lost more synapses...

 

[Ed209]

The last few months have been a very difficult time for me. I see this thread and I feel so sorry for everyone.

A couple of months ago, a very close uncle of mine went into hospital to have a minor procedure done. He spoke to my mom on the phone just prior and everything was fine. The following day, she had a call from Addensbrook hospital in Cambridge (which was not the hospital he was in) to say that he was in intensive care and on life support. I went to see him and he looked terrible. To cut a long story short, he passed away about two weeks later with a few of us around his bedside. He would never have known we were even there, or that he was dying. The last thing he would ever have been aware of was going under for surgery. His life was extraordinary because he toured the world as a comedian and entertainer. He wrote shows for theatre and had bit parts in various movies and TV shows. He was larger than life and pulled off some of the funniest pranks I've ever seen.

He was also like a second father to us as when we were kids we would go over to his for our holidays, every year, and he would take us all over the place. They are memories that will live with me forever. He also stayed over at my mom and dads house every Christmas; he was my mom's twin brother. After his passing, there was a big fallout within the family that didn't need to happen, but it got pretty bad. It stemmed from the fact that he didn't have funeral cover, and arguments ensued over how his affairs should be sorted (and it was nothing to do with greed, either). This led to my mom making an attempt on her life, and she ended up being rushed to hospital via an ambulance. It was a terribly dark time for all involved. She pulled through, but she is still extremely unwell, and so is my dad.

It's another reminder for me of how quickly life can be pulled away from us. I see a thread like this full of lost souls and it's just so tragic to read.

 

[Tau]

The last few months have been a very difficult time for me. I see this thread and I feel so sorry for everyone.

A couple of months ago, a very close uncle of mine went into hospital to have a minor procedure done. He spoke to my mom on the phone just prior and everything was fine. The following day, she had a call from Addensbrook hospital in Cambridge (which was not the hospital he was in) to say that he was in intensive care and on life support. I went to see him and he looked terrible. To cut a long story short, he passed away about two weeks later with a few of us around his bedside. He would never have known we were even there, or that he was dying. The last thing he would ever have been aware of was going under for surgery. His life was extraordinary because he toured the world as a comedian and entertainer. He wrote shows for theatre and had bit parts in various movies and TV shows. He was larger than life and pulled off some of the funniest pranks I've ever seen.

He was also like a second father to us as when we were kids we would go over to his for our holidays, every year, and he would take us all over the place. They are memories that will live with me forever. He also stayed over at my mom and dads house every Christmas; he was my mom's twin brother. After his passing, there was a big fallout within the family that didn't need to happen, but it got pretty bad. It stemmed from the fact that he didn't have funeral cover, and arguments ensued over how his affairs should be sorted (and it was nothing to do with greed, either). This led to my mom making an attempt on her life, and she ended up being rushed to hospital via an ambulance. It was a terribly dark time for all involved. She pulled through, but she is still extremely unwell, and so is my dad.

It's another reminder for me of how quickly life can be pulled away from us. I see a thread like this full of lost souls and it's just so tragic to read.

I am so sorry for your loss. Take care of your mum and dad!

 

[Watasha]

I honestly don't know how I'm going to deal with this anymore - the lack of sleep is the worst part. I feel like a zombie every day. It feels like the old me is dead and my memory feels shot. The worst part is no one acknowledging this condition, I don't want to open up to anyone in fear of them thinking I'm crazy. Lack of sleep has also completely ruined my appearance, I have huge eye bags and premature aging. My mind and body are done.

Please hang in there, it's still early. There's a lot to be excited about with tinnitus research.

 

[Brian P]

Please hang in there, it's still early. There's a lot to be excited about with tinnitus research.

There's no real tinnitus research going on. Just a bunch of companies stealing money from investors and sham treatments and quackery. They have been saying the same thing for the last 20 years. Keep the TV on while you sleep and don't worry about it.

 

[Lurius]

I don't think I've ever been this close to wanting to kill myself. Back and forth, back and forth, all the time. My soul is tired. There's not much left for me in this world anymore. Only suffering.