Suicidal

[PeteJ]

We all gotta go someday. No harm in speeding it up if life is going to be hell till you die naturally…

Yeah, I know but religious people believe they have something to look forward to. I firmly believe I'd be way closer to a suicide if I was religious. If you believe you're going to a better place.

 

[Brian P]

Yeah, I know but religious people believe they have something to look forward to. I firmly believe I'd be way closer to a suicide if I was religious. If you believe you're going to a better place.

My only fear is injuring myself and being stuck crippled with tinnitus. My failed attempts were kind of scary in that that could happen.

 

[GoatSheep]

In which country does Pegasos reside? How much does it cost? Can anybody share an email address that I can contact them at?

EDIT: I just found it on Google.

https://pegasos-association.com/faqs/

But €10,000 is quite expensive. In Germany it costs half that, but you need to be a member 6 months before you can do assisted suicide.

I seem to recall that people's interest in Pegasos had something to do with less red tape. Maybe I'm misremembering, but I thought that was the deal a year or so ago on here. Also, there was uncertainty that tinnitus and hyperacusis alone would qualify at other agencies I believe. I actually emailed and received confirmation that Pegasos has had successful applications for those conditions.

 

[TheDanishGirl]

Dignitas in Switzerland is half that, I think. And 3 months.

Dignitas does not accept people who does not suffer from something terminal though. At least that's what I've heard.

 

[PeteJ]

My only fear is injuring myself and being stuck crippled with tinnitus. My failed attempts were kind of scary in that that could happen.

I fear that, too. I've mentioned that here, before. Being crippled and having the same tinnitus condition, I don't want to even imagine.

I hear you, 100%, man and glad you're still with us - but, we both feel the same, I'm sure.

 

[Brian P]

I fear that, too. I've mentioned that here, before. Being crippled and having the same tinnitus condition, I don't want to even imagine.

I hear you, 100%, man and glad you're still with us - but, we both feel the same, I'm sure.

Lol I'm happy you're here only if you are. I believe my body, my choice, like the ladies say.

But all kidding aside, this shit has broken me. If it doesn't let up a bit soon I will have no choice. I'm 39. I can't live like this for another 40 years, god forbid!

 

[Simon85]

My only fear is injuring myself and being stuck crippled with tinnitus. My failed attempts were kind of scary in that that could happen.

Unfortunately I've read a number of stories relating to failed suicides. The young candidates for face transplants are quite heartbreaking. It's not like the movies and many people still survive facial gun shot wounds. I imagine that their ears likely ring too if not from the gunshot then from brain or nerve damage, and they likely wouldn't have had tinnitus to start with. Other stories include people trying to poison themselves, having a stroke and ending up a quadriplegic.

I'm not suicidal and I wish you all relief.

 

[danielthor]

Dignitas does not accept people who does not suffer from something terminal though. At least that's what I've heard.

No your condition just has to be unbearable. They take severe CFS/ME cases which are not terminal, but often unbearable, and without cures, like tinnitus. You will have to have a diagnosis though, but there is no real biomarker for CFS/ME, as with tinnitus, so they take your word for it. The procedings and evalutation of the case is the reason it takes such a long time. They want to make sure you absolutely want this.

 

[Óscar PP]

Yeah, I know but religious people believe they have something to look forward to. I firmly believe I'd be way closer to a suicide if I was religious. If you believe you're going to a better
place.

That's totally not true. Almost every religion looks down on suicide, and they actually have more severe punishments for those who commit it.

The exception would be Islam but only if you do it for the Jihad.

That's just another proof that religion serves mostly one purpose: control the masses and turn them into a docile flock of sheep.

 

[Exit]

That's totally not true. Almost every religion looks down on suicide, and they actually have more severe punishments for those who commit it.

The exception would be Islam but only if you do it for the Jihad.

That's just another proof that religion serves mostly one purpose: control the masses and turn them into a docile flock of sheep.

Swap to Islam, problem solved!

 

[Tatsopa]

That's totally not true. Almost every religion looks down on suicide, and they actually have more severe punishments for those who commit it.

The exception would be Islam but only if you do it for the Jihad.

That's just another proof that religion serves mostly one purpose: control the masses and turn them into a docile flock of sheep.

I went to a funeral a while back. A friend of mine's brother committed suicide. From what the priest said, the catholic church is reconsidering the way it views suicide.
For some "religious authorities", the person who committed suicide because of an underlying depression "could" be granted absolution (the disease is responsible for the crime, not the patient. Moreover, depression can alter a person's personality to such a critical level that it is no longer the "real self" who committed suicide). A suicide committed for other reasons, i.e. pride, is still a one way ticket to purgatory though.

As I said, this is not my opinion, I don't believe in a god, and although my view on the subject is somewhat biased, it is comforting to see that things can evolve (or adapt to a new type of demand ).

 

[TheDanishGirl]

No your condition just has to be unbearable. They take severe CFS/ME cases which are not terminal, but often unbearable, and without cures, like tinnitus. You will have to have a diagnosis though, but there is no real biomarker for CFS/ME, as with tinnitus, so they take your word for it. The procedings and evalutation of the case is the reason it takes such a long time. They want to make sure you absolutely want this.

I see. I just feel the Pegasos procedure is easier (maybe I'm wrong) and they have already confirmed that they have helped people with our conditions before, which is a comfort to know. Anyway I will gladly pay the money Pegasos requires if it comes down to that, but I am also fortunately in a position now where I can pay that. I feel for those who can't but Pegasos states on their website that they are working on a solution for people who don't have the means to pay for a VAD. Hopefully they really are.

 

[Óscar PP]

I see. I just feel the Pegasos procedure is easier (maybe I'm wrong) and they have already confirmed that they have helped people with our conditions before, which is a comfort to know. Anyway I will gladly pay the money Pegasos requires if it comes down to that, but I am also fortunately in a position now where I can pay that. I feel for those who can't but Pegasos states on their website that they are working on a solution for people who don't have the means to pay for a VAD. Hopefully they really are.

Everyone can pay for it. They just need to ask for a loan at the bank or any other vulture financial institution. It's not like they'll have to pay it back anyways.

But I still think if someone is at the end of their rope, it's better to use that money in stem cells.

 

[TheDanishGirl]

Everyone can pay for it. They just need to ask for a loan at the bank or any other vulture financial institution. It's not like they'll have to pay it back anyways.

But I still think if someone is at the end of their rope, it's better to use that money in stem cells.

Not everybody can take out a loan. At least in my country. If you are already poor with a minimal income, then banks won't loan you the money, cause there is too much uncertainty whether you'll be able to pay it back.

I haven't heard of anyone with pain hyperacusis getting better from stem cells. Aren't stem cells also even more expensive? What if the stem cells don't work? Then I wouldn't be able to afford VAD after, because the money would be gone.

 

[danielthor]

Everyone can pay for it. They just need to ask for a loan at the bank or any other vulture financial institution. It's not like they'll have to pay it back anyways.

But I still think if someone is at the end of their rope, it's better to use that money in stem cells.

Yup. That's what I'm doing. And if the stem cells should fail I can always just take care of it myself.

 

[PeteJ]

That's totally not true. Almost every religion looks down on suicide, and they actually have more severe punishments for those who commit it.

The exception would be Islam but only if you do it for the Jihad.

That's just another proof that religion serves mostly one purpose: control the masses and turn them into a docile flock of sheep.

So 'God' won't forgive someone being depressed and killing themselves but forgives all these other sins?

 

[PeteJ]

Not everybody can take out a loan. At least in my country. If you are already poor with a minimal income, then banks won't loan you the money, cause there is too much uncertainty whether you'll be able to pay it back.

I haven't heard of anyone with pain hyperacusis getting better from stem cells. Aren't stem cells also even more expensive? What if the stem cells don't work? Then I wouldn't be able to afford VAD after, because the money would be gone.

Denmark is the same as any other Western country. Democracy and our society is a failure. Unfortunately, only some people are realizing how bad our Clown worlds are and it's taking an awfully long time.

 

[PeteJ]

Lol I'm happy you're here only if you are. I believe my body, my choice, like the ladies say.

But all kidding aside, this shit has broken me. If it doesn't let up a bit soon I will have no choice. I'm 39. I can't live like this for another 40 years, god forbid!

Exactly. I fear having a stroke later on and becoming vegetable brain to the point you can't make decisions for yourself - so your "my body, my choice" wouldn't even be a cognitive thought or rationale.

 

[Óscar PP]

So 'God' won't forgive someone being depressed and killing themselves but forgives all these other sins?

That depends on the priest you talk to. It's all bullshit anyways, so don't base your decision on religious crap.

 

[PeteJ]

That depends on the priest you talk to. It's all bullshit anyways, so don't base your decision on religious crap.

Agreed.

 

[Brian P]

If you told me ten years ago I'd be talking about killing myself on an Internet forum, with 2 attempts under my belt, I'd say you were nuts. My how life changes...

 

[LilCC]

@Brian P, seriously dude, if someone told me I'd be in a suicide thread 1 year ago I'd laugh at their face.

 

[Brian P]

Spikes can be weird, but do consider the possibility that it could have been the sound exposure, even if it wasn't loud. Before I became very sensitive, I got spikes from time to time in the same way, but sleep would almost always "reset" it to baseline levels; this is common for many. It could be food, but I doubt it.

It is good if we try to mitigate that which causes spikes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with, for example, investing in a pair of high fidelity custom molded earplugs that just reduces the overall volume a little, and use them for gatherings like that.

The sound of the steam heat spikes mine. Should I avoid that or sleep with earplugs? Or shut off the heat in that room?

 

[AliasM]

Hey, what exactly happened when you were lifting at the gym? I've been going through a similar experience. It's been a year and I'm no better. I suspect a perilymph fistula, or some kind of CSF cranial leak. On top of that I got in a car accident and after that my hyperacusis from the leak turned into severe pain hyperacusis. It's absolutely horrible.

The weight I lifted was only 10 kg but it made my head explode. I knew at the time it wasn't good. This wasn't normal. The rest of the class were lifting 20 kg dumbbells for this particular exercise. 6 days later the headache was still there so I went to emergency and underwent a traumatic multiple attempt lumbar puncture. The opening pressure was 26, diagnostic of IIH but could have also been inaccurate because he did the procedure so badly. My interventional neuroradiologist says the leak was caused by lifting the weight but I'm not convinced. I think I have a dural tear from the LP. My gut tells me that. The headache difference were worlds apart. Regardless, he thinks I have both. Low and high CSF pressure. Low caused by a leak, and high caused by either an underlying IIH condition, or high due to compensatory over production of CSF which is what happens when you have been left leaking so long.

CSF leaks though can be caused by simple things though like singing, sex, going to the toilet, exercise, off roading, and more.

My story is long and I need to update my story in my intro. I was gaslit by doctors for so long I didn't put the pieces all together for many months, so my intro says things like - is this autoimmune, prescription meds etc etc etc. Now I know exactly what caused this - intracranial pressure.

Here is what my doctor thinks. He is an expert in leaks.

The picture below is taken from a journal article describing common ways people get CSF leaks. Lifting a weight and a car accident, absolutely.

 

[Brian Newman]

Man this noxacusis shit it just absolutely horrible. It's just miserable. Just so much pain on the bad days, I can barely function. It's crazy. My tinnitus is getting pretty bad too. Man what a horrible day. Just want hope. Just a little hope. That I won't be stuck with this forever. I hope we all get relief soon.

 

[Stacken77]

The sound of the steam heat spikes mine. Should I avoid that or sleep with earplugs? Or shut off the heat in that room?

Sounds like a constant noise. I spike especially severely to such things. Here's my 2 cents; our goal should be to a) have the loudness hyperacusis resolved, and b) try to not spike it up permanently. If you can lower your exposure to the heater, then that may be a good thing. In my opinion, sleeping with ear plugs are good and can make the tinnitus less intrusive in the morning for quite a few.

I personally think the problem lies in that the heater goes all around the clock, right? And that would mean to use ear plugs, all around the clock, which I don't think is a good thing.

Alternatively, you could for example sleep with some foam ear plugs, and get custom molded (or not custom molded) ear plugs with interchangeable filters so you could merely lower the volume of the heater, if that could mitigate the spiking.

But do keep in mind that I'm still very much in the same position as you, so my advice may not be good advice.

Wish you well buddy,
Stacken

 

[Brian Newman]

The weight I lifted was only 10 kg but it made my head explode. I knew at the time it wasn't good. This wasn't normal. The rest of the class were lifting 20 kg dumbbells for this particular exercise. 6 days later the headache was still there so I went to emergency and underwent a traumatic multiple attempt lumbar puncture. The opening pressure was 26, diagnostic of IIH but could have also been inaccurate because he did the procedure so badly. My interventional neuroradiologist says the leak was caused by lifting the weight but I'm not convinced. I think I have a dural tear from the LP. My gut tells me that. The headache difference were worlds apart. Regardless, he thinks I have both. Low and high CSF pressure. Low caused by a leak, and high caused by either an underlying IIH condition, or high due to compensatory over production of CSF which is what happens when you have been left leaking so long.

CSF leaks though can be caused by simple things though like singing, sex, going to the toilet, exercise, off roading, and more.

My story is long and I need to update my story in my intro. I was gaslit by doctors for so long I didn't put the pieces all together for many months, so my intro says things like - is this autoimmune, prescription meds etc etc etc. Now I know exactly what caused this - intracranial pressure.

Interesting, do you have any fluid leaking from your nose? I had that a few times. My head feels like it's full of crap sometimes.

Do you have hyperacusis? My hyperacusis worsens dramatically from lifting weights, especially bending over movements and stuff like that.

 

[AliasM]

In which country does Pegasos reside? How much does it cost? Can anybody share an email address that I can contact them at?

EDIT: I just found it on Google.

https://pegasos-association.com/faqs/

But €10,000 is quite expensive. In Germany it costs half that, but you need to be a member 6 months before you can do assisted suicide.

I have started my application and made a lot of enquiries. On top of that you need to become a lifetime member of Exit International if you need a volunteer to identify you. That is around $1000. You also need to pay for your volunteer's travel, accommodation, COVID-19 testing and other expenses. From memory that was around $3000. There are other various additional expenses - obtaining recent copies of birth certificates, marriage certificates, even your partner's birth certificate.

Brian, I don't leak CSF from my nose. That is a common cranial CSF leak symptom. It can actually also happen with spinal CSF leaks too but not as common. There are ways to test that discharge with home glucose monitors but I don't know a lot about it as it isn't one of my symptoms. I really recommend giving up the weights. Doctors dismissed I had a leak and after around 6 weeks my symptoms all improved, including my tinnitus which went away completely. Me, not knowing any better, then returned to the gym mid November 2020. Low impact exercise brought it all back, including this tinnitus, and for the first time, hyperacusis. My symptoms have never gone away.

 

[TheDanishGirl]

I have started my application and made a lot of enquiries. On top of that you need to become a lifetime member of Exit International if you need a volunteer to identify you. That is around $1000. You also need to pay for your volunteer's travel, accommodation, COVID-19 testing and other expenses. From memory that was around $3000. There are other various additional expenses - obtaining recent copies of birth certificates, marriage certificates, even your partner's birth certificate.

Brian, I don't leak CSF from my nose. That is a common cranial CSF leak symptom. It can actually also happen with spinal CSF leaks too but not as common. There are ways to test that discharge with home glucose monitors but I don't know a lot about it as it isn't one of my symptoms. I really recommend giving up the weights. Doctors dismissed I had a leak and after around 6 weeks my symptoms all improved, including my tinnitus which went away completely. Me, not knowing any better, then returned to the gym mid November 2020. Low impact exercise brought it all back, including this tinnitus, and for the first time, hyperacusis. My symptoms have never gone away.

Why do you need a volunteer through Pegasos? I think they stated on their website that you can go alone.

 

[TheDanishGirl]

@AliasM, I'm so sorry it has come down to this for you. I really hope some relief comes for you, but if you follow through with it, I hope you'll take us along the journey. I would like us to have first hand experience of what the process is like.