Suicidal

[PeteJ]

I am going to buy a rope at the hardware store tomorrow. The tinnitus pitch is just too high. It is shocking to me how this is possible. I don't know how to describe it anymore. It is almost "aggressive." I think I am supposed to commit suicide. I don't want to die but if the tinnitus is like this, I would rather die than listen to this 24/7. I cannot mask it. I want support to commit suicide as there is no other choice.

I hate this life so much and the only relief is suicide.

 

[jay777]

keep fighting @PeteJ

 

[PeteJ]

keep fighting @PeteJ

No. I can't concentrate or do anything.

I don't want to be alive anymore and there is no euthanasia option here for tinnitus sufferers.

 

[jay777]

@PeteJ you have to dig deep and then dig deeper, do not let tinnitus win, be strong.

 

[PeteJ]

I have both ear and teeth pain. Plus other physical pain.

No one will help me commit suicide. I have to do it myself.

 

[PeteJ]

@PeteJ you have to dig deep and then dig deeper, do not let tinnitus win, be strong.

It's so loud because of hearing loss or something else?

I so hate this life. I think it's like this when people take their own life because of tinnitus.

I wish someone told me to avoid loud places. I have nothing else I can do except try suicide. It's too loud.

I don't know of anyone else who is distressed because of volume or pitch.

It's the only way.

 

[Mathieulh]

Lenire is only for a small group. They declined lots of people.

That does not mean they will decline you, how can you know if you won't try? What do you have to lose? (other than the treatment or initial consultation fee).

 

[Mathieulh]

I am going to buy a rope at the hardware store tomorrow. The tinnitus pitch is just too high. It is shocking to me how this is possible. I don't know how to describe it anymore. It is almost "aggressive." I think I am supposed to commit suicide. I don't want to die but if the tinnitus is like this, I would rather die than listen to this 24/7. I cannot mask it. I want support to commit suicide as there is no other choice.

I hate this life so much and the only relief is suicide.

I understand your distress, I was at a similar place not too long ago. Suicide is a one way trip though, there is no going back from it.

While I don't say this to undermine your suffering, if you can find the strength to post here, then perhaps it is not as bad as you'd believe, when I first had tinnitus, I couldn't focus to read over a single sentence, let alone post replies in here. You need to be strong and start doing everyday tasks again despite the tinnitus and hyperacusis, and things may eventually get better, I can't guarantee they will, but you need to make the first step, and if you are at a point where you consider ending your own life, you don't have much to lose in trying this before actually committing to the act.

Don't let tinnitus win and dictate the way your life is lived, that's what I tell myself everyday.

Right now I am having a spike, this is especially distressful as I was barely hearing my tinnitus yesterday, and while it is nowhere as bad as it once was when it was severe, (my tinnitus now fluctuates from mild to moderate), it is still impactful in some fashion, but I tell myself not to be bothered by it and go on with my life and tasks, I won't lie to you, it's much easier now that the noise is less intrusive on my quality of life and I am getting decent sleep, something that wasn't true when my tinnitus was severe, but getting a positive mindset while it was severe, gradually but drastically improved my quality of life on its own.

Would I still be here fighting right now if my tinnitus has not decreased? I honestly can't tell, the only thing I can tell for sure, is that negativity has never helped anyone, the least of all me.

 

[Mathieulh]

It's so loud because of hearing loss or something else?

I so hate this life. I think it's like this when people take their own life because of tinnitus.

I wish someone told me to avoid loud places. I have nothing else I can do except try suicide. It's too loud.

I don't know of anyone else who is distressed because of volume or pitch.

It's the only way.

While taking your own life is ultimately your own choice, and given your suffering I can understand it, I disagree with the fact that suicide is "the only way", sure if you want the noise and pain to stop, it currently is, it's also the easy way out though, it turns out life isn't easy and is full of ordeals, you can live with tinnitus, it sucks, it's a painful way to live, but it can be managed, some most likely have had it (and still do) worse than you and they are still around, fighting, enjoying the positive parts of life.

Is it easy? Of course not, especially without support. I advise you to pull yourself together and talk to a support group if you really need to.
Don't commit to ending your own life until you have exerted all of your options, this is common sense, even a lawful euthanasia clinic (such as in the Netherlands) wouldn't take you in until you do.

 

[jay777]

volume or pitch.

Spot on. It's all to do with volume and pitch, I have 80 dB+ screeching brakes tinnitus with hyperacusis for 21 months now. I get 3 hours sleep to no sleep. I was very suicidal in the first 18 months, not so now, slowly I am improving.

You have to keep fighting Pete.

 

[just1morething]

Keep on fighting for Pete's sake.

 

[PeteJ]

There is no winning or losing. This is not a sport. There is no way to "hang on." I'm only still here because I haven't been able to do it yet.

And STOP TELLING ME TO GET COUNSELING!!!! YOU WASTE YOUR TIME.

IT IS NOT A MENTAL PROBLEM, YOU FOOLS! The brain is physically malfunctioning and counsellors, therapists can't fix that!!!!!!!!!!!

The brain neurons misfiring because of hearing/ear problems. The tinnitus noise worsened for me. Therapists can't help with that.

Why is this not clear to you - who keeps telling me to do this?!?

The tinnitus noise is so intrusive, I cannot express so. Why did it get so much worse? What happened? I do my best but it's so loud now. A bunch of high pitched tones is not normal. Therapists can't do anything. Most of them don't have tinnitus. Even if they do, it's not like this.

There is nothing I can do. I hope for a miracle that it improves but I will plan my suicide to eventually happen. Why can't people support me in ending my suffering. Soon, I will join a pro suicide site. People just repeat the same thing here or try to get my posting privileges rescinded.

 

[just1morething]

@PeteJ, This is Dr. Abraham Shulman's preferred phone # 1-718-773-8888. He is a tinnitus specialist. He will call you back within 24 hours if you leave a message. He may have a course of action for you.

 

[JohnAdams]

There is no winning or losing. This is not a sport. There is no way to "hang on." I'm only still here because I haven't been able to do it yet.

And STOP TELLING ME TO GET COUNSELING!!!! YOU WASTE YOUR TIME.

IT IS NOT A MENTAL PROBLEM, YOU FOOLS! The brain is physically malfunctioning and counsellors, therapists can't fix that!!!!!!!!!!!

The brain neurons misfiring because of hearing/ear problems. The tinnitus noise worsened for me. Therapists can't help with that.

Why is this not clear to you - who keeps telling me to do this?!?

The tinnitus noise is so intrusive, I cannot express so. Why did it get so much worse? What happened? I do my best but it's so loud now. A bunch of high pitched tones is not normal. Therapists can't do anything. Most of them don't have tinnitus. Even if they do, it's not like this.

There is nothing I can do. I hope for a miracle that it improves but I will plan my suicide to eventually happen. Why can't people support me in ending my suffering. Soon, I will join a pro suicide site. People just repeat the same thing here or try to get my posting privileges rescinded.

Yes, do not let people make you feel like it is your fault you feel this way. I can't support your suicide but do know that your distress is not your fault and I support you 100% for saying that. These goons want you to feel like it's your fault and it is not.

 

[PeteJ]

Yes, do not let people make you feel like it is your fault you feel this way. I can't support your suicide but do know that your distress is not your fault and I support you 100% for saying that. These goons want you to feel like it's your fault and it is not.

I apologize for getting angry. My mood is not normal anymore. I used to be in control or wanted to be.

 

[JohnAdams]

I apologize for getting angry. My mood is not normal anymore. I used to be in control or wanted to be.

Dude, I totally understand you. I wish there was something I or someone else could do for you. If there is something, I wish I knew or someone else knew. Nobody really wants to die. This has been a nightmare for me and I can tell it's 10x worse for you. I am sorry. I truly am.

 

[glynis]

@PeteJ,
Please hold on, I know what it's like.
Options to try-
Hearing aids

Cinnarizine 15mg 2 pills three or four times a day.

Nortriptyline - it stopped my head tinnitus but I have severe bilateral tinnitus in my ears due to Meniere's.

Please don't end your life.

love glynis

 

[Harley]

There is no winning or losing. This is not a sport. There is no way to "hang on." I'm only still here because I haven't been able to do it yet.
And STOP TELLING ME TO GET COUNSELING!!!! YOU WASTE YOUR TIME.

IT IS NOT A MENTAL PROBLEM, YOU FOOLS! The brain is physically malfunctioning and counsellors, therapists can't fix that!!!!!!!!!!!

The brain neurons misfiring because of hearing/ear problems. The tinnitus noise worsened for me. Therapists can't help with that.

Why is this not clear to you - who keeps telling me to do this?!?

The tinnitus noise is so intrusive, I cannot express so. Why did it get so much worse? What happened? I do my best but it's so loud now. A bunch of high pitched tones is not normal. Therapists can't do anything. Most of them don't have tinnitus. Even if they do, it's not like this.

There is nothing I can do. I hope for a miracle that it improves but I will plan my suicide to eventually happen. Why can't people support me in ending my suffering. Soon, I will join a pro suicide site. People just repeat the same thing here or try to get my posting privileges rescinded.

You are correct...this is not a mental problem.
There is something physically wrong with your auditory system.
You did nothing wrong and you are not weak.
This is perhaps one of the worst conditions in existence.
Your body is reacting exactly as it was programmed by nature, when faced with relentless torture.

If it is half as bad as you describe, most ordinary people out there would already be dead.
The fact that you are still here is a testament to your survivor spirit.

I'm not going to try and talk you out of suicide, if you feel it is time to go.
I consider myself a libertarian by nature and you are the ultimate decision maker no matter what.

But you should consider giving it a set time frame at least.
You can kill yourself anytime, but your Tinnitus is still pretty new.
That way at least you know, you did everything you could.
If your Tinnitus does not improve in 2 years, only a sadist would try to tell you to hang on at that point.
But I feel that there is still hope for you.
Try to give this some consideration at least.

 

[ChrisBoyMonkey]

I apologize for getting angry. My mood is not normal anymore. I used to be in control or wanted to be.

Lenire isn't the only treatment coming though. We also have Dr. Shore's device that will be out hopefully late next year. And who knows, maybe one of the random trial things going on will come through with great results?

The Univeristy of Arizona might have already found a cure. We just have to hold on with the upcoming treatments in the meantime. I can understand day to day life seems like a living hell, and it's not your fault. I'm sure you want to feel like you can take control of your tinnitus, but the truth is if you kill yourself it wins.

Every day you live is a victory over that beast, and one day, when it is finally silenced either through time or through scientific innovation, you will be able to say that you survived tinnitus. No one else will be able to say that, and you will be legendary in the form of having been able to live through it. Living is beating it.

You don't even need to learn to live with it for long, just long enough until we finally have something to shut it up. And when we do have something that does shut it up, that moment when we listen to pure silence for the first time again will be sweeter than anything else you could ever imagine.

 

[Mathieulh]

There is no winning or losing. This is not a sport. There is no way to "hang on." I'm only still here because I haven't been able to do it yet.

And STOP TELLING ME TO GET COUNSELING!!!! YOU WASTE YOUR TIME.

IT IS NOT A MENTAL PROBLEM, YOU FOOLS! The brain is physically malfunctioning and counsellors, therapists can't fix that!!!!!!!!!!!

The brain neurons misfiring because of hearing/ear problems. The tinnitus noise worsened for me. Therapists can't help with that.

Why is this not clear to you - who keeps telling me to do this?!?

The tinnitus noise is so intrusive, I cannot express so. Why did it get so much worse? What happened? I do my best but it's so loud now. A bunch of high pitched tones is not normal. Therapists can't do anything. Most of them don't have tinnitus. Even if they do, it's not like this.

There is nothing I can do. I hope for a miracle that it improves but I will plan my suicide to eventually happen. Why can't people support me in ending my suffering. Soon, I will join a pro suicide site. People just repeat the same thing here or try to get my posting privileges rescinded.

It's not about the noise, we know it's there and we know it's not an illusion, we have tinnitus ourselves! It's about your perception of the noise and its intrusiveness on your life, and THAT can be helped through counseling.

 

[PeteJ]

You are correct...this is not a mental problem.
There is something physically wrong with your auditory system.
You did nothing wrong and you are not weak.
This is perhaps one of the worst conditions in existence.
Your body is reacting exactly as it was programmed by nature, when faced with relentless torture.

If it is half as bad as you describe, most ordinary people out there would already be dead.
The fact that you are still here is a testament to your survivor spirit.

I'm not going to try and talk you out of suicide, if you feel it is time to go.
I consider myself a libertarian by nature and you are the ultimate decision maker no matter what.

But you should consider giving it a set time frame at least.
You can kill yourself anytime, but your Tinnitus is still pretty new.
That way at least you know, you did everything you could.
If your Tinnitus does not improve in 2 years, only a sadist would try to tell you to hang on at that point.
But I feel that there is still hope for you.
Try to give this some consideration at least.

Thank you. At least, you said something new. I don't want to die. But, the catch 22 is my tinnitus is so bad, I don't know any other option. I am told to 'hold on.' I am! I am still here.

I don't understand how it got worse. I am not going to concerts or overly loud places. I do live in a loud area of my city. I had to stop wearing foam plugs. My ears still have intense pain but not as bad as before. I don't know what caused it to worsen. It's frustrating but the fact remains, I can't function with it like this.

 

[IAmCalifornia]

Lenire isn't the only treatment coming though. We also have Dr. Shore's device that will be out hopefully late next year. And who knows, maybe one of the random trial things going on will come through with great results?

The Univeristy of Arizona might have already found a cure. We just have to hold on with the upcoming treatments in the meantime. I can understand day to day life seems like a living hell, and it's not your fault. I'm sure you want to feel like you can take control of your tinnitus, but the truth is if you kill yourself it wins.

Every day you live is a victory over that beast, and one day, when it is finally silenced either through time or through scientific innovation, you will be able to say that you survived tinnitus. No one else will be able to say that, and you will be legendary in the form of having been able to live through it. Living is beating it.

You don't even need to learn to live with it for long, just long enough until we finally have something to shut it up. And when we do have something that does shut it up, that moment when we listen to pure silence for the first time again will be sweeter than anything else you could ever imagine.

What's this Arizona thing?

 

[Harley]

I can't blame you for wanting to end it.
But right now, you are still in the acute stage and anything can happen.
It's a roll of dice..literally.
But there IS a chance it can improve.
Not sure how big of a chance percentage-wise, but it's there.

I would give it as long as you think is reasonable, considering your circumstances.
This way you know, that you at least tried.

 

[ChrisBoyMonkey]

What's this Arizona thing?

Researchers have found that the root cause of tinnitus is uncontrolled neuroinflammation disrupting normal neuron transmissions in the auditory cortex, and that it is treatable by a drug they made to block the protein TNF-alpha.

They have already cured mice with tinnitus in a preclinical proof of concept study and are now evaluating their drug's safety for human use to begin human clinical trials.

This is very new research, but it's the first time we might be seeing the nail in the coffin to end tinnitus.

 

[Lilah]

They have already cured mice with tinnitus in a preclinical proof of concept study and are now evaluating their drug's safety for human use to begin human clinical trials.

What's the cause of tinnitus in these mice?

 

[dayma]

Researchers have found that the root cause of tinnitus is uncontrolled neuroinflammation disrupting normal neuron transmissions in the auditory cortex, and that it is treatable by a drug they made to block the protein TNF-alpha.

They have already cured mice with tinnitus in a preclinical proof of concept study and are now evaluating their drug's safety for human use to begin human clinical trials.

This is very new research, but it's the first time we might be seeing the nail in the coffin to end tinnitus.

Here is some info from the BTA on it https://www.tinnitus.org.uk/blog/whats-the-real-story

 

[ChrisBoyMonkey]

What's the cause of tinnitus in these mice?

Noise induced. They exposed them to loud sounds for a few hours. You can read all about it here: https://journals.plos.org/plosbiology/article?id=10.1371/journal.pbio.3000307

I think this online news publisher actually got an interview with the lead researcher, and of course gave it an attention grabbing title lol
https://www.google.com/amp/s/metro....hrough-pill-could-cure-tinnitus-10006638/amp/

 

[PeteJ]

I can't blame you for wanting to end it.
But right now, you are still in the acute stage and anything can happen.
It's a roll of dice..literally.
But there IS a chance it can improve.
Not sure how big of a chance percentage-wise, but it's there.

I would give it as long as you think is reasonable, considering your circumstances.
This way you know, that you at least tried.

Suicide is the only option. The tinnitus is so bad, I can't function. I had to quit a job I never should have taken. How can I pay my bills? I can't pay my mobile and insurance not working.

Suicide is THE ONLY ANSWER!

 

[just1morething]

Suicide is the only option. The tinnitus is so bad, I can't function. I had to quit a job I never should have taken. How can I pay my bills? I can't pay my mobile and insurance not working.

Suicide is THE ONLY ANSWER!

Did you try calling Dr. Shulman? He cannot prescribe anything over the phone, but will work with your primary care physician, psychiatrist, etc. He told me he does it for free. Years ago he talked to three of my doctors I was seeing.

You seem to be fixated on suicide and nothing else. How can members here give you any advice?

 

[IAmCalifornia]

I get annoyed when people tell me to get counselling, see a doctor, or take anti depressants. It's like when The ENT tells you to just get used to it, bro.

The only answer is no tinnitus. No more tinnitus, no more soul shattering depression!

But tinnitus which apparently is only a symptom and not a disease (HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHDIFJDB) is not curable.

So we're screwed basically.

And if it's a symptom that would mean the doctor needs to find out, a symptom of what. But that would mean actually doing work and not just taking your money.

Sigh. I would give anything to never be born.